Vindicated
by piecesofsolas
Summary: When an innocent kiss catches Solas and IIyana off-guard, it'll spark an emotional revolution between two very stubborn fools destined to be. Whisked away on a whirlwind of adventure and love, IIyana becomes everything Solas' never imagined and his plans unexpectedly change - suddenly, the din'anshiral no longer seemed appealing. Will Solas learn to place his heart above his duty
1. A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

Home is definitely where the heart is.

After two months away, IIyana and company found themselves three sheets to the wind and huddled around a table of cards with Varric providing entertaining reenactments of the Champion of Kirkwall. The Herald's Rest was wildly boisterous than usual, with patrons celebrating the successful campaign of the Western Approach, along with the safe return of their loved ones just in time for Summerday.

Eclipsing that joy was the spreading rumor IIyana single-handedly shanked a high-dragon to death, officially earning her the title Dragon Slayer, or unofficially, Cutthroat Dangerous – Shank Them Where It Hurts. The story became more ridiculous, more grandiose with each passing hour, and IIyana had to laugh at the audacity of it all.

What the hell, if it improved moral, she will happily drink to it.

Heading downstairs an hour later for a refill, IIyana was surprised to see Cullen leaning against the bar, laughing at whatever story Cabot – the tavern's bartender – was sharing. He'd discarded his coat and armor and his shirt was unbuttoned, teasing the ridged muscle underneath. His cheeks were flushed, his hair disheveled, and the stress around his eyes was gone, along with the tension around his mouth. He appeared younger, more boyish, and a sexy smile curved in greeting as she approached.

Cullen Rutherford was a dedicated man. In the months since Haven, time spent together was usually from across the war table or in his office reviewing military strategies. If he wasn't reading reports or training new recruits – which, by the way, had become her and Dorian's favorite past time – he was with Blackwall evaluating Skyhold's infrastructure or in the armory approving new schematics for the military. He'd worked hard to get them where they were today and he deserved to be celebrated and praised by his men.

He moved to the side when she arrived. "Fancy seeing you here, Commander," IIyana greeted and gave Cabot a smile when he handed her a fresh mug.

"My lady," Cullen replied. The corner of his mouth tilted, accentuating the scar on his upper lip, eyes twinkling as his gaze landed on hers. She couldn't deny that his intense gaze made her heart flutter and she thought him incredibly handsome tonight. He'd spent the past three weeks near the sandpits of the Approach, overseeing the construction of bridges so they may explore the northern areas of the arid expanse. He was sun-kissed golden and it only added to his good looks.

"Have you been here awhile, Cullen," she asked. She took a swift from her drink, hoping he couldn't see her flush.

"I've only just arrived." He replied. "Varric said there be a game of cards."

"We're upstairs, would you care to join us?" His eyes twinkled in response and he gave her a cheeky grin. Raising to his full height, Cullen swept his gaze along her frame and leaned forward, offering her his arm. "I've always wanted to do this, IIyana," he chuckled softly. "My lade, please allow me to escort you upstairs."

It was such a gentlemanly thing to do that she couldn't help but give a shy smile. He was a big man, strong and solid, and she felt delicate all of a sudden. Fragile. With her best Valy Royeaux impression, IIyana gracefully dipped into a deep curtsy and her body shook with mirth at his throaty chuckle.

But before he could whisk her upstairs, a disturbance near the front doors had heads turning – all conversations decreasing into haunting silence. She felt a small shiver tingled up her spine before she noted the tension in the room. How long it's been there, she wasn't sure, but Cabot's surprised expression had her following his gazed in confusion. From the shadows emerged a tall, dark figure and the crowd parted nervously as the Mage stalked towards his prey.

Solas

He was more handsome than she remembered and the memory of his lips sent a hot flash of desire straight to her core. She'd never seen him so dark, so dangerously primitive that it was all she could do not to spew her drink on Cullen's freshly pressed tunic. Solas' blue eyes found hers and a small, yet predatory smile graced his lips. He was calm, collected but she could feel his magic spiraled uncontrollably – unhinged, barely contained – and to her utter horror, she became shamefully aroused. Nervous, she licked her lips and stepped forward, a small greeting on the tip of her tongue.

"Hello, Solas," she managed. "It's been a long time."

His eyes narrowed, burning her inside out. "And how long would that be, Inquisitor?"

In truth, she'd not seen nor spoken to him since he took her into the Fade. He'd shared his experience with keeping her alive after she was discovered at the Temple of Ashes and afterward, impulsively she might add, IIyana had pulled him into a scorching kiss. Only to realize that he was not reciprocating. Humiliation flushed her cheeks at the memory and she'd opened her mouth to answer when Sera's inebriated crackled from above. The poor girl was completely sloshed, leaning too far over the rails, each hand holding a mug, with arms spread wide as if she were about to give a speech.

"Come on, Inky! Tell the Egg the truth." The young elf hollered. IIyana stiffened, quickly assessed what she'd shared in passing, and shot her friend an anxious look. "Sera, come down from there. You'll fall."

"Hey, Chuckles!" Varric chimed in. Apparently, he was also annihilated because he didn't see IIyana's dirty look. "It's been two months. Two months. The Inquisitor should know, she was marking the days until our return." IIyana moaned out loud, "Holy shit, Varric. Seriously?" But he wasn't paying her any attention, too busy having a full-blown conversation with Sera, on the second floor, about her and Solas, in front of everyone.

"Inky told you what happened too?" Sera laughed, slapping Varric on the arm so hard that he dropped his mug, the liquid splashing on the guests below. "It was the Fade, thing, yeah?"

"Definitely the Fade thing," Dorian voiced drifted from the tables. Fucking Traitor, IIyana's mind screamed. "But it was really about the kiss. Youd should have kissed her back, you damn hobo." The latter was directed at Solas with a snarky glare.

"Kiss? What kiss?!" That from Iron Bull. There was a shuffling sound as if he couldn't get to the railing fast enough. "Boss", he bellowed, "you kissed the Egg?" When IIyana shrieked and rolled her eyes, Iron Bull raised his glass to Solas in a salute. "Well about fucking damn time."

IIyana screeched loudly. "All of you are being ridiculous! You're drunk and behaving inappropriately -"

Not wanting her to feel any more distressed, Cullen reached over. "IIyana," he said softly.

And then all hell broke loose. Solas let out a gut-wrenching snarled, stalked forward and sucker-punched Cullen right in his beautiful face. Before IIyana could register what just happened and check on her commander, she was pulled possessively against Solas' chest and the mage had fade stepped out of the room. She barely had time to react before she was dragged up a flight of stairs and shoved into an empty room above the battlements.

"What the fuck, Solas!" IIyana hissed, storming to the opposite end of the room. She was utterly and compilated. To have her confidants expose her shame and then manhandled by the very man who contributed to it. It was simply too much.

"What the fuck, indeed, Inquisitor," Solas sneered. He gave her a stern look before turning around to ward the door against intruders. It crossed her mind that he would never hurt her but whatever he had to say, she was going to have to listen whether she liked it or not. But she wasn't going to pretend that she didn't know what this was about, and in an attempt to steer the conversation, she thought of whatever she could to maintain control.

"Were you able to complete your research on the shards we found in the Hinterlands?" She asked." You'll be surprised to know that similar ones were discovered in the Western Approach. Cassandra and I believe they are a part of a set."

His jaw clenched.

"Have you had dinner? I didn't see you in the hall when we arrived and I wondered if-if you had …." she stammered off as his expression hardened. Damn bastard, she thought. Tilting her chin. "What is this about, Solas," she demanded.

Exasperation laced his voice. "Don't you know, my dear Inquisitor?" She had suspected but she didn't dare to entertain the thought that he was upset at her for slipping away for two months and ceasing all communication with him. She'd kissed him in the Fade and he didn't reciprocate. He had no right to determined how she wished to processed his rejection. "I wouldn't be asking if I knew," she answered tartly. "I've had a long day and I'm too tired. If you have nothing to say, step aside so that I may leave."

Raw anger shot through him and Solas' face twisted into a sneer. Two months of pent-up frustration, hope, and uncertainty and she would dare play this game with him. How typical of her to pretend, to toy with his affections. He will not have it. Solas reached her in three strides, cornering her against the wall. "Tell me, Inquisitor. How does it feel?" He was so close that she could feel the heat of his breath.

"How does what feel, Solas?" She snapped. She didn't mean to, but he had that effect on her. Why must everything be so complicated between the two of them? She was tired of it.

"Being you." His eyes blazed. "Are you blissfully unaware, or deep inside, is there some part of you banging on the walls screaming at your own arrogance?"

"I don't remind minds, Solas. If you have something to say, spit it out."

His mouth curled in disgust. "How typical of you to pretend otherwise– to reject your own faults. I imagined it would be sad of you to examine yourself with a critical eye, you are Dalish are you not? Although, I should watch my tongue. I speak to a demi-god after all. The chosen of Andreste." She stiffened at his insult but he ignored it. A part of him was aware that he was overreacting but he couldn't contain the resentment and bitterness he felt over the past two months. In truth, honestly didn't know where all this angst was coming from.

But he'd judged her with so much venom that IIyana was surprised he didn't spit at her in disgust. His animosity hurt, his accusation cut her more deeply than she was willing to admit, and she shook her head in denial. "Dalish or demi-god, I never wanted the power and you know it."

"And yet you took it, did you not?" He countered. "Tell me, Inquisitor, do you enjoy the people's worship of you? Does it make you infallible?" He bent his face closer to hers. "Does it make it easier to see them as fools, easier to bend them to your will.?"

"Do not confuse me with our enemy," she defended. "I am no more Inquisitor than I am IIyana, and I have not been corrupted by the people's worship of me. Whatever you think I did, I did not do it purposefully."

"You said you have not been corrupted but yet you glorify in it. Deny it!" He said harshly. "Deny that you enjoy the power you have over people, the thrill it gives you as you campaign for lands, allies, and pass judgment on those who cross you." He jerked her towards him and said in a terrible voice, "Or the pleasure your gain from manipulating the affections of others into playing your game."

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" She cried, shoving him in an attempt to get away from his aggression. Despite the tension brewing between them since Haven – which contributed to months of supercilious and calculating exchanges that followed them straight into the halls of Skyhold – there was a limit to their banter. He had never spoken to her like this. Has never treated her with savage, belligerent hostility that she shamefully felt tears prickled at her lashes. She spoke quickly, driven by sheer desperation to both understand and defending herself against his allegations.

"What is this really about? Why are you angry with me? Is it because I left without speaking to you, or because I didn't return your messages? Please, tell me. What did I do to deserve your scorn? If I've offended you, I am sorry. I -"

"I saw the way looked at him!" He yelled. Angry that she would continue to play this game. She was a damn flirt and he would be damned if she strung him along. "The way you flirted with your dear fucking Command – The Lion of Feraldon. Tell me, did you kiss him the way you kissed me? Did you let him touch you? Allow him liberties you've denied me."

"Flirting! Kiss - Cullin is my friend and I have never considered him as nothing more!"

"A friend you took with you to the Approach. A friend you allowed into your life while you scorned me"

She gave him a puzzled look, trying to process everything at once. Her anxiety was coiling out of control and she tried desperately to manage it by soothing his wrath. "Solas, I don't know what this is about. If you would simply tell me. Believe me when I say Cullen is only a friend."

"You said he is a friend. Yet you would have let him take you on the fucking floor if he'd offered!" He roared.

She gasped, gone completely still. Unable to speak. Numb actually. The implication of his words echoed across the room, a shameful reminder of how low his opinion of her truely was. Her entire face transformed into a gut-wrenching pain and it dawned on him that he'd gone too far. He was a fool, an old damn fool, and he regretted his words immediately. He'd been hurt when he walked into the tavern and saw her speaking with Cullen and had reacted in rage. She didn't deserve his angst. She didn't deserve any of the things he's said and done to her tonight. Solas' opened his mouth to apologize – to beg her for her forgiveness - but it was too late.

IIyana strucked him. Hard. Across his face. He barely had a moment to collect his thoughts before the force of her second blow had him staggering, nearly losing his balance. He caught her wrist before she could strike him again, convinced that she intended to serve more damage. Two thoughts registered immediately – IIyana had a powerful right hand, and he'd hurt her deeply.

"Stand still," he commanded.

"Fuck you, Solas." She said, struggling to free herself from his strong hold. He heard the harsh sound of her angry breathing – as equally as his own heavy one – and the fight drained out from him. "Don't make me restrain you, IIyana," he pleaded.

"How dare you." She said, tilting her face to meet his. The ache in her voice pulled at him and he loosened his grip on her arm. "How dare you speak to me that way … belittle me in such a way that I would have crumble to my knees and beg your forgiveness. How dare you accuse me of toying with the affections of others when it was you –You! - who rejected me. Yet you behave as though you have a right to claim me for your own." She pushed him away angrily. "You are such a fucking asshole, Solas. Tell me, how does it feel to be you? To be filled with such superiority and contempt that you would taint those you touch by poisoning them with your hate. Does your hate run so deeply that you would stop at nothing until you've shredded me of all dignity? Of my integrity?" She was rambling now, had moved towards him, listing his transgressions until his back hit the opposite wall.

"I am NOT a whore." Tears flowed freely now and her eyes softened sadly. "I am not a whore …" she insisted, but her throat had closed up, the hot ache swelling, becoming nearly unbearable. Solas gazed at the beauty before him and he was afraid to move, afraid to speak. Afraid to shatter whatever remained of their fragile relationship. "IIyana," he said tenderly. She glared at him and he hesitantly reached out. "I"m sorry. I"m so sorry." She flinched but did not pull away when he took a step forward.

Never in his long life had he ever treated anyone with as much viciousness as he had her tonight – not even the Evanuris when he discovered their betrayal. He was remorseful, ashamed of his behavior, and no amount of atoning will make up for his ruthless behavior; he'd flayed her raw with his accusation and attacked her character with scorching abandonment. No amount of atoning would ever make up for it.

"IIyana, look at me please." He begged. A minute passed. Then two. And he let out a sigh of relief when she brought her eyes to meet his. Her face twisted into an expressionless mask and she tilted her chin. She would not make it easy for him but she was willing to listen. "Forgive me," he said softly. "The things I said, they were unwarranted."

"Yes, they were. You are such a fucking asshole, Solas." She hissed. He gave her a small smile, "Yes, yes I am." He would have happily agreed if it meant she'd stopped crying.

She sniffled, secretly appreciating his honestly. "Sera was right. She said you were too much of an Egg to understand anything."

His lips twitched in response. "That too." She'd wanted to hate him, to remain angry, but the last two months have changed her perspective of him. She couldn't have remained upset if she wanted to. "I'm sorry," he said again.

IIyana stared intently into his gaze, searching for deception before she took a deep breath and release the tension straining her body. She had every right to be angry but, in all honesty, she was simply too emotionally drained. "What is this about, Solas," she inquired. The flush in her cheeks had faded and her breath resumed its normal beat. For every fault he'd found with Inquisitor Lavellan, she was a genuinely honest person who did not cower from complicated matters. She would expect a complete explanation, no more and no less, and Solas let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

His mind screamed at his shameful behavior and his heart hurt, chest aching as if he'd been struck with a blade. The truth was difficult but if sharing this part of himself will grant her freedom from this torment, then he owed her that. "I was angry," he admitted. Her eyes widened into round, green sauces, almost as if she was saying no shit. "More so at myself than with you, IIyana."

"Well, that's good to here." She briskly replied. "You were a complete jackass."

"Yes, I won't disagree."

"And you punched Cullen for no reason." She chastised and remain stern when his jaw tightened. "I believe I was jealous," he answered truthfully.

"Jealous? Of Cullen? But why?" Her voice trailed off and when he arched a brow, her eyes widened even more. "Oh," she said. A hint of pink spread across her cheeks in embarrassment.

"Yes." He said, equally flushed. "The feeling was unfamiliar and I am afraid I reacted rather than admit how I felt."

She gave him a smug smile. "More like overreacted," she corrected.

"More or less. The man does have great hair." He said dryly. IIyana blinked a couple of times, unsure if she'd heard correctly, and then her laughter exploded into the room, echoing brightly and cleansing it free of shadows and doubt. "That he does," she agreed cheekily. She gave him a lopsided smile before placing her hand on his chest. "Thank you, Solas," she said softly, "for your apology"

His heart quickened under her touch and she would be lying if she said she hand' missed him. But her thoughts were interrupted by the pounding at the door. The muffling voices coming from beyond indicated her friends have sobered long enough to track them down. The pounding continued until she yelled, asking for an additional five minutes.

"They are worried about you," Solas said, squeezing her hand. "And I have taken much of your time. I suggest I take you back to the hall," he offered.

She nodded in agreement but neither moved from where they stood. Although their relationship was a chaotic mess it was predictable and easy, but the kiss had changed everything and they both knew it. He stared at her for a long time before she felt him reach for her, tilting her chin to meet his gaze, letting out a defeated sigh.

He'd lost the battle long before it ever began. "Fenedhis," he whispered softly.

Solas' arms went around her, one hand gliding up to grip the silken heavy mass of her braid. Her head angled in response and he whispered her name huskily. He leaned in, captured her lips, and then the whole world exploded into an endless ray of sunshine, colors, and stars. His hold tightened until she moaned desperately into his mouth.

He'd never felt like this before – to be pulled in with such hunger that he wanted to taste the rest of her. He trailed soft kisses along her cheek and down to her chin, before bringing them back to her lips. It surprised him how natural it came to him to be kissing her like this. Even before thoughts could form in his brain.

He nibbled slowly on her lower lip. "You should go. They are waiting for you," he said breathlessly. But she shook her head. "Again," she pleaded against his lips, "just like that."

And he obliged.

Swooping down to capture her lips, Solas confessed what he could not vocally through heat and lust, tenderness and greed. Each touch, gasp, and moan was a plead for forgiveness and she accepted each wholeheartedly. He'd never imagined she would yield like this, each response so natural and giving that he was on the verge of losing control. He pulled away regretfully. "We have to stop," he said. His breath was ragged just like hers, and he let out a heavy sigh when she nodded. The pair separated and Solas stepped aside to unlock the door; meanwhile, IIyana took the time to gather her thoughts.

Awhile later when he was calm, Solas turned to face her, a warm smile graced his lips. "Are you ready?" he asked softly. The welt on his face was already swelling and she gave him an apologetic look. "Solas … your face. Let me heal it first." He shook his head. "I will keep it as a reminder," he said. Then his mouth curved into a tender, loving smile, "I am glad you are home, IIyana. I have missed you."

"As have I," she admitted truthfully.

He flushed lightly. "Good night, Yana. I will see you tomorrow."

And like that, he left her alone to process her feelings and contemplate the changes in their relationship.


	2. It's Complicated

As IIyana scanned the dispatch confirming Magister's Erimond's whereabouts and his alliance with Warden Clarel, she couldn't help but think what a fucking mess the situation had turned into. She thought back to Stroud's statement that many of the Wardens have begun hearing the calling, and she made a mental note to check on Blackwall, before tossing the report on top of her desk and heading downstairs for lunch. Since her return, her schedule had kept her in meetings from sunrise to sunset with little time for personal engagement and she happily accepted Dorian's invitation to go for a walk.

The past three days have been a twirling wave of anger, dread, fear, and relief, rebounding from absolute certainty to undeniable dread. She had found herself heading to the rotunda many times but her courage would dissolve at the last minute and she would redirect her steps in the opposite direction. When she did catch a glimpse of Solas, her heart would constrict and beat widely with an intense yearning and she would have to distract herself with whatever she was doing to refrain from chasing him down. Yesterday evening, she found herself outside his bedroom door, hand raised to knock, but her courage disintegrated and she quickly retreated back to her room.

She would find herself wide awake, tossing and turning, and helpless to ward off the memory of him. The warmth of his body as his arms tightened around her waist, pulling her against his chest. The feel of his lips as they captured and claimed her for his own.

I felt the whole world change, he had told her.

And she equally agreed that he did the same to her.

No matter what she tried to do, something always brought her back to him.

But in the final moments before dawn, that is when she finally yields and admits to herself that she desires to be loved, and then she would ache and yearn, finding release with her own fingers. And when she does, it was his name she would gasp, leaving her empty and yearning for the real thing. Her heart would constrict afterward, tears gathering against her lashes because she would feel it – this fragile spark of hope that erupted naturally, as naturally as her own breathing and she would imagine a life with him. By morning, she would remember that she was the Inquisitor and they were at war, and there was no room for whatever this is.

"You're doing that thing again," Dorian said, pulling IIyana away from her thoughts. The pair had circled the battlements twice before she realized they were making their way down the steps leading into the gardens.

"What is that I'm doing, Dorian." She said softly. She was tired from lack of sleep, short with her temper, and she didn't feel like being the subject of Dorian's inquiry at the moment, no matter how good his intentions were.

"Avoiding." He added.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Just admit, IIyana. You have feelings for him."

"How about I happily strangle you instead."

"I'll just come back and haunt you," he threatened with a grin. "Then you will have two people to keep you up at night."

She gritted her teeth in response and the pair continued in silence until they rounded the corner.

"You should speak with him." He finally said. He was concern about her, have not missed the dark circles that have appeared since she returned home.

"In case you haven't noticed, I have been busy." She was walking ahead and felt him reach for her, pulling her to a stop.

"We've all been busy, chasing Grey Wardens and Venitori all over Thedas." He countered. "All I'm saying is, as your friend, your best friend, you should talk to him. At least hear him out so that you both can sleep at night."

"And say what?" She glared. She was talking with her hands now - she did that often when she was stressed. "Besides, he's busy. I can't just sweep in, interrupt his research and talk about - whatever this is."

"You can." He reassured. "Just admit that you are equally as afraid of whatever this is, as he." Dorian was right, she was afraid. "Alright, if you can't talk to him, then talk to me." Tilting her chin up. "What is happening between you two."

"I don't know."

"There has to be more to it than I don't know, IIyana. No man would punch his rival and then whisk you away to scream at you without harboring some kind of emotion."

"That's just it, I don't know. He kissed me and now I don't know what this is anymore. We were easy before but now its ... weird. " Dorian gave her a validating smile. He knew her well enough to know when she was troubled, had seen it many times to recognize when she was stressed and frustrated, as she was now. With that said, whatever was bothering her this time was different ... and his heart went out to her. He's had his own share of torment when it came to romantic matters of the heart and he wanted her to know that at the very least, she had him.

"How does he make you feel?" Dorian asked.

"What do you mean."

"When he kissed you."

"Why does that matter." She stepped back, cheeks pink, eyes downcast.

"Because the man is enamored with you. I've seen the way his eyes follow you when he thinks no one is looking. Now tell me, how was the kiss."

She began pacing, raking her fingers into her messy hair, and she opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it, and opened it again. The poor girl was struggling to form words and Dorian to threw his head back in laughter. She was a mess and deliciously unaware of what had been obvious to everyone since she crossed paths with Solas. "Oh, my ... I didn't' realize, IIyana."

She glared then. "Are you going to listen or just stand there and laugh?"

"By all means."

She rubbed her face with her hands. "The kiss was - nothing I had ever experienced before. It was ... it was as if ..." Her voice trailed off into a frustrated sigh. "You don't understand, Dorian. I am the inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste. I have miraculously survived the wrath of an angry God, fought against demons and red Templars alike, and I have met every battle with ruthless bravery that often has my enemies shaking in their boots. And yet -" her voice hitched as if it were difficult to breathe, "and yet this .. arrogant, self-centered, condescending man had the audacity to kiss me and ... and it ... made me feel ..."

"Go on ..." he encouraged tenderly.

"Beautiful." She was awe-struck as if she had discovered something new. "I have never felt anything like that before. No one has made me feel anything like that before."

"It sounds like your original assessment of him has changed."

"It has, and now I find myself thinking about him all the damn time." She said, placing emphasis on the last four words. "I don't know what to do or what I should say. I"m a damn mess and all because of a damn fucking kiss."

"You should speak to him. I believe he would welcome the opportunity to explain how he feels too."

Without warning, what had started as a rebuttal turned into a defeated sigh and she felt Dorian's arms slide gently around her. "Why is this so damn complicated," she murmured against his chest.

"Because I think you are in love, IIyana"

She tilted her head in confusion, blinking several times as if to process the meaning of his words. Then, to his delight, her face constricted into sheer horror and she snapped her gaze to him, "oh ... shit."

* * *

Solas was making his way back to the rotunda from Cullen's office when IIyana's laughter drifted into the air and he followed the sound like a love-sick fool, heading in the direction of the garden until he found the source of his curiosity. She was sitting in the middle of the garden, her head bent, surrounded by several of the castle's children. Whatever she was reading had them all groaning out loud when she read the last page and closed the book. The afternoon sun was streaming into her hair and she appeared ethereal. He thought she never looked more beautiful. He wanted to join her, to share in her laughter, but the memory of his erratic behavior held him in place. Although she had reciprocated his affections, he could feel a dull, hot blush of shame covering his cheeks, shame that competed fiercely with this growing need to be around her. He wouldn't blame her if she hated him.

"She doesn't hate you," Cole said softly.

Solas offered a greeting but did not tear his gaze away from IIyana.

"Lovely. She is so lovely. Yearning. Craving. She is so bright, a light to guide him home. Why are you afraid?"

"Those are my private thoughts, Cole," Solas said.

"But she yearns too." He added. "His lips are warm, gasps, please, her heart sings. I feel so beautiful. Again, just like that. I want – wa. What happened? Where did it go?"

"Forgive me, Cole." Solas sigh, directing his gaze to his companion. "Although you are a spirit of compassion, I must insist that you refrain from interfering."

"But you are both hurting and I want to help."

Solas gave him a disapproving glare and the young man hesitated before disappearing altogether. By then, the children had left and IIyana was standing alone, clutching the book to her chest, staring straight at him. Her eyes held his for a moment and then they softened, and she gave him a lopsided smile, raising her hand in greeting.

He had pictured in his mind a thousand times of how he would respond when he finally stopped pretending that she was a simple distraction, a reprieve from all the chaos that was threatening the world. He never imagined the burst of pride that exploded through his entire body, making it ache, as reality crashed and swept him away with the confession that he had fallen in love with IIyana Lavellan. He searched her eyes for any signs of distress, and when he found none, Solas raised his hand in greeting and watched in breathless anticipation as she started down the path, leading to where he stood.

"Hello," she said softly, striving not to let him know how her heart was thundering, her nerves quivering.

"Hello." He said, with a small smile. Her hair was longer now, braided loosely and draped similarly to when he last saw her, and he couldn't help but imagine if it were as soft as he remembered. "You look ... well, Inquisitor."

She couldn't help but averted her eyes, biting her lips. She can be abrasive, callous, fatalistic in nature. But he had never seen her so nervous, noting the flush of pink spreading across her cheeks, revealing a shy, feminine part of her that accentuated her loveliness. And he was discovering that he liked this softer side of her. He surprised the urge to wrap his arms around her and kiss her then and there, in front of everyone.

"Thank you. As do you. Have you been well?"

"Yes, as well as anyone who's been closeted in research."

"Sounds like you need a distraction. Can I recommend an alternative?"

Just you, he thought and was surprised at how natural the words came. "I am open to suggestions." He took a step closer. "But I fear that I'm still recovering from the last one." He tilted his head to the side. "I will do better in refraining from offering any assumptions the next time we argue."

She laughed then. "Not that you didn't deserve it." She studied the blueish-green mark on the left side of his cheek, embarrassed that she had marked his handsome face. Even more so at the thought that everyone must know that she gave it to him. She has had two days to reflect on her behavior and she regretted her part in contributing to the outcome. Taking a step forward, she trailed her fingers along his face. "Here, let me."

Soft, white magic glowed between her fingers and he felt her magic spread warmly along his cheek, her touch feather-like, delicate. He can see the light reflecting in her eyes, illuminated her features, highlighting the depth of her green eyes. She did not remove her hand when she finished, her gaze returning to meet his, this time with a burning intensity that he was familiar with and he reached for her.

"Inquisitor."

With an anguished groan, she turned to Riley who was striding forward, his attention focused on the report in his hand. Her eyes narrowed and she voiced her displeasure, "what is it?"

"Forgive me my lady" He glanced up, taking in the mage's cool expression and the Inquisitor's frown. He realized then that he had interrupted an intimate moment and began rambling. " It' Commander Cullen. Sister Leliana's report just arrived with new information about Adamant and he requests your presence in the war room."

"Tell the Commander I will be there shortly."

"Yes, m'lady," Riley said, bowing slightly before leaving the two alone. "Right away. Forgive the intrusion."

The moment between them had been broken, interrupted by the reality of their duties, and Solas gave her a reassuring smile. "You should go, Inquisitor. Cullen is expecting you and I have research to attend to."

She gave him a questioning look before bidding him farewell and turned around, taking the steps down the path that will lead her into the main hall. He cursed himself silently for always putting duty first and was about to call her name when she stopped, turned around, and made her way back to him. He wanted to say something. Tried to think of anything to say to her. Anything - invite her for tea, tell her about his day, compliment her hair - anything to prolong whatever little time they had together.

"IIyana -"

"I'm sorry, Solas." She interrupted. Her sense of urgency made her breathless as if she were afraid that if she didn't get all the words out, then she would never be able to do so. "For running away like a coward. I could only imagine how that must have felt ... and then to have all your messages return unopened." She took a second to gather her thoughts before continuing, "I have spent the past two days reflecting on my behavior and how I handled the situation, and I owe you an apology." She was talking with her hands again, a habit he had found annoying, but now interestingly enduring. "I'm sorry, Solas."

"Thank you, IIyana." Her apology was unexpected and it humbled him greatly. It comforted him to know that he was not alone in this. "I would imagine that if you had stayed, the conversation would have been difficult ... for the both of us. I've also had time to reflect on my own behavior and I, too, apologize for whatever grief it may have caused you."

Her eyes searched his and he felt her slight hesitation. It was apparent she wanted to ask him something but she was unsure of how to frame the words. He had never known IIyana to be speechless and he waited patiently until she was ready. Finally, he heard her faint whisper, "why did you kiss me?".

Because I have wanted to for a long time, the thought lingered but was left unsaid. She had looked away and he tilted her chin until she met his gaze, "For the same reason you kissed me, IIyana. I could neither deny our attraction any more than you can." He reached to pull her close and said tenderly. "May I ask you something in return?" At her nod, he continued, "why have you been avoiding me?"

"Because ..." she whispered.

"Because?"

"Because I have never done anything like that before on a number of levels. Because I'm supposed to hate you for the things you said to me. Because I'm embarrassed by my own reaction ... when you didn't kiss me the first time."

Her confession floored him and his eyes flickered with determination to clarify any doubts she may still harbor. "I wasn't given the chance to respond, Yana. Your actions surprised me and I dare not dream that you would feel as I do. I never imagine that it would cause you to leave before I could explain, or that you would cut me from your life completely." In his desperation to reach her, he had even sought her in the Fade but she had alluded him, leaving only the spirits to guide him with the memory of her presence. It was frustrating. She was frustrating. "You appeared unsure then. How about now?"

"I find that I don't know what to do when it comes to you anymore."

"I believe we are in agreement. All I know is that our relationship has changed and I ... find myself rather curious."

"So what do you suggest we do, Solas? About this?"

If he had learned anything in the past two months, it was that he was done playing games and he believed she was as well. IIyana was a passionate woman, openly affectionate, and loyal. When she loved, she loved deeply, and she would expect nothing less from her partner. If he chose to pursue her than he knew she would demand the same of him.

It would require unconditional surrender on his part.

He felt the slightest tug of hesitation, the nagging voice of caution screaming for him to be rational, but the hope reflected in her eyes was all the permission he needed. "Have dinner with me, Yana." He whispered huskily. "Allow me to know you."

He waited. A breath or two. And then joy and relief constricted his breath.

"Alright." She replied.

He wanted to kiss her then, slow and soft, show her how he felt because he could not find the words to express the extent of her effect on him. Instead, he laced his fingers with hers, felt hers tightened in response, and together they walked into the main hall.


	3. This Feels Like Falling In Love

For the first time in her life, IIyana was in love.

Truly, deeply, in love.

And it felt wonderful.

She wanted to shout it to all of Thedas that she was undeniably, head over heels, in love. She wanted everyone to share the joy that filled her to the core whenever she was swept away by thoughts of him.

All through the next day and the day after that, Solas made no further attempts to seek her out, even returning to his collectively cool, usual self. Admittedly, she had wondered if he regretted asking her to dinner but when she did catch a glimpse of him in passing, he would stop whatever he was doing and greet her with a smile, asking about her day.

It was mortifying when she was around him. Her stomach will tingle and swirl, spiraling into colorful shapes that shot a warmth to her chest. She would start to flush as one would after drinking hot tea during a cold winter morning, and then she would feel as though she were floating, weightlessly into the sky. Something would trigger her senses - his smile, his smell, the small twinkle in his blue eyes - and she would find herself smiling like a damn fool. Just smiling as if her thoughts were somewhere other than where she needed to be - which was presently in the war room with her advisors, discussing ... whatever it was they were discussing.

"Inquisitor."

"Hmmmm," she half-heartedly replied.

"We have been invited to the Winter Palace by Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons as his honored guests. Without a doubt, this invitation is politically motivated as he bids for the throne. Expect him to seek your favor."

She nodded her head in response. She had no idea what Josie was saying but she figured if she continued to smile and nod her head, she can review Josie's full report later. Her three advisers were talking about ... the game ... and whatever they were discussing soon turned heated because she could hear Cullen growling at ... her?

"Perhaps we should invite Solas to join us. What do you think, Inquisitor?"

At the mention of his name, IIyana brought her gaze to Leliana, a confused expression on her face as she took a moment to register what she had said. "I'm sorry, Leliana. Can you repeat that?"

"She said perhaps we should invite Solas to join us." Cullen snapped, giving her a disapproving stare. "Maybe he can get you to focus on the threats you will face at the Winter Palace. If you are not going to take this meeting seriously, then I suggest we adjourn until tomorrow morning."

Silence filled the air and she flushed with embarrassment while Josie and Leliana shifted uncomfortably.

"I"m sorry, Cullen. And to you both, as well." IIyana said, giving her advisors an apologetic glance. "I know you all do so much to ensure the Inquisition's success and I appreciate all the time and dedication you've invested in our cause. I especially appreciate the three of you, not only for your guidance but your support and friendship as well. I am sorry for being distracted and I thank you for your patience." She directed her gaze to Cullen, "this won't happen again."

"Inquisitor, it's quite alright," Josie said and gave her a reassuring smile. "Perhaps we should adjourn until the following morning as the Commander suggested. We have been at this since dawn."

"I am quite tired, myself," Leliana said before she and Josie left the room, closing the door behind them with a soft click. Cullen remained behind, shuffling his papers until he found a clean one and proceeded to write his report. It was obvious that he was frustrated at her and she didn't feel like reading minds today. Solas had exhausted all of her patience in that department.

"Cullen." She said.

"What?" He was tired and his tone came out more harshly than he intended.

"Are you alright?"

"It's been a long day, Inquisitor."

"You appeared frustrated with me. I apologize for my behavior, it won't happen again."

"It's not that IIyana." Cullen sighed softly. "It's -" He stopped abruptly, shaking his head as if he were having an internal dialogue. Whatever the outcome, he gave her an apologetic sigh. "I'm sorry, Inquisitor. It's been a long day. We can speak tomorrow."

"Whatever it is, it appears to be important to you," She said before taking a step forward to reach out to him. He surprised her by grabbing her wrist to keep her at a distance, as if afraid he would hurt her. Shortly after arriving at Skyhold, Cullen disclosed his struggle with Lyrium withdrawal along with the symptoms he'd endured. She supported his decision to fight the addiction but it didn't hurt any less to see him struggling and in pain. "Is it - is it the withdrawals?" She whispered.

"No, they are more manageable now. I promised, IIyana." He reassured her with a smile. But his eyes remained downcast, sad. "As I said, it's been a long day and I am tired. We've been training endlessly for Adamant, hence my lack of patience. I apologize for snapping at you"

"It's quite alright, Cullen. You have nothing to apologize for."

"Thank you." He let go of her arm and returned to writing his report. "Good night, Inquisitor. I will see you tomorrow."

She waited a minute or two and when it appeared that he wished to be left alone, she mumbled a soft reply before crossing the room to leave. Something was keeping him awake at night, too and she was worried that he was exhausting himself on purpose in order to avoid confronting it. She couldn't let him wallow in misery. She returned to the table and waited patiently until he directed his gaze to her. "Cullen ... whatever is going on with you, or whatever may be troubling you, please know that I care for you. No matter how big or small the issue is, I am here for you." She assured and waited until he acknowledged her with a nod before leaving him alone to his thoughts.

Cullen waited until he was sure she was gone before he let out the breath he'd been holding. I care for you and I am here for you. How'd he dreamed of her saying those words to him but the context was all wrong. He knew she cared for him deeply, more so than one would a friend, but she didn't carry the same feelings he did for her. And it hurt. In the two months that he'd spent with her in the Western Approach, she had awakened old feelings he'd not felt since he was a young Templar assigned to the Feraldon Circle. He should have known better than to play with Fate and cursed his own stupidity.

He had suspected for a while that Solas harbored some romantic feelings for IIyana. The pair argued ruthlessly, yelling and screaming at one another until either he or Cassandra would have to intervene. It became a daily pattern of snide comments and passive remarks until the day IIyana returned from Redcliff in tears, with Solas following quietly behind her, his face steeled into an expressionless mask. It wasn't until Cullen read the report that the Inquisitor and their new ally, Dorian, were sucked into a time portal before reappearing minutes later, that he understood why the mage had called her reckless and shouted at her in front of the entire Inquisition's camp - Solas had been afraid for IIyana. But his suspicions were confirmed when she nearly died after the attack on Haven, with Solas turning into a neurotic, overbearing mess who worked tirelessly while barking orders in his attempt to keep her alive.

Only a man in love could look at IIyana the way Solas did when he thought her dead. Cullen raked his fingers through his already messy hair and fought the urge to punch the wall.

"He asked you two days ago and you are only now telling me?"

They were in her room with Dorian sitting on the couch across from her bed, one-foot prop on top the other, arms crossed as he leaned back. He had caught her in the hallway after she left the war room and the two were chatting about nonsense before he finally asked why she'd been so distracted.

"It's just dinner, Dorian."

He scoffed as she gave him a cheeky grin before unlacing her boots to pull them off. He was flustered and she could hear him mumbling under his breath, "it's just dinner, she says."

"I'm sorry! I didn't think it was a big deal. It's really just dinner. Please know that you're the first to hear about this."

"As I should," he gave her a haughty glance before continuing, "considering how I am your best friend."

She walked over to sit across from him and patiently waited until he was finished being dramatic. "You are correct. I have failed in my duty as your best friend to keep you well informed of my pathetic love life. I will do better next time," she promised and smiled brightly as her words cooed him into submission. Oh my Gods, she loved this man.

"Thank you. Now tell me, he really asked you to join him for dinner?"

"No Dorian, I imagined him doing so."

"Impressive ..." he admitted softly.

"Can it be that my incredibly handsome Tevinter has been struck speechless?"

"To be honest, I didn't think the hobo had it in him!" He stopped fiddling with his mustache and leaned forward until he was eye level with her. "I thought you didn't like him."

"I am finding that I like him very much."

"I thought you said he was an ego-centric, arrogant, elitist."

"Oh, he still is. But don't forget to add pompous ass, too." She rang in. "I will make sure you receive my updated evaluation tomorrow morning."

"And what about his sense of fashion? It's absolutely atrocious." He was rambling, making a list of all of Solas' shortcomings and when she refuted everything, Dorian stated the obvious. "But isn't he a little too old for you, IIyana?"

"I thought you were rooting for us." She was happy, ecstatic, and no amount of teasing was going to eclipse her joy. Not even from her overprotective and overbearing best friend.

"I am rooting for you," he said fondly. "Believe me when I say that I am happy for the both of you. But in all honesty, I didn't expect it to happen so quickly."

"It?"

A tender, loving smile curved before he admitted, "my little IIyana all grown up and going on her first date."

Ooohhh ... that was incredibly mushy, and she felt tears gathered in her eyes.

All her life she'd searched for a place to belong - a family to call her own. As First to her clan, her childhood had been lonely and became more isolated as she came of age and began training for her role as their next Keeper. Responsibility left little time for personal relationships and when she was sought out, it was more for the recognition her status brought. Who knew that thanks to a crazed demi-god, she would find acceptance and love from a collection of eclectic individuals. The Inquisition had become her family and she loved them all. Pulling him into a hug she whispered softly, "I love you too, Dorian."

"As I do you, my friend." He loosened his hold enough to wipe her tears and tilted her chin. "Alright, now enough of this. You have a dinner to prepare for. What are you wearing tonight?"

She pulled away in confusion, "what do you mean?"

"Don't tell me you are wearing this to dinner." He scanned her simple blue tunic and grey leggings. When she continued to give him a questioning look, Dorian stood up, muttered an oh my, and crossed over to her armoire, pulling it open to scan its contents. From behind, he could hear her say what's wrong with the way I dress, and he thanked whichever Elven god he could remember as he smiled in appreciation at the collection of beautifully selected dresses - cotton, silk, lace, velvet - Josie had obviously handpicked. Josie, you magnificent Goddess of a woman.

"IIyana, love," Dorian said over his shoulder, "a man in love with you has asked you to dinner. You cannot show up looking as you do every day. Or rather, as if you are getting ready for battle." He said that under his breath and busied himself by pulling the dresses from their hangers, laying each on the bed with delicate care. The garments were handcrafted, beautifully sewn and embroidered with gemstones, crystals, and diamonds. Such beauty deserved to be handled with care.

"He hasn't confessed anything of that nature, and I"m sure he wouldn't care if I showed up in a potato sack."

"He may not have but it's obvious in the way he looks at you. I"m not the only one who's noticed he reserved his smiles exclusively for you." She can't believe he was chiding her! "And, all men appreciate it when a woman goes out of her way to present themselves, even if it's just dinner." Ouch, IIyana thought, as she flushed and went quiet. Meanwhile, Dorian headed into the room where she kept her travel bag and staff and she could hear him shuffling around until he re-entered the room with a beautiful ornate box. Josie had it crafted to store all the jewelry she'd been gifted since becoming the Inquisitor.

"Beautiful," Dorian said as he held up a pair of pear-shaped diamond dropped earrings and a gorgeous pearl, crystal, and grosgrain belt she received last week from Madam la Fleur, the to-go-to for everything Val Royeaux.

"Dorian. I can't show up dressed as though I am attending soiree. I"m a simple elf, if you haven't noticed."

"Believe me, I"ve noticed," Dorian said. He placed the jewelry next to a beautiful, dark blue dress made of velvet and lace. Its sleeves flowed delicately and meant to cascade beautifully with the train of the dress. "We should pin your hair up to expose your neckline." Walking over to demonstrate, Dorian angled her head slightly. "Like this. Make sure you do this sometime during dinner. It would drive him insane and he will think of little else."

She tried to interject but he was already lost in his vision of how to present her later.

"And, we should add some color to your lips and cheeks, to freshen you up."

"Dori-"

"IIyana, we have so little time. You need to bathe and wash your hair, and the dress needs to be pressed. We have to lotion your skin, too much time in the sun has dried it out. Oh my! And the essentials! We need the essentials." He moved to her desk and quickly scribbled a note, running downstairs to have it delivered before shuffling back upstairs. IIyana didn't have long before she heard Vivienne and her entourage of ladies entering the room and making their way up the last flight of stairs, all six of them carrying a variety of boxes in their hands.

"My dear, I hear you have a date." The Enchantress greeted, circling IIyana as if she were evaluating the amount of work they needed versus the time they had.

"It's just dinner, Vivienne." IIyana clarified. "You know, two people heading to the tavern to grab food. Maybe sit down at an empty table tucked into the corner for privacy."

"Darling, the man practically claimed you for his own. Publicly, if I may add. So, no, it's not just dinner." The memory of Solas striking Cullen in front of everyone brought a slight blush to her cheeks and Vivienne chuckled softly, "I see we are on the same page. I understand why you needed me, Dorian. This simply won't do and we have so little time."

"My thoughts exactly," he sighs.

"Although, I dare say I approve of your selection," Vivienne praised as she eyed the dress.

"I aim to please," Dorian applauded.

Before IIyana could utter another protest, she was being led into the bathing room by one of the ladies, the door closing behind her as her friends worked their magic in preparation for tonight.

* * *

"The kiss was ... rather unexpected."

"Unexpected or not as planned?"

"Perhaps both," Solas said as he and Wisdom continued on the familiar path leading them to the secluded grove they often frequent when he sought her in the Fade. "I find myself perplexed when it comes to Inquisitor Lavellan."

"Impulsive, too." Wisdom giggled when he frowned. "Forgive me, I was only teasing. Have you apologized to the Commander?"

"Yes," he confirmed. He reflected on their conversation two days prior and he let out a heavy sigh, "I didn't realize he carried more than friendly affections for her until then. The man is in love"

"How do you know?" Wisdom asked as they settled down on the two logs adjacent from one another. She loved this place and the privacy its ancient trees provided as they stretched towards the sky, shielding them from prying eyes.

"There was a sadness in his voice," Solas said softly. "She speaks of you often when we're together, he'd confessed." A frown creased his brows and he provided no further explanation, withdrawing into silence. She's seen this look before - he was having an internal battle with himself and she suspects it was the reason why he sought her counsel tonight. Something had changed in him, she'd felt it as soon as he entered the Fade, and whatever it was, it must be conflicting for she noticed Despair and Hope wavering nearby. Wisdom waited patiently for her friend to gather his thoughts as she processed what she has learned about IIyana Lavellan. This young Dalish woman has swept him asunder and brought forth a vulnerability that she has only seen when he spoke of Mythal. Intuition told her he may feel unworthy of the Inquisitor and she wanted to reassure him otherwise.

"I sense there is more than you are sharing with me, my friend. Could it be you feel the Commander is a better choice?" She asked and reached out when he gave her a sad, confirmation of a smile.

"He is an honorable man."

"As are you, Solas."

"Am I?" He challenged, raising his hands to look at them. He could hear the cries of the Elven people and the Fade echoed their demise. "My hands are tainted with death, blood, and betrayal. I am a murderer, a traitor to my people, and I am undeserving of her " his voice trailed off and she could hear his ragged breathing. He had said the latter with such yearning that this time, she was determined to get her point across.

"You did what you thought best to free your people. No one can fault you for that, especially not Inquisitor Lavellan."

"I am the reason why she proudly wears slave markings upon her face. If she only knew - she won't understand. She'll despise me in the end."

Wisdom was relieved to find that she was correct - Solas was already deeply in love with the Elven woman. "You give the Inquisitor little credit, my friend. I believe when you do choose to tell her the truth, she will understand. If not, lend you her support."

"She will see me as Fen'Harel - a monster, a harbinger of death."

She shook her head and gave him a tender, loving smile. "No, I believe she will see you in the end, Solas."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because of the way you speak of her." In all their time together, Wisdom has never known anyone who could distract him from the Fade and it gave her hope that IIyana may be the one to deter him from his deathly path. "You've hunted alone long enough, my friend. Perhaps it's time you return home."

"I have no home. Not anymore. I did what I thought was best only to wake up to a world I've destroyed."

"But she's given you a new one. Perhaps if you learn to listen, your heart will guide you there."

"I can't ... it would mean -"

"Your IIyana is waiting for you." She insisted. "All you have to do is ... wake up."

Solas jolted awake and it took him a minute or two to register that he'd fall asleep in the archives. Stretching the kinks from his neck, he returned the book he was reading to its rightful place before straightening the desk he was using prior to falling asleep. Wisdom's words came back to him and his heart fluttered with an image of IIyana. His friend was right - she can lead him home if he took the chance. For the first time since he cast the veil, the burden he carried become lighter and it was all because of her. She'd enter his life and chased away the shadows of doubt that have erected since he awakened from his slumber, and now he was left with the sudden urge to find her and ...

Dinner - he'll tell her at dinner.

Smiling with a purpose, Solas closed the door behind him and headed upstairs.


	4. Admit It, IIyana You Like Me

He was not nervous. By Mythal's blessing, he was not.

When Solas strode through the room for the third time this evening, he simply was ensuring that everything was as it should be when his guest arrived. Lady Montilyet had outdone herself, providing everything they could possibly need, transforming the room into an intimate setting for two. He'd also been assured they'll be left alone.

A small breeze drifted from the rafters above and Solas couldn't help but wished she could have seen Tarasyl'an Te'las as it should have been. With its connection to the Fade, the castle had been a magical place of endless possibilities. He'd hope she would have appreciated it as he did. In lieu of his melancholy, Solas was gifting her with the closest thing he had to Arlathan. The rotunda was his sanctuary - the place he studied, dreamed, and painted - and the only room in all of Skyhold he could bare his soul. He'd wanted tonight to be free of barriers and pretenses, and for her to see him as the man he really is.

Somewhere in Skyhold, the dinner bell rang and Solas' heart sped with authenticity.

He couldn't remember the last time he anticipated the arrival of a woman with such eagerness, and he'd forgotten how it felt - the excitement, the thrill of the chase. The triumphant claiming of the prize when she finally submitted. Although he was convinced he'd be the one to yield tonight, considering he nearly leaped on IIyana like a starving man after she passed him in the hall. She'd been so sweet and he'd wanted to kiss her again, press her against the wall until she was melting with desire. But he was afraid that if he gave in, he will unleash every ounce of passion he possessed. It was only by sheer force she wasn't tossed over his shoulder and taken to his room for the rest of the afternoon.

Solas positioned himself in the direction of the door, feeling a little foolish for his boyish pleasure in anticipation of her arrival. For the first time since awakening from his slumber, he felt in harmony with the world. The door opened slowly and he glanced up in greeting, a soft hello on the tip of his tongue. He'd thought of everything - the venue, the menu - but he hadn't been prepared for the goddess gliding towards him. She was a breathtaking vision in blue, with her hair parted down the center and then twisted into long braids that wrapped around her crown. Lovely, tender locks framed her delicate face. She was too regal, too pure for him to touch, and his thoughts scattered to the wind.

IIyana had been nervous and uncertain when she left her chamber. Each step echoing with fear and doubt, but the moment she stepped into the room all her insecurities evaporated. His unwavering gaze followed, and she didn't think it was possible for the heart to beat any faster than when his eyes darkened into an odd expression. She greeted him with a small smile and Solas' heart launched violently. He drew in a long strangled breath, realizing he hadn't been breathing.

Her eyes swept him over until they wavered on his mouth, and whatever little control Solas had left disintegrated. He reached her in three, long strides, arms circling around her waist, pulling her closer to his chest. The faint smell of crystal grace teased his senses and he inhaled deeply as if the very essence of her kept him alive. Then ever so gently, his hands lifted, grazing her rosy cheeks, smoothing backward to cup her head.

"I would very much like to kiss you, IIyana," he stated.

He wasn't asking for permission and her radiant smile was all the encouragement he needed before his head descended with a purpose. Her skin was soft and warm when his lips touched the corner of hers, and she let out a small laugh before turning to receive his full kiss. He groaned into the sweet offering of her lips and seized them in melting hunger. His hands tightened, tongue plunged with possessive greed. It became an obsession to etched the taste of her lips into memory and he knew that one kiss will never be enough.

He tasted richer than she remembered, and although he'd initiated the kiss, IIyana did not shy away from shifting her hands restlessly over his muscled shoulders and forearms, moving her lips to sync with his. She deepened the kiss and knew this was exactly where she wanted to be.

An eternity later, Solas finally broke the kiss and placed his lips on her forehead in an attempt to catch his breath. "Hello," he finally said. She tried to smile but her breath was too ragged. His taste lingered and she licked her lips, lifting green eyes to his, and the desire he saw in their depths plunged to his core. "Don't," he warned in a husky, pleading voice. "Don't look at me like that unless you want me to kiss you again."

"And if I do?" She whispered.

"Then I won't be able to stop, IIyana," he implored helplessly. "I will not take advantage of you, or us before we are both ready." It was comforting for her to know that their relationship meant more to him than a simple affair. She smiled in approval and his heart melted.

They dined on roasted ram and sauteed vegetables and exchanged events of their day. A variety of fresh fruits, bread, and cheese separated the two as they sat across from one another. An hour later, Solas' carefree laughter echoed loudly as IIyana wrapped up sharing one of her childhood stories - this one including her friend Eri - and their daring escape through an old elven ruin, after the two mischievous adolescents triggered an explosion, sinking the building into the ground. In an attempt to save themselves from the Keepers wrath, Eri and intentionally urinated on himself and Deshanna was too embarrassed for the boy to reprimand him.

The thought of a young Lavellan creating havoc wherever she went brought a twinkle to his eyes. He was thankful that not much has changed. "It sounds like you had an eventful childhood."

"It was amazing!". Her eyes lit up and she gave him a radiant smile. "You have to meet Eri, he was the brainchild behind many of our childhood theatrics. If it wasn't for him, my nose would've been stuffed in a book, memorizing elven traditions, fables, and lore. Directing others in the way of the Dalish." She gave him a direct stare, "I believe I would have ended up like you."

He arched a brow, he didn't mind it when she teased him. "What's wrong with the way I am?"

"Isn't it obvious? You're too intelligent and mysterious. Poetic, philosophical, articulate, stubborn. You smell like books and parchment and ink".

He was caught off guard by her honesty and his expression brightened. "You think I"m mysterious?"

"Are you fishing for compliments?"

"Perhaps," he said and gave her a grin. He hadn't felt this alive since awakening from his long slumber. "I'm pleased to hear your assessment of me has changed."

"Passionate kisses will do that to a person," she declared, leaning forward in her seat. "Did you know what I realized while I was away? I didn't know how old you are, where you grew up, or why you detest tea. I don't know your birthday, or if you still had family or siblings, or even a string of elven ladies waiting for your return." Her eyes soften and she added quietly, "it bothered me that I knew so little of you."

He gave her a small smile. "There isn't much to tell," he admitted.

She beamed. "Are you hiding a mate somewhere, Solas."

He would have laid his heart bared if it meant she continued to look at him that way. "Alright, what would you like to know?"

"Where are you from, Solas? You're obviously not Dalish and it doesn't appear you lived in an alienage either"

He pushed his plate aside and leaned back in his chair. "I grew up in a village in the North. There wasn't much to entertain a young man, especially one gifted with magic. Not even a string of elven ladies pining for my return. And no, I am not bonded." He answered honestly.

She blushed sweetly and poured herself another glass of wine, using the time to gather her thoughts. "How is it possible that you didn't have a lady-friend throwing herself at you. Stealing you away for a kiss or two?"

"There were plenty of women who threw themselves at me. Too many to count, actually."

"You conceited -"

"You said it yourself - I"m intelligent, mysterious, and poetic. If I willed it, a woman wouldn't be able to resist my charms." He eyed her suspiciously. "Are you jealous, IIyana?"

"Don't flatter yourself hahren, your reservations leave much to consider."

"You think I'm reserved?" He challenged. A rebellious fire sparked his blood.

"You're a damn prude, Solas." She asserted. "You shy away from me whenever we're in public. It's quite alright if you lack ... certain skills"

She was definitely baiting him and his heart quickened with familiarity. She will submit at the end. He'll see to it. "I'm not a prude," he scoffed. "I"m a patient man simply wearing down your defenses until you submit. In all of my travels, there have been plenty of opportunities to engage in activities of the flesh. Many have left my chamber quite satisfied." He gave her a cocky, knowing grin."I'll have you know, I have a reputation with the ladies."

"For being a crusty old man?" She interjected innocently and exploded into hysterical laughter at his comically-stricken face. She rolled over, hugging her side as her musical laughter echoed to the floors above.

He snorted. "I'm pleased you find me entertaining company," he stated.

"Please forgive me, Solas." She gave him an apologetic stare "That was terrible of me. Please, tell me more about your - about this reputation."

He gave her a haughty glare, "I find the details inappropriate to share with the woman I plan to court."

"I didn't think you a damn coward, Solas." Her eyes narrowed, calling his bluff.

"I wouldn't want to burn your innocent ears with my sexual prowess."

"I'm sure it's nothing I can't handle."

"Shall I demonstrate?" he challenged. "Your indomitable focus is an enjoyable side benefit, I've yet to see it dominated."

Her cheeks deepened into a pink blush. "You wouldn't dare," she declared.

"I imagine it would be quite ... fascinating." He was looking at her as if she was one of those delicious frilly cakes he so loved. His eyes burned her alive and she felt her body flushed in need. She had never been pursued, never been desired. Until now. Until she put on a dress, painted her face, brushed her hair. And she found it unsettling that he wanted this, instead of her. "You desire the illusion," she finally said.

"I desire you."

"You are a romantic, Solas, and I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed." To prove her point, she walked over until she stood before him, sweeping her hand in grand fashion. "You see, this is a fantasy. If you take this away - the dress, the jewelry, the way Dorian told me to angle my neck - you will get a simple Dalish girl who wouldn't know the difference between silk and satin or which fork to use first at Winter Palace" She leaned in until she was eye level with him. "I am not the woman you desire."

"When I look at you, IIyana, I see only you."

"It's the illusion want. You can't tell me the dress didn't have anything to do with the way you kissed me. I've never kissed me like that until tonight."

He pushed away from his chair and stood until he shadowed over her. IIyana barely reached his shoulder and suddenly she felt tiny and small. "I have wanted to do more than kiss you for a very long time, IIyana. Well before Skyhold." He said directly. His unexpected confession left her speechless and she barely managed a stammer. "Well then, I apologize for the assumption."

"Does it bother you to know that I desire you?" He bent over, the tip of his nose touching hers. "It pleases me greatly," she admitted, surprised at her own truth.

"And do you desire me?" He asked huskily, caressing her cheek, trailing feather-life fingers along the side of her jawline until he cupped her face with his hand. Her skin was tingling, coming alive with his touch and she felt the invisible pull of his desire. It was hot. Intense. And she could feel every strand of its heat. "Do you?" He demanded.

"Yes," she said, barely audible.

"How much, IIyana." He was teasing now, playing with her senses until she admitted what her pride will not allow. "Tell me how much you want me and I will finish what I started." His hands fell to her hips, molding his fingers into her flesh, pulling her forward. When she didn't comply, his lips brushed lightly against her ears, sending a delicious chill down her spine and she gasped loudly when he nipped her ear. "You are stubborn as ever, IIyana," he laughed softly. "What must I do to hear you say it," he whispered and licked the sensitive area behind her ear. "Perhaps if I kiss you here instead." His lips trailed hot kisses along the side of her neck, nibbling when he reached her pulse. He moved to stand behind her, angling her neck to the side as she had shown him earlier, and every so very softly, placed a kiss on the back of her skin. She trembled and he chuckled against her skin. "Or here?"

You wicked, wicked man, she thought.

If she could melt and die, IIyana would gladly do so today. He continued his torment of exploring her skin, teasing, kissing, nipping, licking, ignoring her pleas to show mercy. But he didn't know that his touch was burning her alive and she couldn't have articulated anything, even if it meant saving her life. Suddenly, he jerked her forward and she was pressed against the desk, legs spreading easily to accommodate him. One of his hands held her firmly in place as he seized control of her lips, the other sliding down to curve around her backside.

She wanted him to touch her. Down there.

The thought sent her into a frenzy and she moved her lips over his with increasing abandon, feeding his hunger, instinctively molding against him. She was driving him insane with her whimpers, her pleas, and his kisses traveled to the curve of her breasts, smirking when she cried his name. She was panting, arching against him, and his hand raked underneath her dress, sliding up her slim leg and unto her thigh. He could smell how much she wanted him and his mouth curved slowly into a satisfied smirk.

"Tell me what you desire, IIyana," he demanded again. His fingers graced the insides of her smalls, playing with the delicate lace.

"I want you ..." She cried.

"How much ..."

"Desperately."

Her body throbbed, aching in areas only she had touched that morning. His hand was warm. So warm as they squeezed her buttocks and pulled her to the edge of the desk. She thought of a hundred different ways he could take her and she completely, wholeheartedly surrendered into his control. The moment Solas felt it, he marked her with his kiss and began trailing his lips along the side of her face, her ears, breathing a whisper along her cheek.

"Fascinating," he snickered.

She stiffened, eyes widening. He grinned, followed closely by a soft chuckle. She shook her head in disbelief. He smirked in triumphed.

Solas knew he shouldn't have. Knew it was ungentlemanly of him. But after poking fun at him all night, she had it coming. She should have known, should have expected that he would never allow such offense without giving her a taste of her own medicine. He tried to contain his glee but only laughed when her eyes lit with flames and sparked with heat. IIyana Lavellan was impossibly beautiful when she was angry at him. And oh, how he missed his feisty little Inquisitor.

"You loathsome - despicable -lech!" she cried, pushing out of his arms. He only laughed louder. "I"m leaving!" she raged and stomped towards the door.

From behind, she heard him call her name but she was too embarrassed, too caught up in the fact that he had once again outmaneuvered her. Damn him. Damn him. Damn him to hell. He caught up to her, grabbing her from behind, pulling her back towards him. "I"m sorry, IIyana. Please forgive me. That was horrible of me."

"Yes, it was, you jerk!" He wanted to kiss all that angst away. "You can't touch me like that, make me lust after you, and then humiliate me just to prove a point. It's rude" She stressed.

"So my reputation precedes me?" He asked, eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Oh, for the love of Mythal!" She screeched. Yanking the door open, she stormed across the hall, heading towards her room, not heeding the laughter that pursued her from behind. She was thankful that the hall was empty because it would have been a shame for her friends to witness the death of one of their beloved companions. Hiking her dress up to her knees she ran up the flight of stairs leading into her room.

"IIyana ..."

"Leave me alone, Solas!" He narrowly missed the book that flew over his head when he hit the landing.

"Admit it, I outplayed you." He proclaimed.

Smug Bastard. "I can't believe you are bringing this up right now," she moaned. Her back was to him and she was using the desk to keep herself balance as she pulled off her slippers.

He leaned against the wall, arms crossed across his chest. "Be a trooper, IIyana. Admit defeat," he teased.

She whirled around. "I will never admit defeat," she said tartly. "You cheated. You used your sexual prowess to distract me." She was a fiery goddess and he was in danger of falling more in love with her than he already has. Solas was glad she was home.

"I missed you while you were away, m'yana. Did you miss me?"

She gave him a dirty look and threw her slippers at him, not waiting to see if they landed where she had intended. She was embarrassed, humiliated, and she felt like a fool. A damn, besotted fool. "Good night, Solas," she hissed, dismissing him and heading into the bathing room to clean her face. She was looking for a fresh cloth when Solas' hand reached for it from behind. He gave her a determined look and she was too annoyed at the moment to say otherwise and stepped out of the room. Moments later, Solas peeked his head to see that her attention was directed at the balcony doors and it appeared she was no longer crossed with him. But he wanted to make sure. "Am I still in danger of being disintegrated?"

"Go fuck yourself, Solas."

He glowed with love. "You're blushing, IIyana. I admit I haven't quite decided which shade of pink I prefer." He said to himself.

"You are a horrible, horrible, man!" His musical laughter brought a smile tamed her angst and she felt a smile graced her lips. She turned away from him, didn't want to give him another reason to gloat. "I like you too," he said cheerfully and her heart launched.

Damn you, you stupid, adorable mage.

"Do you know how long it takes for a woman to get ready in hopes of pleasing the man she intends to pursue?" She stated as he knelt in front of her, a bowl of clean water in his hand. "It takes a long time, Solas. Three hours, to be exact."

"That sounds miserable," he said, giving her a lopsided smile. He wiped her face, taking care to dab the sensitive area underneath her eyes.

"It was. I've never been yanked, plucked, or pulled in so many ways in my enter life."

"I appreciate the gesture," he said. Placing the cloth in the bowl, he gave her a sentimental stare. "Promise me you won't put yourself through that again."

She rolled her eyes in response. "It's all your fault I came wrapped up in a pretty, pretty gown, Solas. I thought it may have been what you wanted."

"IIyana, I only see you. I don't care for anything else," he stated and begin pulling the pins from her hair as if was something he's always done.

"Not even if the dress makes it easier to -"

"IIyana," he chided. He resumed unpinning her hair, taking great care to unravel each braid until it cascaded behind her back. Then he combed his fingers into her hair, loosening the strands as if he had all the time in the world to complete this task. She moaned in pleasure and closed her eyes, her angst towards him forgiven. "You spoil me, Solas." She said.

"Your hair is as soft as I remembered."

"Keep talking like that and I will surely swoon."

"I'll only catch you if you do."

"I know," she admitted. "Thank you for dinner, Solas." The corners of his mouth turned up and he resumed his task.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that but when she opened her eyes, the room had darkened and the moon reflected brightly along the walls. Her body shivered in response and Solas flicked his wrist. The hearth came alive with hot fire. They stayed in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying each other's presence. Then his tender voice filled the air and she opened her eyes to see his face transformed in awe, the light from the fire glistened in his eyes. "You are so beautiful," he said tenderly.

And she smiled. "So are you."

"You've never answered my question - did you miss me while you were away?" The softness in his voice had her leaning in. "Your vanity is showing, mage," she said.

"Indulged me a little."

"What do I get if I answer correctly?" she asked.

He tilted her chin, "I may steal a kiss or two."

"Let's make it three and I"ll tell you all my dirty secrets. But don't get cocky."

He gave her a small laugh, "ever the negotiator, Inquisitor."

She took a deep breath and flopped backward on the bed, arms bent above her head. "I did miss you, Solas" she confessed. "There wasn't a day that didn't go by I didn't think of you. I thought of writing you every day."

She felt the bed shift under his weight and she leaned up on her elbows to look at him. "What stopped you?" He asked.

"I was afraid. I didn't know then what I know now."

He leaned forward until his forehead touched hers. "I must have a certain skill," he said, "if all it took was a kiss for you to completely fall in love with me."

"You fiend!" She gasped a moment before his lips touched hers in a sweet, sweet kiss. "You drive me crazy when you call me dirty names, m'yana," he whispered in between kisses. Her confession made him happy and he promised to never make her doubt him again. He continued raining kisses over her face until she laughingly pulled away. It was almost bedtime but she didn't want the evening to end. "We should have a sleepover," she suggested.

"It could lead to trouble."

"I'll behave. " She said with an innocent smile.

He nibbled the tip of her ear. "As you behaved tonight? You were a blood-thirsty minx, nearly ripping my clothes off. I highly doubt you could keep your hands to yourself." She opened her mouth to protest and he swallowed it with a deep, long kiss. Once she was satiated, IIyana settled atop his chest, completely and utterly captivated by the beauty before her. She was happy, incredibly happy. She was twirling her fingers along his tunic and it was driving him to distraction. "You can stay and read to me until I fall asleep from boredom," she said.

"I shall bear that in mind."

"Or we can do what people your age do, we - Ouch!" She yelped when he pinched her side.

He made up for it by kissing the tip of her nose.

She blushed.

He melted.

"Stay, " she smiled happily.

"Alright."

And he swooped down to steal a kiss or two.


	5. Nightly Confessions

"Tell me about this scar."

Solas felt delicate fingers caress his cheek and curve around his eye until they landed softly on the mark above his right brow. Her touch was warm and inviting, and he thought he'd never known such peace. Cuddling her closer to his side, Solas whispered with a grin. "Haven't I tired you out yet, little one?"

"Yes," IIyana said with an exhausted laugh, her cheeks resting against his shoulder, "but I'm too happy to sleep, at least for a while."

As was Solas, but they had a full day ahead of them and he wanted her to at least get some rest. "You'll regret it tomorrow when you appear before your advisors," he said. "Or before Dorian - he'll want a full report of what happened tonight." To his surprise, she tipped her face up to kiss his chin and smiled deeply when he pulled her in for a kiss.

They were stretched out on her bed, snuggled warmly under a blanket, after talking late into the evening. As promised, IIyana kept her hands to herself, despite his trying to tempt her by stealing more than a dozen kisses with wolfish delight.

He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and she melted back into his arms, releasing a sigh of peaceful satisfaction. She inhaled deeply his scent - parchment and ink - and she kissed the side of his neck. After a while, IIyana's fingers drifted back to his chest in a dreaming caress. "I'm so happy, Solas," she whispered against his skin. He was quiet for a long time and she'd thought he 'd fallen asleep when she heard him take a deep breath, straightening into a sitting position, and pulling her into his lap.

Brushing his hand through her hair, Solas gave her a half-hearted smile. "I'm sorry, IIyana," his brows pulled together, "for how I treated you upon your return." Her eyes flickered with pain before she cast her gaze aside. "It's quite alright, Solas," she replied softly. The night had been perfect and she didn't want to ruin it by opening old wounds.

Tilting her chin, Solas gazed deeply into her beautiful green eyes. "It's not alright when my behavior was inexcusable, IIyana," he said softly. Brushing stray strands of white hair from her face. "I was relentlessly cruel and it sickens me when I think back on the things I said - the things I did to you."

She hesitated only for a moment before stating, "I've never seen you so angry."

His eyes cast in shame. "I was angrier with myself than with you."

"What did you do that was so disappointing?"

"I let you leave believing I didn't care." He admitted. "I had suspected you needed time, but I could find no relief from the misery of knowing that you left abruptly because of me. I felt hopeless and knew I needed to respect your time. But I couldn't go another day without confessing how I truly felt, and that was when I decide to write you."

When the first letter arrived, she'd carried it for two weeks before returning it unopened. When the second letter arrived, and the third, fourth, she'd piled them into a bundle and sent them back with haste. By the second month, six letters more letters had arrived and all returned to their original sender. She'd convinced herself he was writing to chastise her immoral behavior - considering his prejudice against her and the Dalish. But what a fool she was.

IIyana grimaced, giving him a half-hearted smile. "I imagine my returning your letters didn't help your cause. I was afraid that had I read them, I wouldn't have known what to say or how to respond. I'm sorry, Solas", she apologized.

"If it brings you any comfort, I was equally confused with what had happened. But several weeks after you've left, I was walking the halls of Skyhold when I heard someone said your name and my heart launched. Almost violently, I might add. Suddenly, everything became clearer for me.

"What became clearer?" she asked softly.

"You," he answered honestly. "It hit me like a breath of fresh air and I realized that nothing on earth was more beautiful to me than you. Your smile, the sweet sound of your laughter, the pleasure of holding you in my arms. I've spent the rest of the time imagining what I would say when you came home. When I returned from the Hinterlands and learned of your arrival, I immediately went looking for you."

"And that is when you saw me with Cullen."

"Yes, and I admit that it hurt" he scoffed at the memory. "But it wasn't until I realized you've confided in everyone except me, that I allowed that pain to simmer into anger and then rage. I was convinced I was just another conquest for you to toy with."

Guiding her hand to his cheek. "And now?" IIyana asked softly.

"And now, no amount of atoning can make up for my belligerent behavior."

"You say that as if you are undeserving of my forgiveness, Solas."

"I'm not," he insisted.

"I wouldn't have joined you this evening if I hadn't already done so."

"But how? How can you forgive me so easily after all the things I've said to you - done to you." He covered his hand with hers and grasp it tightly. "I will only hurt you again, IIyana."

She shook her head in disagreement. "Do you know what I thought when I saw you in the garden?" She asked, hoping to shed some light into his inner, dark torment. "I thought I've never seen anything as beautiful as you. You filled me with such warmth that I wanted to remember that moment always. I decided then and here I can choose to remain angry at you, or I can choose to understand you. I don't regret my decision."

"Would you have still made the same decision if you knew what a monster I am?" He demanded.

She heard the desperation in his voice and gave him a puzzling look. "Tell me what you mean by that."

"You asked about my scar," he stated quietly. "It's tainted with a dark history and tells a story of a young man who raised up arms against a pantheon of corrupted individuals greedy for more power. They had murdered my friend to punish me, and in return, I cast them away. I didn't realize how many lives would be lost because of my decisions, IIyana. Families were separated, woman and children killed, all because I refused to submit to their demands." He pulled away from her, withdrawing into a cold silence. "My hands are tainted with their blood."

"Solas, look at me. The Blight affected all of us. Many people were killed, including members of my own clan. When the world is torn apart by chaos, death can force us to make decisions outside of our values. You are not a monster. I believe you did what you felt was best - necessary - to ease your pain. You can not fault yourself for doing what you believed was right."

She'd echo Wisdom's words and his breath hitched. His eyes drew together as if she were speaking a completely different language and then a sadness clouded his face. "Innocent people have died at my hands, m'yana."

"As have mine," she interjected. "As Inquisitor, my hands are also stained with death, fear, and uncertainty. Does knowing this affect the way you see me? Am I not a monster as well?"

Solas' eyes sparked with anger and he crushed her against his chest. "Don't you ever say that about yourself," he demanded. "You are everything good in this world and nothing - nothing!- will change how I feel about you."

"Then know this, Solas," she said gently. "There is nothing in your past or your future that would change the way I feel about you. Nothing. When I look at you, I see only you."

"How can you still find compassion after knowing this about me? I am unworthy of you. I am unfit to touch you." He stated more to himself than to her. The expressionless ache in his voice had her pulling away to look at him. "Shouldn't I be the one to make that decision?" She asked.

"Not when I've treated you so terribly, IIyana." Solas spoke plainly, as if preparing for a debate. "You don't understand - that is the man I am. I can be cruel and malicious, and I will only hurt you in the long run."

"We can't predict the future, Solas."

Although he gave her a half-hearted smile, his gaze darkened. "Perhaps you are correct. But it doesn't mean it won't happen."

That hitch of pain that felt as if a hand had grasped her heart, squeezing it painfully, was becoming too familiar. She's heard all this before. It may have been a different time with a different man but the implication was the same. "If this is about us ..." she said quietly, "I want you to know that there is no pressure. We don't have to do this."

He gave her a puzzling look before comprehension dawn on his face. Pulling her into a deep, emotional and demanding kiss, Solas claimed her mouth with his lips until all her doubts fluttered with the wind. "I did not lie to you when I said I wanted this ..." he rasped before taking her lips again in a possessive manner.

"Then what are you afraid of?" IIyana asked when she was able to pull away.

 _I am afraid of you_ , he thought. His path had been clear from the moment he'd awaken from his slumber. He'd believed this world and its people were not saving - had not wavered in his path to restore the elven people. Until now. Until her. She's changed everything and everything has changed because of her. For the first time in his long life, Solas found himself unsure - hesitating - if he was truly destined for the solitary path of the Din'Anshiral. But Wisdom's words continue to haunt him and his heart sparked with hope every time IIyana looked his way.

Placing a soft kiss against her lips, needing her strength for courage, Solas laid his heart bared. "Have you ever wanted something so badly, so desperately - something that was within your grasp - and yet you were afraid to reach for it?" He asked tenderly.

She brought hopeful green eyes to meet his blue ones and his heart sped rapidly.

"I want you, IIyana. Desperately. You and only you," he pledged. "But I am afraid of so many things. I am afraid I will disappoint you, hurt you in the end, and the thought of you hating me - I can't bear it -"

But his confession was snatched short when he felt her hand guide underneath her shirt, drifting until her palm laid gently against his heart. Skin upon skin, and his soul twitched with fire. He'd not been touched in such a long time and Solas nearly wept in grief. "Oh, IIyana," he whispered achingly.

'I was afraid too until the moment I stepped into that room tonight, " she said quietly. "I saw you standing there, waiting for me, and I knew this was exactly where I wanted to be."

He tightened his arms around her, needing to feel her against him. "I had told myself that I would be damned to eternity if I had already lost you before I was given a chance," he confessed achingly. "I have never known such peace than the moments when you look at me."

She gave him a small, tender smile. "Did you know what I did every day I was away from you?" She asked, tears glistening in her eyes. "I dreamt of what it would be like if you were mine."

Her confession floored him and Solas' heart erupted in joy. Never in his life had he ever experience such a state of of happiness. He loves this woman - loves her with every fiber of his being. And she loves him too because he'd felt it in every smile, kiss, and touch she's gifted him since their reunion. "I'm already yours, now and forever, m'yana," he pledged aching. Rolling on top of her, Solas kissed her until the sun rose across the horizon and flooded light into the room.

* * *

"What do you mean the Grey Wardens are using blood magic?" IIyana demanded of advisors. She'd been briefed with the latest updates from Adamant and the report was terrifying. "How the fuck did we miss that piece of information?"

"My agents reported Warden Clarel has ordered all her mages to perform the ritual in order to bind themselves to demons," Leliana explained. "For what, I am uncertain. But I suspect this may have something to do with the Grey Wardens disappearances."

"And where did she get this ridiculous idea?"

"Erimond," Cullen added.

IIyana scoffed. "Of course, that fucking snake.

"This may explain how Corephyeus's demon army in the alternate world you witness, Inquisitor," Josie said.

IIyana shuddered at the memory and the events that transpired at Redcliff. Their attempts to negotiate an alliance with the mages was unsuccessful with Magister Alexius and in return, he'd cast a time travel spell sending her and Dorian into an alternate timeline reeking of fear and death. After locating Solas, Cassandra, and Blackwall, they had fought their way through Redcliff, rendezvousing with Leliana. Both IIyana and Dorian learned they've been sent a year into the future, and with the Inquisitor believed dead, Corephyus had assassinated the Empress of Orlais and raised a demon army to destroy Thedas.

She'd never forget the deadly sacrifices each made to ensure that she and Dorian returned to their own time. Most of all, she'll never forget the look Solas gave her right before he pulled away to join the others as they fought off the monsters that have broken through. Their deaths were the primary reason why each of her decisions has been laced with fear - her failure will surely condemn them all to death and she would be damn if they died again for her.

IIyana slammed her fists on the table, the impact causing several of the markers on the map to topple over. "If the Wardens are binding themselves to demons, or heading into the Deep Roads, it would only guarantee their death. If the order dies, they'll be no one left to defend us from another blight. Leliana, has the Hero of Feraldon been located."

"None of our agents have seen the Hero of Fereldon, but there have been scattered references of her passing through the area from Sister Rejeanne. My people are following up on the leads as we speak."

Josie was busy transcribing her report when she suddenly looked up, a perplexed expression on her face. "What of King Alistair? Has he heard anything from the Warden?" she asked.

Leliana gave the ambassador a small smile before answering, "Sadly no. But it is not for want of trying."

The romance between King Allistair and Warden Commander Cousland was a tragic love story immortalized through written texts and songs performed across Thedas. The two were brought together by the fifth blight, had fallen in love, and in the end, had chosen duty and the people over their relationship. The warden disappeared shortly after Alistair was crowned King of Feraldon and wed.

"Then we must proceed without her," Cullen suggested."

"I agreed. We are already out of time," IIyana added. Giving each of her advisors a stern glance. "Have everyone prepare themselves. We leave for Adamant tomorrow morning," she commanded.

Her advisors nodded in agreement and were preparing to exit the room when Cullen heard his name from behind.

"Cullen, may I have a moment of your time?" IIyana asked softly.

"Of course, Inquisitor." He briskly replied. Bidding Leliana and Josie good-night, the commander returned to the war table where IIyana waited for him. Her beautiful green eyes twinkle with worry and he clenched his jaw so as not to reach for her, as he'd wanted to do for the past week. Their encounters have been brief, primarily occurring only in passing, and he'd not seek her out for their weekly chess game. He wouldn't say he'd been avoiding her - they have been busy preparing for Adamant and with recent developments, there simply has not been time for personal pleasure.

"Are you alright, Cullen?"

"Yes, I am. Thank you for asking, Inquisitor."

"The last time we spoke, you seemed ... out of sorts. I wanted to check in to see how you are today."

He raked his hand through his hair before drifting it to the back of his neck. "I'm fine - better today. I appreciate your concern but I am quite well, Inquisitor."

"You say that but you -"

"You don't have to worry about me, IIyana," he interrupted, regretting his words when she grimaced in response. "I'm sorry - what I meant to say was - Maker's breath," he said, letting out a defeated sigh. "What I meant to say was, you already have so much to worry about - Corephyeus, the anchor, saving the world - but you don't have to worry about me. I am fine, IIyana. I would not lie to you if I weren't."

"I know, Cullen. And I appreciate you looking after me as well." IIyana said before plastering a smile on her face. "Good night, Commander."

"Good night, Inquisitor," Cullen replied for quietly leaving the room. "I'll see you at dawn."

IIyana watch her commander depart and sighed heavily before turning around to sweep one final glance over the map of Thedas. She will respect Cullen's boundaries and when he is ready to discuss his angst with her, she will be ready. She was assessing their progress on the map when the marker placed over Adamant shimmered brightly from the candles above as if inviting her to examine it. She felt the anchor hummed, rippled in her hand before she hovered it over the piece. Green light simmered softly from her hand, casting the marker in a soft, eerie glow. As if transfixed, IIyana stepped closer to the map and the anchor flickered again, at first lightly, then flaring again until her hand twinge with pain.

Random images flashed across her mind - fear, betrayal, a Wolf howling in pain casting magic into the sky, elves screaming, dying. IIyana was crippled with grief, her knees wobbling and she leaned against the table so as not to fall unto the floor.

 _Trickster. Murderer. Harbinger of death_.

She couldn't breath, needing to escape the images. Gasping loudly, IIyana yanked her hand quickly, pushing away from the war table until she was clutching her hand protectively against her chest. When her breathing returned to normal, IIyana held her hand up to look at the now calm anchor, it's green light resuming its usual soft glow. Flexing her hand to relax the muscles, IIyana looked at the anchor again. The mark was an ugly gashed that tore through the middle of her palm. Surprising, it was a clean cut that did not pull at the skin. It was almost as if the anchor had embedded itself into her hand instead of piercing it. The anchor had never given her visions before, nor had she ever felt anything other than pure magic from the mark

So why now, she wondered. IIyana thought of the images she's seen and shook her head in confusion. She'd been shown something but she wasn't sure exactly what it was, and she didn't recognize the world she'd seen. It appears they knew less about the anchor than she originally believed. Solas had said the anchor was connected to the Fade, and she wondered if she'd glimpsed a memory of a spirit who trespassed too closely to the veil. She should tell Solas about what just happened, but quickly changed her mind. He'd been nose deep in research and she didn't not want him to worry. Instead, IIyana headed to the tavern to brief her team on Adamant.


	6. Into the Abyss

It had taken the Inquisition exactly an hour to breach the walls of Adamant with Cullen doing whatever he could to cover their advance, as IIyana and her team fought against a hoard of demons and Grey Wardens to find Warden Clarel. The group had cleared the Main Baily, where they successfully convinced the Wardens there to fall back, and the battlements where Hawke was assisting their soldiers until they arrived. Fighting through another wave of monsters, IIyana and Co. made their way towards the Main Courtyard to find the remaining wardens gathered around an active rift, their attention focused on Warden Clarel and another Grey Warden kneeling before her.

"Stop this!" IIyana shouted from behind. "If you continue with the ritual then you'll be giving Erimond exactly what he wants!" But it was too late, the Grey Warden fell forward, the blood oozing from his neck splattered like wet, black paint from the swift death that was granted from his sacrifice.

"You think I enjoy this, Inquisitor? We make the sacrifices no one else will." Clarel argued. "Our warriors die proudly for a world that will never thank them."

"You only wished they will die proudly," Stroud interjected heatedly. "Once completed, your Tevinter ally will bind the mages to Corypheus!"

At the mention of his name, Clarel shook her head in denial, visibly shocked. "Corypheys? But he is dead."

"Stroud is telling the truth," IIyana explained. "Erimond is using you, Clarel. Using all of you. The rituals bind you to Corypheus and he'll turn you into everything you've fought against."

But whatever little sense Clarel had vanished as the snake Erimond whispered words of encouragement into her ear. "You are wrong, Inquisitor," Clarel stated. "We are fulfilling our sacrificial duties. Bring it forward!" On cue, the Warden mages cast their magic into the active rift, causing it to spiral and ripple as every strain of mana fed whatever was threatening to come through.

"Please!" Hawke pleaded desperately. "I have seen my share of blood magic. It is not worth the cost!"

Stroud took another step forward and declared angrily, "I trained half of you myself! Do not make me kill you to stop this madness."

"Warden Clarel." IIyana's voice rang across the yard, catching the attention of every Grey Warden. "The Grey Wardens have a rich history of heroic deeds that will forever live on in history, and this world owes you a debt that it can never repay. Believe me, I will not stand against you if I did not believe you were being misused. Please, you don't have to do this."

From where she stood, Clarel's eye swept across the courtyard, taking note of the blood and sacrifice each Warden had made to ensure their oath fulfilled. The air now reeked of fear and death and the metallic taste of dried blood, caked onto the uniforms of the dead. Clarel's gazed drifted to the Inquisitor and for the first time since aligning herself with the Magister, she felt doubt. And that doubt pulled her into an empty void.

Erimond saw the doubt in Clarel's eyes and knew that he'd lost his ally. "Inquisitor!" Erimond screamed. "My master said you may be here trying to ruin everything. And he sent me this to welcome you!"

IIyana sensed the danger before she heard the high-pitched sound of a High-Dragon swooping down on them with its predatory claws. Rolling out of the way, IIyana felt Solas' barrier right before he pushed her down. "Stay down!" Solas commanded before he swung his staff and cast an ice barrier behind her, encasing the two demons rushing for his Inquisitor. IIyana regained her footing and flickered a fire spell killing the creatures before the pair joined their companions in killing the remaining monsters. They fought their way through the gate separating the yard from the main building before Clarel realized her error and chased after Erimond in his attempt to escape.

With adrenaline pumping through her veins, IIyana sprinted around the corner in hot pursuit of Erimond and Warden Clarel with Solas, Cassandra, and Varric flanking her sides, while Stroud and Hawke guarded their backs against the hoard of demons tearing through the veil. Dashing up the flight of stairs, she barely heard Cassandra's warning before the dragon's claws crashed through the building, grasping at whatever it could before she dodged out of the way. The dragon clawed again, releasing a fiery breath and setting everything in its path on fire. This time, IIyana was able to fade stepped out of the way before her armor was encrusted in flames.

"IIyana!" Solas yelled.

"Are you alright, Inquisitor?" Varric interjected.

"I am fine!" IIyana replied, trying to catch her breath before another hoard of demons broke through the veil. They took care of the rift quickly and headed upstairs, rounding another corner towards a long, open hallway. IIyana could hear Clarel's voice not too far ahead and she quickened her steps.

"IIyana watch out!" Solas roared from behind. The dragon's claws swipe through the hallway, slicing through her armor and she felt pain tingled up her side.

 _Fuck - that hurt._

Solas grabbed her from behind and dragged her into the shadows as Hawke blasted an electric storm straight at the dragon's midsection, the creature retreating and howling in pain.

"Are you alright? Where are you hurt?" Solas asked frantically, checking her side for excessive bleeding.

"I"m alright, Solas. But we don't have time for this." IIyana said, struggling to pull out of his arms.

"We will make the time," he hissed.

"And I have a Warden and crazed lunatic to catch, I"m sorry!" She gave him a quick kiss on the lips before yanking free. She ignored Solas' anguish remark and rushed down the corridor, making her way up to the top of the fortress.

Clarel had cornered Erimond on the bridge and was getting ready to cast a storm spell when the dragon tore through the upper tower, grabbed the warden between its razor-sharp teeth, and threw her against the side of the building. Her body hitting the floor like a limp doll. As the dragon stalked and played with its prey, Clarel rolled onto her back and raised her staff to attack.

"In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice," Clarel said before she blasted the dragon with a storm spell that sent it hurdling towards IIyana and her team, crashing until the bridge until it slid off the side and falling into the depths below.

"Clarel!" IIyana yelled and ran towards the Warden. But the impact from the dragon had left the bridge unstable and the stone began to crack, then splinter, and she yelled for everyone to get off the bridge. She felt Solas's hand gripped her tightly as he rushed them off the crumbling structure. Behind her, she heard Stroud fall, Hawke turning back to help him, and she turned around to see them struggling to stay afloat as the bridge gave away. Pushing Solas unto safety, IIyana turned back to save her companions, ignoring the furious roar of her elven lover. Gliding on the crumbling stones, IIyana desperately reached out her hand towards Hawke, paring that she had enough strength to pull him back towards the ledge. And as her fingers brushed his, IIyana felt the stone beneath her give away.

She was falling.

Shooting like a falling star in the night sky.

And as IIyana plummet to her inevitable death, the only thought she had was whether Solas would still be upset with her.

 _Of course, he was. He's Solas_ , she argued.

But he wasn't just Solas now. He was the man she loved - wholeheartedly - and she was more disappointed in herself for not sharing that truth with him. To be fair, she'd almost declared it after he kissed her senseless the morning after their date - and, yes it was officially confirmed as a date. - but she'd felt her feelings were too new and thought it was too early to say such things. And on the way to Adamant, he'd seen to all her needs, even losing sleep so that he may stay awake to keep her company during the watch. As he explained the history of the stars, she'd turned in his arms, looked into his deep blue eyes, the words waiting at the tip of her tongue right before he kissed them away. She'd never felt so taken care of before. And what about the night before Adamant when he sneaked into her tent, claiming that he needed a moment of her time to discuss research, practically kicking Cassandra out of her bedroll. He was so quiet that she thought he might be worried about tomorrow.

"Solas, is everything alright?"

He pulled her desperately against his chest, tightening his arms around her body, and placed a soft kiss against her temple. 'Nothings the matter, m'yana I just missed you, that's all." She smiled against his chest. "I missed you too, Solas."

He cuddled her face with both hands before placing soft kisses on her cheeks, eyelids, and lips. In between each kiss, he made her promise to be safe, to stay alert and focus when they find the Warden. Afterward, he'd read to her until she'd fallen asleep, and when her thoughts began to drift, she thought about telling him then. _Ar lath ma, Solas. So very much_ , she had wanted to say. But she'd fallen asleep and awaken the next morning alone, his scent still lingering on her bedroll.

And now it's too late. Too damn late because she was a coward. And she was about to die. She was going to die a very horrible death.

Something big and concrete slammed painfully into IIyana and she whipped around, struggling to grab onto anything that could break her fall. She felt warm magic sprinkle her skin and she jolted into consciousness. But as she mindlessly grabbed for anything, her hand came back empty. She continued to fall, hitting loose rubble on her way down. The ground was rushing up to meet her and then she glimpsed it - a tiny green shimmer swirling below.

 _A rift!_

She thought she heard Solas' voice screaming for her to activate the anchor, but she thought it was impossible. Because her vhenan was safe. She heard his voice again and before she could hit the cold, hard ground, IIyana prayed to whichever God was listening and activated the anchor.

Solas' face twisted onto agonizing horror as he watched IIyana scramble back to help their companions. A cry tore from his throat when the bridge collapsed and she stumbled backward into the abyss. Without hesitation, he launched forward, stepping on the falling stones to swiftly guide him towards her and the blood drained from his face as a huge boulder slammed into her small frame. She went rigid and fell straight forward like a stack of stone. Casting a barrier around her small frame, Solas conjure whatever healing magic he could and cast it towards IIyana, never breaking his concentration as he rode the crumbling stone towards his lover. He heard Cassandra and Varric above him but he paid them no heed. His attention directly solely on the woman drifting to her death.

 _No, no,_ his mind scream. _Not when I've just found her. Not when I've just loved h_ er.

Desperation gave him added momentum and Solas cast spells after spells to shield IIyana from the crumbling structure falling from above. He breathed a sigh of relief as she began to move and form the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a shimmer of green - an unsealed rift!

"IIyana!" Solas yelled. "Activate the anchor!" He heard the desperation in his voice and he screamed again. He was getting ready to jump down to her when the rift activated and sucked him into the unknown.

She was drifting. Floating mindlessly in the dark when from afar, she saw a small, white light.

"IIyana." The light said. Pulsating as it said her name again. The soothing voice echoed in the darkness and the closer she drifted towards the light, the strong it pulsated. "Inquisitor, can you hear me?" The voice pulled her forward and IIyana became aware of touch, sound, and the taste of her dry throat. It took her a moment or two to register that the voice belonged to the Seeker.

"Cassandra?" IIyana whimpered. She tried to run but someone was holding her down. Any attempts to open her eyes sent a flash of pain straight to her head.

"Yes, my friend. But I need you to lie still. We do not know yet the extent of your injuries," the seeker said from IIyana's right.

IIyana felt hands checking her arms and legs for broken bones and winced in pain when familiar hands touched her side. "My side hurts, " she cried.

"As it should. Two of your ribs are broken and there is a large gash along the side, " Hawke explained.

"That would explain why it hurts like a fucking bitch, " IIyana added.

"Language, Inquisitor," Cassandra said, letting out a sigh of relief that her friend will be okay. IIyana tried to smile but groaned in pain instead.

"You hit your head too, " Varric explained.

"Great," IIyana said. But she soon let out a moan of pleasure when magic flowed into her body, alleviating the aches and pains from her fall. "This is the last time I am playing hero. The next time we are attacked by a High-Dragon with a building crashing unto us, I am leaving all of you behind."

To her left, she head Stroud said regretfully. "My apologies, Inquisitor. I am the reason you were hurt."

"No worries, Warden," IIyana managed as the pressure in her head began to decrease. "It comes with the job." But there was one voice that remained unaccounted for. "Where's Solas?" She asked, fear lacing her voice.

"I am here, " he replied softly, his magic continued to sweep through her veins, soothing into her body. When finished, Solas caressed her cheeks and she brought her hand to grasp his wrist, neither noticing when the group quietly departed.

She saw the stress on his handsome face, the tightening of his jawline, and the worry in the depth of his blue eyes, before she whispered softly, "I would imagine you are still upset with me."

"Very much."

"Can I ever redeem myself?"

"Possibly."

"Solas," she said.

"You will never do anything like that again, do hear me?"

"It depends. If I agree, will that mean you'll forgive me?"

"Only if you promise to never give me another heart attack."

She scoffed. "But you are young and fit."

"I was a crusty old man only last week, " he smiled.

"Yes, but that was before you've fallen head over heels in love with me."

"Promise me you won't do anything like that again, Yana."

"And if I can't?" She asked as the strength gradually returned to her body. She waited a moment or two before she opened her eyes to meet his blue ones.

"Then I shall have to chain myself to you," he admitted.

"That sounds delightful." She chuckled- a dry, throaty sound.

"I am serious, m'yana. Promise me you will never endanger yourself like that again."

"I will consider it."

"Then I will take that for now. At least until you are fully healed."

She gave him a small smile as he finished healing her injuries, taking great care to bind her ribs cage so as not to hurt her any more than she already was. It was a shame that magic couldn't heal bones but at least her recovery will force her to slow down and not engage impulsively as she done previously. He hated that she was in pain but was thankful to find that she'd not sustain any permanent injuries from her fall.

Pulling her slowly into a sitting position, Solas kissed her on the forehead before confessing, "you will be the death of me, IIyana." She gave him a look he couldn't decipher and he was about to ask if she was in pain when her hands glided up to his chest, her face transforming into pure, undeniable love.

"Ar lath ma, Solas," she whispered achingly. "Very, very much." Without hesitation, he lovingly replied, "Ar lath ma, IIyana Lavellan. Now and always."


	7. The Depths of Hell

"Well shit," Varric stated after Solas concluded the rift IIyana activated had cast them into the Fade and somehow all of them had survived.

"I couldn't have said it better myself, " IIyana agreed as Solas looked heavenward at the dreamlike atmosphere. Admiration had transformed him into a gawking adolescent boy and she heard him say softly, "I never thought I would ever find myself here physically."

"Perhaps you would like a room, Solas?" She smirked. She couldn't help it - he was simply too cute. "Or maybe we should rest awhile while you take care of business in between those rocks. Over there." Her musical laughter warmed his heart, and Solas laced his fingers with hers, bringing them to his lips for a kiss. "I am pleased to find you haven't lost your sense of humor, Inquisitor," he admitted softly, earning him one of those blushes he'd come to adore.

"This is not how I remembered the Fade," Hawke stated as he surveyed the dark and twisted landscape made of rock and raw lyrium. Beyond the horizon was a floating island with the shadowy outline of the Black City. It's silhouette a dark reminder of what it meant to be here physically.

"The Fade reflects the dreams and experiences of the person," Solas explained. "Perhaps it looks different because we are here physically."

"This is incredible - to be here physically ... in the Fade," Cassandra replied. The Chantry would never believe this feat was possible - to be here as the Magister's once did before them. It was rare to find Cassandra speechless, even more to find her mystified, and Varric being Varric commented on the rarity of it, only to annoyingly laugh when she sneered.

"You two get a room," Hawke exclaimed before turning his attention to IIyana. "They said you walked out of the Fade in Haven. Is this how you remembered it?"

"To be honest, I still can't remember what happened that night."

"First Adamant, now the Fade." Varric crackled, strapping Bianca safely behind him. "Didn't I say most people would have spread this over more than one day?"

IIyana grinned in response and asked if anyone had any suggestions of how they can leave this place. Stroud, who'd been quietly assessing their situation since they arrived, finally spoke, his voiced laced with concern. "The Fade can be a dangerous place for those that linger. We have to concentrate on the task on hand and find a way out of here." The Warden stated. He was familiar with the manipulative tactics of demons disguising themselves as friendly spirit only to possess the soul who came to trust them. "In the real world, the demons came through a rift in the main hall. Can we escape the same way?" He gestured towards the mass of green energy swirling in the sky. "Can that be a rift?"

IIyana had no idea if that was a rift the Warden was pointing towards but it was better than waiting around here. "Let's find out" she said.

The group followed her in silence as they trekked through the Fade, each lost in their own fascination of the place. The deeper they ventured, the more powerful the lyrium became until IIyana could feel it tingling against her skin, almost like a second layer. She could feel it seep into her veins, electrifying her blood until it connected with her magic. If this is what pure magic felt like, IIyana could understand why the Chantry was afraid of mages. _Because no mage should have access to this kind of power._ They navigated the Fade for over an hour before their trail led them up a flight of stairs to where a female apparition waited for them.

"Divine Justinia?" Cassandra gasped and rushed towards the entity.

"By the Maker ... It can't be." Stroud's exclaimed from behind.

"I greet you, Warden. And you, Champion of Kirkwall," the vision before them said.

Not missing the alert expressions on Solas and Varric's faces, IIyana would not be surprised if this was a demon ready to lure Cassie in and possess her form. "Cassandra, you knew the Divine. Is this really her?" she asked steadily.

"I don't know. It is said that the spirits of the dead pass through the Fade and linger ... but we know spirits lie." Cassandra sighed heavily. "Be wary, my friend."

Spirit or demon, the thing didn't appear without motivation and IIyana planned to find out exactly what it intended. "What are your intentions," IIyana demanded of the Divine.

"I came to help you," the vision smiled. "You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Ashes and I am here to help you regain your memories." The entity revealed that the Inquisitor's memories were stolen by one of Corypheus' generals - Nightmare, a creature that feeds on terror. The Nightmare was the origin behind the Grey Warden's false calling. By slaying the creature, the Inquisitor will regain her memories. "When you enter the rift at Haven, the demon took part of you. Before you do anything else, you must recover them."

Just then, four wraiths appeared and attacked the group. IIyana felt Solas' barrier wrapped around them before she pulled her staff from behind and cast her spell. The pair fought in sync to kill one of them while the others paired up to defeat the others. As promised, each left a floating orb that revealed a piece of IIyana's memory:

 _Corypheus preparing the Divine as a sacrifice and the Grey Wardens restraining her with magic. IIyana interrupting the ritual and accidentally touching the orb in the process; the both of them running through for their lives. The Divine sacrificing herself to ensure that IIyana will live._

"Holy shit!" IIyana said as she nearly fell to her knees, nauseous from the revelation that she had not been chosen by the Maker as everyone had believed. She was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time; a freak accident that granted her the power to close the breach. Even worse, Corypheus had planned to use anchor to open the Fade and enter the Black City - if he had succeeded, the world would have been blackened by another blight. But she wasn't the only who saw the vision.

"Those were Grey Wardens we just saw!" Hawke said heatedly. "Their actions led to the Divine's death!"

"I'm sure Corypheyus took over their minds as we already know he can do." Stroud insisted.

Solas and Varric had stepped in between the men, hoping to diffuse the situation.

"Then that means they are vulnerable. Can be easily corrupted and controlled," Hawke sneered." The Wardens are dangerous."

"Enough you two," IIyana ordered after she had gathered her thoughts. Yes, it did not bode well for the Grey Wardens to have played a part in the Divine's death, but there was nothing anyone of them can do at the moment. "We can discuss this later when we leave this place. I mean it, step down. Now!"

Hawke and Stroud angrily separated and nodded their agreement.

Once Nightmare detected their presence, it became relentless in taunting them with their fears. The more he fucked with them, the more Solas could feel IIyana's heightened distress. Whatever she was seeing must have been beyond anything he could have imagined because she began flinching until she was numb from fear or pain. He tried to give her what little comfort he could by reiterating they were in the Fade, soothing her with endearments to no avail. And he felt helpless to do anything else.

Taking the Southern path, the group was attacked by a pair of Terrors and in the midst of the chaos, IIyana became separated and the fog that weathered the Fade enveloping her in darkness. All around her, IIyana could hear the cries of men, woman, and children - each screaming for mercy as they burned an agonizing death. Their cries echoed around, seeping into her soul and she began to run. Sprinting as fast as she could - doing whatever she could to get away from the voices. In the farthest part of her mind, she knew it was Nightmare fucking with her, feeding on her fear, but she had become too caught up in the moment to care.

 _"Tell me, Inquisitor,"_ Corypheus voice rang from above. _"Do you think you are worthy? Everything you touch turns to poison. Your lover will die. You will fail him just like you did Eri."_

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" IIyana found herself running further and further away, past pools of green, silver waters that drip from the rocks above. She blindly turned left, then right, before she stumbled into an open field and suddenly everything went quiet, the only sound was her ragged breathing and the pounding of her heart. The fog that had circled her began to clear and it took a moment for IIyana to register what she was seeing.

Tombstones ... so many of them ... engraved with the names of her clan, her companions ... Solas.

 _"They will all die and it will be your fault."_ Nightmare laughed maniacally.

IIyana shook her head in denial. _No .. No ... No ..._ She began backing away until her back hit something solid and she turned around quickly, a blade ready to slice the throat of whoever was behind her. Something pranced then, its claws grabbing her by the neck before she was flung, hard, unto the floor. She landed with a thud and nearly passed out from the pain that shot through her system. Breathing heavily, she rolled onto her back, hand raised in front of her to deflect whatever attach was coming in next. She reached for her staff only to realize she'd lost it when she was thrown, and now IIyana's only defense was the anchor. As the creature stalked towards her, IIyana shield her hand in front of her, ready to activate the anchor and hopefully send it to another part of the realm.

It lunged forward and then howled in pain as it was electrocuted in place, a familiar staff struck a deadly blow to the creatures face before it was pierced in the heart, evaporating into the air. IIyana let out a sigh of relief. "Holy shit, Hawke."

He scoffed softly before striding towards her to assess the damage. "Varric was right, can't you spread this over more than one day?"

"It's official, you can be my champion any day."

"I doubt your mage will be delighted to hear that. You elves are a possessive lot. I should know, I'm in love with one." He replied, pleased to see she had not sustained new injuries.

IIyana remembered that Varric had mentioned Hawke was romantically involved and that the two of them had mysteriously disappeared together after the Mage Rebellion. "Does Fenris know you're here?" She asked softly, despite already knowing the answer. It didn't take the others long to find them and when Solas' arms wrapped protectively around hers, IIyana found Hawke's gaze. If Fenris loved Hawke as deeply as she loved Solas, the elf would never have allowed his lover to come alone. IIyana could only imagine what the elf must have felt when he returned to find his lover gone, unsure of where he'd gone or if he'd return home. "I promise I will return you safely home, Hawke. You have my word."

Eventually, the Divine's spirit led them through a dark, watery passage that led them into a clearing where Nightmare awaited them with his giant pet spider. An open rift rippling not to far behind them. "You must get through the rift, Inquisitor. Slam it close with all your strength!" The spirit demanded. "Only then will you stop the demon army and banish the cursed creature to the farthest reaches of the Fade!" The spirit began to glow, transcending into a blinding light, and floated towards the demon. "Tell my Leliana, I"m sorry, for failing her too ..." Sacrificing itself by using its radiance to flood the lair with an explosion that subdued the spider and transformed Nightmare into its natural form - a Terror Demon with a skeletal frame and razor-sharp tentacles protruding from its back.

The entity's dark, onyx eyes tear through IIyana and it let out a high-pitched screeched before launching forward. The anchor flared and the Fade swirl around her as IIyana pulled her staff in front to quickly cast a barrier around them before Fade stepping out of the way. She could see Cassandra and Stroud striking their way forward while Solas and Hawke defensively guarded their backs. Varric trailed closely behind her, shooting his arrows in rhythm to her magic. IIyana was blasting the fucker with everything she had until she realized that it had a pattern. Every time the creature was blasted with an electric spell it would growl in pain and conjure Fearlings to attack.

"Solas! Hawke! It's vulnerable to electricity! Varric, get ready to shoot the Fearlings when they arrive! Protect Stroud and Cassandra!" IIyana barked as she circled the perimeter, locking the demon in an electric cage. They fought in sync, taking turns to cast, strike, and heal until the demon dropped unto its knees before her. It's black eyes laughing hauntingly as it's deathly howled echoed across the Fade.

 _"You will never escape me ..."_ it said before falling forward dead. And IIyana couldn't shake the eerie feeling that it was foreshadowing a certain truth.

"Let's get the fuck out of here!" Varric yelled, pointing to the open rift. The group was racing towards their destination when IIyana felt the ground rumble behind her. Something big was coming and she felt hands pulled her back just as a giant tentacle spiked into the spot she had stood a moment before. It continued to knife towards her until Stroud and Hawke pulled them back into the lair. The giant spider had awaken from its temporary slumber and erected to its fullest height, hissing and screeching with its fangs, it's massive body creating a barrier between them and the rift.

"We need to clear a path!" Stoud yelled, searching for another way out. But the only way out was through the spider and it will ensure all of their deaths. IIyana saw a flash of pain flicker across Hawke's face before his jaw tightened. She was already shaking her head before the mage pulled his staff in front of him.

"Hawke, no!" IIyana demanded.

"Go! I'll cover you!" he ordered. But Stroud shook his head, grasping the Champion's forearm, "No! You were right, the Grey Wardens were responsible for this. It is my duty -"

"We don't have time!" Hawke insisted, pushing the group out of the way as the spider spewed poisonous gas at them. From where they stood, Varric and Solas did their best to protect the group with spells and arrows.

"There has to be a better way," IIyana said desperately "We are all leaving this place alive!"

"You both have to go," Hawke argued. "Stroud needs to help the Wardens rebuild." Dodging out of the way, Hawke struck the spider with a lightning blast, temporarily blinding it before pushing IIyana and Stroud towards safety.

"No, no. NO! Hawke!" She screamed, struggling to break free from Stroud's grip. "I promised you I would return you to Fenris!"

"And I release you from that promise," he said softly. Her eyes widened and as she continued to struggle, Hawke looked over his shoulder at his long time friend. "Varric!" His voice hitched slightly. "You have been a great friend."

IIyana could hear Varric's cries of distress and she cast a small fire spell that had Stroud releasing his hold. She yanked free only to winced in pain as Hawke clipped her on the side with his staff, the pain so consuming she fell to her knees. "Tell Fenris I love him," he said before turning to Stroud. "Do not let her follow me."

The last thing IIyana remembered was seeing Hawke strike the spider with a deadly blow before she felt hands wrapped around her waist, dragging her through the rift. Her pain knocking her unconscious.


	8. The Long Way Home

She'd not been sleeping.

And the dark circles accompanying her usually bright eyes became more and more pronounced as they made their week-long journey back to Skyhold.

He'd expected her to come to him, to discuss the events that had transpired, and to process the guilt he knew was holding her hostage. Instead, like the stubborn fool she was, IIyana completely withdrew and threw herself into work to Solas' displeasure.

On their first day on the road, she kept herself busy in the infirmary from sunrise to sunset, barely taking time to eat or replenish her health. She was exhausting herself on purpose and when Solas pulled her aside to express his concerns, she snapped at him, ordering him to leave her alone. When he stopped by after dinner to check her bandages, she barely uttered a word and he left shortly afterward, frustrated with her cool silence.

Her behavior continued into the following day and by that evening, Solas would have counted himself lucky if she remembered he was even alive, and he wasn't the only one who felt her absence. One by one, each member of the inner circle stopped by his tent to express their concerns believing he'd be the one to pull her through. The following morning, Solas attempted to speak with her but she sent him away with a haughty tone, accusing him of hovering, and so he kept himself busy for the rest of the day. But as the camp settled down for dinner that evening, his frustration escalated and all eyes were redirected to the Inquisitor's tent, where Solas had just stormed off muttering a string of elven curses.

He was beyond pissed and no amount of support from their companions could sooth his anger. But at about three that morning, the Seeker's voice drifted into his tent pulling him from the Fade and Solas forgot all about their argument.

"Solas?" Cassandra's soft whisper drifted into his tent. "Are you awake?"

"What is it, Seeker?"

"It's the Inquisitor. She is having a nightmare again and I have been trying to wake her but -"

Solas didn't wait for her to finish before he was pulling on his shirt and heading towards their shared tent. IIyana was tossing and turning, whimpering in her sleep, and from where he stood, Solas could see that her shirt was soaked through with perspiration.

"How long has this been happening?" He asked, bending down to touch her forehead.

"For the past two nights."

Solas brought wide eyes to Cassandra. "And you didn't say anything?"

"She did not wish for you to worry. I confess I had wanted to tell you many times, but I gave my word." Cassandra Pentaghast was a woman of her word and without a doubt, she would have only agreed to the Inquisitor's request out of pure loyalty.

"I understand, Seeker. She is lucky to have you for a friend." He used his magic to reshape IIyana's dream and cast a calming spell to soothe her back to sleep. He was looking down at her peaceful expression when Cassandra's spoke from behind.

"Be patient with her, Solas. She believes she has disappointed you."

"Wherever could she had gotten that idea?"

"I believe she will tell you when she is ready."

Solas thanked the Seeker and returned to his tent, but he didn't get much sleep that night. His mind was fixated on what Cassandra had said and the nagging doubt that IIyana didn't fully trust him to share her doubts. The following night, Solas was awakened two more times until it was finally decided that he would sleep in her tent so as not to disturb the camp. And as he held her against his chest, her beat beating in sync with his, he vowed that he will get to the bottom of this.

As Blackwall gazed into the open landscape cast with a million stars, he counted the hours it would take until he could hold Josie in his arms again. He'd been romancing the Ambassador quietly since arriving at Skyhold, and his hand automatically went to his side pocket to grasp the letter she'd sent the day before. They will be home tomorrow. Finally. He was tired of this blasted heat and of waking up with sand between his fucking balls. He was ready for a hot meal, a hot bath, and to cuddle with Josie's warm body until the sun eclipsed the sky. Yes, he was ready to go home.

A noise from behind had Blackwall turning around to greet IIyana as she dragged her feet to where he kept watch. The Inquisitor had not been the same since she escaped the Fade and he suspected it had everything to do with Hawke. They've all been worried about her but found some relief when Solas pulled them all aside to brief them on her health, stressing that if they saw her napping throughout the day, to let her be.

"My lady," Blackwall greeted as she IIyana came to stand next to him, surveying the landscape for movement.

"Seen anything interesting?"

"No, it's been quiet, " he said, glancing up at her. She looked like death and he turned slightly towards her just in case she collapsed from exhaustion. "You should head back to bed. I will take the next watch."

"No way, Josie will kill me if she knew I worked you to death. Besides, I can't sleep."

"Can't sleep or won't sleep?" Blackwall asked as he scooted to make room for IIyana. "Solas will kill me if he knew I didn't follow his orders."

She chuckled dryly - more than a croaked than a small laugh.

"You should have seen him after Haven. When he believed you dead he became crazed with grief and then a man possessed after you were discovered." He glanced toward the horizon beyond. "Love can do strange things to a man," he sighed heavily.

"Are you saying you're in love with my Ambassador?" IIyana asked and laughed when the Warden blushed. Josie and Blackwall was Skyhold's best-kept secret.

They sat in comfortable silence, each enjoying the cool breeze, a reprieve from the hot summer heat. IIyana felt her eyes flutter and she began to drift, yawning softly, catching Blackwall's attention. He ordered her to go to bed but she just stared into the vast dark landscape before them, her mouth set in a hard line.

"Something on your mind, my lady?"

There was a list of things on her mind. Hawke's death continued to haunt her and she couldn't fathom how she would tell Fenris. How could she tell him that she was responsible for his lover's death? The death of the man he loved? Then there was Varric. She didn't know how to comfort him and she couldn't find the words to ease his pain. Every time she glanced his way, she remembered the role she played his friend's death. Her thoughts were filled with Hawke and Varric; Hawke and Fenris; more Hawke. She thought of giving him an excuse but then quickly changed her mind.

"Blackwall ..." she finally said.

"Yes, my lady."

"I hate when night falls." The guilt she'd kept at bay during the day creeps up on her at night until it swallowed her like a black hole. IIyana was drowning and the only person who could save her, she couldn't talk to because she'd disappointed him when she chose not to banish the Grey Wardens.

"Whatever you have to say, I am ready to hear it," Blackwall assured.

"I don't know what to say to Varric." She confessed with a lopsided smile. "It's ridiculous, isn't it? I am the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andreste, and I can't find the words to comfort my friend."

"Guilt can be a crippling thing."

"I wished I had never asked him to seek out Hawke. If I hadn't, his friend would still be alive today."

"Varric does not blame you for Hawke's death, Inquisitor. None of us do."

"Thank you for the words of encouragement.'

"Hawke choose to stay. " Blackwall stated. "I read the report. Everyone wrote that you struggled to save the Champion before he knocked you unconscious."

"He didn't have a choice. We were trapped, " she explained. "It doesn't matter what the report says. In the end, I was their leader and I failed to bring everyone home."

"Yes and no. You did stop Corypheus from getting his demon army and preserved the legacy of the Grey Wardens for generations to come. The point is, we are at war, my lady. None of us are guaranteed to live another day. Hawke knew the consequences as soon as he heard Corypheus' name," Blackwall insisted.

"I could have still found another way."

"In hindsight, maybe. But I highly doubt it with a giant spider in front of you. You were trapped." He reiterated with a small smile. "You feel powerless because Hawke made the decision you couldn't."

The truth hit her like an arrow and her breath hitched, making it difficult to breathe.

Blackwell continued to ease her mind. "You wanted Hawke to live because you care for Varric. In the end, Stroud was the logical choice."

IIyana let out a heavy sigh of defeat. "I feel terrible for agreeing with you," she admitted.

"It doesn't make you a bad leader or a bad person for admitting the truth. You care about your people. It's what makes you a great leader, my lady" Blackwall admitted and clipped her underneath the chin.

"Thank you, Blackwall. For listening ... understanding."

"It's my pleasure." He replied. His watch was coming to an end. "Although, you should talk to Solas. He is driving all of us mad with his dark temperament."

IIyana laughed. Yes, she owed her man an apology. She thought of what she would say and how she would say it, and then she felt the nagging doubt of dread. Turning to Blackwall, she gave him a knowing stare. "Do you ever get scared that Josie will be disappointed in you? I mean, the more she comes to know you and the more you show her who you really are. Do you ever wonder if she will -"

"Not accept me for who I am?" He interjected with a grin.

"Exactly."

"I fear it every day. But all it takes is for her to smile at me, and immediately, I want to become a better man."

"Holy shit. I didn't realize you were such a romantic."

"I can give you some pointers, my lady."

She smiled and for the first time since their journey home, IIyana felt relaxed. "I sometimes wonder if Solas forgets that I am not invincible," IIyana confessed after a while. "People usually see the myth when they look at me. I am afraid he'd be disappointed when he realizes I'm just an elf trying to navigate my way into the world just like everyone one else."

"I don't believe he would have you any other way."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because I just know. Call it male intuition, if you must."

"Alright, as a man. Do you think he'll forgive my shitty behavior?"

"I believe the man will forgive you anything, my lady."

IIyana was surprised to find how relatable Blackwall was. Other than the information Leliana had briefed her on prior to recruiting him in the Hinterlands, IIyana knew next to nothing about that Warden. But it didn't matter, not anymore. Because he'd become her friend. "You are absolutely right, the man does find me incredibly irresistible," she said cheekily. And from where he stood in the shadows, Solas couldn't help but smile as his IIyana's laughter drifted into the night sky. They continue talking about a variety of things until IIyana finally drifted to sleep, never noticing that Solas has joined them the moment she sat next to Blackwall.

"How is she?" He asked

"Asleep, finally," Blackwall said as he shifted IIyana into Solas's arms. The way the mage looked down at the sleeping Inquisitor reminded him of the first time Josie had confessed her love for him. "Go ahead. I will take the next watch." Solas didn't look up when he offered his thanks, his attention directed only at the woman he loves. "Thank you, Warden," he said, cradling her protectively in his arm as he headed back to their tent.

IIyana shivered lightly against the crisp, morning air and felt Solas' strong arms pulling her tightly against his body. She took advantage of his warmth by burrowing closer, tilting her face to meet his gaze. His eyes were tired and tension lined the corner of his mouth. His usually handsome face strained with concern and he'd lost weight.

 _I've done this to him because I refused to let him in._

A burning ache swirled in the pit of her stomach and pain flickered in her eyes. Solas, believing he'd hurt her with his embrace, immediately loosen his hold, his frantic hands reaching for the ends of her shirt to check the bandages. "IIyana, I"m sorry," his voiced cracked. "I didn't mean to hurt you." He'd been so tender and generous towards her and she'd treated him like shit because she couldn't find the words to express how she'd felt. And yet he remained loving, caring, as he was now.

"You didn't," IIyana interjected quickly and grasps his wrist, giving him a half-hearted smile. Her side no longer hurt and the bones she'd cracked have been numbed with magic. She noticed the dark circles underneath his eyes then and felt like such a selfish dick for the suffering he'd endured because of her. "You have not been sleeping," she whispered.

"I was worried about you."

Her talk with Blackwall had helped her see that she'd detached herself from him, and in doing so, she'd hurt him deeply. "I'm sorry I shut you out." She whispered. She apologized again and again and again until the tension eased from his face and his eyes locked with hers in shared understanding. "I will never do so again. I promise, Solas."

He accepted her apology by brushing his lips against her soft ones and deepening it when her hand guided to cup his cheek. He'd missed her and he never wanted to go through this again. He tasted her sorrow, her pain, and he vowed to never let her suffer alone again, even if she tried to push him away. "I need you. Desperately." She confessed against his lips and all the angst Solas felt over the past week melted away as she took control and claimed his lips with scorching hunger.

IIyana did not shy away from his heat and kissed him back with all the passion she'd felt. With a swiftness, she rolled on top to straddle his hip and softly chuckled at his surprised grunt. His hands glided up her legs until they gripped her hips firmly and she encouraged his touch by running her hands beneath his shirt, exhaling in pleasure at the firm muscles beneath her hands. She gazed down at him, and in her bright green eyes, he could see all the love she held from him. He loved her and he wanted to feel all of her. He'd never taken liberties before, had never explored more than his integrity would allow, but as she gazed down at him with passion lidded eyes, his resolve broke and his hands curved around to the front of her shirt. Slowly, painfully slowly, his fingers dipped into the lacing that held her shirt together, and he began loosening it until he pulled it off her lithe frame. He used both hands to unclip her breast band and swallowed inaudibly as the garment fell to the side.

"Vhenan... " Solas said as his hands trailed the flatness of her stomach, curving up her side until he filled both his palms with her breasts, molding and teasing her nipples until they peaked. "You are so beautiful," he whispered huskily before trailing hot kisses along her neck, claiming her mouth with a deep and long kiss. She moaned loudly as his fingers pinched her nipple, and he tumbled her back - she welcoming the weight of him. Wanting to feel his skin against hers, IIyana pulled at the ends of his shirt until finally their naked flesh was pressed together.

"I missed you, " he said huskily before dipping his head to take her nipple into his mouth. He was doing magical things with his devilish tongue - flickering, sucking, pulling - while his other hand glided towards the lacing at her breeches. She held her breath, waiting in anticipation, as his fingers found their way down her smalls and then - She arched her back, moaning into his mouth. She was so tight, so warm, and his cock hardened as she melted into his touch. "You are so wet, m'yana." Solas pressed his hardened length against her and IIyana's legs naturally widened, welcoming the pressure of his warmth.

"I want to taste you, " he pleaded and all she could manage was a small moan of pleasure as he slipped another finger into her warmth. Solas licked his way down to her navel, his free hand pulling at her breeches. Again, he unwrapped her as if she was the precious of gifts, taking his time to nuzzle his way between her legs, until she was spread open, her flesh swollen from need. She was beautiful like this - wet, panting, aroused - and his cock strained painfully to be inside of her. Her submission was all the encouragement he needed as he slowly licked her slit, stopping at the small peak that had her dripping against his lips. Then he thrust his tongue into her hungrily, invading her tight sheath with intentional delight.

And oh, the musical sounds she made.

 _Mythal's fucking blessing_ , IIyana's mind screamed. She arched her hips, inviting his mouth to invade deeper, longer, and she was crying and begging for the release that was tightening within her belly. "I want you inside me, " she managed to gasp. "Now. Please..." Her body throbbed and only he could relieve her ache. Solas pushed away to unlace his breeches, hissing in response when her fingers wrapped around his rigid cock. Her touch was exactly as he'd dreamed and he nearly spilled into her hands. IIyana slid one leg up against his side, wrapping around his waist, bringing him closer. She felt him circled the head of his cock around her entrance ready to thrust home, and she spread her legs wider, ready to be taken.

Suddenly, like a comedic play, Dorian's dramatic voice crashed into the tent and the two naked lovers froze in place.

"IIyana, this has gone long enough." The mage chided. "As your friend, your best friend, it is my duty to -Oh. Oh! Oh my ..."

"What the fuck, Dorian!" IIyana screamed in frustration as she and Solas scrambled to cover their naked bodies. And to her utter embarrassment, her best friend had the audacity to stare at her man with open admiration. No shame at all as he openly gawked at Solas' hidden gems.

"No wonder you're such an arrogant bastard," Dorina smiled appreciatively. "Oh, don't mind me. Please carry on."

"GET OUT!" Solas hissed.

"I"m leaving." The mage said. But in true Dorian fashion, he made sure the entire camp heard his complaints as he sashayed out of their tent. "Be careful you don't tear her in half with that big dick of yours, Solas!"

And poor Solas, it didn't help that IIyana broke down in a heap of laughter. Because yes, who knew that Solas was very hung. Later that morning, as the Inquisition broke down camp, Blackwall and Solas stood side by side, each wearing a smile as they watched IIyana walked towards Varric, two steamy mugs in her hand.


	9. You Put Your Arms Around Me and I'm Home

It occurred to IIyana that she knew close to nothing about love and she hadn't the slightest clue as to how she should romance Solas appropriately.

She'd never been one who was good about expressing her feelings verbally and she felt weirdly shy about pouring her heart in that specific way, even though she'd done it on more than one occasion with him. She was also not one to buy gifts, although she did request Josie to commission him a new set of paint brushes. She loved to praise him with compliments, validation, and support; although she winced uncomfortably when he returned the favor.

And while he may not whisper sweet nothings in her ear or spill his heart out daily, IIyana soon discovered to her great pleasure, that he was an openly affectionate lover who took great pride in caring for the woman he loves. He had a wonderful way of expressing how he felt about her through all the little things he did - sending her love notes, listening to her vent and moan, giving her his undivided attention, and of course, in the way he touched her.

When Solas pressed his cheek against IIyana, all of her worries melt away, and that is love.

His caress lingered in every kiss, every hug, every time he tilted her chin to look into her eyes. In these rare moments, she felt his presence and they connected as one. When his arms wrapped around her frame, pulling her close into his warmth, she felt safe and secure, grounded, as if he were the calm to her erratic storm. Not only did his touch signify warmth and loving attention, but it was also a prelude of the depth of his feelings. No, he may not whisper sweet nothings into her ear but IIyana knew she was truly and deeply loved.

And how the Elven Gods he's touched her. On so many levels.

Every since THAT night, his touch had become more sensual ... intentionally. Lately, his hungry eyes began following her with the promise of burning desire, and they both knew it was only a matter of time before he claimed her for his own. Shaking the memories of that night from her mind, IIyana thought of the different ways she can show Solas what he'd meant to her but she hadn't a clue. She wasn't romantic .. but she did know someone who was.

With a quick turn, IIyana headed downstairs to find Cassandra.

As for Solas, loving IIyana came naturally. As naturally as breathing air or flickering his wrist to cast a spell. He never thought that she would be the on to hold his heart, but she'd knocked through his barriers before he'd even know what had happened. She was shy with her affections but openly generous when encouraged. There were times when he'd be reminded of his path and the shadows will cloud his mind with doubt, but all it took was for IIyana to put her arms around him and he was home. He didn't have a reason not to love her, and he'd confessed that to Wisdom as the two lingered in the Fade.

"I am happy for you, Solas." Wisdom giggled as his face flushed with embarrassment. "Love suits you."

"Yes, I believe it does."

"She makes you happy?"

"Very much."

And as she predicted, pain flickered across his face with his admission. In his long life, there have only been two other women Solas had ever spoken of and both have hurt him deeply, both leaving scars that have impeded deeply into his core self. But she suspected that Solas' love for this IIyana ran deeper than he could ever imagine and she believed their love will ultimately heal him in the end.

"She is not like the others," Wisdom stated. "She will not betray you nor will she shun you in fear. Your Yana will love you for you." Wisdom assured.

He'd remember the pain as if it were yesterday. Betrayed by the one he'd trusted the most. The deathly howl of pain echoed in the Fade and Solas shook the memories from his mind, giving his friend a small smile. He did not want to taint IIyana's memories with the past.

"You are correct, IIyana is not like them," he agreed.

"I look forward to meeting your IIyana, Solas."

"I shall arrange it."

It was late into the evening when Solas made his way back towards the rotunda, a handful of books stacked up to his chin, sidestepping the newly arrived guests from Val Royaleux, and muttering a quick thanks to Varric as he held the door open. Solas was relieved to find the rotunda empty, saved from the occasional breeze that drifted from the rafters above and set the books down with a heavy thud before glancing around, wondering where IIyana could be. He'd grown accustomed to their nightly routine of reading together in the rotunda before he regrettably escorted her back to her room, and he swallowed his disappointment in finding that she was not here as agreed. As he waited, Solas rearranged the books in order of significance, glancing up at the time, before returning his attention back to his desk.

 _What could be keeping her at this hour?_

Solas leaned against the desk, drumming his fingers along the wood, counting to ten before he pulled away and began pacing the length of the room. Could she be with the Commander? IIyana had been training with him the majority of the day, and Solas was still convinced Cullen had not completely exercised the Inquisitor from his heart. Although he suspected the Commander was too honorable to do anything that would compromise his integrity. He glanced at the time again - ten minutes.

 _Where was she?_

He let out a disappointed sigh before he made his way back to his desk, shifting the chair aside to sit down, and that was when he saw the little white note inscribed with his name.

 _Meet me on the rooftop_

 _IIyana._

 _What was she up to now,_ Solasthought as he memorized the map she'd drown and made his way to where she waited. He couldn't imagine what she could be doing outside on a rooftop, in the middle of the night, and frowned slightly when he felt the cold chill his bones. It was so like her to not think of her health, running amok with no care for her overall sense of well being. He was shaking his head at her lack of awareness when the directions lead him into a very familiar room. The same one he'd brought her to the first time he kissed her.

"Up here!" Her musical voice drifted from the open skyline that led up to the roof. Crossing the room, he took the steps leading up to the ladder and made his way up. "IIyana, I can't imagine what you could be doing up here at this time of night. It's cold. You'll get sick -" Solas' voice trailed off as he hoisted himself up.

IIyana was standing in the center of the rooftop, nervously biting the side of her lips as she kept warm by a man-made replica campfire, by her feet was a basket of cheese and bread and a bottle of wine. Behind her, was a ready made tent for two - the exact one they've shared on the return home from Adamant. Solas swallowed inaudibly as he took a step forward. He'd taken himself in hand too many nights to count and it didn't help that he could still taste her on his lips. He kept his gaze directed at her. Anywhere but at the tent.

"Hi," she greeted breathlessly.

"Hello," he replied.

She felt her heart launched violently as he took another step towards her and she counted her breath silently, hoping she wouldn't lose her courage before she ruined the evening with her ramblings. "I didn't think you'd come."

"It took some time, but I will always find my way back to you." He answered honestly, then taking into account the way she bit her lips, clenched her hands. She was nervous. "What's all this, IIyana?"

She bit her lip again and cast her gaze down, hiding the beautiful blush that crest her cheeks, and Solas' heart erupted. He needed to hold her, to feel her body against his. He needed to know she was real and not a fragment of his dreams. And, it took all his strength to not cross to where she stood and crushed her against him. But as she continued to stay silent, her heart beating nervously, old memories began to surface and Solas could feel a tinge of doubt. Why was he being so neurotic? He wondered if his talk with Wisdom had made him melancholy all over again.

"Solas," IIyana finally managed. "I have something to say and I need you to listen." She clasped and unclasped her hands, obviously uncomfortable with what will occur in the next few minutes, and he braced himself for the blow of disappointment he knew will cripple him for a lifetime. Unsure of what she was trying to say, his mind already creating a narrative of heartache, pain, and loneliness, Solas could only answer honestly.

"I don't understand, IIyana"

IIyana bit her lips again, this time trying to hide her smile. "Please promise me you won't think I"m foolish?"

"Why would you think I think you foolish?"

"Because I've thought a lot of about what I would have said if I had replied to your letters. And I thought that this was the perfect setting for how I should share it with you," she continued." Solas realized then his error - and he flushed - all the way to the tip of his ears. She was nervous about sometime else altogether.

"I promise," he said softly.

"Or ridiculous."

"I wouldn't dare."

"And you can't use this against me for the next couple of weeks, especially when I -"

"IIyana, you have a strong right hook. I wouldn't want to feel that again." He smiled. Another blush to go with the many ones he's stored in memory.

"Say it," she demanded quietly.

"On my honor, Inquisitor."

IIyana gave him a nod, pleased with his response. She found him incredibly handsome tonight and her anxiety slowly formed butterflies in her stomach. She was rambling on about the night sky - something about her initial beliefs about him being wrong - and he'd confessed that he barely heard a word she was saying. Solas was too busy memorizing every line of her lovely face. He'd not seen her all day and he'd missed her. The way her eyes twinkle when she gave him a smile. And as she continued to speak, his eyes took into account the significance of what she was trying to do. She was trying to romance him. His little Inquisitor was trying to woo him. He became transfixed with her nervousness and the devil in him sparked to life, the words leaving his mouth before he could retract them.

"Are you trying to seduce me, IIyana?" He smirked.

Her head jerked up and she froze, her face turning scarlet from his teasing.

"What - NO!" she insisted. "That's not what I was doing at all."

"You lured me out into the cold, knowing full well I'll have to cuddle next to you. I'm amazed you haven't thrown me into that tent and have your way with me."

Her eyes widened in shock, mouth agape in denial. He swept her into his arms then, chuckling softly against her temple. "I've never known you to stutter before," he whispered huskily.

"I've never been in love before" she blurted, brushing her lips against his neck, lacing her arms around his neck. How is it possible that all it took for him to believe he was home was to have her arms wrapped lovingly around him? He pulled her closer, enjoying the feel of her against his frame, appreciating the comfortable silence between them.

"What would you have said in your letters to me?" He asked curiously and tilted her chin to meet his blue eyes.

"I would have said I thought you incredibly intriguing the first time I met you," she confessed. A smile tugged slowly at the corner of his lips, and he rubbed his nose against hers, encouraging IIyana to continue. "And, that I became aware of you after we trekked through the Hinterlands to deliver flowers for -"

"Senna," he interjected.

"You remembered?" She stated, giving him a tender loving smile.

"How could I forget the day I fell in love with you?"

"You didn't even like me."

"I will never lie to you, IIyana. I fell in love with you that day and it was only my stupidity that left me blinded towards my affections for you."

"Dorian would never believe me when I tell him you openly admitted you were wrong."

"You have that effect on me," he said, driving her to distraction with his linger hands. His breathing roughened. The scent of her here was clean like the morning after a fresh spring rain. Solas drew closer, drawing in more of her enchanting scent. "You make me want to be a better man."

No one has ever said anything like that to her before, and to her mortification, IIyana felt tears gathered around her eyes. "When did you realized you had feelings for me, Solas?"

"After Redcliff." He whispered softly. His arms had tightened in response and he began to sway their bodies together. "And you?"

"After Haven," she whispered and the ache in her voice had him gazing down to swept the tears that had slid from her lashes, tracing the curve of her cheek. "Why the tears, Vhenan?"

"I don't know," she admitted with a lopsided smile. She didn't know why her heart was beating so painfully against her chest. "I find that my mind escapes me when I am with you."

"Could it be because you love me?"

"I do. So very much." She said tenderly. "I know I can be stubborn, reckless, and impulsive. Flighty, too. But I want you to know that I have never been surer of anything in my life." She searched his gaze with a long, wondrous stare. "I brought you here because somewhere underneath the stars of Thedas, I fell in love with you, and I wanted to show you how much you mean to me by taking you back to where it started."

"Say it again, IIyana. I need to hear you say it again," he begged against her lips. Without a doubt, he knew she loved him with every fiber of her being, but he needed to hear her say it again -not because she nearly died, but because she truly and deeply loved him as he did her.

"Ar lath ma, Solas. Very much. I love you, very, very much."

"IIyana," he said huskily, holding her against his violently thumping heart. "You are the reason my heart beats. I need you ... I need you so much."

She brought her lips to his hot and hungry mouth and allowed him to consume her like wildfire. She burned happily, brightly, as his hands roamed the length of her body, curving back to cup her breast. She felt the familiar ache and this time, she tilted her head slightly to look at him as he feasted on the tender side of her neck. Breathing heavily, he reluctantly pulled away, and she could feel the violent struggle inside him. The desperation he was trying to restrain. They were both remembering that night. But this time, there was no one to interrupt them, only the fear of what tomorrow will bring should they chose to pursue it.

IIyana felt him move aside to set her away from him but she pulled him closer. She stared at him, searching his gaze for any signs that indicated he didn't want this as much as she did. When she didn't find any, she licked her lips and pleaded softly.

"Make love to me, Solas. Please."

His eyes burned into hers before she heard him say, "Ma nuvenin, m'yana."


	10. Until You, IIyana

Solas' heart pounded furiously as he led IIyana across the battlements, through the rotunda, and towards the dark hallway leading into her chamber. All the while neither spoke, as if to do so would give voice to the rest - the doubt, the fears, and the world beyond. They arrived at her door and she paused slightly, turning to look at him with a tremulous, uncertain gaze, as he reached for the handle, the metal cold in his hand.

He searched her gaze for any objections and heard himself say, thickly, "Are you sure, IIyana?" And in those ensuring seconds, time came to a standing still. She stared at him for an eternity before she blushed pink, placing her hand over his, and he felt his heart erupt with joy when she moved passed him, taking the steps leading into the bedroom, while he warded the door behind him.

IIyana walked to the center of the room, her heart pounding, knowing that she should speak. Except that when she turned to face him, his back was pressed against the wall, his gaze unwavering, and she could not find the words. She only knew the longer he stared, the more it seemed everything was unraveling around her, falling away and leaving her exposed and vulnerable until she only wanted to touch, to feel.

To be loved by him.

From where he stood, Solas memorized every curve of her lovely face with undeniable pleasure. It was strange - this desire above all else, to be wanted, needed, and loved ... whenever he looked into her beautiful green eyes. She'd been something from a dream who broke through his defenses and touched his heart, lighting it aflame. And at that moment, Solas forced himself to face the truth he'd been unwilling to admit until now- the fact was, he was already IIyana's whether he chose to believe it or not, whether they walked the same path or not.

The Wolf in him had seen that from the beginning.

And it was that part of him he would listen to.

He approached her slowly, his voice deep with emotion as he reached for her. "IIyana, IIyana, m'yana." Smoothing her hair to cup the sensitive side of her scalp and cradling her head to meet his gaze.

IIyana drew in a shaking breath and slowly tilted her head to receive his kiss. She found herself crushed against him, his mouth seizing hers with gentle violence, and she hummed in pleasure as his hands shifted over her back and sides in a possessive caress, pressing her even tighter to his chest. He slowly coaxed her lips apart and deepened the kiss until she was breathless, having to lean into him, fitting her body into his rigid length.

When he finally broke the contact, he kissed her eyes, her cheek, then laid his jaw against her hair. "Ar lath ma, IIyana, " he whispered tenderly. "Ar lath ma." IIyana wanted him to kiss her again but she suddenly felt shy and uncertain, and she tipped her head back, gazing into his heavy-lidded, smoldering eyes. "I don't know why I am so nervous," she confessed with a small smile.

"Don't be. I have you," he whispered gruffly.

Slowly, painfully slowly, he glided his hands up to the buttons of her blue tunic and began undressing her, kissing every inch of her exposed skin until he was bending before her, pledging his fidelity. He pushed the garment off her shoulders, guiding her towards the bed and gently laid her down. He unlaced her breeches and slowly pulled them off, enjoying the feel of her silking skin against his rough hands, until she was naked before him. The tent had been dark that night, leaving much to the imagination. But here in the moon-lit room, with its light cascading unto the bed and illuminating her in an ethereal glow, he'd thought it impossible for her to not be a dream. She was stretched out, a tussle of white hair tumbling down to cover her breasts, looking like a golden goddess.

He let out a strangled breath. "You are so beautiful," he managed thickly.

Solas stretched out beside her, taking her lips in a long, lingering caress, his hands sliding up and down her sides, until they cupped her breasts, palming the mounds until her nipples peaked. She closed her eyes, loving the feel of him so close to her and she let out a small whimper when his mouth trailed down to her breasts, kissing each before taking a nipple in his mouth. His tongue flicked playfully over the taut nipple, licking, pulling, biting. He nipped and soothed to the music of her cries. Solas could feel his erection pressing painfully against his breeches as he glided his fingers into her warmth.

His strokes were slow and relentless until her body began to deliciously tense, wanting to spill over. Solas felt her clench around his fingers and he began to whisper endearments into her ears, then sex words as his fingers stroked, becoming smoother and silkier, until she was panting, arching against his hand. Before she could utter a plea, he pulled her high enough to fasten his mouth on her breast and she was moaning loudly, as he resumed his rhythm. He could smell her need, could taste it against his tongue.

He moved his way down until he was settled between her warmth, draping her legs over his shoulders, leaving long, wet kisses along her inner thighs. "You are so perfect -" He flickered his tongue over the heat of her, sending a shock of sensation through her body. His mouth descended to the crest of her sex, sucking, licking, and she raised her hips to meet his hungry mouth. Her cries echoed through the chamber and she tried to close her legs, only to have him pin them down, spreading her wider as his tongue penetrating her wet core. She tasted just as he remembered, if not better, and the little mewling sounds she was making had his cock dripping with need. Solas could feel the pleasure claw at her, demanding freedom, and then she arched - stars shooting across her vision. He rode her waves of pleasure by capturing her essence, moaning as warm honey melted into his tongue.

IIyana collapsed back on the bed, breath ragged, unable to form thoughts into words.

She felt beautiful, desired. She felt like a damn woman.

Solas brought his lips back to hers, kissing her hotly, before pulling away to discard his clothing. He was beautiful. All leaned muscled, solid and strong. IIyana glided her hands over his body eagerly, appreciatively, and she lavished over his skin with care. She was surprised to find scars - very old ones - covering the length of his body and she kissed each one, taking care to worship each with love.

Her touch was so tender, so loving, that it burned him alive. He couldn't find the words because his mouth had run dry, and so he crushed her into him for a kiss, molding her against his body. She was more than ready when he positioned himself at her entrance, and like before, he teased her like wildfire until the tip of his cock was coated with her wetness. Her moan was greeted with his deep sigh as he slowly slid home, painfully slow until he was buried deep, his body a welcoming weight on top of hers.

 _Finally,_ their starving bodies screamed.

"Solas," she breathed, withering beneath him. The movement sunk him deeper into her and she muffled her cries against his neck. She felt so hot, so tight, and he clenched his jaw tightly for control as her flesh closed around his cock with pulsating heat. His hands tightened in her hair, cradling her in place, his mouth dragging over hers, again and again, until she was breathless.

"Look at me, " he demanded and she brought her eyes to his. "You're mine. You belong to me, IIyana. I want to hear you say it."

"Yes," she cried as he slid nearly out of her only to glide slowly back in, deeply until he touched her womb. "Yes, Solas. I am yours."

With deliberate slowness, he teased her again, over and over again, until she was sobbing from the torment. He was milking all the pleasure from her body and she was powerless, could only submit in kind. As his pace increased, Solas' cock was gripped and stroked by her wet sex, and he found himself cursing softly against her skin. IIyana felt herself spiraling, losing control, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, sinking him deeper into her silken heat. Their coupling became wild, primal, and she wanted him to lose control.

"Harder." She bit his ear. Whimpering with each thrust. "Fuck me harder, Solas."

He found her begging, pleading incredibly arousing and Solas growled against her ear, granting her wish by flipping her unto her stomach. Running his hands along her back before gripping the curve of her butt, biting and soothing her cheeks with his lips. He pulled her against his aching cock and gripped her hair possessively, pulling her into a scorching kiss, before pressing his hand along her back to push her down. She was pink, swollen ... dripping wet, and he dipped his fingers into her flesh until she was sobbing, riding against his fingers.

"Tell me what you want, IIyana."

"I want you, inside me," she gasped, reaching back to pull at his cock. Weeping with pleasure as he entered her. Hard. Deeply. And she moaned into the sheets.

"Like this?" He demanding, gripping her waist as he rolled his hips into her. Again and again.

She cried out, pleading into the sheets. "Yes ... yes... just like that. Please don't stop." Her pleas became louder and louder.

"Fenedhis, IIyana. You feel so good. I want to feel you come around me, m'yana," his words ending on a moan as she clinched her sex, purposefully, driving him insane. His pace quickened in response, and he felt himself losing control, nearly at the edge of release. He drove into her again and again until she was gripping for anything to hold as her body curled, tightening around him.

"Come for me, IIyana."

He brought his fingers to the tips of her sex and stroked her fire with skillful manipulation until she screamed his name for all of Skyhold to hear and sobbed in pleasure at the intensity of her release. Solas thrust into her deeply. Once. Twice. Finally spilling his seed into her warmth. He collapsed into her arms afterward in complete fulfillment.

In the dying flickering candlelight, Solas gazed down tenderly at the beauty who was nestled against him, her tousled hair spilled lavishly across his chest. Brushing a lovely curl to the side, he drew her closer and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

'Ar lath ma, vhenan" he breathed softly. He knew she was asleep, drifting safely in the Fade, but he needed to say the words to her again and again. It would be twilight soon and he pulled the blanket closer to her shoulder, not wishing for her to catch a chill. He glanced down at their entwined fingers and brought them to his lips for a gentle, lingering kiss, before placing them over his heart.

In his long life, he'd never flirted or teased a woman simply for the enjoyment of counting her blushes. He'd never look forward to her smiles, her laughter, the way her head tilted slightly in awe as she gazed across the room at him. He'd never spent the night just talking, laughing - or simply enjoying her presence. He'd never thought of wanting to be the best version of himself, had ever needed to. He'd never wanted to hold a woman's hand as he made love to her. He'd never thought of it, until now.

 _Until you, IIyana._

The anchor awakened, shimmering soft light across her sleeping face, and she began to stir, breathing his name in a dreamy whisper.

"Shhhhhh, go back to sleep." Solas murmured against her hair. He'd reached for her twice more in the middle of the night, taking her with a sense of urgency that left her exhausted until she finally drifted to sleep. And now he wanted her to get some rest, frowning at the faint, dark circles already lining her eyes- although he did not regret that it came from their lovemaking.

"On dhea," she greeted instead, giving him a sheepish smile.

Smiling at her stubborness, he brushed the sleep from her eyes, kissing her forehead softly. "How are you this morning?"

"I ache in all the right places," she confessed. Loving how her body still sang with the memory of his touch, she rolled onto her back and stretched lazily, her thoughts drifting to the night before, then to what he had claimed the night they had dinner in the rotunda. She smiled at the memory and her shoulders began to shake with mirth.

"What's so amusing, IIyana," he asked, enjoying the feel of her happiness against his skin.

"You're reputation _does_ proceed you, " she finally declared with a satisfied smirk.

He threw his head back in laughter and her heart swelled with love. She'd never seen him this carefree, at peace with the world, and she melted back into his arms. "I take it you enjoyed yourself."

"It was alright," she teased and yelped as he smacked her butt.

"I didn't recall you complaining when you asked me to, _fuck you harder_. Or the second or third time you screamed my name." He nuzzled the side of her throat, sending delicious chills throughout her body. "Should I refresh your memory?"

"Everyone would hear, " she said lamely. That didn't detour him from continuing to assault her senses with his kisses or from his body coming alive. The pink and purple streaks of dawn had already painted the sky and soon the castle will begin to stir, but she arched against him anyway, his weight pressing her into the bed.

"I'll be quick," he promised.

She linked her hands around his neck and smiled, "Oh please. You are too generous of a lover."

"Generous lover - that's an improvement."

"Don't push your luck, old man."

He rolled her on top of him, kissing the corner of her eye, cheek, and then breast. "I love it when you're mean to me." IIyana tried to playfully smack him only to have him pulled her against his rigid cock. "And, the things you do to me."

She gave him a suggestive smile. "Perhaps I should demonstrate how mean I can be."

His smug smile soon turned into a painful groan as her hand glided down his chest and dipped underneath the sheets. "Vhenan," Solas moaned with anticipation.

"Yes, Solas?" IIyana's hand stroked the length of his cock in slow, tortuous motions until he grew hard, painfully hard. Then she swirled her thumb around its head until Solas glistened with his own seed. "I want to hear you scream my name," she confessed with a devious smile.

"IIyana," he whimpered. Her hands stroked and clenched as if he was inside of her and Solas moaned and pleaded, afraid that if she didn't stop, he'll spill into her hand. "Please - I can't ... take -" his next breath trailed off and his world exploded as IIyana slid down his body and her mouth wrapped around his cock.


	11. The Perks of Good Friends

"I know my son."

Quickly scanning the letter Mother Giselle had received from his family, Dorian scoffed and shook his head as he paced around the little library nook he often frequent. He didn't know what annoyed him more: the fact that his father sent someone else to do his dirty work, or that he had the nerve to pretend he cared.

"What my father knows about me would barely fill a thimble."

IIyana grimaced as Dorian clutched the letter tightly in his fist and regretted her decision to bring it to his attention today. When Mother Giselle had requested her assistance, IIyana had been furious with the Revered's Mother's suggestion to not show Dorian the letter. Perhaps in hindsight, it would have been better not to have told him.

"It sounds like there is bad blood between you two," she said quietly.

"Oh, it's more than that." Dorian frowned."This is so typical of him - to hire a henchman rather than coming for himself. I"m willing to bet this is some scheme to drag me back to Tevinter."

"That'll be hard to do while I stood there," IIyana promised. "And if this is a trap set up by the Venitori, to lure us somewhere remote, then Varric and Bull will make sure they die a gruesome death ... while I lay bleeding on the floor."

"Blasted, IIyana. Are you always this dark and twisted?"

"I'll take that as a compliment," she smiled.

"Well, to be fair, anything is possible. My father could have joined the Venitori while I was away. " Dorian held up the now crinkled letter up to the light. "Although, this does look like my father's penmanship."

His father had requested they meet at the Gull and Lantern in Redcliff Village by the week's end, which meant they will need to leave by the hour in order to arrive on time. "Let's go. Let's go meet this retainer," Dorian said.

The two agree that she will inform her advisors while he notified Bull and Varric. But before heading their separate ways, IIyana heard Dorian ask, "How are things between you and the hobo?"

At the mention of Solas, IIyana's face transformed into sheer joy. "We're good. It's been really good."

"I'm glad to hear that," his eye twinkled with her joy. "Are you going to ask the hobo permission to go with me?"

IIyana scoffed.

"Dorian, in case you forget - The man obeys my order. I don't need his approval to do anything."

"Really? I figured him for a traditionalist."

"If anyone is in charge in this relationship, it's me," she smirked.

"So you won't be asking for permission then?"

"No. I won't be needing his permission," she insisted.

"Permission to do what?" The familiar voice said softly from behind her and IIyana immediately bit her lips from groaning out loud. The last thing she wanted her lover to hear was her gloating about their relationship.

"Yes IIyana, do explain what you mean by that," Dorian suggested before making his excuses, whistling loudly as he made his way towards the door leading to the Tavern.

"Did something happen?" Solas inquired.

"Not yet," IIyana replied, turning to her lover and noticing he carried an armload of books stacked up to his chin. She reached over to grab the top five, before greeting him with a peck on the cheek.

"Hello, handsome."

Although his expression remained reserved, the tip of his ears pinked and this time, she couldn't resist pressing her lips against the side of his neck. Solas leaned into her touch, enjoying the sweet, tingling sensation that ran down his spine.

"And how are you today, Vhenan," he replied before walking over to an empty bookcase, setting the books down, waiting for her to do the same.

"My day has been well. Busy. But overall, good." She returned the books to their appropriate themes. "I didn't see you in the main hall earlier. Did you eat?"

"I did, thank you." He replied. She's become incredibly nurturing and he couldn't deny that he enjoyed her fussing over him. " I'm sorry if I interrupted your conversation with Dorian. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is fine."

The hesitation in her voice had him arching his brow. Waiting.

"But you may have to sleep alone for the next few days," she finally blurted.

"Ah," he said. "Are you going somewhere, yana?"

She quickly nodded. "Mother Giselle received a letter from Dorian's family today. They've sent a retainer to Redcliff to meet with him, and we are heading out there tonight."

"We?"

"Dorian, Bull, Varric, and myself. We leave within the hour. "

Solas didn't like the idea of her venturing out to the Hinterlands without his protection. But he also sensed that this was something she needed to do, alone, for Dorian.

"Would you like me to accompany you?" He asked, already knowing she would decline, but that didn't stop him from pulling her into his arms anyway.

"No, I believe we will be fine.

"Promise me you won't take any unnecessary risks."

"I promise," she pledged.

"Not even if the Iron Bull tries to convince you to chase after a High Dragon?" Solas felt her nod against his chest. "And you will reach me in the Fade should you run into trouble?"

"I love your overbearing ways, Solas," she said, giving him a tender, loving smile.

"Then you have my permission to go without me," he teased.

There was no resentment in his voice nor did he try to persuade her not to leave him behind, and it made her love him even more. She may not need his permission but she did value his support. "Thank you, Solas," she said.

"I will miss you, yana," he whispered against her hair.

"Not," kissing the side of his mouth, "as much as I will miss you."

Redcliff village was located in the western hills of Feraldon and is one of its largest and most prosperous towns in Feraldon. During the fifth blight, the village came under siege by corpses that attacked the villages from Redcliff Castle. With the assistance of Bann Taegan, the Warden and her companions successfully defended and cleansing the village from the undead. Today, Warden Allistair rules as King and the village has become the center for foreign trade, thanks to their primary location between Orzammar and Orlais.

"Finally," IIyana moaned loudly as they reached the gates leading into the village. After being home-bound for two months, her muscled screamed from pain as she dismounted, and muttered a quick thanks when Bull helped her find her balance.

"And here we are, yet again," Dorian said.

"Yes - hopefully we don't get send back in time," IIyana replied. She and Dorian had charted ahead with Bull and Varric trailing behind when the latter called her name.

"What is it, Varric?"

"Care to settle a wager for us?"

"For you, anything," she said and gave him a puzzled look when Bull crackled with laughter.

"What the hell did you do to Chuckles? He's pleasant company now."

"Yeah, boss. What the hell did you do?" The Qunari stated before swinging his massive sword to one shoulder. "Never seen the man smiled before. But he did the other day. At Sera - in public."

"You're shitting me," Varric said, glancing over at the Bull.

"I wish I was, kid."

"That's an understatement," Dorian interjected. "You should see him with our dear Inquisitor. He smiles more in one hour than he's ever had in the months that I've known him."

"Can't a man be happy without anyone thinking something is wrong with him?" IIyana asked, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of their observations.

"Yes. But Solas isn't just any man." Dorian reiterated. "He's a pretentious prick, remember?"

"The last time we were here, you called him a cock-sucker," Bull added.

"And, if memory serves me correctly, you also told him to go fuck himself," Varric echoed.

"I did, didn't I?" IIyana beamed.

"Trust me, no one misses those days, Boss." Bull clarified. "You can say that again," Varric chimed in. "But now, with him smiling all the time, I'll have to give him a new nickname."

"And just like that, he gets a new nickname?" Dorian asked of Varric. "How many times have I asked for a new one?"

"What's wrong with Sparkler? Not colorful enough for you?"

"You must know me better now. Or does the moniker you gave me five minutes after we met still apply?"

"Dorian, I have the eyes of a storyteller. It's a gift." Varric replied.

"I will admit it is clever."

"Embrace the universe, Sparkler."

"Yes, yes. I agree, just like how you should embrace Cassandra?" Dorian said without missing a beat.

"What? No! Why would you even say that?"

"Truly? Bizarre." Dorian gave him a puzzling glance over, " I've seen the way you look at her."

"Just because two people dislike each other doesn't mean they're about to kiss, Sparkler." Varric insisted.

"True that, but the exchanges between you two are rather arousing," Dorian admitted, high-giving IIyana.

"It's so hot," IIyana admitted cheekily. "Must be hard not being on the road without your Seeker."

"Chuckles was right, Sparkler is a bad influence on you, Inquisitor," Varric answered flatly.

IIyana only laughed. It was the middle of the day and here they were - members of the powerful Inquisition - bantering over nonsense at the gates of Redcliff like drunk fools. "Alright enough, we have to go. The retainer is already waiting for us."

"Whao Boss, a wager is a wager. You didn't answer Varric's question."

"There is nothing to answer," IIyana said to Bull. "Perhaps the man is simply happy."

"Hmmmmm, I've yet to receive a full report," Dorian noted.

"That ridiculous, Dorian. I have provided you with a full report." He was the only person she'd told about her night with Solas.

"Your report leaves much to the imagination. I just want to know what we are dealing with," Dorian grumbled under his breath.

"Dorian, there is nothing more to share."

"Nothing to share? The first rule of being a _best_ friend is that you share everything. Every. Little. Detail."

"Speaking of which, if Chuckles is to receive a new name, I will need details too. Images, visuals, inspirations. Metaphors are always helpful," Varric said.

"The thing is a beast," Dorian snickered. "I"m surprised she can even walk."

"Dorian!" IIyana shrieked, flushing with embarrassment from what he was suggesting, realizing it was already too late, the three of them had thrown themselves into an _all-boys club_ discussing the practicality of Solas _"engorged member."_

"Enough! Can we please not talk about my love life right now?" IIyana demanded.

As much as she loved them all - and secretly enjoyed their overbearing, smothering, brotherly affections - sometimes she just wanted some things to remain private without having to be the receiving end of their pestering interrogations.

"Sure thing boss. But maybe next time, close the windows. You both are loud." Boss suggested.

"I will bear that in mind," IIyana mumbled under her breath.

"My eyes still burn from walking in on you two," Dorian grumbled while Varric blurted, "I still can't wrap my head around Chuckles doing all that ... with you."

"Again!" IIyana clapped her hands in front of her loudly, similar to what a teacher would do to her undisciplined students. "Can we please focus on the task at hand and not on my sex life. We have a family to reunite - remember? Dorian and his father? Or perhaps this might be a set up by the Venitori."

"You know IIyana, as your friend, your _best_ friend, I just want to make sure you're screaming from pleasure and not from pain."

"We're just looking out for you, Boss. Wouldn't want you to be cut in half while you weren't looking." Bull said, gesturing the motion of one being cut in half which contributed to Varric's explosion of laughter.

"Alright, alright!" She growled. "I will take one question from the each of you and then we are heading into that damn village so we can reunite Dorian with his family. Now, who wants to go first?"

"Dominant or submissive?" Bull asked.

"He takes what I give him," IIyana replied. "Next."

"Is there such a thing as Fade sex?"

"I'll be sure to invite you for a threesome when the time comes," IIyana proposed, looking at Dorian. "You have something to ask, mage?"

Dorian being Dorian took his sweet time before finally answering. "What are we really working with?"

"You really want to know?"

"Indulged me, IIyana." He smiled.

"Alright. I shall demonstrate." IIyana waited until she had Dorian's full attention. Then she curled her forearm up to her collar bone and dropped it in front of her, swinging the arm limply from left to right."

It took Dorian a split second to grasp her meaning before he leaned into Bull for support.

"Liiieesssss!" The mage gasped.

"He has to heal me every morning - he so big," IIyana confirmed, nodding her head with appreciation. Then she turned around and marched forward without a glance.

"She's lying. She has to be lying ..." Dorian insisted.

"Holy shit, Boss." Bull said as he pulled Dorian after IIyana.

Varric stared after them, shaking his head in awe. He took a moment to consider everything he'd learned about Chukcles, running and testing names in his mind before finally settling on one that did the mage justice.

"BDM - Big Dick Mage, I like that," Varric said proudly to himself before sprinting into a run after his friends.


	12. The Last Resort of Good Men

Redcliff Village was a familiar place and IIyana and Co. were immediately welcomed as they made their way towards the Gull and Lantern, located in the eastern district. The village was an eclectic mass of energy as merchants and families gathered to connect, buy goods, and hear the latest gossip from Orlais. With Fall around the corner, members of the Chantry were also out and about, offering prayers and guidance, reminding everyone who would listen of the Maker's Blessing.

They passed a small, colorful booth selling everything from bread to pastries, cookies, and even those frilly cakes from Val Royeaux that Solas loved so much - the delicate ones you can only find in the cafe across from the plaza. Solas didn't have a preference for which flavor he enjoyed the most, although IIyana suspected it was raspberry and chocolate, and she made a mental note to stop by and purchase two cakes for him before leaving the area. It was strange, this sudden phenomenon of wanting to please him, and it brought IIyana great pleasure to do so. He made her feel special and she wanted to return the favor.

"What do you hope to find here," IIyana asked Dorian as the group moved past the docks and headed up the rocky path leading up to the rustic tavern.

"I admit, I'm not sure," Dorian replied. Gone was the humor from before - his expression now lined with apprehension.

"This could still be a setup," she reminded.

"Then we'll just have to fight our way through, won't we?" He smiled. "With a twist of dramatic flair, of course."

"There is no other way," IIyana grinned, then turning to her friends when they reached the front steps. "Alright, I will go in with Dorian while the two of you stay here. Remember, first sign of trouble, you do not hesistate."

Bull and Varric nodded in understanding before moving to their assigned positions- Bull guarding the front door while Varric flanking the side of the building. Meanwhile, Dorian stood in front of the tavern, his hand grasping the handle.

"Ready?" IIyana asked, seeing the anxiety in his eyes. "I will be with you every step of the way."

Her friend nodded in thanks before pushing the door open, walking in. The place was quiet, dark, and empty - the only clue that someone had been here was the roaring fire crackling in the corner, along with a damp dish towel thrown hastily across the bar - as if the person was in a hurry to leave.

Dorian swept the room, looking for any signs of the retainer before letting out a heavy sigh, releasing the tension from his body. He wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved to find the place empty. "This place is deserted," he said, glancing over at IIyana who stood quietly by the door. "Is this normal or -"

A deep and velvety voice interrupted from the stairs leading to the second floor, and as the man slowly descended the stairs, IIyana noted that this must be Dorian's father. Standing at 6 feet tall with sleek, peppered black hair and garbed in the robes of the Tevinter Imperium, Halward Pavus was a striking and dashing figure, paling only in comparison to his estranged son.

"Father," Dorian stated. He would have recognized that voice anywhere and his eyes narrowed slightly as they followed his father until he halted a few feet away. "So, the whole story about a family retainer was just what? A smoke screen?"

As his father clenched his hands in front of him, Dorian was surprised to feel the familiar ache that clenched his heart painfully and he couldn't stop the pain from enveloping him when his father responded.

"Then you were told," the older man said. "I"m sorry for the deception, Inquisitor. I never intended for you to be involved."

"Of course not," Dorian quickly interjected. "Magister Pavus couldn't come to Skyhold and be seen with the dreaded Inquisitor. What would people think? What would people say if they knew?" He asked mockingly and IIyana could feel the resentment seep from his skin. "What is _'this'_ exactly, father? An ambush? A kidnapping? Did you hope for a warm family reunion?"

At the word _family_ , Halward clenched his hands tighter in front of him, clearly distress. "Must this be how it always is?" He asked of his son. He'd hope that time would have healed some of the rifts that have been created between them, and he was disappointed to find that he'd been wrong. He should not have come here, to seek forgiveness from a son he was responsible for pushing away.

Halward was about to turn away when the Inquisitor's voice echoed across the room. "Please," she said softly. "You went through all of this to get Dorian here. Talk to him."

"Yes father, talk to me," Dorian challenged. "Let me hear how mystified you are by my anger."

"Dorian," his father pleaded, "there is no need to -"

"Oh no you don't," Dorian snapped. "I want someone to hear it. I want someone to know the truth." He directed his attention to IIyana. "I prefer the company of me. And my father disapproves."

IIyana let out a surprised gasp, perplexed that his sexuality was the primary reason they were at odds with one another. "Why is that even an issue?" She inquired softly, glancing between father and son.

"It's only an issue if you're trying to live up to an impossible standard," Dorian said in disgust. Turning to face his father, the man who rejected him for everything he represented. "I was bred to be the perfect mage, to have the perfect body, the perfect mind. To be the perfect leader."

"I don't understand," IIyana said.

"It means every perceived flaw is deviant and shameful. It must be hidden," Dorian explained.

Halward lowered his gaze in shame. "Dorian, please. If you'll only listen to me."

"Why? So you can spout more lies? You taught me to hate blood magic - _a resort of a weak mind_. Those were your words," Dorian rasped. "But when I refused to play pretend for the rest of my life, what did you do?" He stepped forward - as if to challenge his father into admitting the truth - and when Dorian's pain was not validated, he replied in an aching whisper, "You tried to change me."

'I did what I thought was best for you," his father pleaded, equally as distressed.

"You did what you thought was best for you! What you thought best for your fucking legacy!"

Pushing away, Dorian stormed to an empty table near the front entrance, slamming both fists on the wooden surface, trying desperately to contain the resentment and hurt oozing out with every breath he took. Maker's breathe how he hated this - the anger, the resentment, the pain, the betrayal. He should have never came. He should have left things alone and carried on with his life of debauchery. He wanted to yell. To scream. To hit something - anything.

"Dorian," IIyana's soft voice drifted from behind and he stiffened slightly when her hand glided up his back in a soothing manner. Her touch was so gentle, so loving and accepting that Dorian wanted to curl into a ball and cry while she held him.

Because he knew she will love him for him.

"I'm sorry you have to see this," he apologized. His breath hitched with the hurt he'd carried since walking out of his family's home.

"I'm glad to be here," she said softly.

They remained like this for a little while - he trying to gather his thoughts while she soothed his pain away. Then, he heard her gently whisper his name.

"Dorian," IIyana said. "You know that I love you and if you want to leave, all you have to do is say the word, and I will light this fucking place on fire to get you safely out of here." She reached over to grasp his cheek so that he may look at her. "But as your friend, your best friend, I am asking you to not leave it like this. If you walk out that door before you hear what your father has to say, you'll never forgive yourself."

"You're supposed to be on my side, IIyana."

"I am. And I also know that despite what's happened, your father is equally in pain."

Dorina's eyes blazed with anger and he didn't know who he was more angry at:

With IIyana and her meddling ways.

With his father, for his conservative beliefs.

Or with himself, because somewhere deep inside, Dorian still harbored hope that his father will eventually come to love and accept him for who he is.

IIyana could feel the emotional turmoil her friend was fighting against and suddenly, reuniting him with his father was no longer appealing. She wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him all the love she felt. "Let's go, Dorian."

"No, you are right," he said after a while and glanced back behind him, "I need to finish this." There was more than distance separating him and his father but IIyana always said it only takes one person to make a change.

"Tell me why you came," Dorian demanded of his father.

The hope that had evaporated the moment his son turned away quickly ignited as Halward brought his gaze to meet his son. Eyes that were like his, like his own father. "If I knew I would drive you to the Inquisition -"

"You didn't. I joined the Inquisition because it was the right thing to do," Dorian disputed. "Once, I had a father who would have known that," he said sadly.

Dorian shook his head in disappointment. His father did not know him - may never know him - and he will have to accept it. He will leave this place knowing that at least he attempted to hear what his father had to say, and he will tell himself that at least he did not run away like a damn coward.

"Let's go, IIyana," Dorian said. He was reaching for the door when his father's voice drifted across the room, and the pain that it carried had Dorian stopping in his tracks, turning back to look at his father.

"Once, I had a son who trusted me. A trust I betrayed," the magister apologized. "I only wanted to talk to him. To hear his voice again. To ask him to forgive me."

Dorian stared at the man he'd idolized his entire life, searching his gaze for any form of deception. And as the minutes passed and the doubts melted away, Dorian discovered for the first time the same pain, the same regret, the same hope reflected back at him. Before he knew what he was doing, Dorian had taken a step forward, then another, until he met his father halfway.

Camp was quiet that evening as the group dined on roasted ram, bread and cheese, and the two flasks of wine they picked up on their way out of Redcliff Village. The group had decided that while they were in the Hinterlands, they might as well kill two birds with one stone by rendezvousing with Varric's old flame, Bianca Davri. The woman had arrived at Skyhold a week prior with a possible lead on Corypheus' source of red lyrium that pointed directly to Valammar as the staging area for the smuggling. As the night dwindled down, IIyana walked over to where Dorian sat staring quietly into the fire and snuggled up to him for warmth.

"He says we're alike," Dorian said softly, wrapping his arms around IIyana. "Too much pride. Once I would have been overjoyed to hear him say that."

"And now?"

"Now I'm uncertain. I don't know if I can forgive him."

IIyana tilted her face up, "You don't have to figure that out today."

"Thank you for saying that, and for bringing me out here," he smiled. "What you must think of me now after all that display."

"I don't think less of you if that's what you're afraid of. In fact, I think of you more." IIyana pulled back and gave him a lopsided smile. "Although I was disappointed we didn't leave the place with dramatic flair."

"The next time I have a family reunion, I'll make sure to throw a party," he grinned.

"I'll settle for that," IIyana smiled. "For what's it's worth, love is love, Dorian. I want you to know that I love you for you, and it doesn't matter who you choose to be with."

No one has ever said anything close to what IIyana had just said to him before, and Dorian was surprised to find that he was suddenly speechless, with tears shamelessly pricking at his lashes. He didn't know what to say, could only stare, until he finally managed to whisper a small thank you. "The things you say, IIyana," Dorian rasped. "No wonder the hobo loves you so damn much."

"I mean it. Every single word," she promised. "You will always have a home with me."

They finished off the second flask, stretching out their legs and enjoying the warmth of the fire. It has been an exhausting week - both physically and emotionally - and the two were eager to return to Skyhold and sleep in their own beds.

"What's it like to be able to love someone as openly as you love the hobo," Dorian asked.

IIyana considered his words carefully before beaming with love at the thought of Solas. "It's like casting my first spell - it's scary and frightening, and I am afraid that I'll fuck it up. But then he wraps his arms around me and I am suddenly filled with love, joy, and hope, and I know that as long as he loves me, all my worries will melt away. That is what it feels like."

Dorian gave her a tender smile, loving the smiles that came naturally to her these days. "My father never understood what it's like to live a lie. He'll never understand that it festers inside of you, like poison."

"I'm glad you don't have to live a lie anymore," she added. "So now that you are officially out and in the open, you should meet my friend Eri."

"Eri? The elf who caused havoc during your childhood - the one who peed on himself?"

"The one and only. He's traveling in Antiva and will stop by Skyhold before heading to Wycome.

"Don't cheapen my love for you by offering me someone else, IIyana," he scoffed.

"He swallows," she interjected.

"That's hot, Boss," Bull interrupted, returning from his night swim. "If Dorian isn't interested, I'm game."

"You will most likely tear him apart," she exclaimed and didn't miss the way Dorian's eyes roamed over the Qunarie's water-dripping chest.

"Nothing that can't be fixed with a little oil." Bull suggested, throwing Dorian a heated glance before heading back to his tent.

"I think that was an invitation," IIyana stated.

"It was," Bull's voice rang from inside the tent.

"Guess you're bunking with me tonight, Inquisitor!" Varric yelled from where he kept watch on the outskirts of camp.

"Guess I am," she replied.

"You are a good friend, IIyana," Dorian said, standing up to dust himself before giving her a saucy wink.

"I"m your only friend, Dorian."

Solas felt her presence the moment he slipped into the Fade, and he followed her aura to an open field overlooking a lush, green valley below.

"IIyana," he said anxiously as she threw herself into his arms. "Did something happened? Are you alright? Are you hurt?" He knew the Fade projected what the dreamer wanted others to see but it didn't stop him from searching for any signs that she'd been injured, or worse, that she was bleeding to death somewhere in the Hinterlands while he was dreaming away at Skyhold.

"I'm alright, everything is alright," she said and had to reassure him several times before he was able to settle down. "I just needed to see you, that's all."

He grasped her face in both of her hands and pressed his lips gently against hers. "I miss you too, yana. Come home, I don't sleep well without you." She leaned into his kiss and whispered that she'll be home in two days. He kissed her nose, her eyes, her cheeks. He whispered endearments and love words, lacing his fingers with hers.

"I love you, Solas. Very, very much," she whispered achingly.

His heart melted and he placed his forehead against hers.

"Ar lath ma, m'yana. Now and always."


	13. The Way You Love Me

Autumn had finally found its way to Thedas, blanketing the world in hues of golden reds and yellows, and filling the air with cinnamon spices and freshly baked goods. The change in season invited mellow mornings, allowing for one to cuddle up with loved ones or lounging in bed against the backdrop of an early morning chill. As a result, it appeared the world was slowing down, and the daily occurrence of families laughing, children playing, created a sense of home and belonging.

And with this gift of time, IIyana rediscovered an appreciation for the little things involving her new family - an eclectic mess of individuals she'd come to love and trust. Sunday afternoons were now spent playing chess with Cullen and Dorian, and on occasion, Bull and Solas. Books were delivered once a week from Orlais and upon arrival, IIyana picked one or two romance novels and shut herself away with Cassandra for the rest of the evening. Blackwall taught her to carve wooden toys while she learned card tricks from Varric. With Vivienne, Josie, and surprisingly, Leliana, IIyana learned to appreciate her femininity and the beauty of being a woman. And then twice a week, Sera, Cole, and herself baked cookies for the families of Skyhold.

But it was the little moments with Solas she loved the most. When she was convinced that she couldn't love the man any more than she already did, he'd surprised her with a gesture that crippled her senses until she was crying hysterically.

One evening, after a long and exhausting day with her advisors, IIyana returned to find her room empty of his presence, a note asking her to meet him in the kitchen. To her disappointment, there was no opportunity to see him today and the discontent she felt was immediately replaced with joy as she made her way downstairs. She was bewildered when she crossed the kitchen threshold and came to a sudden stop, unbelieving at what she was seeing.

Solas was elbowed deep in flour, bowls scattered around the kitchen table, pouring batter into a cast iron. He felt her presence immediately and glanced up as she crossed the room, a small smile gracing his lips.

"What's this?" she asked, greeting him with a small kiss before glancing down at the table. In the past year she's known him, IIyana had never seen Solas cook, much less, walk into a kitchen, and she found his domesticated side incredibly enduring.

"I hope it tastes the same," he replied hopefully.

"I'm sure it'll be delicious," she teased, scanning the table and noting the usual ingredients required for a cake recipe. "It's not every day a man cooks for me." But her voice had trailed off at the end as her eyes caught a glimps of red - berries - and honey. Finally, lemon and mint. Automatically, she listed the ingredients in her mind one more time - flour, eggs, sugar, salt, berries, lemon, drizzled with honey and mint - and when it dawned on her what he was making, her breath hitched, tears prickling at her lashes.

She would have recognized the recipe anywhere. Dalish Cake. He was making her Dalish Cake. The very same one her mother used to make for her every fall.

"I know you miss your family, yana. And you have been homesick every since Eri's letter arrived," he said tenderly as if reading her thoughts. "I can't bring you to them, but I thought I could at least bring them to you."

IIyana couldn't have stopped herself if she wanted to. Because once the first tear broke free the rest of them followed in stream. She turned around, embarrassed, shoulders shaking, trying to compose herself because she didn't want him to feel anything other than appreciated. She heard him moved from behind, heard him say her name softly before turning her back to face him, pulling her into his arms.

"Why are you crying, yana?" Solas asked. He hadn't wanted to upset her.

"You!" She muttered against his chest, her tears soaking into his neatly pressed tunic. "You loving me the way you do." And to her complete and utter mortification, IIyana began wailing - like one of those shrieking demons who couldn't be killed with anything less than a fire spell - pulling him closer, telling him how much she loved him.

"IIyana," he whispered, trying unsuccessfully to tilt her chin up so that he may look at her. Her body shook even harder and he couldn't help but rain kisses ontop her head. He loved this woman - deeply - and he was a lucky man to know the depths of her love, because IIyana Lavellan did not shy away from her heart. "IIyana, look at me."

"Nooooooooo", she muffled, pressing her face deeper into his chest. "I caaaaaaannnnnnn't."

"You don't have to be embarrassed by your feelings for me" Solas reassured her gently. He wanted to kiss her, to kiss her silliness away, and his arms tightened around her small frame, hoping she could feel the strength of his love.

"I'm not embarrassed," she insisted. "I just don't want you to think I look like a troll." Her response was so unexpected that it took him a moment to realized IIyana was deflecting with humor - she did that often when she felt vulnerable.

"A troll?" He smiled amusingly.

"Yes - a troll," she confirmed, wiping her tears. IIyana then pulled back, glancing up at him, her face red and swollen, and yes, she did look like a baby troll. "Josie is so pretty when she cries. And I - I- I just look so ugly," she wailed.

Solas looked down at her, his hand shaped to her cheek, his thumb smudging away the faint wet trial. It was impossible to love her even more - surely he will eventually die from the joy of it. He lowered his head down to hers, his voice low and soft against her ear. "Ah - so this is the reason for your tears, because you look like a troll?"

"Not just any troll - that ugly one we stumbled upon in the Storm Coast," she confessed as his lips found their way to hers.

"I can see the resemblance," he teased, "and I love you anyways, IIyana."

"Thank you, Solas," she said in between kisses. "Thank you for bringing me home."

They spent that evening eating cake in the kitchen and celebrating her people.

As the weeks passed, Solas became more and more anxious - almost paranoid - that she'd discovered his secret. They were in love and incredibly happy. But the longer IIyana carried the anchor, the more enmeshed she became with his power, even to the point where her dreams now reflected some of his memories. The night Cassandra awaken him because of IIyana's nightmares, Solas had assumed it was because of guilt associated with Hawke's death. But as he began sharing her bed, then her body, he'd began to subconsciously drift into her dreams. He realized then that the anchor was showing her his memories - from Arlathan - and had begun shifting her dreams since.

Solas felt sick, disgusted with himself for tainting their love with his selfishness. And there were days where he nearly broke down and told her the truth, but in the end, he convinced himself that he couldn't because he needed to protect her.

Having no clue of his inner torment, IIyana continued to love him without reservation and as she grew more certain of his love, she became more confident and more enchanting to Solas. He knew she regarded him as a combination of lover and teacher, but she was wrong because IIyana had taught him too. By her own example, she taught him to be patient and kind; to relax and let go of things he could not control; and that next to lovemaking, laughter was undoubtedly the cure to every problem.

And oh - how much he's laughed since meeting her. He found that the behavior came naturally now, almost second-nature as if he never known pain, loss, or death. Everyone noticed the change in him. He was more approachable, more care-free, and have even been invited out for drinks with Varric, Bull, and Dorian - of all people.

Despite their busy schedule and the hectic demands of the Inquisition, the two always found time for one another - a stolen kiss in a darkened hallway, a touch there, a caress here, a promise made and a promise kept - whatever the occasion, each made sure the other felt loved each day. And on the occasion that the day was filled with stress, and one's expression became inexplicable grim, the other would tease and give soft kisses to soothe the angst away. And should those ploys fail, a presentation of gifts - floral arrangements, frilly cakes, a new book - usually did the trick.

With the exception of her week away in the Hinterlands they spent their nights in her bed, and Solas quickly discover that she was just as eager to please him and he did her. With sweet tenderness and patience, Solas taught her to touch and please him, encouraging her with endearments to continue when she became shy and uncertain. He found her desire to please him incredibly arousing and spent an entire evening showing IIyana the power she wielded over him with her touch. As her confidence and curiosity grew, so did her courage and Solas found to his great pleasure that IIyana did not shy away from expressing her sexual needs.

There were times when he lingered over her body for hours, driving her to the brink of madness until she was sobbing for him to end the sweet torment; other nights, when he was ridden with guilt and fear, he reached for her with desperate hunger, taking her with a gentle roughness that left her body aching the following morning. IIyana couldn't decide which she preferred and had confided it to him one afternoon, only to have him whisk her to bed, taking her swiftly then lingering over her body until the following morning.

For the sake of research, of course.

The day she presented him with the gift she'd had commissioned from Val Royeaux was the day Solas admitted to himself that she was the only person who could convince him from not following through with his plans. It was Sunday afternoon and he was sitting at his desk reading the latest book on magic theory when the door opened and IIyana walked in, carrying a package wrapped in expensive paper.

"Hi handsome," she greeted with a radiant smile. He was surprised she could even stand, considering what they did together in the archives earlier that morning.

"What do you have here?" He asked. Closing the book he was reading and setting it aside, making room on his desk for her to place the package on.

"It's for you," she flushed, biting her lips. She positioned the gift in front of him and sat down on the corner of the desk, her feet dangling slightly.

"Oh -" he said ... staring at the gift, unsure of what to do next. Solas couldn't remember the last time he received such a gift and he felt embarrassed all of a sudden, his hand drumming against the desk. He could tell his response was not what she had expected or hoped for because she gave him a lopsided smile.

"I'm sorry ... too much?"

"Too much?" He asked, eyes directed at the gift. His thoughts shifting through a million memories - of all the people and places he's known, no one has ever been this generous to him before. Except for Mythal ... and now IIyana.

"The gift. Perhaps it's more than we're used to ..." her voice trailed off awkwardly. They've exchanged multiple gifts in the past but neither have ever bought the other anything this extravagant.

"I've never received a gift like this before, m'yana. Thank you." Solas confessed and her eyes teared up with love. It seemed that was all she did these days - blush and cry - because of him.

"You haven't even opened it yet," she said stupidly.

He gave her a small smile, proceeding to unwrap the paper, breathing slowly when it revealed a wooden box - the borders carved with wooden leaves interlaced with an elven design. Flipping the claps holding the box closed, Solas lifted the lid and out a long-winded breath. Placed upon a bed of blue velvet, was the most beautiful paintbrush set he'd ever seen. Each was delicately hand made, smoothed to perfection, its bristle soft and delicate to touch. He couldn't breathe, couldn't find the words he was so overwhelmed, could only stare at her.

"How?" he managed to say, gliding his hands over each brush, testing the feel of them in his hands.

"Josie," IIyana replied with a smile, wishing now she would have placed orders for an entire color set. "I found an old sketchbook hidden away in the archives a while back. The drawings reminded me of you and as I was flipping through the pages, I found this design." She broke off as his eyes shot up to hers. "I hope you don't mind ..." she said softly.

He remembered now, why the design was so familiar. He'd sketched the set for Mythal, intending to gift it to her on her birthday. Unfortunately for him, she discovered the set upon their arrival at Tarasyl'an Te'las and had burst with joy when she saw them. It was one of his happier memories of Mythal before she was murdered. He'd not thought of his friend in a long time, usually because her memories were laced with pain, and was surprised to find that none of the familiar emotion associated with her were present today.

It was because of IIyana. Everything's changed because of her.

Solas felt his throat closed and suddenly go dry. "I don't know what to say," he rasped.

"How about you kiss me instead?" She offered with a smirk.

Later that evening, Solas showed her with his body all the words he couldn't communicate when he accepted her gift. A shudder shook his powerful frame as he felt her spasm of fulfillment gripped him tightly, and he plunged into her one last time before pouring his love into her body. Joy burst in his heart and through his veins until he ached with the sheer bliss of it.

He was happy. At peace. In harmony with the world.

Everything was perfect.

As it should be.


	14. The Lion of Feraldon's Heart

Cullen Stanton Rutherford usually awakened refreshed and ready to begin the day, meeting his troops at the break of dawn to begin their training. This morning, however, the sunlight streaming through the open hole of his bedroom ceiling seemed to scrap his nerves raw. He'd slept terribly - tossing and turning from his nightmares - and too much stimulation in the form of IIyana.

He'd always taken great pride in placing duty above everything else. His commitment to his men and country have earned him more accolades than he could count. He had littel time to engage in social acitivites and romantic idiocies. But IIyana was rare. Special. All through yesterday's chess game, he'd marveled at her beauty, the way the sun spun her hair into silver moonbeams, the twinkle in her eyes, the curve of her lips. She was clever, witty, sharp, and her joy infectious when his distraction contributed to her capturing one of his pieces, and he couldn't stop himself from imagining her soft lips pressed against his skin, the curve of her neckline, silky soft skin, eyes so green and filled with desire for him. There was a hint of mischief that he loved, but it was her shyness and vulnerability that went straight to his heart.

With a painful groan, Cullen rolled unto his stomach and pressed his face into his pillow. She wasn't his and he had no right to think - to fantasize - about her in such a demeaning manner. Perhaps he'd gone too long without a woman. Whatever was happening, Cullen needed o find some form of release, else he confessed his feelings to IIyana and make things more awkward than it already was. As promised, she'd respected his space and have not breached the subject of his wellbeing since their conversation in the war room. And like a fool, he'd convinced himself it was for the best.

The sudden knocking at his door had Cullen muffling a curse and forcing himself to roll out of bed to greet the day. He made good use of the basin by his nightstand, splashing cold water on his face before descending down the ladder and towards the door. Whoever was disturbing his morning was persistent and it only added to his mood.

"What?" Cullen said as he swung the door open to find a surprised IIyana.

"Oh!" she gasped. She took a step back as if she'd been burned. "I'm sorry - I-I-thought ... Josie ...Forgive me, did I wake you?"

Cullen heard the embarrassment in her tone, followed closely by the blush that filled her from head to toe as her eyes traveled away from his face and trailed the water dripping from his chin unto his very chiseled chest - his skin sun-kissed by the morning sun.

"No, I've been awake for hours," he managed to say, staring at her for longer than he should. She was lovely this morning, with her hair piled loosely atop her head and he found himself suddenly feverish as if he was love struck.

"Good," relieved that she'd not interrupted his sleep and regarding him thoughtfully, "I would have hated it if I disturbed your sleep." She noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes and her brow furrow into concern. "Are your nightmares back?"

Her commander didn't have nightmares often but she was aware that he was vulnerable to them after a long, stressful day. Along with the withdrawal symptoms Cullen endured as he tapered off of lyrium completely, he was also prone to nightmares - an after effect of the trauma he'd experienced as the last survivor of the Feraldon Circle. He'd been trapped in a magical prison, his mind tormented by demons for hours - perhaps days - until Warden Amell released him.

"No," he denied with a soft smile. Last night's dream had been horrific - far worse than usual- but he didn't want her to worry about him. "I had a lot on my mind. My work never stops."

"You know how I feel about you overworking. I wouldn't care for you to collapse from exhaustion."

Cullen's heart quickened and he was troubled by the fondness he felt for her caring and loving ways. He forced himself to not read between the lines. Reminding himself that IIyana was openly affectionate with everyone and that her feelings were not exclusively reserved for him. "I will promise to do better, IIyana. You have my word." He leaned forward and the sweet smell of sugar and honey filled his senses, and he wondered if her lips would have tasted the same. "Was there something I can help you with?"

IIyana's eyes rounded into big, green saucers as if she'd only remembered why she came to him in the first place. "Oh! Yes, my apologies. Josie asked that we all meet in the main hall within the hour."

"Makers breath," he gave her a wary stare, "doesn't that woman have anything better to do than torture us so early in the morning?" The Invitation to the Winter Palace had arrived three days earlier and Josie had made it clear that everyone would begin dancing lessons. Immediately. IIyana must have found his expression comical for her musical laughter filled the space between them, and he had to fight the urge to capture the sound with his lips.

"Count yourself lucky, Cullen," she replied, "at least you weren't held hostage for nearly half the day, stripped naked, and measured for a dress."

"I'm sure you'll look lovely in whatever you wear," he blurted without thinking. He'd only realized his error when IIyana's head shot up and she gave him an astute stare - as if she assessing, searching. Searching between all the layers of his heart then to the deep depths of his soul for the meaning behind his words. He flushed. "Forgive me, IIyana. That was -"

"A very nice compliment," she interjected. The smile she wore spreading into a cocky grin. "And you are right, I will look good in whatever I wear, won't I?"

"You really have been around Dorian too long."

"So I've been told," she replied cheekily, "but don't tell the Tevinter that, it'll only inflate his ego even more." She gave him a look he couldn't decipher then she threw him a smile. "I'll see you in an hour, Commander."

Cullen's gaze followed her as she made her way across the battlements and let out a hearty chuckled when she yelled for him to eat before she saw him again. But his smile soon faded when she disappeared through the door leading towards the rotunda ... and Solas. The mage would be there waiting for her. Waiting to escort her to morning meal as he's done ever since the Inquisition returned from Adamant. The spark of pleasure he felt dissipated and reality swept in, drowning him in a tidal wave of yearning.

He was such a fool to have forego his senses. Even for a moment. It was dangerous, especially when it involved her. Cullen closed the door, pressing his forehead against its wooden frame, and let out a savage curse.

The Inquisitor and her inner circle, along with Josephine and Leliana were already in the great hall by the time Cullen arrived. The group was standing in formation, divided into groups of six, with Josie heading the front as she scribbled away on her clipboard. She looked up from her notes and smiled when he made his way towards the group.

"Good morning, Commander," Josie greeted with a charming smile. The Inquisition's ambassador was from Antiva, born into a noble family and held herself with the elegance and poise of one who frequently visited the salons of Oralis. Despite her aristocratic upbringing, Josie treated everyone with the same grace and dignity, and it was this attribute of hers that Cullen had come to admire.

"My lady," Cullen greeted as he lined next to Bull to stand opposite of Dorian, who gave him a knowing smirked - as if the Tevinter know all of his dirty little secrets. From the corner of his eye, Cullen caught the flash of rapid movement and he glanced over to find IIyana gesturing with her hands, asking if he ate. Cullen gave her a warm smile before nodding and she beamed with pleasure, redirecting her gaze to Josie who was now speaking.

"Good morning, ladies and gentleman. Now that we're all here. I'm pleased to announce that we've been officially invited to the Winter Palace. And In preparation for the ball, I've arranged for all of us to receive dancing lessons." The universal moans of grunts and pain didn't persuade Josie from her goal, throwing the group one of her charming smiles instead, and letting each know that, regardless, she was going to get her way. "If you will do the honors, Madame de Fer."

"Thank you, my lady Ambassador." Vienne stepped forward in all of her glitz and glamour, basking in the spotlight. Her silken voice was smooth, like brandy, and Cullen bit his tongue so as not to laugh when Sera rolled her eyes and scrunched her face.

"Despite what you may think," Vivienne continued, "the Winter Palace isn't just a place where the elite meet to mingle and have fancy parties." Her eyes narrowed on Sera and Cullen was sure the elf would have been dead if the Enchanter had her staff. "It's a place of power, intrigued, and everything you do - the way you speak, your tone of voice, what you wear, how you hold yourself - will be meticulously measured to determine your worth. You will not be among friends but with a pack of wolves hungry for the opportunity to shred you apart. And in order to win their favor, we must learn to play the game."

As Vivienne and Josie provided an in-depth look into the lifestyle of the rich and famous, Cullen's gaze drifted to where IIyana stood memorizing every detail of what she was learning. Every now and then, her brows would furrow and Cullen's jaw clenched in response. The idea that she would have to mold herself into something else just to be accepted by the snobby elite of Orlais angered him.

IIyana Lavellan was perfect in every way. She held herself with grace and integrity - a woman of honor - and it was them who was undeserving of her. They weren't fit to kiss her hand or wipe her shoe.

An hour later, members were divided into groups who could dance and those who couldn't, and then paired with someone of opposite skill. Dorian was paired with Vivienne and the two glided across the room, demonstrating the art of the Orlaisian waltz; while Bull and Leliana swayed in awkward unison as the man couldn't help but step on her toes. Cassandra couldn't hide her disdain at being paired with Varric and rehearse the dance steps as if she were running a drill. Josie and Blackwall were in their own little world, while Sera yelped loudly when Solas quickened his steps and twirled her around, passing Cole who stood in the corner observing the dancers. The mage's laughter ricocheted throughout the chamber and it actually appeared as though he was enjoying himself.

But it was IIyana who made Cullen's heart fluttered, having volunteered to be his partner despite the heated glance Solas threw her way.

"May I have the pleasure of this dance, Commander Cullen?" She bowed gracefully, reminding him of the night she returned home from the Western Approach. She'd been nervous then as she approached him at the bar, but now all he could see was the confident woman who stood before him. "It'll be my pleasure, IIyana" he whispered softly, taking the hand she'd extended in invitation. Her hand was warm and fit perfectly with his - small, delicate, just like her, and he clasped tightly while his other hand guided towards her waist.

"I must confess that I can't dance," she said and smiled warmly when he replied, "then I shall have to lead."

Cullen guided her into a waltz and together the two twirled around the hall as if they were the only dancers in the room. He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed dancing and by the time they glided around the room several times, Cullen was completely captivated. IIyana's eyes were full of amusement and mischief and he couldn't recall the last time he'd enjoyed such company. She was becoming a breath of fresh air, a reprieve from his withdrawal symptoms and night terrors. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to whisk her away to his room and make passionate love to her.

 _Maker's breath, Cullen - she is not yours._

After they circling the room one more time, Cullen guided her back to the group with IIyana laughing up at him and thanking him for his instructions. He'd become distracted by her beauty and did not hear the soft voice from behind until he felt a tap on his shoulder, turning to find Solas standing quietly behind him.

"Pardon my interruption, but may I?" The mage said with an arrested stare.

Cullen searched his gaze and wonder if he could read his inner thoughts. If anyone knew about his true feelings for IIyana, it would be the man who owned her heart.

"Of course. Thank you, Inquisitor, for the dance." He released his hold on IIyana and stepped back so that Solas may claim the next dance. He couldn't help but feel empty, lonely, as he watched Solas swept her into his arms.

"You'll regret it, Solas," IIyana smiled brightly and Cullen couldn't have stopped the ache clenching his heart as her face transformed with glowing love for the man she loved. "I can't dance."

Solas only smiled, lifting her until her feet laid upon his. "Neither can I," he teased before circling her around the room.

There was no denying that the two were very much in love and the bond connecting them went beyond words, feelings or actions. It transcended beyond the physical, emotional - it was intimate - a spiritual connection between two individuals. It was the first time Cullen had seen them like this and he realized then that whatever he felt for IIyana could never measure up to the emotions he felt from watching the two. They danced as one as if their souls had already bonded.

"Lovely, isn't she?" Vivienne said from behind. She didn't miss the way the commander clenched his fists nor the tightening of his jaw - for it was obvious to everyone that he was in love with their dear Inquisitor.

"Yes - yes she is." He whispered achingly and Vivienne suspected the Commander's pain was triggered by more than what he was observing in front of him. She was even more surprised that he'd openly admitted his feelings.

"This isn't a fight you will win."

Cullen shot her an exasperated look. "If you have something to say, my lady. I suggest you get to the point."

"No need to get offended, my dear. I was only stating the obvious."

Cullen was annoyed with the Enchanter for seeing straight through him, even more annoyed with himself for pining after a woman he can't have. He turned his gaze back to the dancing couple and wished that he'd left the hall earlier.

The two had stopped dancing with Solas tilting IIyana's chin to receive his kiss. He then whispered something in her ear which had her reacting. The expression in her eyes was indescribable as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. IIyana yanked herself free and marched straight towards the front entrance, her back stiff as a board. She quicken her steps when Solas began laughing.

"IIyana!" his voice boomed with mischief. "I was only kidding!"

"Go to hell, you stupid mage!" She screeched over her shoulder, ignoring her lover's plea.

"You're blushing, IIyana! I think that makes 52 now."

She whirled around to face him, not missing the fact that his strides were eating the floor as he stalked towards her.

"Go fuck a Druffolo, Solas," she demanded before storming through the front doors.

"IIyana, don't you ever learn?" Solas' voice trailed off as the mage disappeared behind the great doors to catch up with his fiery Inquisitor.

"It hurts. It hurts to breathe. Need to get away."

Cole's voice drifted softly from behind and Cullen turned to look at the spirit boy who'd joined the Inquisition shortly before the fall of Haven.

"You want to ask her but you're afraid. Why?"

"Enough," Cullen growled.

"She'll understand. She's suspected -"

"Cole. Let the man be." Vivienne chided the spirt, throwing the commander a sympathetic glance. If anyone understood what it's like to love in secret, she understood and did not wish for the Commander's heart to be exposed in front of everyone.

"But he's hurting. And I only want to help," Cole insisted.

"How about you dance with me instead?" Vivienne offered and pulled the spirit into the waltz.

Cullen had never cared for the Enchanter but he would have gladly pledge fidelity for the woman for giving him the excuse needed to leave the hall. Cullen made his excuses and didn't stop walking until the door to his office closed behind him. He couldn't breathe - the suffocating sadness was making it harder and harder to catch his breath. He felt antsy, jittery, and his hand reached for the drawer that opened to his lyrium box. Flipping the lid open, Cullen looked at the instrument that could provide him relief from the empty pit of his stomach. He clutched the box tightly in his hands - fighting an internal battle with himself - before throwing it across the room, the box shattering along with the items inside.

He leaned against his desk, slamming his fists against the solid wood frame, and growled painfully.

"Damnit, IIyana."


	15. All New Faded for Her, Part 1

IIyana glanced up from the war table to find Solas walking through the door, a tight smile on his lips. The man looked sexy as hell with his hand clasped behind his back, his eyes piercing straight through her with devilish charm. All he needed to do was enter a room and her body was already reacting.

"Solas," she greeted.

He didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss against her neck. She'd been locked away with her advisors all day, and by the time her second note arrived conveying her apologies that she couldn't join him for dinner, Solas was displeased. He had it in mind to take her to the rooftop to at least eat one meal together.

"Come with me, vhenan," he whispered against her ear.

"Solas, you know I can't. We have so much to do before the Winter Palace," IIyana chided but his continued assault along the side of her neck had her giggling in pleasure.

"You need a break, IIyana. You've been in here all day."

IIyana glanced back to look at him with a weary smile. "I know - it has been a long day. But Josie made it very clear that we only had ten minutes before she returned."

"I'll be quick," he smiled against her cheek. She turned around in his arms and laced her fingers around his neck, giving him a quick kiss on the nose, hoping that it would be enough to keep him satisfied. "No you won't and you know it," she added. Solas' playful smile turned into an arrogant smirk and he arched a brow in response. She loved it when he looked at her this way and her heart launched violently in her chest.

"IIyana ... you little minx. That was not what I had in mind," he eyed her thoughtfully, loving the way her body trembled. Solas was still amazed that after all this time, IIyana's sexual reaction to him was just as pure and innocent as their first time. Embarrassed, IIyana ran her tongue over her lips and Solas was suddenly transported back to her bed, his hands clutching her hair tightly as he came into her mouth. He glanced wretchedly at her face ... the beautiful bow-shaped mouth, the cream-sating skin, the irresistible way her Vallaslin accentuated her sparkling green eyes, and desire flooded his veins. "But if you insist, I am more than happy to obliged," he whispered huskily.

"We don't have time," she whimpered as his he leaned her back against the table.

"I'll make the time," he rasped before kissing her softly, completely captivated by the woman before him.

Solas's hands glided up her sides, curving around to mold her breasts. Slowly, painfully slowly, he pulled one-button free, then the next, three more until enough skin was revealed for him to lick his way towards the curve of her breasts. He finished unbuttoning her shirt and pulled the garment free and slowly untied her breast band until she was naked before him. He let out a painful hissed when she guided his hands up to her chest and brought him down for a kiss. She tasted delicate and sweet and he devoured her mouth before laying her back on the table. Trailing hot kisses down the side of her neck and nipping at her collarbone, Solas' mouth found its way to her breasts and his tongue swirled around her nipple before taking the bud into his mouth. IIyana's heart pounded wildly as she felt his hand gripped her hip tightly before gliding down to her sex.

"You're so wet for me already, IIyana," Solas whispered against her ear, sending tingling sensations down her spine. His long, beautiful fingers begin to glide against her wet folds, neither entering or rubbing the part of her that was screaming for release. He was toying with her, enjoying the power he held over her starving body, and she brought her hands up to muffled her cries. "No," he insisted, pulling her hands free. "I want to hear you scream."

His mouth returned to her breasts while his fingers continued to tease her folds. IIyana let out a slew of curse words and Solas rewarded her by inserting a finger, then another after she cried his name. His laughter was soft, velvety as he pressed his thumb over the hidden jewel and he spun her like magic with his hands. The sensation was overwhelming and she thrust her hips in rhythm to his strokes.

Please ..." she said weakly.

"Ma nuvenin, m'yana," he said thickly.

Releasing her long enough to unlace his breeches, Solas pulled his aching cock free, the tip already glistening from want. He pulled her towards the edge of the table and threw one leg over his shoulder, his lips devouring hers until they were bruised. Winding her hair tightly in his fist, Solas tilted her face up to meet his gaze. He wasn't sure if it was her desire -ridden eyes, the smell of her arousal filling his senses, her body wet with pleasure, or the simple fact that she was lying on top of the world ready to be taken, that triggered the dark wolf inside of him.

But he suddenly felt drunk with power. Frenzied. Animalistic. Possessive. IIyana was his and she belonged to him. And only him.

"You're mine, IIyana," he whispered before plunging into her wet core, capturing her cries as they melted into his mouth. She felt like warm honey and he pressed deeper, filling her to the hilt, enjoying the way her body trembled in response. She was so damn hot, so damn tight, that each thrust clenched at his cock, wrapping him in flames, pulling and teasing at his release. "Fenedhis, IIyana. I will never get enough of you."

Driven beyond insanity, IIyana drew tight in every muscle, waiting as he built her pleasure at a measuring pace. He took her to the edge and then retreated, only to return until she was wind up so tightly she needed to fly. "Solas, " she gasped. "I - I ...can't ..."

"Come for me, IIyana," he demanded, his thrusts quickening, deepening as her moans grew louder. She pulled him in closer, deeper, and clawed at his back until her body exploded into a thousand falling stars. Solas let out a series of moans as her body pulsated around his cock and he came with a savage curse.

"You'll be the death of me," he whispered against her hot skin after their racing hearts returned to normal. She was weak, tingling, and let out a series of giggles at his strained expression. "I'm pleased to see you are thoroughly satisfied," he said. "I love you, IIyana."

"I love you, too. So very much."

The dream had Solas gasping awake, his mind racing uncontrollably as he focused on the ceiling above, tracing the shadows with his gaze in hopes of slowing his pounding heart. Beside him, IIyana's breathing was soft and even, and he let out a sigh of relief that he'd not disturbed her sleep. Tossing the covers aside, Solas rolled out of bed to set at the edge and placed his head in his hands.

Tonight's visit into the Fade had left Solas shaken, unsettled with concern for his friend, whose cries of distressed echoed across the realm, pleading for his help. As he followed her cries across the Fade, images of her being pulled from the Fade and enslaved by mages erupted into flames until the trailed finally ended somewhere in the Exhaulted Plains. Solas tried to reason that what he was shown may have been a fragment of memories from other spirits, but he couldn't shake the eerie feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Soft hands glided along his back and he felt IIyana pressed a kiss against his skin before wrapping her arms around his waist. "Did you have a bad dream?" Her voice was gentle and soothing, temporarily pulling him away from his worries.

"I'm sorry to have awakened you," he said softly.

She trailed kisses up to his neck. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He grasped her hands and wrapped them around him tighter, needing her strength, before letting out a sigh of apprehension. "One of my oldest friends have been captured, enslaved by mages. I heard her cries for help as I slept." He glanced back and she straightened up at the look of despair in his eyes. Wanting to soothed his pain away, IIyana glided her hand to stroke his cheek, her voice laced with worry. "Do you know where she is?"

He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, covering her hand with his. "She is somewhere in the Exhaulted Plains." He didn't say anything more but IIyana heard the hesitation in his voice and she gave him a puzzling stare.

"What are you not telling me, Solas."

"My friend is a spirit of Wisdom," he finally replied and gave her a lopsided smile.

"A spirit?"

"Unlike the spirits clamoring to enter our world through the rifts, it was dwelling happily in the Fade. It was summoned against its well and wants my help to gain its freedom and return to the Fade."

IIyana thought back to an earlier conversation they had in Haven. She'd asked if he'd always traveled alone when studying the Fade and he'd responded that he'd befriended spirits of Wisdom and Purpose who helped him stay curious. He'd also said that these spirits did not always seek the real world, but when they do, they are easily twisted into Pride and Desire. Which meant ... demons. IIyana gasped, eyes widening as she stared at Solas, knowing that he too, was recalling the same conversation.

"Solas, if we are too late ..."

"Yes - and that is what I am afraid of."

"We leave within the hour."

"Thank you, IIyana," Solas replied, crushing her against his frame. "Thank you."

Cullen did not take kindly to IIyana's news that she and a team of three were heading into the wilds of the Exalted Plains before Scout Harding have finished clearing the area. Any attempts to have her see reason was rationalized, justified, and countered to the point that he was seething with anger and neither Josie or Leiliana were able to calm him down. Storming after IIyana as she exited the War Room, Cullen's caught up to her just as she exited Josie's office, grabbing her by the forearm and turning her back towards him.

"This is suicide, IIyana," he hissed. "You have no idea what dangers await you in the Dales." Surprised at his anger, IIyana took a step back, only to have his hand grip her arm tightly and yank her forward. "We have not cleared the area."

"Cullen. As I said, Solas, Blackwall, and Cole will accompany me. I'll be well protected."

"It's not you, I worry about," he growled. "It's everything else - Corephyus, Red Templars, Demons. And let's not forget that the Plains just happens to be in the middle of a bloody civil war."

"Exactly why I am only taking a small party, Commander," IIyana countered. How dare he speak to her this way, as if she didn't know what she was doing. As if she was a little child. Anger flooded her senses and she tried to jerk free, only to have him grabbed her again and pressed her against the wall. "Let go of me, Commander," she hissed.

"Not until you listen to me," he said, placing both hands on the wall, trapping her between his body. "You're risking your life for something we don't even know is real. It can be something constructed by a demon who wants to do you harm."

"It's not a fragment of anything. Solas' friend is in danger and he -"

"His friend - who is a spirit. I have seen my share of abominations, IIyana."

"If you don't let go of me - I swear to the Gods, Cullen."

Cullen brought his face closer to hers and said acidly. "Try me." His eyes blazed with fury - at her, at her impulsivity, at her inability to see reason. She was a blind fool when it came to Solas. Can't she see that she was endangering herself?

"I do believe she asked you to let her go," Dorian's voice interrupted from the stairwell leading into the kitchen. The mage was casually leaning against the wall, a bottle of Red twirling in his hand. He appeared relaxed as if he didn't have a care in the world, except that his eyes were dangerously directed at the man holding his friend hostage.

"Stay out of this, mage," Cullen glanced back.

"Ha! Usually, I would," Dorian said smoothly. "But you see, since joining the Inquisition, I've developed this thing called _morals_ , and I don't take kindly to having ex-templars accost mages in darkened hallways. Especially when that mage happens to be my friend."

"I said, stay out of this."

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear, Commander -"

"Dorian ..." IIyana pleaded softly. They were pressed for time and she didn't have time for this.

Dorian gave his friend a long stare before giving her a brief nod. "I will give you two minutes." Reaching for the door leading into the main hall, the mage cracked it opened before glancing back towards Cullen. "Do thank _your_ Blessed Maker that it was me who found you instead of _him_."

IIyana let out the breath she'd been holding when the door closed behind Dorian and Cullen released his hold, the mage's words finally sinking in. Worst, the implication of his words stung and he wondered what IIyana must think of him now. "I'm sorry -" he said, backing away from her as if he'd been burned, "I don't know what came over me."

"We'll talk about this later when I return," IIyana frowned. "Whatever is going on with you, we'll figure it out together." She bid him goodbye and left him alone in the darkened hallway. His resolve shaken, Cullen slammed his fist into the wall, needing the pain to free him from his jealousy.

By the time IIyana gathered her gear and made it to the stables, Solas was seething with rage, and she assumed Dorian had already briefed him on what transpired in the hallway. She barely had time to mutter a greeting to Blackwall and Cole before she was dragged to the loft upstairs, and once again, found herself pressed against a wall and imprisoned between another man.

"I'm getting really sick and tired of being manhandled today," she scowled. Ignoring her warning, Solas lowered his head until he was eye level with her. "And I'm sick and tired of your Commander pining after you."

IIyana rolled her eyes, "what did Dorian tell you."

"He shouldn't have to tell me anything. You should have told me what happened."

She felt a flash of irritation that Solas would interrogate her as if she were at fault for what happened. "There isn't anything to tell. He shared his thoughts about our going to the Plains, I disagreed and left."

"Then why were his fucking hands on you?" He was hostile and aggressive towards her and IIyana exploded with anger then, allowing the rage to flow through her like lava.

"Nothing happened!' She sneered.

"You would defend him after he's touched you?" Solas accused, eyes widening in disbelief.

"He grabbed me, Solas. To stop me long enough so that I may listen to him."

"Dorian said you were trying to get away."

"It's not like that." Rage pounded into her like a drumbeat. This felt all too similar - just like when he dragged her out of the Tavern the night she returned from the Approach. "Cullen was only worried that we were entering uncharted territory."

"Why are you making excuses for him?"

"I'm not defending him. I told him we'll talk about it when I return."

Solas scoffed, shaking his head at such a ridiculous notion. "Are you blind, IIyana? The man is in love with you. Everyone knows it except you. If I hadn't interrupted your dancing lesson with him, he would have kissed you then and there - to hell with what I felt. This isn't about your safety. It's about him and how he feels about you!"

"You're mad, Solas."

"Yes, yes I am. Perhaps even crazed," he gritted through his teeth. "I don't like it when another trespass on what's mine. I. Don't. Share."

"You speak as if you own me," she challenged.

"You belong to me."

"Just because you're fucking me doesn't mean you own me," she corrected. "I am no one's property."

"Such language, Inquisitor. I'm sure the Seeker would be proud," Solas mocked.

Her eyes narrowed. "You do not own me."

He leaned in until his nose was touching hers. "You've been mine since the day you kissed me, IIyana. Don't lie to yourself."

"I hate you, " she whispered.

"I'm sure you do," he said, a moment before his lips crushed against hers.

His kiss was angry, demanding, and a reminder that she _did_ belong to him and only him. It was unsettling, unhinged, and the rage beneath it was barely contained. He broke the kiss long enough to say, "feel free to lie to yourself. But don't ever lie to me again, do you understand?" Solas lips covered hers again in another deep, searing kiss before he pushed away and stalked downstairs.

He didn't even wait for her reply.

IIyana waited until he reached the group downstairs before sinking into the floor, biting her lips desperately as to not cry.

 _What the fuck just happened?_

Resentment clouded her thoughts and anger flooded her insides. She didn't care, she welcomed it, and to hell with what anyone says. In times like these, she needed Eri to soothe her temper, but after being manhandled by two men - one, the commander of her army who was going through his own shit, and the other, the love of her life who was easily pricked by jealousy, especially when it came to her commander- she didn't give a fuck.

She wasn't Solas' to do with as he pleased. Fuck him, and to hell with his possessive ways. And fuck her Commander too. Neither of them had a claim on her, damnit.

Damn the both of them.

"Why are you so sad, IIyana?" Cole asked when she finally made her way downstairs, both he and Blackwall didn't miss that she'd been crying. Ignoring the sorrow in her friend's voice, IIyana mounted her horse and rode out of Skyhold. The spirit boy glanced between his friend and Solas, both wearing grim expressions. "What happened?"

"It's because he's an idiot," Blackwall said, glancing back at Solas whose eyes burned a hole through the Inquisitor's back. "He may be smart when it comes to the Fade but with her, that one is a damn idiot."


	16. All New Faded for Her, Part 2

True to her word, IIyana set a grueling pace, stopping only for a few minutes to replenish their supplies then pushing through the night until they reached the border. By the second day, the tension between the two lovers had become so thick that Blackwall and Cole purposely positioned themselves between the two mages for fear that IIyana may actually kill Solas for his stupidity. And Blackwall wouldn't blame her if she did. He'd heard every word of their conversation and could only conclude that Solas was responsible for the argument.

Blackwall had not seen them like this since Haven and it was a chilling reminder of how toxic their dynamic was when one felt crossed by the other. In an attempt to lighten the mood, he and Cole tried their best to engage the mages in light-hearted conversations, but when neither was successful, the group press forward in silence until they crossed the Plains. It was late into the evening by the time they reached the Inquisition's camp, where Scout Harding and her troops have been scouting the area for the past three weeks. The woman greeted them and IIyana didn't miss the disappointed expression she wore when she realized all was accounted for. It has long been rumored that the Scout had a small crush on Dorian and IIyana couldn't help but give the woman an apologetic smile.

"Welcome to the Exhaulted Plains, Inquisitor!" Scout Harding greeted. "A place with a long and bloody history - even now, the region is volatile. You do know this was the front in the Civil War?"

"So I have been told," IIyana said, shrugging her shoulders. "How are things?"

"Chaotic. Rebels calling themselves the _Freeman of the Dales_ have recently emerged. We're still gathering information but I'm confident we'll have more information by the end of the week."

"Just our luck. It never ends," IIyana said as she dismounted. She was exhausted, her body screaming in pain, and she would have collapsed on the ground if not for the strong and familiar arms wrapping themselves around her waist and holding her steady.

Harding smiled at their display of affection. "Cullen said you were only passing by. I'll make sure your supplies are replenished and I have already sent orders for my men to drop off additional supplies between here and Skyhold." At the mention of her commander's name, IIyana felt the arms around her waist tightened and she clenched her jaw in annoyance. She wanted to shove Solas away from her but she didn't have the energy to do anything more than lean against his solid frame. "Until then, we found a spring not too far from here and tents have already been set up for you all."

"Thank you, Harding. I don't know what I'll do without you." IIyana sent the woman off with an appreciative smile before brushing free of Solas' arms.

"You should have said something," Solas chided. His concern for her laced his tone with more anger than he intended and he released a breath of frustration, an apology at the tip of his tongue.

"Get your hands off me," IIyana sneered, jerking free from his arms and his mood darkened in a space of a heartbeat. He purposely let her go with enough force that she landed on her bottom, an unapologetic smirk tilting the corners of his lips. With the dignity of a duchess, IIyana gracefully pulled herself up, muttering under her breath.

He arched one brow. "What did you say?"

"I said you're a stupid, crusty old bat!" She snapped.

"Still angry, I see ..." He said, giving her a mocking smile.

IIyana glared. She'd been in a foul mood for the past three days and his treating her emotions so lightly had her boiling in rage. Three days - _three fucking days_ \- he'd ignored her. Not once did he look her way or attempted to seek her out to apologize. As a matter of fact, he was arrogantly smirking at her as if _he_ were due an apology from _her_.

"You're such an asshole," she finally snapped.

Solas only laughed, crossing his arms and giving her direct stare, as if calling her bluff. "Those are strong words, IIyana."

"I hate you!"

"Only because you know I'm right," he growled, closing the distance between them. "That man has been in love with you since Haven and you do nothing to discourage his advances."

"You are unbelievable! Cullen has no claim on me and you know it."

He scoffed. "Does he know that?"

"Of course he does. He sees me with you all the _damn_ time."

"Then perhaps you need to remind him again who you belong to," he suggested.

He'd spoken to her in the exact tone he used the day she asked him about his opinion on Elven culture and his haughty attitude only spiked her temper. This was not how she envisioned this conversation, having spent the past three days fantasizing the way he would apologize to her. With anger giving her added strength, IIyana pushed herself free and stalked towards the cluster of trees, opposite of their campsite.

"You need to go after her," Blackwall suggested. But when the mage remained firmly rooted, the warden only shook his head and scrambled after the Inquisitor.

"She is angry too. Face turn away from pain," Cole's said from behind him. His voice was soft, haunting, and a damn reminder of Solas' transgressions. " _Why doesn't he trust me?_ She wants to apologize but her pride won't let her."

Cole was a spirit of compassion and it was in his nature to want to help those who were suffering. But the spirit's mingling in his personal affairs was becoming tiresome, if not frustrating. In fact, Solas was getting tired of everyone else having an opinion about his relationship with IIyana.

"That's exactly her problem. IIyana's too stubborn for her own good and too prideful to admit when she's wrong," Solas explained, before grabbing his and IIyana's packs and heading toward camp.

It was well past midnight when Solas finally returned from his nightly swim. The water had been cool, refreshing, and exactly what he needed to cleanse the tension from his body. Entering the tent, Soals was surprised to find IIyana asleep in the bedroll next to his instead of Cole. IIyana had ignored him all through the evening -pretending as if he didn't even exist - and when she felt his control snap, she'd purposely stormed off in search of the spring that Harding had mentioned upon their arrival. He hadn't seen her since.

But here in their tent, she looked beautiful to him, peaceful too, and he felt his frustration melt away. He really shouldn't wake her, he thought, but he couldn't resist pulling her into his arms. Perhaps he was also responsible for the friction between them. She grumbled softly in his arms, then threw one slender leg over his thigh. Even in her sleep, she was giving him hell. Solas' fingers trailed softly down her back and she mumbled something he didn't understand. She looked so damn precious that he couldn't resist kissing her nose. She sighed in pleasure and he gazed down to make sure he hadn't wakened her.

"Ar lath ma, yana," he whispered softly before kissing the side of her neck. He kissed her cheek, her nose, then her parted lips. Solas was drifting off to sleep when he felt her fingers intertwined with his, and she pulled their laced hands closer to her chest.

"Ar lath ma, Solas," she replied before drifting back into the Fade.

At the first light of dawn, the group headed to the southern region of the plains, following the directions Solas' friend had provided. The group crossed the main river, choosing to continue on foot after Solas stated that they were not too far from where his friend had been summoned. They curved around a rocky slope and IIyana's Dalish instinct immediately took over, pulling the team to a dead stop. Just ahead of them was a pile of dead bodies, scattered and burned, with arrows piercing through their flesh.

Solas bent down to inspect their bodies. "One of the mages, killed by arrows it would seem."

"Bandits," Blackwall added as his eyes followed the trail leading to another set of bodies. Only these were burnt, their flesh barely unrecognizable.

"These aren't mages. Their bodies are burned ... and these claw marks." Solas voice trailed into a soft whisper. He glanced up at IIyana and she saw his undeniable fear. "No ... no ... no..."

"We have to hurry, Solas," IIyana cried.

The group followed the trail of brunt bodies, leading them down a path that opened into a flat area where a group of mages was exhausting all their magic towards the Pride Demon they had imprisoned within a summoning circle. The demon - or what was left of Solas' friend, Wisdom - let out a deafening roar when IIyana and Co. arrived.

"My friend," Solas gasped painfully and his face instantly hardened when his eyes were redirected to the man running towards them for help. "What have you done!"

The mage stopped in his tracks, waving his arms desperately at the demon. "Please help! Do you have any lyrim potion? Most of us are exhausted. We've been fighting this demon -"

"That was a spirit of Wisdom!" Solas growled. "You summoned it against its will - twisted it against its purpose - and made it kill. " He took an angry step towards the man and IIyana grasped Solas' arm to hold him back.

"Tell us what happened," she demanded. She could feel Solas' anger pulse through his skin and she felt a prickle of uneasiness.

The man took a step back, unsure of what he'd done to offend the Elven mage. "We ..we were attacked by bandits and we summoned a spirit to help us. But instead this demon came through and we -"

"You summoned it to protect you from bandits!" Solas snarled. "You bound it to obedience, and then you commanded it to kill! _That_ is when it turned!"

"Now listen here, I am -" the man had intended to defend himself but he suddenly found himself shaking in fear. He could feel the Elven mage's hatred and he was unsure of what he'd done to offend the man.

"Shut up!" Solas roared. "The summoning circle, we have to break it." The Pride Demon let out another gut-wrenching roar and Solas' voice broke then. "We must hurry, IIyana, before it's too late."

"No!" the man cried, throwing himself in front of IIyana. "It is the only thing keeping us the demon from killing all of us. Please, help us!"

"Fuck off," IIyana hissed. "We're not here to help you." Turning to Solas, IIyana asked what they had to do in order to save Wisdom.

"If we break the circle, we may be able to break the spell. But the summoning circle is apart of the demon's current nature. It will certainly attack us as we attempt to break it."

"Alright, defenses up everyone. Remember, Solas' friend is somewhere inside that thing - be careful that you don't kill it." IIyana ordered and cast a barrier onto Blackwall and Cole as the two sprinted ahead. Solas pulled her back into his arms and gave her an appreciative smile.

"Thank you, m'yana," he stated. She gave him a reassuring smile, "let's go save your friend, Solas.

While Blackwall distracted the demon from the front, Cole worked to break the pillars from behind. Solas and IIyana alternated between casting barriers and spells, and within minutes, the circle fell. The Pride Demon let out a painful screeched before it collapsed unto its knees and transformed back into its original form. The group watched in awe as the vision of an ethereal Elven woman with long, flowy hair appeared and Solas rushed forward, catching her in his arms as she fell to her knees. IIyana had never met Wisdom but it was apparent by the way he glanced down at her that she meant a great deal to him. She felt a ting of pain in her chest and watched helplessly as her lover grieved for his friend.

They'd been too late and now she was dying.

" _My friend, I am sorry,_ " Solas said, his voice was thick with unshed tears.

" _Don't be sorry, I am happy,"_ Wisdom reassured him softly, _"I am myself again."_ She glanced over to where IIyana stood and gave her friend a tender, loving smile. " _I am glad to finally meet your IIyana._ "

Solas shook his head. " _I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was too late._ "

" _But you helped me"_ her voice soothed _._ Wisdom guided her hand to stroke Solas' cheek, determined that her death was not another guilt for him to atone for. " _And now you must endure. Guide me to death, Solas_."

Solas tightened his hold on her and looked away, closing his eyes before giving her a slow nod. He pulled her into a sitting position and searched her gaze for any sign that she was not yet ready to leave, and when Wisdom only smiled, Solas took a shaky breath. " _As you wish._ "

" _Remember, you don't have to be alone anymore,_ " she reminded him as Solas guided his hands to cup her face. Wisdom gave him a smile of encouragement before her entire being shimmered and evaporated into the wind.

" _Safe journey, my friend,_ " Solas whispered. His friend was gone and he was alone. Again. He lowered his head in grief and let out a heavy breath when soft hands glided along his back.

"I'm sorry, Solas," IIyana said, tears shimmering in her eyes.

"Don't be ... we were able to give her a moment's peace before the end. That was more than she could have asked for."

"You did all you could, Solas," she whispered achingly.

"Yes ... and now I must endure." His smile faded at the sound of footsteps rushing towards them, and his lips drew back in a snarl at the group of mages approaching them.

"Thank you," the man said, ignorant of the danger that awaited him. "We would not have risked a summoning, but the roads are too dangerous to travel unprotected."

Solas' eyes burned with rage and resentment clouded his thoughts. _It was their fault - they were responsible for Wisdom's death. If it weren't for their stupidity, she would still be alive._ He moved so quickly that he had the man by the throat before anyone could react. "You tortured and killed my friend," he said acidly, as the man struggled to free himself, his expression tainted with fear.

IIyana understood Solas' intention before he flickered his wrist and cast his spell. She screamed for him to stop but it was too late - the man and his companions erupted in flames - their screams echoing into the wind ... just like Wisdom. The anchor flared and IIyana felt her breath leave her body, throwing her down a spiral of pain, sorrow, and grief, and she knew that somehow, she was feeling Solas' pain. His emotions were wild, uncontrollable, and the rush of energy pulsated through her veins until she felt all the good in her seeped out of her skin - all that remained was the darkness. And it was threatening to consume her.

"SOLAS!"

Her scream pulled him from his trance and he turned his gaze to meet her horror-stricken face. As his fire burned away, the sickening smell of burnt flesh filled her nostril and she became nauseous, needing to get away.

"IIyana," he gasped, taking a step forward only to have her flinched away from him.

Solas' heart stopped and the severity of what he'd done, what he'd shown her, finally soaked in. IIyana was staring at him as if she didn't recognize him - as if she was afraid of him. His worst fear had finally come true - she saw him for the monster he was. Unable to stop the dread from enveloping him, Solas closed his eyes until his face turned into an expressionless mask. "I will see you back at camp," he simply said before turning around and stalking away from her.

"Solas," IIyana protested, realizing her mistake. She had flinched from the power of the anchor, not for fear of him. She stepped forward to follow him only to have Blackwall's hand land on her shoulder.

"Let him be, Inquisitor," he suggested.

IIyana turned to look at her friend and her eyes flooded with tears. _How could all of this have gone so wrong?_ Nodding softly, IIyana could only stare as Solas vanished from the horizon.

Solas did return to camp that evening but he was withdrawn, distant, and no matter what IIyana did, she felt helpless, unable to reach through to him. But sometime in the middle of the night, he reached for her - his touch anxious but desperate.

"I need you, IIyana," he pleaded against her skin. "Please, I need you so damn much." His lips found hers and she welcomed him openly, with all the love she had for him.

Pushing her unto her back, Solas warded their tent and quickly discarded their clothes. He took her swiftly, almost roughly, and she met each of his thrusts with the same desperate hunger. She whispered love words against his ear, bit her passion into his skin, and cried out her need for him when she came. The following morning, IIyana did not awaken to warm kisses and soft whispers. In fact, she woke up alone, the place beside her empty of the warm body that held her throughout the night.

"He said he'll see you back at Skyhold," Blackwall explained when she stormed out of her tent.

Cole, who was sitting quietly by the fire, glanced up at his friend. "He thinks you are afraid of him. Her face twisted in horror - _she saw me for the monster I am._ But he didn't know it was about the anchor. I can tell him if you like _."_

IIyana felt her heart shattered and break and she gave her friend a lopsided smile. "Thanks, Cole."

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to make you cry, IIyana." Cole insisted. But she only gave her friend a long stare before returning to her tent to pack. Besides, it was her fault that Solas was suffering, in pain. And Alone. All because she couldn't control her damn emotions.

The group gathered their gear and headed back home. Unexpectedly, Solas was not at Skyhold when the group arrived, and IIyana rationalized that the man needed time. He'd just lost his friend and he was still mourning her loss.

By the following week, when he still hadn't returned and she was unable to find him anywhere in the Fade, IIyana's worry turned into fear - what if something had happened to him? What if he'd been kidnapped and shipped to Tevinter? Or dead?

By the second week, when Leiliana's spies could find no trace of him, IIyana's fear turned into doubt - what if he was angry with her? What if he blamed her for Wisdom's death, too? Was it all her fault?

By the third week, when it became apparent that Solas did not want to be found, IIyana's doubt simmered into full-blown, bitter resentment, and the inner circle prayed that he never came home.

Because if he did ... there was nothing they could do to save him from IIyana's wrath.


	17. Here I Am, IIyana

After a restless night of tossing and turning, Cullen finally pushed the sheets aside and made his way down into the kitchen.

His day had been stressful. He'd spent the majority of his morning training and running drills with his men. Afterward, he shut himself in the war room along with IIyana, Josie, and Leliana as the four discussed the political climate surrounding the Winter Palace. When he finally laid himself to bed, he couldn't sleep because his thoughts kept drifting back to _her_.

IIyana hadn't been herself since she returned from the Plains. Despite not knowing the extent of what transpired between the lovers, it was apparent that something had happened as the team returned without Solas. In the weeks since she's returned, IIyana had lost weight and dark shadows have permanently stained the skin beneath her eyes. She was quiet, withdrawn, and when in the presence of others, she was distracted - her thoughts far away.

One evening, he'd found her on the battlements, staring into the distance, lost in her thoughts as if gazing into the horizon will give her some form of relief. She hadn't heard him approach, didn't turn around or say anything when he draped his coat around her shoulders. She simply stared into the void. She was quiet for so long that he'd thought he was intruding on her space. He'd turned to leave when her soft whisper stopped him in his tracks.

"He left me," IIyana finally said, pulling the coat closer as if the garment can shield her from more than the icy wind.

Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion and Cullen's heart shattered into a million pieces. He'd come to see her as the Inquisitor - the myth, the legend - and he'd forgotten that she had feelings just like everyone else. He'd become so reliant, so dependent on her strength that he'd been a blind fool to the facade she's put on for everyone's benefit. He'd never imagined that she was carrying this amount of pain, or that she believed Solas had abandoned her.

Ignoring the pain in his own heart, Cullen replied honestly. "I don't believe a man who loves you as much as Solas does will ever leave. He will return, IIyana. I promise you." _Even if I have to track him down myself._

She gave him a tearful, lopsided smile, but it was more than what she's given anyone in the last three weeks. And it was enough. He spent the next two days making sure she ate all her meals and surrounding her with all of her friends. She wasn't back to her old self, but at least it was a start.

It was well past midnight, the torches running low, and Cullen's shadow danced along the walls as he descended the steps leading into the kitchen. He figured a nice cup of tea was what was needed to soothe him back to bed. What he didn't expect was to find the room already occupied.

"IIyanna - why are you up at this hour?"

She was surrounded by trays of cookies, parchment paper, and strings. When she glanced up, the sweetness in her smile made his heart swelled.

"I can ask you the same thing, Commander," she stated and gestured for him to join her at the table.

"I couldn't sleep," he confessed as he sat down in the chair across from her.

"Neither can I." She glanced him over, noticing the disheveled hair, the warmth in his eyes, and the curve of his lips and she thought why she'd forgotten how handsome he was. Realizing that she's been staring, IIyana cleared her throat and pushed a plate of cookies his way. "Since we're both at loss at what to do about our sleep, how about you help me with these?"

He glanced down at the pile of cookies, the parchment papers, and looped a string around his finger before saying, "I don't know what to do."

She relaxed and smiled down at him. "Just follow my lead."

IIyana grabbed a sheet of paper, placed three cookies in the center, then wrapped the package and tied it with the string. It took several attempts before Cullen felt he was comfortable enough to try it on his own. IIyana had been baking goods for the families of Skyhold since Adament and it was one of many attributes he'd come to love about her. As they finished their task, Cullen couldn't help but noticed the sudden change in IIyana - she was smiling, the twinkle was back in her eyes, and most importantly, she was laughing.

 _And how much he's missed her laughter._

Placing the packages on the tables along the wall for the cook to pass out later in the day, Cullen leaned against the table and looked over to where IIyana was putting away the extra materials.

"Why couldn't you sleep, IIyana?" she heard him say from behind.

She paused, then turned. "I had a lot on my mind."

"About the Winter Palace?"

"One among other things," she said quietly.

Cullen walked over to stand in front of her and she heard him whispered her name. "IIyana, you can tell me anything."

"I know."

"If this is about what happened in the hallway, forgive me. I acted recklessly."

She shook her head. "You were only worried about us."

The small smile he wore abruptly faded, replaced by tightness in his jaw. "It was still wrong of me to treat you like that."

"I know you will never hurt me, Cullen," her voice had trailed off and he couldn't help but wonder if she had come to realize his feelings for her.

Cullen had hated admitting the truth, but he knew with every fiber of his being that she was in love with Solas. In his heart, he couldn't blame IIyana for still loving the man because if what he experienced just by watching them dance came close to anything they shared, it would be nearly impossible for her to let him go. IIyana was a warm and generous woman who shared her love with everyone, but there was only one person she'd reserved her heart and soul to. But as he gazed into her bright, green eyes, he could read the anxiety, the suspicions and he tore his mind from those painful thoughts. She needed a friend, not some love-struck farm boy.

He gave her an encouraging smile instead. "It's obvious something serious is keeping you up at night. It may be helpful to share your problems with someone else."

"There's nothing to worry about."

"Perhaps that is something you tell your Commander," he suggested and held her gaze with the eye of a Templar, "but as your friend ..."

She hesitated. In truth, she didn't want to burden him with her trouble since he already has so many others to worry about. But she was tired, exhausted, and she needed someone to listen.

"I have shitty dreams," she finally stated.

"Dreams?" He asked, puzzled.

"Bad dreams, more like it," she clarified, walking past him to sit down.

The way she said it told Cullen that they were far worse than bad dreams. He suspected that she was having nightmares, and Cullen knew a thing or two about nightmares. He's been having them ever since he was imprisoned by a mage, his mind tormented by demons and abominations. His dreams usually kept him awake at night and were the primary reason why he had relied more and more on lyrium.

"My dreams keep me up at night, too" he sympathized, kneeling in front of her until they were eye level. "Sometimes it helps to talk about them."

He could tell by the fear in her eyes that they were bad. Very bad. And he surprised her by grabbing both of her hands, warming them with his. Eventually, her breathing slowed and she was able to let out an anxious breath.

"It's always the same," she began and he encouraged her to continue. "I'm at Skyhold but it's not Skyhold. It feels old- different - and it feels real. So real that I can feel the magic tingling against my skin," she rasped. "Sometimes the courtyard is filled with people and sometimes it's empty. But the place is always peaceful, serene, and it feels as though I am being called home."

Her hands tightened and Cullen whispered words of encouragement.

"I've had this dream many times. Each time, my steps take me closer and closer to the main hall. As I walk up the steps, there is always an explosion - and then I hear the screams." She sees the concern in his eyes and she pulls away. "I'm sorry, Cullen -"

"It's alright IIyana. You don't have to continue if you don't want to," he said softly. But his voice is warm, tender, and soothes her fear. And she wants to tell him what happens. She shakes her head.

"I see them everywhere. The people who died in that explosion. Men, woman, children - Elven like me - and their cries haunt my steps ... everywhere I go," her breath hitches, her face ashen, and Cullen eases her into his arms as she bites back a sob.

"Their flesh melts away and then they see me - they run towards me as if I can save them. They grab me, pull at me. But it's too late, a dark shadow casts into the sky and then the magic burns into my skin. I try to run, but they hold onto me. And after I fall into the abyss, I hear them chant his name."

Cullen glanced down, his face tight with concern. "What are they chanting?"

"Fen'harel," she whispered.

Cullen's brow arched. "Fen'harel?"

"I think I've been marked. I think he's coming for me."

Her heart is beating and her voice is laced with fear. Cullen quickly shifts through his memory until he found what he was searching for: Fen'harel. The Dread Wolf. He remembered something about a bringer of nightmares, stories the Dalish tells their children to keep them well-behaved. More like superstitions, Cullen thought, but very real to her.

"IIyana, it's only a dream. Dreams can't hurt you."

She lifted her eyes and gave him a defeated smile. "But he can. I think he's caught my scent, and once Fen'harel has marked you, you are his forever."

"I will never let that happened to you," Cullen demanded, crushing her against his chest. "No matter what happens, we'll figure this out together. You have my word, IIyana."

The rest of the day was uneventful and by evening, Cullen was ready to throw all his reports into the fire. He was tired of reading, tired of charting maps, and he needed rest. But the knock at his door interrupted his thoughts and he let out a heavy sigh as he shoved away from his desk.

Riley was holding a small package in his hand when Cullen opened the door and the lieutenant shoved the item in his hand before he could offer a greeting.

"Pardon the interruption ser, but the Inquisitor said to deliver this to you immediately," the man bowed and made a hasty retreat.

Cullen smiled at the familiar packaging and unlaced the string to find five, freshly baked cookies.

 _Three cookies as a thank you for listening to me. Two additional ones because I need a dancing partner ... please?_

 _IIyana_

He held a one up and took a bite, closing his eyes in pleasure as the flavors melted into his mouth. Then he headed towards the man hall in search of his Inquisitor.

She was in the main hall waiting for him, a huge smile plastered on her beautiful face. "I see you received my bribe," she grinned.

He chuckled. "I couldn't have resisted even if I wanted to."

A soft laugh escaped her lips and his heart flowed with joy, then her breath softened and her gaze grew intense. Cullen's smile faded and he lost himself in her eyes, remembering the first time they met when she was introduced to him at Haven. He'd thought her a young girl then, but now, all he could see was the woman before him.

IIyana was also remembering the same moment and she allowed herself to gaze, to drink him in. The lean, solid build. The curly, disheveled hair, the intense light-brown eyes, and she thought about recent behaviors that led to more suspicious thoughts. But she shook them away. Until the pain of what she felt for Solas surpassed, she couldn't entertain the thought of another man. It wouldn't be fair to any of them.

She cleared her throat and looked away. Flushed. "The .. ah ... the dress arrived and I was wondering if you would practice dancing with me .. in it."

"Of course," he blurted, too quickly for one usually so controlled.

She smiled and disappeared into the door leading to her room while he waited patiently for her to return. And when the door opened, the air was knocked out of Cullen. He swallowed. Something about her being in a dress accentuated all her feminine features.

 _Maker's Breath, she is so lovely._

"Do you remember the steps? You may have to lead," she said. She grabbed a handful of the skirt and gave him an apologetic smile. "It's a bit long," she huffed.

He nodded and placed her hands in his, pulling her closer to his solid frame. She smelled of fresh lavender and her hair was damp from her bath.

"Are you ready?" He glanced down at her tilted face.

She smiled, nodded, and together, they began to move.

"One... two ... three ... turn ..."


	18. The Winter Palace

IIyana wandered through the gardens, making her way to the little-used gazebo at the opposite end. The guest house they were residing in had been graciously provided by the Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons, an Orlesian nobleman from the historical De Chalons family. A renown chevalier earning his reputation in battle, Gaspard was also the cousin of the Empress of Orlais, Celene. Though he'd not made his intentions clear, IIyana suspected that he will eventually offer an alliance - an exchange of his favor for the Inquisition's full support - for everyone knew that the peace talks to end the civil war will be held during the ball at the Winter Palace.

Despite the autumn breeze, the night was clear and an ocean of stars scatted across the velvet sky, illuminating her skin as she gazed upon the city lights of Halamishral. IIyana inhaled deeply, the crisp cool air, relieved to finally be here. Her journey to the city had been filled with lessons on _The Game_ , social etiquette, and, she suspected, anything else Josie and Vivienne could invent to keep her busy. If not distracted. And she was glad for the reprieved because she had not thought of _him,_ until this evening, when they had been in her suite, putting on the finishing touches.

"Oh, my -" Josie breathed as IIyana turned to face them. When she didn't seem able to speak, IIyana turned to Vivienne who was slowly standing up, a smile dawning on her face.

"Is it that bad?" IIyana joked anxiously.

Pretending as if he were wiping tears from his eyes, Dorian gestured to Vivienne. "Don't just stand there, show this lovely creature how she looks."

Vivienne gushed and held the full-length mirror in her direction. "You are absolutely enchanting, my dear."

IIyana had no idea if she agreed but her lips parted in pleasure and disbelief, as her gaze slowly lifted towards the mirror. Wrapped in a gown of rose silk with a jewel-encrusted belt that accentuated her curves and invited a man's hands to touch and linger, was a woman that IIyana did not recognize. Her hair was pulled back and entwined with pearls, then it spilled over her shoulders in a tumble of silken curls.

"I clean up rather well," she exclaimed.

"That's an understatement, my dear."

IIyana watched her friends beamed with approval and she managed to give each a smile in return. But as soon as the door clicked behind them, her smile abruptly faded and she felt a swell of anxiety lodged inside her breast. Taking one last look at herself, IIyana couldn't help but wondered if Solas would be proud of the woman she'd become ... In fact, she longs for his reaction. She wanted him to see the same enchanting vision they had seen.

To hear him say that she was beautiful ...

Her heart began to ache and it was this intense yearning that had her propelling forward until she was outside in the gardens, underneath the stars because it made her feel closer to him.

 _I brought you here because somewhere underneath the stars of Thedas, I fell in love with you, and I wanted to show you how much you mean to me by taking you back to where it started._

She'd confessed this to him the night they made love. How silly and naive she'd been.

"There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you," Cullen said, pulling IIyana from her melancholy and greeting him with a smile. His eyes swept her frame, unable to believe that this was the same woman who single-handedly survived the fall of Haven and found the Inquisition a new home. Slowly, he closed the distance between them. Five steps ... three ... then one. His gaze roved tenderly over her lovely feature. "IIyana, I can say nothing more other than ... you steal my breath away."

"You look rather dashing yourself, Commander."

He flushed. "Shall we?"

* * *

The tip of her lips curved into a soft smile and she accepted the arm he presented. Together, they walked to the waiting carriages.

"It is good to hear you laugh again, my friend," Cassandra said as their carriage pulled up to the steps of the Winter Palace. Only Cassandra knew the extent of IIyana's pain, often waking up in the middle of the night to find her friend crying in the rotunda alone. She'd been afraid that with Solas gone, IIyana would not be able to pull herself out of her depression. But gradually, her friend was returning and Cassandra could only hope that it remained that way.

IIyana gave her a small, apologetic stare. "I'm sorry to have worried you, Cass."

"We were all worried about you, IIyana," Dorian interjected. "The next time you decide to keep all that pain to yourself, at least let me know. I do know a thing or two about these things."

"I can't agree more, Inquisitor," Varric added. "If you don't want to talk about it, I'll respect that. But at least let us buy you a round of drinks."

IIyana swallowed past the ache in her throat, thinking how much her life has changed since joining the Inquisition. They had become her family and they had every right to share in her pain, too. She leaned forward and wrapped them in a hug. "I love you guys," she rasped.

Their carriage pulled up to the steps of the palace and Josie met them at the front gate. Offering each a greeting, she quickly updated them on Orlais' political climate. Afterward, Cassandra, Dorian, and Varric made their excuses and each blended into the crowd of the nobility.

 _"The political situation in Halamshiral hangs by a thread," Josie said. "The Empress fears our presence could sever it, and the Grand Duke is only too happy to have us as his guests. Whether we act as his allies or upset the balance of power, he gains an opportunity...if not a clear advantage."_

IIyana considered Josie's words carefully as the two of them crossed the main court, where the Grand Duke himself was waiting for them. Attired in the ceremonial armor that represented his chevalian background with a golden mask adorning his features, the Grand Duke Gaspard de Chelon was an imposing figure. He met them halfway, his voice welcoming, delightful.

"Inquisitor Lavellan! It is an honor to meet you at last," the Duke said as he kissed her hand in greeting. "The rumors coming out of the Western Approach said you battled an army of demons! You must tell me all the marvelous details about your adventures!"

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, your Grace," IIyana replied. "Thank you for inviting us to the Winter Palace and for the accommodations you've graciously provided." His mouth lingered too long upon her hand and IIyana gently pulled her hand away. She couldn't hide the contempt from her face and she'd suspected by the chuckle escaping his lips, he found her behavior charming.

"Perhaps you can grace me with the pleasure of your company to tell me more about your time in the Western Approach." Gaspard's eyes swept over her body and IIyana hated him immediately. "It's my understanding that it can get rather... hot... throughout the day."

IIyana's eyes narrowed. "Another evening, perhaps," she said icily.

Undeterred, the Duke's smile broadened. He loved a woman with a little fire. "You are a spirited one," his said huskily. "Imagine what the Inquisition could accomplish with the full support of the rightful Emperor of Orlais."

Josie felt IIyana tensed and gently interrupted with the skill of one who've dealt with her share of unwanted advances. "I could see the many benefits of such an alliance, your grace. Perchance we leave the discussions until after the party?"

Gaspard gaze lingered over IIyana's lips, already imagining how they would taste when the Ambassador's words regretfully pulled him away from his conquest."Keep the image firmly in mind. It may materialize by the end of the night," he licked his lips and smiled. "I am not a man who forgets his friends, Inquisitor. You help me and I'll help you." There was no denying the implications of his words, nor the desire in his voice.

"I look forward to ending the civil war, your grace," IIyana managed, surprised at how well she could contain her disgust. He was making her skin crawl and IIyana plastered a charming smile on her face, hoping it would distract him from her clenched fists.

They crossed the gardens and made their way up the stairs before he pulled her closer to whisper in her ear. "Perhaps you can give me a taste of the Inquisition's power." To anyone who happened to glanced their way, they looked like two people engaging in harmless flirtation. "There is an Elven woman - Briala. I suspect that she intends to disrupt the negotiations. My people have found these "ambassadors" all over the fortifications. Sabotage seems the least of their crimes."

"It's worth investigating," IIyana agreed as they arrived at two large, decorative doors opening into a massive hallway lit with crystal chandeliers. Music drifted into the foyer as guest mingled with champagne in their hands. Despite being in the middle of a civil war, Empress Celene had spared no expense.

"Forgive me your Grace, but may I have a moment with Inquisitor Lavellan," Josie said from behind and the Duke stopped, glancing back with a sigh. "I'll see you inside," he said before heading through the double doors and disappearing among the crowd.

"I must warn you before we go inside," Josie said as the two stepped into the shadows at the edge of the terrace. "How you speak to the Court is a matter of life and death. It is no simple matter of etiquette and protocol. Every word - every gesture - will be measured and evaluated for weakness."

"Sounds delightful!"

"IIyana, please. The game is like _Wicked Grace_ \- played to the death. You must never reveal your cards. When you meet the Empress, the eyes of the entire Court will be upon you. Every move you make will be used against you."

"Aren't you full of sunshine and rainbows tonight," IIyana remarked cheerfully then chided herself after noticing that Josie was clutching her hands ... nervously. "Josie, everything will be alright. You've prepared me well and there is nothing to worry about."

"You are correct - everything will be fine. Everything will be just fine," Josie said hastily as if she needed to convince herself of the words.

IIyana eyed her suspiciously. "Unless ... there is something you're not telling me?"

"No!" Josie insisted - rather too quickly. "It's just as you said. Everything will be just fine."

Before IIyana could utter a reply, Josie quickly led her to where the Duke stood at the top of the stairs, waiting to be announced. The room was filled with the rich and privileged, men and woman dressed in silk and crowned with the jewels. The crowd parted as they realized who had reached the landing and soon, whispers of the Inquisitor spread like rapid fire throughout the room.

 _"And now, presenting the Grand Duke Gaspard De Chalons and accompanying him - Lady Inquisitor Lavellan!"_

The Duke stepped forward, bowed, and offered his hand. Together, they descended the staircase that led into the open dance floor while the people of Orlais gathered to get a better look at the infamous Inquisitor.

 _"Vanquisher of the Rebel Mages of Feralden. Crusher of the vile Apostates of the Mage Underground. Champion of the blessed Andraste herself!"_ The servant announced.

"See how they marvel before you?" Gaspard whispered, rubbing his thumb along her forearm, as they crossed the ballroom. IIyana could feel every single person's eyes directed at her, but she only had eyes for the woman clad in a silken blue ball gown, standing on the second-floor balcony.

 _"Accompanying the Inquisitor, Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath. Commander of the forces of the Inquisition. Former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall."_

Stopping in front of the woman, IIyana took advantage of the moment by freeing herself from Gaspard and dipping into a curtsy. Empress Celene tilted her head and IIyana straightened, positioning herself next to Cullen, opposite of Gaspard. Cullen smirked when he saw the man's jaw tightened.

 _"Lady Leliana, Nightingale of the Imperial Court. Veteran of the Fifth Blight. Seneschal of the Inquisition and Left Hand of the Divine."_

"How are this evening?" Cullen whispered to IIyana.

"Still standing, Commander."

 _"Lady Josephine Cherette Montilyet of Antiva City. Ambassador of the Inquisition. "_

Leliana joined them shortly along with Josephine _._ The group waited patiently as the rest of the Inquisition was announced:

 _"_ _Accompanying the Inquisitor, Seeker Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogra Filomena Pentaghast. Fourteenth cousin to the King of Neverra, nine times removed. Hero of Orlais, Right Hand of the Divine."_

"You are doing great, IIyana," Josie said with a reassuring smile. "Everyone cannot take their eyes off of you."

 _"Renowned author, Varric Tetheras, head of the noble house of Tethras, Deshyr of Kirkwall to the Dwarven Merchant's Guild."_

 _"And_ _Lord Dorian Pavus, Member of the Circle of Vyrantium. Son of Lord Magister Halward Pavus of Arsriel._

Empress Celene waited for the crowd to fall silent then she addressed the room. "Lady Inquisitor, we welcome you to the Winter Palace." Her tone was warm and inviting and reminded IIyana of Keeper Deshanna - she liked the woman immediately.

"I'm delighted to be here, your majesty."

Empress Celene's entire face lit up and she glanced behind her. "Allow us to present our cousin, the Grand Duchess of Lydes, without whom this gathering could never be possible."

From the shadows, a young, blond woman in a silken, golden dress stepped forward. Her blue eyes swept the floor, assessing each member of the Inquisition before landing on IIyana. "What an unexpected pleasure. I was not aware the Inquisition would be apart of our festivities. A pleasure to meet you," she greeted coolly, her lips twisted into a smile. "We will certainly speak later, Inquisitor."

IIyana regarded the woman with reserved curiosity as she retreated. Suddenly, her senses triggered and she felt a shift in the air - something familiar, yet dangerous was lurking in the shadows - and her instincts told her that something was amiss. Perhaps with the Duchess.

"We have heard much of your exploits, Inquisitor. They have made grand tales for long evenings. How do you find Halamshiral?"

The question pulled IIyana from her thoughts and she managed to say, "I have no words. Halamshiral has many beauties and I couldn't do them justice." IIyana knew she had won the Court's approval when the Empress gave her a radiant smile.

"Your modesty does you credit and speaks well for the Inquisition. Feel free to enjoy the pleasures of the ballroom, Inquisitor. We look forward to watching you dance," Empress Celene remarked before returning to her guests. Music and conversations flowed back into the ballroom and the booming voice of the servant echoed across the dance floor as he resumed his announcements.

 _"Presenting, the Lord and Lady de Fluer!"_

IIyana and Cullen lingered behind the rest of the Inquisition as they crossed the room.

"Smile Commander! You are so handsome" A woman said from the upper floor, and IIyana chuckled softly as he mumbled something under his breath. "He's just as handsome when he doesn't," another woman interjected.

 _"Marquise Solange Levesque of Montvent – Ambassador of Orlais to Nevarra"_

"Are you married, commander?" A man asked from the balcony and Cullen shook his head, annoyed with all the unwanted attention.

"You've attracted a following. Who are these people?" IIyana asked.

"I don't know. They won't leave me alone," he grumbled.

IIyanna was smiling up at him and did not see Dorian slow his pace until he came to a complete stop, his mouth set in a hard line. Aware that they still held the attention of a half-dozen eyes, IIyanna placed a gentle hand on his elbow. "Dorian, are you -" her question trailed off at his reaction, his jaw clench so tightly that a muscle began to throb in his cheek.

From beside her, Cullen tensed and she felt his hand glide unto her lower back as if to protect her. A curious tightness settled over IIyana and she wanted to ask if anything were the matter. But then she saw that his every feature seemed to freeze as he stared at something straight ahead. The anchor tingled and IIyana closed her fist. Suspicion lurked in her mind - made more intense by Cassie's reaction and Josie's apologetic smile- and then she knew.

 _Dear Gods, she suddenly knew!_

As if _he_ willed her, IIyana glanced in the direction of the stairs ... and froze, her gaze leveling on the single man standing by the balcony. A jolt went through her and her knees weakened. Fashioned in the same red suit and blue stash of the Inquisition, with the silliest hat IIyana had ever seen atop his head, Solas stepped forward as he was announced.

 _"May I present, the Lady Inquisitor's Elven Servant, Solas!"_

She could only watch in stunned silence as he captured her gaze from across the room, his cold-blue eyes searing into her soul.


	19. Wicked Eyes & Wicked Hearts, Part Un

That fucking bastard.

How dare he show up now. After all this time. In the middle of a mission for Gods sake.

How pompous he was. How ridiculous he looked with that stupid, looking hat.

And how dare he glare at her as if she were in the wrong. As if she were not the one pining, crying, and wailing in self-pity for an entire month while he was away.

Doing what? She had no idea.

But here he was - Solas. Her Elven lover. Her Vhenan. Returned. In the flesh. The man was, thankfully, still very much alive and not bleeding to death - or rather dead- as her mind had tormented her for the past month. No, he was standing atop a flight of stairs, looking more handsome than she remembered, and the fact that her traitorous heart was screaming to be held in his arms, IIyana was not going to have it. Straightening her spine as if she was the Elven Queen of Thedas, IIyanna walked up to the stairs, holding onto the railing so that she would not punch Solas in the damn face.

"Solas."

"IIyana."

His tone was so unemotionally flat that her anger spiked. "Inquisitor Lavellan," she corrected and then picked up her skirt and walked passed him.

Dismissing him as the lowly servant he pretended to be.

"My humble apologies, my lady," Solas said from behind her. "One often forgets one's manners when in the presence of a God."

She turned back and gave him a nasty glare. And to her amazement, she felt the sudden urge to taunt him, simply because she could. "You should watch your tongue, knife-ear. You're in the presence of your betters. Perhaps a nice trip to the kitchen will help remind you of your place?"

He shook his head in baffled anger and opened his mouth to deliver a scathing reply but the guess around them was beginning to stare, and he closed his mouth abruptly. So for the sake of the game, Solas bowed and played his part. "As you wish, my lady."

Dorian and Cassandra exchange glances as IIyanna made her way towards Leiliana and the two women disappeared into the crowd. Once the crowed diffused, Solas stalked off into one of the empty receiving rooms to cool off, his temper raging.

She was behaving like a child! Had the damn audacity to call him a Knife-Ear. Her! Of all people. She knew how he felt about that word, had even confessed that his original assessment of her people had been for their prejudice of him being bared face. They've chased him out of their camps with their bows and arrows, threatening him harm should he ever return.

All because he was a damn knife-ear.

To hell with her!

She had no right to be angry with him.

He was the one who should be angry. Returning after a month of mourning to an empty Skyhold and reports that the Inquisition had left two days earlier. He'd ridden like a mad man to reach them in time, even agreeing with Josephine and Leiliana to wait until after the ball so as not to distract her. But the violent joy of seeing her again had caused his blood to sizzle, and he'd shown up at the Winter Palace like a besotted fool.

Only to find her laughing, teasing, flirting with her damn Commander. How he would have loved to strike the man dead and -

Pain erupted in his midsection and he nearly fell to his knees as Cassandra punched him from behind. Her actions had momentarily stunned him, which provided all the distraction she needed to push him against the wall, her forearm pressing into his neck.

"Where in the hell have you been!" She snarled. Her eyes blazed even more as the temptation to skewer him had her trembling with retribution.

"It's good to see you again, Seeker," Solas replied. From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Varric and then Dorian, as the mage closed the door behind them.

"Looks like we've captured ourselves a lost elf," Varric's voice boomed across the empty room as the walked towards them.

Solas had always liked the dwarf. He was grounded, rational, and the only person who can annoy Cassandra into releasing her hold on him. Better yet, he could maneuver the conversation enough to redirect Cassandra's anger towards the dwarf. All was fair when one's neck was on the line. "Master Tethras," Solas greeted with a strained smile.

"So here we are. Long lost love found at last," Dorian said as he regarded the mage. The damn fool - or rather, the poor fool - had no idea how much danger he was in at the moment. Why, if Dorian had his way, he would kill the fucker and throw him over the balcony, to hell with what the people say. "I do believe Cassandra asked you a question."

"Perhaps you should let the man answer before you kill him, Seeker."

"Shut up, Varric," Cassandra growled, adding pressure until Solas gasped. "You have some nerve, Apostate. To show up after all this time. Where the fuck have you been?"

"Now, now, Cassandra, you know the rules," Dorian beseeched. Moving to sit in the cushioned chair across from the two of them. "If I can't kill him, neither can you."

Cassandra ignored the Tevinter, her anger registered only at the mage before her. "I could kill you now and she will never know. Do you have any idea what you put her through? She thought you hated her. She thought you blamed her for your friend's death. She believed you left her. What have you to say, mage?"

Solas only remained still. Silent.

"You smug bastard," Dorian muttered. " I am going to enjoy watching IIyana kill you."

"You won't hold it against me, will you Chuckles? When Bianca pins you down with one of her arrows?" Varric asked of Solas.

"If your target is within reason," Solas managed to gasp.

"Oh - it will be," Varric laughed. "I'll just have to rename you for the third time."

"Enough!" Cassandra hissed, slamming her body weight into Solas, frame. "Explain. Now."

Solas met her eyes without blinking. "What would you have me say, _Portia_?"

"You little shit," Cassandra raised her other fist as if to punch him but their conversation was interrupted by a woman's loud shriek and the slamming of the door.

"What is going on here?" Josie exclaimed as she saw the full extent of what was happening. "Cassandra, let Solas go."

"Not until he explains -"

"The only person he owes an explanation to is IIyana," Josie stated. "Now let the man go."

Cassandra reluctantly loosened her hold but not before she slammed her fist into his gut, again, earning her another breathless grunt. "You hurt her again and I will kill you," she warned before storming out, along with Dorian and Varric.

"Thank you, Ambassador."

"You're welcome, Solas," she remarked. "Pray to the heavens IIyana forgives me when she finds out my part in all of this."

"Knowing IIyana, she would forgive you anything."

"I hope you are right," she said as they walked through the door. "By the way, Master Solas. Leiliana directed IIyana to the guest quarters. I believe she will be alone."

Solas gave the Ambassador an appreciative smile.

* * *

IIyana cursed herself a thousand times a fool for investigating on her own. Leliana had mentioned that an occult adviser had charmed her way into Court, and while they conversed, IIyana had shared Gaspard's suspicions of Ambassador Briala sabotaging the negotiations. All leads had pointed towards the guest wing.

The grand library was a massive room, filled from top to bottom with books on history, magic, love stories, and poems. Stuffed in between several books, and even scattered around the room were secret letters the Orlesians had written to one another. It was a shame that her first thought upon entering the room was whether he would be just as transfixed as she was. They could spend hours here, just reading, and it would be perfect. But she immediately shook the thought away.

 _He left you._ _He chose to stay away, remember?_

She'd convinced herself their relationship had been a casual affair and that the stress of her position had blinded her to his true intentions. She'd convinced herself that death - and perhaps the end of the world - had contributed to their emotional attachment. She'd almost convinced herself that perhaps, he never loved her at all.

 _Damn that fucking Old Bat!_

The pain of seeing him again was a blow that nearly dropped her to her knees.

The door at the opposite end of the room led into a long corridor gently lit with soft, glowing torches, which led to another set of doors opening into what appeared to be a small study. Moonlight glowed through the window, revealing six pillars with urns, and a hidden latch that activated a torch of veil fire. Puzzles - exactly what IIyanna needed to take her mind away from all her personal drama. After several failed attempts of lighting the urns, something clicked and the floor slid away to reveal a set of stairs which led to a secret office. Intrigued, IIyana explored the contents of the room, amazed at the treasure discovered, then her eyes landed on the single sheet of paper tossed carelessly on the desk.

* * *

Lady M,

 _I need you at my side tonight. The unpleasantness in the royal wing has convinced me there is no safety within the palace. I do not expect my cousin to employ magic, but I would hardly be surprised if he provoked another infestation; since my court enchanter is not here to assist me, I must rely entirely upon you._

 _There is no one else I can trust._

 _Celene_

* * *

So the Empress suspected Gaspard to strike tonight.

IIyana quickly re-scanned the letter before tucking it carefully into the pocket of her dress. Then she heard the main door opened and closed and she stiffened. Someone had entered the room. She hesitated slightly as she flickered her hand, a spell ready to cast on the poor visitor, should they pose a threat. The shadowed outline of a man came into view and when she realized who it was, her hand flickered freely. She was casting her second spell when Solas lunged after her, pinning her against the wall with his body.

"Let me go," she hissed up at him.

"Not if you're trying to kill me," he remarked. "Be still, IIyana."

"Go to hell." She shoved against his frame.

"Aren't you full of fire these days."

"You have my Commander to thank for that."

He didn't care for her answer. "And should I call you the Commander's woman, too?"

"Perhaps you should." She met his gaze defiantly, her jaw set. All IIyana wanted to do was hurt him as much as he was hurting her, and she was unprepared for his reaction. Whatever bravado she had at the moment evaporated as he locked her arms above her head, imprisoning her between him and the wall. As if he were Fen'Harel himself, hard and unforgiving, Solas gave her a scorching glare. Her breath came in ragged, terrified gasps, and her eye blazed with a panic that only increased his anger.

"I dare you to say that again," he threatened acidly.

"Solas ..."

"Ah, it's _Solas_ now?" His grip tightened. He was tracing her vallaslin with his eyes and whatever he was thinking only mounted his rage. "Your face. The vallaslin. In my journeys into the Fade, I have seen things. I have discovered what those marks mean."

"Let go of me, Solas. You're hurting me."

He gave a harsh laugh. "I'll let you go when I'm through with you." His breath rasped in her ear. His voice rang with a deadly purpose. "You say your vallaslin honor the gods, but they are slave markings. At least in the time of Arlathan."

"If this is some sick game you're playing to hurt me because of what I said, it's beneath you."

Roughly, he pulled her against him. "Slaves are often mistreated. Forced to engage in certain activities they do not wish. How should I punish you, Inquisitor? For your insolent behavior?"

"You wouldn't dare try to hurt me."

"I would dare anything. I am a _knife-ear_ , after all."

She had regretted the insult and sadness clouded her features. "Solas, I'm sorry -"

"Save your apologies for your Commander, Inquisitor."

His mouth crushed hers, hard and demanding, his only thought was to punish her for her insolent behavior. His tongue plunged into her mouth, searching, plundering, deepening with a low growl. IIyana fought with all her strength. But she couldn't stop him, free herself from him. She twisted and squirmed but all of her senses - _her own fucking body_ \- was betraying her and she let out a small sob.

"Solas ... no, please. Don't ... do this." The plea was wrenched from the depths of her soul.

She felt him stiffen at the sound of her sob. His lips froze over hers and he searched her gaze. Their bodies were pressed against each other. Their hearts pounded as one. Another sob, one mingled with fear spilled out of her, and he raised his head to stare down at her tormented face.

"You're afraid of me," Solas asked hoarsely. His eyes glittered with something she could not decipher and to her astonishment, he released her. IIyana was too stunned to move, could only press herself into the wall, her breath coming hard and fast in her chest. "Answer me," Solas demanded in a clipped tone. A cry lodged in her throat. His eyes were narrowed and cold as daggers as he waited for her answer. "Answer me!"

"Yes!" She cried. Her body shook. Her breath like rapid fire and panic surged into her body.

"Do you think I will ever hurt you, IIyana?"

She shook her head. "No. But I'm afraid. I don't know - I don't know you anymore."

"What the hell does -"

Solas stopped and inhaled sharply as he saw the tears pool in her eyes. She was speaking the truth. She was afraid of him. _How could their relationship have changed so much?_ The sudden urge to reclaim what was lost overtook him and he reached for her again. His lips brushed hers with the gentlest of kisses, then another and another. Each one was sweeter than the next, more loving than the one before, a reminder of what they meant to one another. IIyana moaned and melted like honey into his arms. This was the Solas she knew. This was the man worth fighting for.

He broke the kiss long enough to say, "I will never hurt you, m'yana."

"I know," she admitted.

The dinner bell rang in the distance, interrupting their conversation and reminding them of their reasons for being here. Releasing a regrettable sigh, IIyana gave him a lopsided smile.

"I have to go," she said quietly.

He brushed his lips against her forehead. "It's good to see you, yana."

She stared up at him as if to say something but then closed her mouth. "Send me away with a good luck kiss?"

He brushed his lips against hers and soon their kiss turned heated, lustful. He was pushing her back to the desk when he felt the casting of her spell. Suspicion clouded his mind and he broke the kiss to gaze down at her triumphant face.

 _The damn chit had encrusted him in ice! And, while he was immobilized, she was placing fire wards all around him._

"Damnit, IIyana."

"You didn't think it would be this easy, did you Solas?" Her musical laughter filled the space. "It's good to see you healthy and whole, and not dead and bleeding as I have envisioned nightly since you left."

"Release me, IIyana."

"I wouldn't struggle so hard, Solas. If you haven't noticed, you're surrounded by an electric barricade, as well." True to her word, electricity crackled along the entire room. When had she cast this spell?

"As I was moaning into your mouth, of course," she explained as if reading his mind. As Solas struggle to free himself, he could hear something click from above and the secret entrance began to close.

"IIyana!"

"Don't you ever learn, Solas?"

She blew him a kiss and walked up the stairs. Her laughter was the last he heard as the room encrusted him in darkness. Something sparkled along the ceiling and he realized then that she had also warded the door. He should have known better. Should have recognized that she was too willing of a participant. Perhaps this had all been planned by Josie and Leiliana as well. He laughed in defeat. He'd completely underestimated his vhenan. He tested the strength of her spell and estimated he had at least 30 minutes until the ice began to melt.

Alright, if she wanted to play this game, he was only too happy to oblige.


	20. Wicked Eyes & Wicked Hearts, Part Deux

Their investigation into the Servant's Quarters left IIyana with more questions than answers. Besides the blood splatter walls and dead bodies aligning the floor, the body of a councilman was also discovered - a blade bearing the Chalon's family crest embedded deep in his heart. They had fought their way through the warriors and rogues that appeared and soon IIyana was chasing one of the assassins through the darkened hallways of the palace. Rounding the corner, the assassin dropped dead as his head snapped back with the force of a blade. Her savior, an Elven woman wearing a forest green dress and silver mask introduced herself as Ambassador Briala, and the woman offered the Inquisitor an alliance after deeming her a worthy ally.

With suspicion clouding her mind, IIyana's gaze followed Briala as she walked through the French style doors unto the balcony to ordered her spies to dispose of the carnage below. She then turned back, staring, remaining motionless, as if she were gathering her thoughts.

"Tell me, Inquisitor," the woman's honeyed-voice filled the air. "What would you do with a network of Elven spies at your disposal?"

IIyana considered her words carefully before replying, "I already have an excellent spymaster."

"One dedicated to the Inquisition," Briala countered. "What I offer is a network that will remain loyal beyond the Breach. Those dedicated and loyal to you." Her interest piqued, IIyana encouraged the woman to continue. "I can offer you people who can move freely about inThedas - noble households, alieneages, the Qun - I also have the means to travel to other parts of this world within minutes. To see and conquer places you can only imagine."

"But you lack the power to pull this off."

"And the reputation. With you behind me, I can give you the world, Inquisitor."

IIyana arched a brow. "As long as I play nice."

"Take all the time you need - I am a patient woman after all," Briala encouraged. "But I know which way the wind blows, and I am willing to bet coin that you'll be apart of the peace talks before the night is over. If you happen to lean a little our way ... it could prove advantages for both of us."

"You said that I am a worthy ally. I would like to know why," IIyana asked as the two women retraced their steps back into the gardens where their team awaited.

Briala stopped short of passing the giant gates that will take them back to the main hall. "I have watched you all evening and I agree - only you can bring a God to his knees. Regardless of the outcome, our paths will cross again. I am sure of it," she said and retreated into the shadows as if she were never there.

"I heard what she promised you, IIyana," Cassandra said from behind. "You cannot trust her."

IIyana chose not to answer, instead, ordering that they all return to the ballroom before the alarm was raised. Cassandra was correct - she couldn't trust the Ambassador. She was even convinced that Briala had purposely offered an alliance to gain more allies to overthrow the crown. But despite their political differences, and what she knew of Ambassador Briala's history, IIyana couldn't deny the fact that both of them shared one common goal and that was to better the lives of the Elven people.

Solas' gaze met IIyana's from across the room as she re-entered the Vestibule, and he raised his champagne glass in greeting. His agent had informed him of her exchange with Briala and he was relieved to find that she'd come to no harm. His desire for her only deepened when she tilted her chin and stalked off in the opposite direction from where he was leaning against a giant statue. He watched as she spoke with Josephine and a young woman and then moved along the room as she mingled with Councilmen and Ambassadors.

He was biding his time. Waiting. She couldn't avoid him forever and eventually, they will have to talk. He'd learned from Varric the consequences of his behavior and he couldn't help but add another item to his list of atonement. He had needed time to grieve but a situation within his own network required his personal attention; otherwise, he would have returned sooner.

"Pardon the interruption sir, would you care for another glass of champagne?" The elven woman asked. She was a pretty thing with light brown hair and blue eyes. He smiled and accepted the glass she handed him. She blushed and quickly turned her gaze towards the Inquisitor, her voice shaking with embarrassment.

"The Inquisitor is lovely tonight, isn't she?" the woman said with breathless wonder.

"Yes, yes she is," Solas agreed. He took a sip of his champagne, enjoying the tiny bubbles dancing on his tongue before smiling at her reply. "I have heard rumors of her beauty but they do her no justice. She is more beautiful in person. And so kind!"

They watched IIyana move along the crowd and the woman added, "what's it like to be apart of the Inquisition?"

Solas chuckled softly at the awe that transformed her lovely face, earning him another blush - this time a deeper red. The woman played her part well, Solas thought before confessing that he found it fascinating.

"Fascinating? Which part?" Her voice was sweet, innocent and Solas couldn't help but lean in, his gaze intense as he looked at her lovely face.

"The part where I uncover spies." She appeared confused at his response but as his lips curled slightly, her smile falters and he gave her a knowing stare. "You were given orders, were you not? If the Inquisitor did not align with your leader," he said dangerously. "I only wonder if your lover was aware of this when you agreed."

"Forgive me, sir, I have no idea -"

"You will tell Briala that if she so much as breathe the Inquisitor's name, she will be dead within seconds. And her entire network will be annihilated."

Her facade broke and she gave him a tight smile. She listened carefully to his orders. And fearfully.

"I understand. Now, what about -"

"To be released. When my conditions are met." His gaze followed IIyana out the room and he placed his empty glass on the tray, dismissing the spy completely. She was already being surrounded when he trailed silently behind IIyana. He followed her through the long corridors and out towards the gardens, having every intention to continue when Dorian snared him.

"Hello, Solas," Dorian said pleasantly, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you join me in the study. I suddenly desire your company."

"Another time, perhaps."

"Come, let's have some wine and we'll discuss a few things -"

Solas gave an impatient shake of his head. "I need to speak with IIyana."

Dorian's grip tightened into an unbreakable clamp. "I really must insist." His pleasant expression didn't change when he threatened to make a scene. In return, Solas threw him a chilling smile. Denied his prey, his blood was teeming with violence, his temper on the brink of explosion when he told Dorian to lead the way.

He followed Dorian through the entrance, down a side hallway, and into a small study. The heavy oak door closing behind them for privacy. The room was delicately styled, with a small french drop leaf table and a writing chair positioned in front of a trio of windows leading out into a small private garden. On the opposite wall, a tray of decanters placed behind the massive desk centered in the back. A few candles lit the room.

Solas made his way towards the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of IIyana's whereabouts, as Dorian remarked conversationally. "I'll say this for you. It's in your favor that you are looking to amend things with IIyana."

"I don't need anyone's permission when it comes to her."

Dorian glanced at him, the soft candle gleaming his eyes and over the layers of his hair. "Now you see, that's where you're wrong. She is my family. My best friend. It would be amiss of me to not at least defend her honor." He smiled wickedly, taking great care to pull his gloves off. "And you will need to go through me to get to her."

Solas considered his options before his shoulders hitched into a shrug. The last thing he wanted was to create more damage to the already delicate strands of trust he had left with IIyana. "I would hate to hurt your face."

"It is a lovely face, isn't it?" Dorian replied and he patiently waited as Solas pulled off his ridiculous hat and set it aside.

Neither broke eye contact as they circled one another - measuring, calculating.

"You shouldn't have stayed away for so long, Solas."

"I hadn't intended to."

"Perhaps next time, you send word instead of letting your lover suffer," Dorian suggested.

He threw the first punch which Solas easily dodged. Readjusting, Dorian retreated as Solas threw a right. A moment later, Dorian connected with a left cross, earning him a very satisfied hiss from Solas.

"Your age is showing," Dorian snickered. "Cullen would have deflected that blow."

Solas swung with a right, then a left, which Dorina quickly deflected but not in time to stop the right hook that landed squarely against his jaw. If he wasn't so damn surprised, he would have to give credit where it was owed.

"Losing your flare?" Solas asked with a grin.

"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. Such fire," Dorian said. "I have to admit that things have been rather bland these days. Our dear Commander lacks your passion when he's alone with her."

Solas growled and lunged at Dorian, slamming him into the writing table, its contents scattering across the marble floor as the fragile wood shattered into a million pieces. Grabbing Solas' arm, Dorian hooked a right foot around his ankle and took him down. They rolled once, twice, until Dorian landed another punch to Solas' face. He let out a savage curse and landed his elbow painfully into Dorian's midriff. The Tevinter grunted and Solas sprang away, retreating a few steps.

Breathing hard, he watched as Dorian leaned up on his elbows with a satisfied smirk.

"You're holding back. You could have snapped my windpipe in two." Dorian pointed out, stretching the kinks from his back. He'd landed harder than he originally thought and his muscles were already beginning to ache.

"I didn't want to add your death to my list of apologies," Solas said acidly, "before I had a chance to speak with IIyana."

Dorian grinned. "It would be devastating." Accepting Solas' extended hand to help him raise, he added, "you took your time returning home."

"I was detained," he confessed, hoping that Tevinter would cease his questioning. "But how is she, Dorian?"

The tender way he spoke of her had Dorian reconsidering his stance. He was torn between loyalty and knowing the truth of his friend's heart. Perhaps a little nudge is what she needed. "She may be upset but she still cares enough to plan your death. Why, by the time we left the Servant's Quarters, IIyana had settled on flaying you alive, castrating you, then setting your corpse on fire."

"Ah."

"We are talking about pre-Skyhold IIyana, Solas," Dorian responded and tried not to laugh at the man's exasperated face.

Solas turned his moody, blue eyes towards him. "Perhaps I will take you up on that drink." His tone, though low, carried the clear sign of man resigned to his fate.

There was a time when neither he and IIyana could remain in the same room without so much as trading insults and resorting to adolescent - sometimes childish - behavior. Back then, she'd drive him nearly insane with her scathing tongue, and if he then what he knew now, he would have saved them both the trouble and kissed her sooner. But the Tevinter was correct. In his heart, he knew IIyana would forgive him but she would not do so willingly.

Dorian walked over to the decanters and pour the honey-colored liquor into two glasses and handed one to Solas. "Shall we toast to your inevitable demise?"

There was a short silence. Then, "she'll send me away with a Dalish ritual just to spite me." Solas said, finishing his drink in one take.

"Only after she's made you beg," Dorian added and took pity on his friend by pouring him another drink.

By the time she sensed him again, IIyana was in the middle of the dance floor twirling Duchess Florianne around the ballroom to the amusement of the court. She should be paying attention to their conversation but her thoughts kept returning to him; his touch, his kiss. And like a damn fool, she'd melted into his arms as though the last three months had not existed. It was as if she'd been drowning in sorrow and being in his arms again had given her the oxygen to breathe, to live, to feel. To love.

 _You are a damn idiot, IIyana. He'll only hurt you. Again._

She caught a glimpse of him from the upper level and she nearly missed a step, her eyes shifting between the woman she was dancing with and the man above. For every step she took forward, he moved as if he were side by side with her and together they moved as one. Beside her, the Duchess was rambling on about the Gaspard and the Court but IIyana's gaze was directed only at Solas.

"You have little time, Inquisitor," the Duchess said as IIyana dipped her low, interrupting her scattered thoughts. "The attack will come soon. You must stop Gaspard before he strikes. In the Royal Wing Garden, you will find the Captain of my brother's mercenaries. He knows all of Gaspard's secrets. I'm sure you can persuade him to be forthcoming," the Duchess continued as she was led off the dance floor.

IIyana scanned the upper level and when she could not find Solas she ascended the stairs towards her advisors. Cullen was there to meet her with an apprehensive smile.

"Well done, Inquisitor," Josie beamed with a prideful smile. "If you haven't won them over, you will by the end of the night. You are the talk of the party."

"What were you and the Duchess discussing?" Cullen interrupted, although his voice indicated he had other matters on his mind. This was the first moment they've been together since Solas' arrival and she didn't miss the worry lacing his beautiful brown eyes.

"The Duchess suspects her brother to take the throne," she glanced up as the two walked side by side. "She says the Captain of his mercenaries will be found in the Royal Gardens."

"She is up to something. That information was not given freely. We should expect a trap." Leliana stated from her left.

IIyana nodded in agreement. "We'll head in the direction of the west wing, but make sure our soldiers are positioned when we need them. I suspect this will not end well." She bid Leiliana and Cullen good-bye as the two headed in the opposite direction to convey their orders.

"May I have a moment?" Josie asked. Although her eyes were expressive and she wore her usual gracious smile, stressed lined her lovely face as she led them to a private corner of the room. IIyana waited for her friend to gather her thoughts. "Inquisitor, about Master Solas ..."

"This was why you were so nervous when we first arrived," Josie confirmed with a tight smile. If anyone knew about Solas' arrival, it would have been Josie or Leiliana. Both knew the ins and outs of the Inquisition's schedule and both knew that she was headed to the Grand Library. Only Josie would have sent Solas after her. "How long have you known," IIyana asked.

"Since last night," Josie confessed to her astonishment. "We received word from our Scouts that he would arrive by this afternoon."

"And you kept this from me?"

"We felt it best -"

"We?" IIyana stated - baffled, confused.

"The three of us -"

"Cullen knew about this? Is this way he was extra attentive this afternoon?" IIyana demanded, unable to believe that the man who'd comforted her for the past three months would withhold this information. She couldn't decipher what was worst - that they intentionally kept the information from her, or that they placed the Inquisition's duty above her heart. "Did you all not take a moment to consider how I would feel? To see him here. When you all knew I would be the target of every member of the court?"

"Of course we considered our options, Inqui-"

"My name is IIyana Lavellan, Josie," she snapped. "I know you all mean well, but damnit - I have feelings too." She picked up her skirts, ready to storm off but she couldn't because of the where they were. She felt powerless all of a sudden. Helpless, as if she were a prisoner and the only way to freedom was to finish playing _The Game_. Releasing a sigh of defeat, IIyana stared back at Josie, a woman she's long considered a sister. "With everything that we've been through, I thought I at least had you in my corner."

IIyana didn't bother to hide the betrayal she felt as she turned her back on Josie and headed in the direction of her next mission.

* * *

Author's Note:

Hi! I owe you all an apology. I hadn't realize that I had followers on this site as it can be difficult to navigate. For those who've stuck around I will upload all the chapters I have posted recently. Keep in mind, I took a couple of months off, but have resumed writing. We are now up to Chapter 30.

Sorry for the long wait,

E


	21. Wicked Eyes & Wicked Hearts, Part Trios

"So - Are we not going to talk about it?"

"Talk about what, Varric?!" IIyana screamed, unable to believe what he was suggesting. "Demons are pouring out of that fucking rift, and you want to talk about me and Solas?" She gave him a nasty glare and cast a barrier over them both before fade-stepping towards Cassandra to strike one of the demons dead.

"I guess that's a no?!" Running around the perimeter, Varric set off a rain of arrows to protect Dorian who was busily casting spells to ward off the hoard of monsters coming his way. "But you can't avoid it forever!"

"She loves avoiding!" Dorian interjected as he ducked out of the way, giving Varric an appreciative smile.

Meanwhile, Cassandra's sword sliced through one, then two demons before the breach erupted and another hoard crawled out from the Fade. "This is not the time or place to have this discussion."

"I hear you, Seeker. But Chuckles looked rather pathetic earlier when I -"

"Chuckles?" IIyana came to a sudden stop- in the middle of the battle - to give her friend a razor-sharp stare. If Varric didn't love her so much, he would have trembled in his boots. "What the hell happened to BDM?"

"It's a work in progress," Varric replied, rolling out of the way to avoid the rogue who magically manifested.

"What the hell does that mean," IIyana demanded as her spell struck the rogue dead, the body slumping forward with a thud. "You didn't hurt him there, did you?"

"No! That's just dirty."

Cassandra growled from behind. "We can use some help over here!"

Satisfied with Varric's answer, IIyana turned back to trap the rest of the hoard in an electric prison while Dorian flamed them alive. Working as a team, the group quickly took out the demons and the rest of the rogues and warriors - a trap graciously provided by Duchess Florianne. A trap IIyana would have seen if she hadn't been so damn distracted. She raised her hand to close the rift but once again, her mind began to drift.

She thought of Solas, her advisors, what she's learned about Briala and Gaspard while investigating the Royal Wing, and her hand wavered. As if the rift sense her weakening, it sent a surge of power straight through the opening.

"Focus, IIyana!" Dorian shouted loud enough to break through IIyana's fleeting thoughts. "They're breaking through."

IIyana snapped back to the present and the anchor ripped through her hand. She cried in pain, managing a small gasp, taking control of her mind to focus on her task. The harder she fought for control, the more powerful the rift became.

It was as if it sensed her vulnerability.

Suddenly, a warm hand slid over hers and pressed warmly. "Breathe," Solas soothed into her ear.

His aura caressed her gently until her ragged breathing calmed. As if by second nature, she leaned into him for support, bringing the rift to a close. He continued to soothe her with words of encouragement, then love words, and when the rift finally exploded, the world faded away until all that remained was him.

 _I miss you. And I love you._ This was the phrase she'd tried to push aside all evening and now they were bursting at the seams. She'd heard them from every fiber of her being, from every corner of her heart, and from the aching cry of her soul.

"IIyana ..." Solas rasped.

As if she came back to her senses, IIyana snatched her hand back.

Cassandra stepped forward, ready to intercept if needed. "Leave her be, Solas. Haven't you done enough?"

"Stay out of this -"

"We have to hurry. The Duchess ..." IIyana's voice trailed off as she whirled around and headed in the direction of the ballroom. She was intensely aware of the quiet sounds of the night, the crickets, the wind blowing - Solas clenched jaw; Cassandra's fury; and Dorian and Varric's divided loyalty. She counted the steps that will lead her back into the Grand Ballroom, and her pace quicked, her steps purposeful.

"IIyana ... wait."

She ignored his plea and quickly darted inside the double doors.

"Now is not the time, Mage," Cassandra warned from behind. "Whatever you have to say, you can wait."

Solas forced himself to stop. Breathing hard with the effort to keep his control in check. Cassandra was right, now was not the time. Reluctantly, he agreed and followed the rest of the party inside.

IIyana nearly screamed in frustration when she ran straight into Cullen, whose arms wrapped around her tenderly, his lovely brown eyes shadowed with concern. Arms she once found comfort in but were now laced with lies and deceit.

"Thank the Maker, you're back. The Empress is about to make her speech -"

"Why didn't you tell me Solas would be here tonight?"

He blinked, clearly thrown off guard. Her name escaping his lips.

"Anything for the Inquisition, am I right?"

"No - IIyana. That is not - wait! Listen to me. Damnit IIyana, will you please listen to me?"

"So you can lie to me again?"

"No - that is not the reason why I kept that from you."

She shook her head lightly. "It doesn't matter, Cullen. Nothing matters anymore. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a mission to complete."

Cullen didn't get a chance to reply because the doors opened to their right opened and the Duchess walked out with Gaspard. Together, the pair made their way to stand behind Empress Celene who was waiting to address the crowd.

IIyana felt Solas' aura as he entered the room from behind, while Leiliana and her spies advance towards the edge of the room, awaiting their orders. Before the Empress could speak, IIyana separated from the crowd, capturing the Empress' and Florianne's attention.

The Duchess stared at her coldly, her lips tilting into a dangerous scowl. "Inquisitor," she said acidly. "You really are full of surprises."

"I seem to recall you saying, _all I need to do is keep you out of the Ballroom long enough to strike_. I believe those were your exact words."

The crowd murmured in shock, equally as surprised at the Inquisitor's accusation as her brother and cousin. "Florianne! What does she mean?" Gaspard sputtered.

"It means she tried to frame you for the murder of a Council Emissary," IIyana explained and toss the blood-stained Chalon family knife unto the marble floor. It landed with a thud, the sound echoed deadly into the room.

Florianne scoffed. "This is lunacy, Inquisitor. Do you imagine anyone believes your wild stories?"

Celene's eyes narrowed. She recognized the knife. She'd personally had it commissioned for her sister to gift it to her daughter. A daughter who was now spewing lies to the court.

"You tried to have me killed in the gardens, knowing full well it will start a political war," IIyana continued.

"No one will take your lies seriously!" Florianne stated.

"That would be a matter for a judge to decide, Cousin."

The Duchess snarled at her Celene. "You would believe such filth over me? Someone who, until now, has never heard of you?"

"Let it go, Florianne," Celene pleaded. "I do not wish to make more of a scene that we already have."

"You and your ridiculous obsession with propriety," the Duchess snarl. "It was what made this evening so easy to plan. All I had to do was play the part - act accordingly, responded appropriately - for you to trust me. You are naive Cousin, and there is no room for fools like you in this new world." She leaped forward. "For Corephyeus!" She commanded. "Kill them. KIll them all!"

IIyana saw a flash of steel and her hand reached out to cast a barrier over the Empress. But she was too late, the Duchess's knife struck flesh once, twice, and the Empress fell to her knees. Pandemonium broke as rogues manifested from thin air and began killing guests. IIyana saw Gaspard fall, his hands grasping at the arrow in his chest, and then hands pushing her down.

"Get down!" Solas commanded. He cast spell after spell, keeping the killers at bay while he shielded her with his body and barrier.

Leiliana and her agents stormed the ballroom and fought their way towards the center of the room. "Go!" she commanded. "Before the Duchess escapes."

Solas pulled IIyana to her feet and the two of them sprinted after the Duchess. Cassandra, Dorian, and Varric met them in the hall and they headed out the main doors, taking the steps that led into the courtyard surrounding the Palace. The Duchess waited for them at the main gates, arrows drawn and ready.

"I should thank you, my dear Inquisitor," The Duchess gloated. "You played your part very well - both Celen and Gaspard destroyed in a single blow. The Council of Herald will devour one another and while they do, Corypheus will come. The Empire will fall and Thedas with it."

"What a pity you won't live to see it," IIyana promised.

The Duchess laughed. "You didn't think I've come this far without an escape plan, did you? Your death will be the crowning jewel of my victory tonight."

She released her arrows as her agents rushed forward to carve a path for her escape. IIyana and Cassandra threw themselves into the heat of battle as Solas, Dorian, and Varric protected them from the rear. They fought their way through twirling daggers, archers, swords and mallets.

Realizing she'll soon be defeated, Florianne slipped out of the entrance gates and IIyana sprinted after her. She pulled the night air deep into her lungs as she tried to keep up.

 _Damn - the woman was fast._

Floriane rounded the corner with IIyana steps behind her. She dodged the arrow flying her way, at the same time, she released a double spell that hit Florianne straight in the chest. The Duchess let out a howl before falling back, her face scraping the pavement as she landed.

"There's nowhere left to go, Florianne."

"There is always a way," she said, the blood from her wound trailing down the side of her cheek, down to her lips. "I will be greatly rewarded once I bring your head to Corephyus."

"You are only a pawn in his little game. If you stop now, you may still live."

"And let you win? Never."

The Duchess lunged forward, too quickly for IIyana to deflect, and slammed their bodies to the ground. IIyana became tangled in her skirts, and before she could gain momentum, strong hands wrap around her neck, cutting off her circulation and her connection to the Fade.

"What's the matter, Inquisitor? Has the Maker turn his back on his Herald?"

She raised her fist and slammed it into Florainne's side, earning her a brief reprieve before her head was slammed into the pavement - hard. Pain shot through her head and her temples began to throb. She thought she may have been bleeding. The hands around her neck tighten, squeezing into her windpipe. Maniacal laughter rang in IIyana's ears as she clawed desperately.

"After I am done with you, I will come for your Commander."

IIyana felt a surge of energy shot through her and she fought desperately to escape.

"Or perhaps your Elven lover. I've seen the way he watches you."

The harder IIyana fought, the tighter the hands became. Soon, darkness slowly crept into her vision, clouding her senses, and she could feel herself begin to fade. Hands that had wrapped around the Duchess' wrists began to loosen, go limp, until they fell to the ground in defeat. IIyana's only thought as she lay dying was how she wished the eyes staring down at her were not full of malice and hate. But instead blue - with love.

A gut-wrenching roar filled the night air and Florainne suddenly fell over, blood from the knife piercing into the woman's chest splattering all over IIyana's delicate pink dress. Air suddenly filled her lungs. Familiar arms wrapped around her, gentle hands touching her face. She heard his tearful plea for her to breathe and she bid his command. Gradually, her swirling mind began to slow and everything came back to focus - the night sky, the stars, his soft voice.

His blue eyes. So tender and loving.

"Yana." Solas' voice shook with relief. His magic calming as it continued to seep into her.

She managed to say his name, though hoarsely.

"Once again, you will never take such risks again."

She whimpered a reply, tears flooding her vision at the memory of when they are in the Fade.

"The last time you did something this stupid, I told you I will have you chain to my side," he whispered as he stared into her green eyes. "And yes, I will gladly chain myself to you."

" ... love ... you ..." she tearfully gasped.

His lips brushed against hers. "I love you, too, m'yana."

They sat for a while, neither speaking, as he healed her injuries. Then he led her back inside.

As the evening came to a close, IIyana was able to slip away after leaving the politics to her advisors. She walked passed the traumatized guests, what remained of the royal guard, and followed the path leading to Celene private garden. As promised, the bench hidden away beneath a cluster of trees provided the privacy needed to be alone. She'd been directed here after speaking with Morrigan, who informed her that she'd been named Celene's liaison to the Inquisition. Celene had wished to offer whatever aid needed in gratitude for saving her life ... and for supporting Ambassador Briala's position to the throne.

She barely had time to close her eyes and stretch out her legs before footsteps trailed after her. Releasing a frustrated sigh, IIyana winced as her neck muscle stretched painfully. Although Solas had healed the extent of her injury, it was still sensitive to any movement. She will never get his haunted eyes out of her mind when he found her nearly half-dead. His concern and love for her were overwhelming and all that mattered at the moment was for her tell him how she felt.

She opened her eyes to greet him, surprised to find that it was Cullen walking towards her.

"There you are. Everyone's been looking for -" Cullen came to an abrupt stop when he saw the bruises on her neck. He hadn't seen her since Celene's attack, had been informed of her injury but not the extent of it. "Maker's breath, IIyana. What the hell happened?"

She tried to tell him that she was alright but he'd began pacing. Frustration seeping into his voice as he vented. "Damnit! They had one job. One Job. And that was to protect you. How in the hell did they let this happen?" He brushed his hair through his golden locks, his face strained with stress. "I should have been there. I should have been there to fucking protect you."

"Cullen."

He shook his head. "I gave you my word that this will never happen again." He began pacing again, mumbling to himself. Reperminding. Internalizing. Blaming.

Unable to bear his pain, she grabbed his arm to stop him. "And it didn't. I'm fine. You have nothing to worry about."

"You don't sound very convincing."

"I'm sorry to worry -"

"You have nothing to apologize for, IIyana." He made a choking sound, somewhere between relief and regret. It was a while before he spoke again. "I should have told you about Solas."

"You did what you thought best."

"It wasn't my decision to make."

"It was what the Inquisition needed."

His eyes swept over her. "That's not true. You are more than the mantel you carry, IIyana."

She glanced up at him. He could tell she was struggling to keep her emotions in check. The only other time he'd seen her like this was the evening he'd found her on top of the battlements. "Forgive me, IIyana."

He didn't know if were the fact that she could have died or that she appeared so damn fragile and vulnerable. Or the fact that she was gazing up at him with so much trust in her eyes. Perhaps it was the setting, of the two of them alone in the shadows, away from all the chaos. Or maybe he was just tired of fighting his attraction to her. But whatever it was, he couldn't have stopped the gravitational pull that had him reaching for IIyana and pulling her against his chest.

His lips descended on hers. Once, twice, a third time.

"Inquisitor, I -"

Both IIyana and Cullen stiffened at Josie's voice.

Then she felt Solas' aura crashed into hers.

The silence that followed was pressing, the air charged with emotions she couldn't name. Her pulse drummed loudly, painfully, as she slowly pushed away to look at Josie. But nothing could have prepared her for the howling pain of regret that plunged straight to the pit of her belly as her


	22. Defy Not The Heart

The night had ended in disaster and IIyana had only herself to blame.

She'd suspected Cullen had feelings for her but she'd chosen to ignore the signs. Or perhaps she did see them and had encouraged it. Whatever the reason, the look of despair on his face as she ran after Solas was all the confirmation she needed of his emotional attachment.

As for Solas, he only informed her that they were needed back in the ballroom before striding out of the gardens. He was heading into the Royal library when she caught up to him to immediately apologized.

"Solas, please wait. I can explain. It's not what it looks like."

"Let me guess - he kissed you."

IIyana swallowed over a knot of unbearable tension and nodded.

"Inquisitor." His deep voice was rough with emotion. "Have I failed you somehow?"

"No," she denied.

"Then why in the hell didn't you wait for me?"

He looked so sad. So alone and all she wanted to do was wrap him in her arms.

"I never stopped waiting for you. But I didn't know if you were coming back. You left - and I didn't know where you went or where you were. I couldn't reach you in the Fade or get word to you. I didn't even know if you were alive or if something had happened to you."

He paused long enough to touch her cheek. "I was grieving, Inquisitor. Despite all that had happened prior to our leaving Skyhold, I had thought that at least what we had was real. If I had known that my absence would send you straight into Cullen's arms, I would have never left." His eyes swept over her face, lovingly but sadly. Without another word or a backward glance, he walked out of the library.

Now, sitting alone in her room, IIyana stared at the stars and ruminated in mute misery. With her hip perched on the window seat, she stared into the autumn night, her arms wrapped around her midriff as if she could keep out the chill that spread deeper and deeper as each moment passed.

She was in the wrong and she knew it.

Blowing unto the window pane, she lifted her finger and drew a heart, and another inside that one. As she began the third one, an image moved slowly into the center of it - a man with his hands clasped behind his back, coming towards her, and IIyana's heart began to pound in deep, painful beats.

Solas stopped close behind her and IIyana waited, searching his face in the window because she was afraid of what she'd see - or not see - if she turned and saw it clearly.

After a long pause, he finally spoke. "Inquisitor."

She drew in a shaking breath and slowly turned her head, watching his lips twist sadly as his gaze met hers and held it. Without words, he reached for her slowly, giving her every opportunity to object. She stood up and took one step forward and found herself in his arms.

He smoothed her hair, whispering his apologies - his regrets - before his mouth dragged against hers again and again, and when her lips were open and damp, he sealed his overs hers. He kissed her until she was breathless and leaning into him, fitting her body against his rigid length, her arms wrapping around his neck to hold him closer. When he finally broke the contact, he kissed the side of her jaw.

"Ar abelas, Inquisitor," he whispered tenderly. "Ar abelas."

His hand gently urged her backward until she tumbled onto the bed and he kissed her throat, worshiping the skin against his lips. She felt a series of tugs and then the front of her nightdress opened, his hand coming to rest against one of her breasts. He waited for a heartbeat, then two, then he slid his thumb over the tip, felt it plucker and hardened. She was quick to respond by turning her body into him, and he pressed her closer. He licked at her flesh, drawing the taut nipple into his mouth, circling with his tongue. She released a breathless moan that ignited his body with fire.

In one smooth motion, he shifted upward and kissed her lips with raw, dizzying hunger. His hands trailed up her thigh as he deepened the kiss, his fingers teasing softly at the bud of her sex. Solas pressed his fingers into her and the wet welcome of her warmth almost broke his control.

She gasped his name.

He thrust his fingers deeper.

"Again," he demanded. "Say my name again, Inquisitor."

"Solas." She said. Her voice throbbing with emotion. "Don't stop, please."

He gave in to her wishes. He moved his fingers in her and her hips lifted, arching sweetly against his hand while she clung to his shoulder, her nails digging into her flesh. She was close, so damn close, pressing into his hand as he stroked the pleasure from her starving body until it peaked, nearly exploding.

"I have almost forgotten how beautiful you are," he whispered against her cheek, " how delicately lovely you are."

She managed to whisper his name before his mouth covered hers again.

Desperately, frantically, they begin to tear off each other's clothing. There was no desire for sweetness between them. The ambivalence - of them, their relationship, what will happen tomorrow - melted away and all that mattered was a violent need that had to be fulfilled. Pinning her on the bed with his weight, Solas tongue drove into her mouth, filling it then withdrew, while his fingers within her began to match the slow, driving movements of his tongue. He skillfully stroke her until she was the on the brink of madness, then deliberately withdrawing again, leaving her body aching and wanting.

Drunk with desire, IIyans release a series of moans as he toyed with her body, then gasped and arched tightly when his tongue traced a hot trail down her abdomen towards her sex.

"Look at me, Inquisitor," he demanded. His hands caught her hips, lifting until his mouth closed around her. By the time he stopped, white-hot sensations were screaming through IIyana's entire body and she was desperate for release.

"Please," she begged. "I need you so much."

He raised himself over her, his rigid cock probing lightly, teasingly at the place his hands and mouth have been. Moaning softly, IIyana arched her hips, whispering her love for him, and she nearly cried out in surprise when he suddenly stopped.

"No! Please!," she begged. "Don't stop." Wrapping her arms around him.

"Do you want me, Inquisitor?" He whispered, his hands braced beside her head as he held himself away from her, his face hard. He didn't give her a chance to reply. He eased into her wet warmth with tormenting slowness, then moved purposely backward and forward, thrusting himself a fraction closer, but never filling her to the hilt. Half mad with desire, IIyanas legs gripped him tightly, her chest rising and falling in quick, shallow breathes.

"Do you?" He repeated, pulling all the way out until she pleaded yes.

Satisfied, Solas gave her what she wanted. As if to atone for his absence, he gave himself to her with unselfish determination, moving his body in ways that would maximize her pleasure. He fought down his own pleasure as her body tightened around him and she exploded, spewing love words into his skin as spasm of pleasure shook her. He rode the waves with her until he, too, was moaning loudly. His breathing became shallow, his muscles coiled tightly. He plunged into her several times before spilling into her warmth.

When it was over, there was complete silence between them. She was laying on her side looking at him, waiting for him to say something. He looked tired, withdrawn, lost in thought. She could sense the wheels in his mind turning, assessing as if he were checking all the facts, waging an internal war with himself. Unable to bear the silence any longer, IIyana reached out, thinking she should explain kiss in the garden. "Solas ..." she whispered. "We need to talk ... about what happened."

He was still for a long time, staring at the ceiling; then he gave her a sad, solemn smile. _Tomorrow_ , was all he said before he got out of bed, dressed, and walked out into his own rooms.

* * *

The road back to Skyhold was paved in both rain and high winds that swept throughout camp, chilling IIyana to her bones. She was cold, miserable, and soaked, her boots making that annoying squishy noise whenever she moved. And as the storm clouds darkened, so did her mood.

It appeared that Cullen had finally waved the white flag, expressing his apologies for his behavior the morning after the ball, then avoiding her completely as if she had the plague. He continued to be polite and cordial, and supportive when it came to the Inquisition. But he no longer sought her company.

Which she felt was for the best.

As for Solas. Tomorrow came and gone and he'd yet to give her a minute of his day. In fact, he roamed around camp as if he was some dark, demonic wraith waiting to suck someone's soul. He roamed around for two days before she was able to gather her courage to speak to him. When she did, he greeted her with contempt and she stormed off to cool her temper. He continued to ignore her all throughout the day and evening.

The following morning, she tried to extend an olive branch by bringing him tea. He accepted the drink with a kind gesture after she explained that she understood his aversion towards the drink, and that she hoped he would like her mother's recipe instead. He took a sip in good faith but did not indicate that he was interested in a conversation. His rejection had hurt. She left him alone after that.

And now as IIyana sat underneath her tent, her gaze followed Solas as he moved around the campfire. She'd had nothing but time to reflect on _them_ over the past week, nothing but time to place herself in _his_ position, and she was ashamed to admit that she'd been wrong. She could find no words strong enough to convey the depths of her despair that he was suffering at her hands. He'd been grieving. Had left to process his loss, only to return to find her in another man's arms.

Of course, he'll be upset. She would be as well.

She silently cursed. How could she have forgotten that Wisdom had died? Or his horror-stricken face when he'd killed the mages without mercy. Or Cole's words ... _He thinks you are afraid of him. Her face twisted in horror - she saw me for the monster I am_. All she thought about was her and her own pain, never once did she considered him. It was sickening how selfish she'd become.

Her interest piqued when Solas made his way to an elven woman IIyana had never seen before. She was a young and pretty thing, with light-brown hair and blue eyes that reminded IIyana of a clear, summer day. She greeted Solas with a smile and a steaming cup in her hand, which he happily took. She watched the way his eyes brightened at her smile, the slight blush framing her lovely face as she gazed into his eyes, the two immersed in a private conversation. They both laughed and her stomach dropped.

A pain unlike any she had ever experienced exploded in her heart, obliterating all rational thought and emotions within her. As if something had snapped, IIyana set her cup aside and stalked out of camp. She ignored the calls from her friends, her advisors, and continued walking in no direction at all. She was nearly a mile from camp when strong fingers wrapped around her forearm and snatched her back.

"Where in the hell did you think you were going?" Solas demanded. His tone indicated he wanted to be anywhere but here, with her.

"It's none of your business. Now let me go!"

"I would gladly do so if you didn't insist on endangering yourself."

"I can take care of myself, and I definitely don't need you to protect me."

"I'm sure you don't," he said in a flat, expressionless voice and released her.

His indifference enraged her and she jerked away. "Go back to your plaything, Solas."

"Inquisitor -"

"Inquisitor?" she scoffed. "Not yana, m'yana ... or even vhenan? Are you so fickle that you discard those you claim to love so easily?"

His eyes narrowed. "Now is not the time or place to discuss this."

"Then when? Tomorrow? The day after? Because I remember you telling me we'll talk and I've been waiting for an entire fucking week!"

He was afraid that if he validated her distress, he would eventually snap and say something unforgivable. Therefore, he chose the easier route - he explained that he came after her because the Inquisition was worried about her safety after she left the camp's perimeter.

"But not you?" Unable to control how her voice shook. "You weren't worried about me?"

"We should get back," he finished grimly, indicating he was done with this conversation, "before they send troops to come look for us."

"You're a damn coward, Solas."

"Back to name calling, I see.

She was so frustrated with his complacent demeanor that she stormed off with him calling after her.

"You're behaving like a child, Inquisitor."

She whirled around, eyes blazing. "I'm behaving like a child?! You're the damn child. You're the one who refuses to talk to me. I'm lucky you even knew I existed considering you barely acknowledge my damn existence this past week." She kicked the ground and mud splattered on his shirt. "Let me take a moment to pray to the Gods that you cared enough to come after me."

"Believe me," he said, wiping the mud from his shirt, "my coming after you was not by choice."

 _Her words died in her throat. Everything suddenly burned with hurt._

They stared at one another, one cool and collected, the other heated and dysregulating. How long can they sustain before one of them does something to push the other away? She was tired and exhausted, and she just wanted things to go back to the way it was between them.

Releasing a defeated breath, IIyana walked back to him, reaching out to touch his cheek. "Vhenan, I'm sorry. I love -"

He snatched her hand away. "Do not say those words to me," he hissed. Rage blazed in Solas' eyes for a moment - more emotion than IIyana had seen all week - but then he shrugged resignedly. "It's not safe for you to be out here, Inquisitor. You either return with me or I carry you back to camp."

Realizing the magnitude of their predicament, IIyana tried to swallow past the aching lump in her throat. The rage she'd seen before had slipped back into a cool mask of indifference, and he was looking at her as if she were a petulant child. She'd rather he yell at her than stare at her as if she didn't' even exist.

"Lead the way," she rasped and followed him silently back to camp.

* * *

Skyhold was ablaze with lights when the Inquisition returned home the following evening. Leading her horse into the stables, IIyana greeted Master Dennent with a smile before grabbing her gear and heading up the steps towards her room, informing her companions she'll join them for a round of drinks later. She took the steps leading into the main hall with Solas walking next to her, neither speaking. It appeared that they've come to a silent understanding that they both needed to ... avoid each other.

IIyana entered the main hall and came to a sudden stop, Solas nearly running into her. Standing in the middle of the room, Leiliana and Josie were conversing with a tall, handsome Dalish man bearing Dirthman's vallaslin. His medium length, whaite hair was shaved at the sides and bundled up into a bun atop his crown. A ghastly scar covered half his face, but it only accentuated his masculine features. His rich, velvety laughter filled the room at something Josie said and when his golden eyes caught IIyana's from across the room, his lips twisted into a devilish grin.

"IIya! The love of my life! How dare you keep me waiting."

Through a blur of tears, she saw him move, his arms spread wide in greeting. She broke into a sob, dropping her bag as she launched straight into his chest, his arms wrapped around her. He smelled of fresh dirt, trees, and home. Desperately, she clutched him to her as though she'd been adrift at sea and someone had finally tossed her a rope.

"IIyana ...". He tightened his arms around her in concern. "What - what's the matter?"

"I'm so stupid," she cried, her tears soaking into his shirt. "So fucking stupid."

For as long as he's known her, Eri Lavellan has never seen IIyana so broken. So fragile. Not even when she discovered her parents were killed by Templars. He glanced down at the crying woman in his arms and raised questioning eyes to meet her advisors, then to the mage standing by the front doors. Wrapping his arms protectively around her small, shaking frame, Eri soothed her gently as she wept brokenly into his arms while he glared intensely at Solas.


	23. IIyaa's Hidden Heart

IIyana was inconsolable and Eri had never felt more helpless.

Her gut-wrenching sobs tore at his heart and no amount of comfort could ease her distress. When she finally fell into an exhausted slumber, Eri let out a sigh of relief and collapse back into the coach, his mind racing with concern for the girl he'd loved since childhood. Lost in sleep, she appeared so young and innocent, liberated from the burdens placed on her tiny shoulders since joining the damn Inquisition. She was curled into a ball, her hand rested, palm up, her fingers rested – whereas earlier, they had covered her face in an attempt to smother her cries.

In between her tears and his soothing words, Eri was able to piece together a torrid love triangle between IIyana, Solas, and the Inquisition's Commander. A story of suspicion, jealousy, accusation, then betrayal and rejection. It was the perfect recipe for disaster, a played-out song he'd heard too many times. If he didn't know any better – he would have thought he'd been thrown into one of those Orlesian tragedies one often found on display in the middle of the market square.

 _What in the hell happened?_

IIyana's last letter had arrived a month earlier, tucked in between a new blanket she'd purchased from an Elven vendor in the Hinterlands. Along with the gift was also freshly baked Dalish bread wrapped in parchment paper and tied with a bow. She did that often – sent him baked goods to remind him of home. He'd been drinking with his comrades when the package arrived, and he quickly pushed the voluptuous red-head off his lap, heading upstairs to the small room he'd occupied for the past four months. He shoved a piece of bread int his mouth as he read her letter, then re-read it again, two more times, until he memorized each word.

He couldn't believe it – she was in love. With the Old-Bat of all people. He'd found it comical. Serves her right, he thought. He was pulling ink and paper out of his nightstand when he decided that he would rather tell her face to face.

When she first joined the Inquisition, he'd been worried for her overall safety. He'd even booked passage to return to Feraldon. But as her letters arrived, his concerns eventually dissipated. At first, he'd found her letters amusing, especially when writing about the mysterious mage with no background or clan. And as her letters continued to arrive, Solas became a more prominent figure in her life. Eri had never known IIyana to be so caught up in her emotions before. She was usually the quiet, reserved, and more reasonable of the two. Which made it even more entertaining that she was oblivious of her feelings for the mage.

IIyana whimpered in her sleep, interrupting Eri's thoughts, and he moved forward to pull the blanket up to IIyana's chin. He frowned again at the memory of seeing her distraught in the main hall. It was unlike her to cry in public. Then there was Solas. The mage had stood in the shadows as Eri swept IIyana up into his arms and carried her up to her room. He'd expected the mage to follow but when he didn't, Eri suspected he was somehow involved.

He had questions and he wanted answers. He brushed a soft kiss against IIyana's forehead and walked out of the room in search of the mage responsible for breaking her heart.

* * *

When all have gone to bed, Solas found himself pacing the halls and winding stairways of Skyhold.

There was no peace for him anywhere in this place.

IIyana's cries had become a part of him, as deeply embedded as the pain of his failures. All through the evening, his conscience had given him no respite. There was simply no evading the immensity of his actions or his blind foolishness. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want to speak with her. He was afraid that by doing so, he would snap. But he also couldn't forget the image of her broken, shattered body as Eri carried her upstairs.

Self-contempt roiled in his belly.

Despite everything, he should have trusted her love for him. He should have believed her when she said there was nothing between her and Cullen. He should have listened instead of jumping to conclusions. All the signs of her loyalty, her commitment to him was there ... her anger upon his return ... the flash of hurt when he accosted her in the library ... her chasing after him after the Cullen's kiss. Even the tea was a bargain for forgiveness on her part. A better man would have seen this, he acknowledged bitterly, and he cursed himself swiftly for allowing jealousy to sway his good judgment.

Once again, will he ever learn?

He reached the main hall and the past caught up to him. He paused, looking for a moment towards IIyana's chambers. Memories returned, tormenting him first with IIyana's voice:

 _Solas ... there is nothing in your past or your future that would change the way I feel about you. Nothing. When I look at you, I see only you._

 _I dreamt of what it would be like if you were mine._

 _Ar lath ma, Solas. So very much._

Then his.

 _Have you ever wanted something so badly, so desperately - something that was within your grasp - and yet you were afraid to reach for it_?

 _I have never known such peace than the moments when you look at me._

 _Ar lath ma, m'yana. Now and Always_

He bit back a savage curse.

The memories were too sad, too brutal, and Solas buried it underneath along with a thousand shades of regret. He turned right and headed into the rotunda and was surprised to find it already occupied. Eri Lavellan was sitting at his desk, feet propped on top of the surface.

"I've been waiting for you, you Old-Bat," Eri exclaimed with a grin and held up three bottles. "Care for some good 'ol Dragon Piss before we began the interrogation?"

"No."

"C'mon. I had to resort to shameful behavior to get this from the kitchen staff." Eri placed two glasses on the corner of the desk.

"Why are you awake at this hour."

"The same reason you are– IIyana. With her nearly half-dead from a broken heart, someone had to hold vigil, am I right?" Eri poured two fingers into each class. As Solas reached for his, Eri said, "Oh wait, let me double yours. Trust me, you're going to need it."

Eri took a swift of his drink and hissed at the burning sensation that ran down his throat and then exclaimed, "you are a fucking man," when Solas downed his drink in one take.

"That's an understatement," Solas announced. He pushed his cup back to Eri who refilled both of their glasses. They drank one, then two cups, before Eri leaned forward on the desk, his gaze intense and direct.

"IIyaa said you disappeared for an entire month without letting her know your whereabouts," Eri stated. "Then in dramatic fashion, you return like a fabled knight in shiny armor only to accuse her of being Cullen's whore." Eri drowned his cup. "

Solas swallowed down the hard knot that had lodged in his throat. He lifted his eyes to the man sitting before him.

"She didn't initiate the kiss, and she's not in love with him. In case you were curious," Eri added.

Two more glasses were refilled.

"Where did you go?" Eri asked.

"That is for me to tell her."

"Did you have plans to return to IIyaa?"

Solas brought the cup to his lips. "Yes."

Eri nodded slowly, his lips curling int a slight, wry smile. "Then I will respect your decision to tell her yourself. Do you love her? Never mind, that was a stupid question. Of course you do, else you wouldn't be here drowning your sorrows like a love-sick fool."

The cups were refilled three more times.

"She told me you believe her to be Cullen's whore."

"Do not call her that."

"Then the Commander's Paramore? Leman? Lady of the night?"

Solas slammed his cup down unto the desk, his face contorted into an ugly sneer.

"It's refreshing to see you still fucking care," Eri stated, pouring the liquid into Solas empty cup. "The problem with you, Old-Bat, is that you're an emotional wreck. One minute you love my IIyaa, the next minute, you treat her like shit. And it blows my fucking mind that of all people, she's chosen to love you."

"She's a damn fool to love me," Solas said regretfully. "All I do is hurt her."

"And now here we all are, suffering the consequences. But you know how IIyaa is, once that girl has made up her damn mind, there is no convincing her otherwise. Now drink up, because I have a story to tell you and it's going to take another bottle or two before we finish."

Eri waited until the both of them had finished the first bottle, then a third of the next one before he asked, "do you know why IIyaa loves you so damn much?"

Solas slowly shook his head. The liquor was beating down his defense and he suddenly found this need to repent his sins to IIyana's friend. "I suspect it has something to do with the way I make her feel."

Eri nodded in agreement. "It's because you see her vulnerability but you don't treat her as fragile."

"IIyana is more than capable of taking care of herself."

"Exactly - but not many are aware of that. People either see her as this small, tiny thing, ready to break. Or they see her for the title she wears – First to Clan Lavellan, Herald of Andreste, the Inquisitor. Even here she is treated as some mythical creature. People usually don't see past her façade, but you do. And that is why she loves you – you see her and you don't treat her as anything less. I want to help you understand my IIyaa."

Reflecting on yesterday, Solas shook his head. "Perhaps you shouldn't be telling me anything. IIyana and I are at odds. She will be upset with you for telling me this, and I don't' wish to strain another one of her relationships."

"Trust me, if I thought you would weaponize what I tell you, I'd keep my silence. But you won't do that." A smile flickered briefly across Eri's face. "You may be a dick but you are a damn honorable one."

The men took another drink from their cups before Eri drew along a breath and began. "Did you know our parents were killed when were both young? She was twelve and me, fifteen. Their convoy was attacked on the way to one of the free markets near Starkhaven by Templars who mistook them for apostates. We were awakened in the middle of the night and taken to Keeper Deshanna and told the news. Since there were no bodies to recover, there were no Dalish rituals to send them to the afterlife."

"My apologies – I know how the Dalish -"

"Love our rituals and traditions? To be honest, it's all a just one fucking joke," Eri added. Then he continued with his story. "They practice love and tolerance but as you can imagine, the Dalish can be heartless bastards, too. There was no place for two pitiful orphans within the clan – no patience or love. We weren't looked after or cared for, and it was rare if people remembered us. So unsure of what to do, the elders left us to our own devices and we ran amok."

Eri brought his empty cup up to the light, turning it in his fingers. "Feraldon became our playground, our imagination the map for our adventures. We taught ourselves to fish and hunt, to trade and negotiate, even how to survive in the wilds. Our days were spent side by side and our nights, exploring elven ruins. IIyana became my confidant. My family and I, hers."

It suddenly became apparent to Solas why IIyana was deeply attached to the people she cared for. She hadn't grown up with a family, hadn't known what it felt like to belong to people who love her.

"Don't pity us, Solas. Our childhood is what shaped us into the individuals we are today. We may not have had a traditional family but we had each other, and it was enough." Then a haunted look cast over Eri's face and he swallowed inaudibly. "When IIyaa came into her magic, everything changed. She was groomed, manipulated, used as a pawn to manage my uncontrollable and rebellious behavior." He refilled Solas glass. "You're probably going to want to drink for this ... During the fall of her eighteenth birthday, the son of the Keeper of a neighboring clan, Eldrin, took an interest to IIyaa and negotiations for their bonding ceremony began. Of course, she had no say in it – she was trained to follow her duties."

Solas watched as Eri pour the remaining liquid into the two cups then threw his head back and drank the rest from the bottle. "The asshole couldn't even wait to keep his filthy hands to himself. The first night before the bonding ceremony was to begin, I found him cornering her in the forest, his hands groping her in places she shouldn't be touched."

Solas eyes narrowed and he held his breath.

"Only the Gods knew what he would have done if I hadn't interrupted," Eri said dryly. "We fought and I manage to break his nose. When the Elders found us, Eldrin accused me of assaulting IIyana. When she defended me, he implicated her by claiming he found both of us frolicking in the woods. We were dragged into the middle of the festivities in front of the two clans, our crimes laid out in the open."

"You Keeper didn't step in to help?"

"Deshanna may be highly regarded in our clan but her position held no authority or say within Dalish laws. We've offended the son of a prestigious family and we must be punished."

"What happened next ..."

"This," Eri stated, pointing at the ugly gash on his face. "I was whipped to an inch of my life while IIyana was forced to watch. She pleaded, begged on her knees in front of those dirty elves. Angry that she was pleading for my life, Eldrin kicked IIyana so hard on the side that he dislocated her arm. He then shoved a hunting knife into her hands and demanded she mark my face. _He insulted me, IIyana. This is the only way I will forgive him_ , he'd said to her. When she didn't move fast enough, he slammed her face into my bloody back."

Solas hand tightened around his empty glass. His voice was deadly when said, "is he alive?"

"He is long dead," Eri replied flatly. "To save both of our lives, Deshanna – ordered IIyana to obey Eldrin's wishes. She even told IIyana that it was her duty as First to do what is best for the clan... she was forced to cut my face until it reached the bone."

The silence that followed was achingly painful. Never would he have imagined that she grew up with such a sham of a family. "IIyana never told me this," Solas rasped. "She speaks briefly about her clan but not what life was like. About her parents, her childhood ..."

"She never talks about it. The guilt of what she had to do, the shame of going through with it, it's a burden she'd carried since that night. She's forgiven Deshanna, the clan, but not herself. Never herself."

"It wasn't her fault."

"Correct. But, she doesn't feel that way. She confessed to me years later that she had a choice to make that night – and she chose wrong."

"She chose her duty."

"Instead of following her heart." Eri smiled sadly. "She admitted that she didn't do it to save my life, she did it because it was what was expected of her. She chose her duty that night because she was afraid that if she didn't, she would have cast out again. You have to forgive her though – she grew up unloved and unwanted. Once you receive a taste of it, the feeling becomes addicting."

Solas nodded.

"She is everything that is good in my life, Solas. She is the reason why my life is worth living. If she continues to remain the Inquisitor, she needs to remember who she is versus what she should be. It'll destroy her. And that is why I need you to fix this clusterfuck of a mess separating you two."

"I would think you want me out of her life."

"Like I said earlier – You. See. Her."

Solas bowed his head. "It's too late. I've done and said too much."

"IIyaa would be the first to say, _it only takes one person to make a change_." Eri slipped his hand inside his shirt pocket and withdrew a small bundle of letters. He extended it to Solas. "After you read these, if you are not yet convinced of her feelings for you, then I suggest you end it now rather than later. If anything, I want you to understand that IIyana is similar to me – people may come in and out of our lives – but we'll love only once. And it will be for always."

* * *

IIyana felt him the moment he entered her chamber.

Pushing himself forward to the edge of the bed, Solas looked down upon the only woman he had ever loved, for he recognized now that his feelings for the others had been nothing compared to what he felt for IIyana. He hadn't even known what love was until IIyana entered his life. He'd spent the past hour reading the letters she's sent to Eri, each detailing her life with the Inquisition. Most were about him. The last letter had been dated a month earlier, just before Wisdom's death.

 _Dear Eri,_

 _Fall has finally found it's way to Skyhold and I couldn't help but think of you today. Our lives have been rather difficult, don't you think? Growing up alone, unloved, just the two of us against the entire world ..._

 _I want you to know that I've finally made peace with what happened that night. Although you had never held me responsible for my part in inflicting your pain, I've long carried it in my heart as you longed suspected me to do so. But this season is different, Eri. Instead of the dreadful cold that usually fills me with emptiness, suddenly there is a warmth in its place, and I finally understand what you mean by being free._

 _It's because of Solas. He sees me, Eri. Just as you do._

 _I know my previous letters have painted him in a horrible light, but somehow amidst this damn chaos of a world, we've reached some kind of understanding. He loves me and I feel it every time he looks at me. I am happy, Eri, so incredibly happy. The kind of sappy happiness that makes you feel as though you're walking on clouds. The kind where you know you've finally found your place in the world – a place where you belong, a place to call home._

 _And he is so beautiful, Eri ... so beautiful. If you could only see his laugh or smile, you would understand. My offer still stands. Please come to Skyhold._

 _I want to introduce you to the man I call vhenan._

Solas sat on the side of the bed and reached out to touch her hair, but then pulled his hand away, afraid he would wake her. "I'm so sorry," he began, knowing she didn't hear him but he needed to say the words, "for everything that I have ever done to hurt you. You loved me deeply but I was too blinded by my own stubbornness and stupidity to recognize it." He glanced at her lovely face, the golden branches of her vallaslin. "I love you, IIyana, more than you will ever know," he said quietly. "You are my heart, my home. You will always be my vhenan."

IIyana was torn. He sounded so sad that she wanted to hug him. But a part of her screamed that he'll hurt her in the end. He turned to go and her heart launched violently. She reached for him, lacing her hands between his. "Don't go ... please."

For a moment he didn't move and IIyana was afraid she'd made some grave mistake by reaching out, but then slowly he turned back towards the bed. Their eyes met for a moment and Solas could hardly breathe. "IIyana ... I ..."

"Stay," she said simply, though her eyes spoke volume.

He released a heavy breath and stretched out beside her on the bed. Then he pulled her into his arms, her lips kissing the side of his neck.

"You smell like alcohol."

"Eri."

Then she asked what her heart was afraid to hear. "Are you back," she said tearfully.

"Yes."

Lifting her hand, IIyana placed it lightly against his cheek as she glanced up. "Will you be here when I wake."

"Yes - today, tomorrow, the next day. This I promise you." He brushed her tears away with his lips. "Ar lath ma, m'yana. Now and always. ."


	24. The Dread Wolf's Heart

IIyana woke with the morning chill and for a horrid moment, she thought she'd only dreamed Solas had been with her last night. The place next to her was cold, empty, and he was gone. Tears burned as she rolled onto her back, her spirits plummeting – it had only been a dream. Then she saw him standing outside on the balcony.

The doors were partially opened, revealing what would be a clear day, but in contrast with the bright weather, Solas' expression was somber, as if his thoughts were far away. Uneasily, IIyana wondered if he regretted coming to her last night ... regretted making passionate love to her hours earlier.

Wrapping the bed sheets around her naked form, IIyana walked across the Orlasian carpet, stopping next to him. "Oh dhea," she whispered.

So absorbed in his thoughts that he visibly started. But when he turned to see her tight smile, his expression softened. He reached out, took her arm, and gently wrapped his blanket over hers. "Oh dhea," he replied as he slipped his arms around her waist. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"When I awakened and you weren't there, I thought I had dreamt about you being with me last night."

"I'm here, vhenan. And I am very real. But you should be resting."

"I will rather be with you."

His eyes brightened. He kissed her until she was breathless. But his expression turned solemn again. "I've been thinking -"

"I hate when you do that," she interrupted and smoothed the frown from his lip.

"You hate when I do what?"

"When you think about things that make you frown."

"IIyana, I -"

"I love you, too, Solas."

His heart ached. Feeling as though he would explode with love. "I was afraid," he admitted, "that I would never hear you say those words again."

"Shouldn't I be the one to make that decision?"

"Yes," he agreed.

"Then I will forgive you for thinking such ridiculous thoughts."

Solas smiled. He appreciated IIyana's gentleness and her attempts at trying to act as if if things were perfectly normal between them now because of the night before. "I realized that upon my return, I have neither apologized for my inexcusable behavior, nor did I offer an explanation, and I need to do both."

She sobered. Eyes lowered and silent. She was afraid to hear what he would say but she waited for him to begin.

"As you may have suspected, I blamed myself for my friend's death. She had reached out for help and I had failed to protect her."

"But I heard what she said to you. You did all you could."

"Yes, I know. But it didn't hurt any less," he replied. Then his voice went soft. "What I did to those mages - I had not lost myself like that since before I joined the Inquisition. And I was ashamed you were witness to such behavior. Cassandra said you believed I blamed you for Wisdom's death. Please know that I didn't leave because I hold you at fault. That burden was mine alone to bear. "

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?"

"Because I knew you would follow. I needed time to think. To process my grief and my shame. This was a journey I had to partake alone."

"I understand. Where did you go?"

"I found a quiet spot and went to sleep. I visited the place in the Fade my friend used to be. It was empty. But there are stirrings of energy in the void. Someday, something new may grow there."

IIyana nodded. "What happens when a spirit dies, Solas?"

"It isn't the same as mortals. The energy of spirits returns to the Fade. If the idea given the spirit form is strong, or if the memory is shaped after spirits, it may someday rise again."

"So there's a chance that she might come back?"

"No, not really. A spirit's natural state is peaceful semi-existence. It is rare to be able to reflect reality. Something similar may be formed one day. But it might have a different personality. It would likely not remember me."

"I'm sorry," she said gently. "The next time you mourn, you don't have to do it alone"

"Thank you, yana. I see that now."

"What took you so long to return home."

"I wondered the Fade for days until I found myself in ruins long lost to time. The spirit guarding the memory led me to an ancient Elven artifact – an eluvian."

IIyana looked puzzled. "Keeper said the elves of Arlathan left not roads to travel between cities. Instead, they used magical mirrors to communicate and travel to far lands."

"Your Keeper was correct. It was incredible. The possibility that such things once existed. We lost many such wonders when Arlathan fell."

"You're telling me that you let a piece of glass lured you away from me?"

Solas accepted her barb with a half smile. "I see your point."

"I'm glad," her green eyes filled with tears as she gazed at him with a small smile. "I was really worried that something had happened to you."

"I'm sorry that I made you worried." He placed a kiss on her forehead and pulled her closer. It had been such a long time since someone had cared for him that he'd forgotten how it felt for someone to worry about his overall well-being. It was humbling ... overwhelming.

IIyana's cheek pressed against his beating heart and she thanked the Gods that he was alive and whole. She was thanking Mythal for her blessings and for her bringing Solas home safe when she heard him say from above. "I apologize ... for the things I said and did to you - with Cullen."

She said slowly. "I can see why you would think -"

"It doesn't matter. I was wrong." Solas told her. "Before you, I've only known loneliness and pain, and it was unfair of me to assumed you would treat me the same."

"And betrayal," she added. "I would think that someone you once loved has hurt you deeply. It would explain your possessive nature over the past weeks."

He winced. "Have I been so terrible?"

"Yes. Incredibly so."

"I'm sorry."

"Will you tell me about her one day."

Tightening his arms around her, as if he could absorb some of the pain he caused her, Solas whispered a quiet _yes_.

Satisfied, IIyana sought out to erase any doubt between them. "I'm not in love with Cullen, Solas. I love him, yes, but not in the same way I do you. He is very dreamy but he is not the sun. You are. I need you to understand that, and I need you to hear it."

He cupped the sides of her face and made her look at him. "I love you."

Her eyes filled with tears. "You hurt me."

"I love you," he repeated in a harsh whisper. "I'm sorry I hurt you," he added. A single tear slid down her cheek. Solas wiped it away with his thumb.

"I'm sorry about the kiss, Solas. It will never happen again."

"I believe you, IIyana. I was angry but not anymore."

"What's changed your mind?"

"Eri showed me your letters."

She gasped. "He had no right."

"I am glad he did. It gave me the courage to come to you last night. I had hoped that we would eventually find our way back to one another, but I was also afraid I had ruined what little we had left."

"You haven't," she promised.

He looked at her, his eyes smoldering. "Oh IIyana, he said huskily, "love me. Love me as you did before."

There as a moment of complete stillness. Then she tilted her face to kiss him slowly, tenderly and he put all his love, all his emotion into that caress.

"Make love to me, Solas."

"Today. Tomorrow. Always."

* * *

They stayed in bed for the rest of the day. Other than the occasional opening of the door to allow for food to be delivered, IIyana's room remained locked, warded, and undisturbed. It was an easy schedule – they ate, slept, made love, and loved some more until the sun descended to earth and disappeared behind the Frosty Mountain peaks.

IIyana stretched lazily on the bed, her creamy body draped over Solas' chest as they awakened from their nap.

"Hmmmm," Solas said, nuzzling the side of her neck. "You need a hot meal, a relaxing bath, and a good night's sleep."

"I need you," she tempted. She sat up. The blanket slipped past her waist; her naked breasts were hot against his skin as she leaned down to kiss him. "Hot. Hard. Inside me."

"IIyana," he whispered when their lips parted. "Your body is sore -"

She crushed her lips against his, her hand reaching to stroke his length, and his defenses crumbled. "This is what I need," she pleaded. She straddles his hips and positioned herself just above his aching cock. "Please. Don't deny me, Solas."

He couldn't have found the words if he tried. His hands gripped her hips tightly, letting out a heavy moan as she slowly slid home. He cupped her breasts as she rode him, her hair a heavy mass against her beautiful back. She was a flaming goddess, conquering his heart and claiming his soul. When her body tightened around his flesh, Solas rolled her onto her back and plunged deeply. His thrusts were controlled, powerful, intentionally slow to heightened her arousal. She clutched to his body, arched and tight. Her moans were music to his ears; her withering body poetry to his soul. When her screams echoed around him, through him, Solas threw himself into the realm of exquisite release.

She completed him – heart, body, and soul.

"I love you, m'yana." He kissed the side of her neck, trying to control his ragged breath.

"You drive me mad, Solas."

"My reputation still proceeds me?"

She flushed.

"I'm pleased to have pleased you," he chuckled softly.

"Eh ... it was more like a three today."

Solas arched a brow. "A three? Out of what, may I ask?"

She held up both hands in front of him as if to push him off her. He gave her a puzzling look, still waiting on her answer.

She gave him a tight smile.

Comprehension settled in. His jaw dropped. Shocked.

She shrugged her shoulders. Avoiding his eyes.

"That was not a three," he demanded, "and you know it."

"I don't know what to tell you," she innocently replied.

"IIyana."

"Solas."

"You lie."

"Perhaps you've lost your touch?"

He lunged for her as she scurried off the bed. Her laughter following her into the washroom.

* * *

After dinner, IIyana and Solas lounged inside the massive tub, relaxed, eyes closed. It was half an hour past eight but the two were exhausted from their day of rediscovering one other, or frolicking naked in the moonlight as Dorian would have called it. Twice she'd received notes from him asking if she were alive; twice she'd replied that she was taking one for the team in all the right places.

Allowing the hot water to soothe her aching muscles, IIyana stretched her legs, laying them on Solas's thighs. She flushed as Solas gave her a lazy grin, and asked, what he was thinking.

"I was counting," he answered.

"Oh."

"Sixty-five."

"I'm sorry?" she asked.

"Sixty-five blushes. That's how many I've counted since you joined me for dinner that first night."

"And which one has been your favorite?"

He trailed his hand in the water, creating inviting circles. "Other than the ones given in the midst of passion? Number thirty-five. The night you invited me to your bed."

"Thinking with your dick, I see."

Solas laughed and her breath hitched. It had been so long since they've been happy and she wanted to remember him this way – arms lazily draped along the rims of the wooden tub, head thrown back in laughter. He was magnificent.

"It was the moment you turned back to look at me when we reached your room," he explained. "You were nervous and when I asked if you were certain, you blushed. You took my breath away." He pulled her into my arms. "Suddenly, my future spread before me in an endless wave of wander - a thousand days and nights of being loved by you. My heart raced as I climbed the steps leading up to your room, and when I reached the landing I forced myself to face the truth."

"And what did you find?"

"That I already belong to you. Whether you stayed or left, or whether we walked the same path or not. The world could be destroyed and I will still be yours, Yana. My heart had seen it from the beginning and it was that part of me that I chose to listen to."

Overwhelmed with emotions, IIyana's couldn't think, couldn't find the words.

"In you, I see my heart, my purpose ... my very soul," he continued.

She had imagined his apology - his atonement - a million different ways. But never in her dreams did she imagined this. Nor could she had prepared herself for it. Tears glistened and before she knew it, IIyana broke, crying in earnest from happiness. He sipped her tears before taking her mouth in one long, lush kiss, pouring all his love into the caress, erasing all the hurt and doubt he'd created over the past month. "Say something ... anything."

"I can't," she said. Voice shaking. "I can't find the words."

"I can help you. How about the ones you taught me – I love you. I love you, IIyana."

She held his face in her hands and whispered harshly. "I love you. I love you. Gods, how I love you."


	25. A Promise Given

Squinting his eyes open, Solas was surprised to discover that it was already past morning. He had never known such sleep, so deep and restorative that it seemed he had never experienced real sleep before. He felt drunk when he awoke, drunk on peace, drowning with it. He'd always felt that way when he was with IIyana. He was at peace and in harmony in the world.

He felt no overwhelming need to leap out of bed, would gladly remain locked away for one more day, but it was time to return to their duties.

"IIyana," he said. He wasn't really calling out to her. He just wanted to say her name out loud. Quiet as he was, she met his gaze with a tender smile from where she sat beside her desk, catching up on the latest reports.

"Good morning." She was dressed for the day in a loose white tunic and brown breeches. Her damp hair loosely braided and piled atop of her head, and loose strands fell delicately along her face. Her smile was attentively warm that his heart clutched painfully – how blessed was he to be chosen by her to be loved. "How are you this morning?"

"I feel loved," Solas replied.

Silence fell in the wake of his statement, and IIyana couldn't help but move to sit beside him. "Good," she said with a kiss.

Her lips tasted like sunshine, and he deepened the kiss, needed to etched the feel of it into his memory. "IIyana -" He waited until she glanced at him. "Yesterday …" he forced himself to ask, "… when we walk through those doors, we'll return to our duties … are we – will we be alright?"

Comprehending his concern, IIyana's expression softened. "Yes … we will be alright," she reassured.

He released a sigh of relief and pulled her back into bed with him. He needed to feel her. To know that she was real and that everything within the past two days was not a dream.

"But may I ask you to grant me two favors in return?"

"Anything," he agreed without hesitation.

"Really? Even if I ask for your heart on a golden platter?"

"My heart is already yours, m'yana."

She pulled away to look at him. Her happy expression suddenly uncertain and Solas could feel the doubt spreading inside him. "Twice now you've accused me of grievous misconduct, both times involving Cullen. In that case, I ask that you never again fail to allow me to defend myself against any allegations you believe I am guilty of in the future."

He winced, and she soothed his frown away. _That's all she was asking?_ , Solas thought. She'd given him joy, hope, and love; he'd only given her hurt, sadness, and pain. He wished she'd asked for more – torture him, punishing him, even cast him out into the wilds until he learned his lesson. Yet here she was, glancing at him with all the love for him reflecting in her eyes, and he'd never felt so unworthy. He would have gladly bartered his soul if it means she'll forgive him. Humbled beyond measure, Solas stroked her cheek and said, "I give you my word never to do that again."

"Thank you." She looked vastly pleased with herself and added, "now, for the second favor ….."

She was nervous. Lips pressed between her teeth. And she was drawing tiny circles around his naked chest. He clasped her hand to stop her movements. Whatever she had to say, he will hear it. "You don't have to be afraid."

IIyana smiled. "I was thinking … that we should start over. Anew. As in, new beginnings."

"New beginnings?"

"We need a fresh start, is what I mean. The past month has been tiring, for both of us, and I would like to move forward, knowing that we agreed to put it behind us. Once and for all."

Solas considered her words for a moment before asking, "what do you propose we do?"

"I think we should … start by courting. We never had the opportunity, and I've always wanted to be romanced like the woman in one of Cassie's novels."

"And what does courting you entail?"

"Flowers and frilly cakes?"

"And kisses?"

"Perhaps," she stated nervously. "I thought it might be best to … " she trailed off quietly and Solas had to strain to hear. He thought he heard incorrectly but sat up on the bed and asked her to repeat her request.

"I thought we should cease with physical intimacy for a month."

"You mean sex," he clarified.

She nodded. "I read in a book once that it can heighten one's emotional connection," she rambled. "And I think it will be good for both of us. Our relationship started with our attraction for one another, then it led to sex, and somewhere in between – we didn't really know one another and I – I don't even know much about you. And besides, you don't know much about me. I realized that while you were away and I -"

He silenced her with a kiss. A lovely kiss that sent delicious butterflies down to the pit of her stomach. "Alright," he agreed.

"Really?"

"Yes," he said, kissing her again. "When should we begin?"

"I thought maybe we could start today."

"Alright."

She blinked. Unable to believe how accommodating he was. "Are you sure?"

"I am quite sure," he said huskily. His eyes turned intense. He pulled her against him.

"Solas …."

"Yes, IIyana …."

"I thought you just agreed …" she whispered against his lips.

"Forgive me," he said. "You were so lovely that I forgot myself." He released her and fell back against the pillows. IIyana went dry-mouthed as she watched him. She needed him. She needed to be held and touched, and he knew it. If she kissed him now, there would be no questions as to what would happen next.

"Solas … perhaps I – I was hasty … with my suggestion."

"Oh," he asked, pretending not to have any idea what she was referring to just now. But by the Gods he did, because his gaze slowly traveled from her lips to her breasts where they lingered. She wanted him. She wanted him to hold and touch her, and he knew it.

 _Smug Bastard._

IIyana drew in an exasperated breath and crushed her mouth against his, anything to wipe that smug expression off his face. Solas kissed her eagerly, hungrily, and obligingly roll her underneath him.

"This one time doesn't count," IIyana said after she broke the kiss.

"Hush," he whispered.

"Don't rub this in my face," she muttered, helping him pull of her clothes. "There's nothing more annoying than you being a complete ass."

Solas bit back a grin. "You have my word, IIyana," he said.

"I'm only taking my clothes off so that you will feel comfortable since you are naked and such. But nothing is going to happen, do you understand me? You may kiss me, but nothing else."

* * *

True to his word, Solas only kissed her. But it was the kind that sent flames straight through IIyana's body and left her entirely spent when he withdrew his lips from her sex. By the time Solas bathed and dress, their morning meal had arrived, and IIyana was busy setting up two plates. An assortment of cured ram, eggs, bread, and cheese, along with two steaming cups of tea lined the edges of the desk.

"Are you hungry? Josie sent us a basket," IIyana said. "I can make you a plate …" Her voice faded as she glanced at Solas, who was clean and dressed and incredibly handsome.

The dark circles had disappeared. The stress, lining his feature lately, gone. In fact, he appeared refreshed, lighter … happier. As if the weight of the world had been lifted for his shoulders. There was a brightness, a spark, in his eyes that she has never seen before. Most enthralling was the fact that Solas appeared not to be himself, and for a moment, IIyana thought if the man standing before her wasn't him. It seemed as though he'd been replaced by another Solas from a much earlier time before he became tainted by burdens and mistakes.

"If you keep staring at me like that, IIyana. I will have to break my promise to you."

"I'm sorry," she blushed. She kept herself busy by setting up the desk into the table while he relaxed, the cup of tea warm in his hand. "What are you doing today?"

"You."

"Solas."

"Can't I fantasize about the woman I love?"

"Taking sex off the table won't work if you keep talking like that," she chided. "We both know that all you have to do is look at me and my knees go weak. I ask that you respect this process by not tempting me every moment you get."

Solas placed his mug down and gave IIyana an apologetic smile. "Forgive me, IIyana. I know this is important to you, and I will behave going forward."

"Thank you. Now eat."

After consuming their mean, they cleaned up their dishes and placed it back in the basket. Lacing their hands together, Solas grabbed the basket and led them out of her room.

"May I ask you something," he asked as they walked side by side.

"I'm an open book, Solas."

"Most people would not have granted me a second chance, or a third, after the way I've treated you. What made you forgive me?"

IIyana stopped as they reached the landing leading to the second set of stairs that will take them into the main hall. She considered his words carefully, deeply, and then she gave him a soft smile. "It was because you looked so sad and so alone."

He gave her a puzzling stare.

"Then night you found me with Cullen in the gardens. I have never seen you look like that before. Your guard was down and I saw the pain you tried to hide. It was raw, very real. On the way home, I placed myself in your position and after analyzing it from both perspectives, I realized my own contribution to our rift. I needed to forgive you if I wanted to be with you."

Solas shook his head. He needed to earn her forgiveness, not let it be freely given to him as she has her heart. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of it. "Your forgiveness is too easily given," he said.

"You once asked if I had ever wanted something so desperately, so badly, but that I was afraid to reach for it," she said.

Solas remembered his exact words spoken from his heart the night he joined IIyana for dinner. He had laid his heart bare and she had soothed away his fears. "I stand by my words, IIyana."

"I know," she smiled. "I didn't give you an answer that night. But if you were to ask me the same question today - my answer would still be you, Solas. I forgave you because I had a choice to make. I can choose to live with courage and forgive you - risk being hurt again because of love. Or, I can choose to live in comfort - to run away from my problems as I have always done without facing it. I choose courage, Solas. I choose you.

She kissed him then. A soft, loving kiss that promised him forever. "You give me the courage to be myself, Solas. And with that comes the fear that there is no guarantee you will hurt me again, or I you. But I believe that as long as we can show up for one another - even when it hurts – we can get through anything together."

There was a moment of complete silence before IIyana was crushed against Solas' chest. He kissed her with all the love, passion, hope, happiness, and joy that he had for her.

IIyana was his heart. His soul. His purpose.

And to hell with his duties because for the first time in his life, Solas finally understood love.


	26. Family Approval

The Maker had come to collect her soul. She was sure of it. Or, in the least, a desire demon had manifested itself to tempt her with a hero straight out of Swords and Shields.

Seated across from him in the nearly empty Tavern, Cassandra didn't know whether to be aggravated or fascinated. He'd only been here a day, and while the rumors of his charming nature had spread like wildfire, she'd not set eyes on him until this afternoon. From the stories IIyana had told, Cassandra had imagined him tall, slim, with a cheeky grin. One who lived a carefree life of decadence, misbehavior, and excess.

The harsh lines of his face were carved from hours in the sun, made more intense by the ghastly scar that splintered half his face. But there was a beauty about him, made softer by the white, unruly hair piled atop with delicate tendrils teasing his neck. His broad shoulders, crystal blue eyes, and honeyed-skin made him an exotic creature.

And one more appealing to look at that she was willing to admit.

Cassandra lowered her gaze from the profile of the man who'd captured her attention from the moment she sat down and met the delicious wicked gaze of Eri Lavellan.

Sitting near him, she became increasingly aware of the raw sexuality emanating from him. She imagined women following him to his bedchamber without uttering a single world. She could smell a hint of elf-root and liquor as if it was his permanent smell. It was intoxicating, and she wanted to pull him closer, to absorb his scent.

 _You are ridiculous. You're a grown woman. You have no time for childish -_

Cassandra's thoughts were interrupted by the barmaid who, in the process of refilling Eri's drink, so happened to brush her breasts against his forearms. Arms, Cassandra imagined, that can easily lift her and slam her on the table for a good -.

She shook her head. It was unlike her to think such thoughts.

"Care to share what's on your mind?" Eri asked, dismissing the barmaid with a suggestive smile.

Annoyed with her reaction to him, Cassandra frowned. It was none of his business what she was thinking, and so she ignored him.

"Suit yourself. But if you change your mind, I am a great listener."

"I'm sure you are," she mumbled underneath her breath.

"Fiesty. I like that in a woman."

Cassandra slammed her fork down. "I am not one of your women."

"I didn't say you were."

She eyes narrowed.

He smiled. "If you keep frowning like that, you'll look like a newborn baby nug."

"You are annoying."

He chuckled softly. "Don't get me wrong; I love baby nugs. They are adorable."

They ate in silence until he asked, "what were you thinking about just now? You looked like you wanted to murder someone."

 _I wanted to run my sword through that barmaid_. "It was nothing," Cassandra said.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Are you always so tight -"

"I beg your pardon," Cassandra interrupted.

" ... wound," Eri finished.

"I am not prone to aggression."

He had the audacity to wave his hand at her as though she were speaking nonsense; her words dismissed with no more than a thought one might give a hysterical woman. His careless attitude only sparked her annoyance.

"Tell me, what do you do for fun?"

Cassandra scoffed at his tone. Fun? There was no time for fun and games. They were at war for Maker's sake. What in the hell did he think she did all day? Lounge around eating cookies while the rest of the world fall to shit?

"Nothing, I see," he added with a smile. "You need some time to relax ... Cass."

"My name is _Cassandra._ "

"I like Cass, better. There's a harshness to the name, and yet it's lovely and delicate at the same time. Just like you."

Her curt reply died in her throat. No one has ever said anything this lovely to her before. It was charming and just the thing the hero would say to seduce his love interest. Cassandra began to feel self-conscious and suddenly, the way she sat, held her fork, even chewed mattered.

"I can teach you to discover new ways to manage your stress ..." Eri suggested with a grin. "Perhaps you'll join me for a swim later?" His voice had turned into a powerful caress, stirring her to imagine his hands on her body - Cassandra shook her head to clear herself of the heated images.

Why was he teasing her in the middle of the day, in the middle of their meal, while they were in the middle of a damn war? Who did he think she was? Some wench he could invite into his bed? She was Cassandra Pentaghat - Seeker, Hero of Orlais, Right Hand of the Divine. Oh, the man was infuriated. Without a thought, Cassandra reached for her cup and threw its contents at his face.

"You will do well not to confuse me with the barmaids you take to bed," she said acidly.

Eri presented him with a slow, calculating smile that caused her stomach to plummet clear down to her toes as he wiped the liquid from his face and neck. "The Seeker has spunk. Who'd have thought?"

Cassandra wanted to run her fist into his beautiful, sculpted face with the full lips that invited her to indulge in sin. She was saved from providing a response when the tavern door opened and IIyana and Solas walked in. She turned back to glare at Eri who, by now, had thrown his head back in laughter.

Disgusted, Cassandra pushed away from her seat. "Your friend is a nuisance," she said to IIyana in passing, ignoring Eri's cheerful good-bye from behind her. No, the people of Skyhold were wrong- Eri was not charming and flirty with a carefree attitude. He was everything dangerous, forbidden, and sinful, and to her utter shame, Cassandra wanted a piece of it. She was only too happy to leave the tavern so that she may focus on more pressing matters, such as saving the damn world from a graced lunatic.

"What did you do to Cassandra?" IIyana asked, wrapping her arms around Eri in a tight hug.

"I'm teaching her to relax," he replied, his gaze following Cassandra's tush as she headed out the door. Turning his gaze back to IIyana, he gave her a cheeky grin. "You look ... like you weren't thoroughly fu-"

"Eri!" IIyana chided, slapping him on the arm. Poor Solas stood behind her, flushed.

"What! I'm only looking out for you," Eri replied.

"I believe I did quite well," Solas added to a smiling IIyana. She loved when he was playful.

"I find that hard to believe," Eri countered.

"Believe it." IIyana insisted.

"Hard to believe when you are still standing, IIya."

She gasped. "It's not all about a rough tumble in the woods. Love making can be gentle and soft, too." When it looked as though Eri was still not convinced that she'd spent a day lost in the throes of passion, IIyana thought of the only explanation that will shut down all arguments.

"Remember our visit to the red-light district near Kirkwall?" She asked.

Eri's eyes widened.

"Yes," IIyana confirmed. "That one."

"Not the night with the Qunari twins and Sauri with the creepy fingers ..." Eri groaned painfully.

The memory still fresh in their minds, IIyana shook with laughter as Eri shuddered in horror. As for Solas, he hadn't a clue as to what the two were talking about nor the context of the conversation, but it was apparent that some things were better left unsaid. Putting himself to use, Solas gestured for three cups of mead as he patiently waited for one of them to include him in on the story.

"All I have to say is this," Eri looked at Solas. "If you ever end up in Kirkwall, don't trust the female dwarf with the purple hair. She'll sell you lies, and before you know it, you'll wake up with a massive headache and your pants stolen from your bum."

"Solas hasn't heard this story yet. You can't forget how you met the Qunaris -"

"No. Nope. Nada. Ain't going to talk about it," Eri grumbled.

"Well," IIyana said to Solas. "What he didn't say was that his male ego was left in shreds because -"

"Because I convinced the Qunari twins that I can impale them Elgar'non's wrath. Only -"

"The twins had massive hands and while they were - you know - one squeezed too hard and ..."

Eri interrupted. "Its working just fine now, in case you were curious. If you heard otherwise, it's not true." Eri declared loudly enough for the barmaid who'd served him earlier to blush. He accepted his cup, took a drink, before asking Solas what he knew about Qunaries and lovemaking. Solas didn't get a chance to respond as Eri and IIyana began bantering again, and so he focused on his drink.

"Oh my gods, Solas. You should have seen Eri on our way back home. Crying like a girl -"

"I was in pain!" Eri barked. "And yes, I get why you brought this up. She wanted to tell me that she broke your dick, Solas."

Solas choked on his mead.

IIyana smirked. "Not only broke it. Tamed the heck out of it, too." By now, Solas was coughing, but neither were paying him any attention.

"That's my girl. I am proud to call you friend, IIya." After giving IIyana a high-five, Eri slammed his palm against Solas, nearly knocking him over. "My heart goes out to you, old man. I'll make sure to send you some cream for your aches and pains."

"I assure you that I am fine," Solas finally managed.

"We don't have to pretend here," Eri whispered. Taking pity on Solas, Eri decided that he should at least try to preserve what little was left of the man's dignity. Stating loudly, Eri said. "Damnit, IIya. I heard about the situation downstairs. How in the hell do you fit that thing in your mouth."

"Eh - I choke every time."

"IIyana!" Solas hissed. He gave her an arrested stare communicating that he preferred their bedroom activities to remain private. But Eri didn't care because he crackled loudly, "Didn't take you for a shy one, Solas."

"Enough," Solas demanded.

Both Eri and IIyana's mouths snapped shut. Neither looked at Solas, but he was sure they were both trying to contain their laughter, as he suspiciously heard what he thought was a muffled giggle. Looking at the two, one would never have imagined they were inseparable as children; whereas IIyana was fair and bright like a glowing star; Eri was dark and thunderous like a storm cloud. But their love was apparent in the way they bantered with one another.

In an attempt to get IIyana to behave, Eri jammed his elbow into her side, which in turn, rewarded him with a punch to his upper thigh. Eri yelped and pulled IIyana's hair, and like little children, their banter began all over again. Flabbergasted, Solas watched as each grabbed plates off the tables and began flinging it at one another. Left over vegetables landed on Eri's shirt while a glob of mashed potatoes smacked straight into IIyana's cheek.

"You're such a little shit, Eri!" IIyana roared. She was getting ready to cast a spell when Eri sprinted to hide behind Solas. "Coward," IIyana added when it became apparent Eri planned to use Solas as a protective shield.

"All's fair in love and war, IIya."

"Solas, if you don't move, I will have to hurt you to get to him."

"You wouldn't want to hurt your Vhenan, would you?" Eri asked. His hands grasped Solas' forearms, maneuvering him in front of IIyana.

"Of course not," she hissed. "But you deserve a thrashing."

"But IIya, I thought you loved me?"

"I do, but you're still a little shit."

Releasing a heavy sigh, Eri said, "Language, IIya! Where did you learn how to curse like a lady-pirate. It's rude."

IIyana shrieked and lunged at Eri who shoved Solas towards her. In return, Solas caught her in his arms and pulled her away as she thrashed and fought her way towards her Eri. Annoyed to no avail, Solas roared so loudly that his voice silenced the entire room. "I said enough!"

Stunned that her lover dared to even rais his voice in front of company, IIyana could only stare. But her shock was quickly diminished as Eri stood at attention and said, "Yes, Hehren."

And as much as IIyana loved her Solas, she couldn't' help but erupt into laughter. Her infectious joy soon spreading to Eri and then chiseled away at Solas' aggravation.

"You two are incorrigible," Solas said.

"Forgive me," IIyana said to Solas. "That was horrible of me." She tilted her face to let him wipe off the potatoes before pressing her lips against his.

"Don't mind me; I'll just stand here collecting dust while you two go at it," Eri said from behind.

IIyana smiled at him and threw herself into his arms, giving him a dozen kisses until he was squirming away like a child. "Welcome to Skyhold, Eri." She said. Then she remembered why she'd come to find him, and her expression turned serious. Here were the two people who meant the entire world to her all under one roof. Her throat suddenly dries, heart racing as if she'd been running a marathon. She'd never done this before - introducing someone she loved to a family member. She didn't know what to do, and there were no rules to tell her otherwise. What if she did it wrong? What if it was a disaster?

She wondered what Eri thought of Solas and whether he would come to appreciate the things about him as she did. She worried that he'd find Solas too serious, too logical, one who wouldn't be able to kick back and relax, which wasn't altogether true. Most importantly, she wondered if Eri would find Solas a suitable choice for her. Eri knew her best - he knew all her secrets, her doubts and fears, and her shame. His approval of Solas mattered much to her, and she hopes that he would see all the good things Solas brings out in her.

And then there was Solas. What if he through Eri was a bad influence on her? Would he look down on his perfectly formed nose at her best friend and shun him as he's done the Dalish in the past? Or will he be welcoming, warm, and gentle - the way he was with her.

Oh my gods! What if they become sworn enemies?

Or worse? Drinking buddies?

What if Eri tries to sleep with Solas? What if Solas likes it?

Eri glanced over at Solas. "She's spiraling."

"Isn't she always?" Solas agreed. He knew this was important to her, and he could tell she was nervous. He brushed his thumb against her hand. He wanted to show her that whatever happens, they are in this together. He soothed her until she finally found her courage.

"Eri," IIyana said, "you are my heart, my family, and I am so happy that you are here ..." Tears prickled at her lashes, making it difficult to continue.

"C' mon, IIya," Eri teased. "You can do this."

"I'm trying, you Dalish prick."

"You've become snappy."

"It's Dorian's fault," Solas explained.

"Ah ... the Tevinter. He's a little saucy."

Solas smirked. "And flashy."

Eri crackled with laughter. "Oh, I like you, you Old-Bat. Tell me, are you any good at Diamond Back?"

Solas gave him a knowing grin. "I invented the game."

"Excuse me; I was in the middle of -"

"Yes, yes," Eri said, interrupting IIyana. "Now, introduce me to your Vhenan so that he and I can go do manly things."

"As I was saying ... Eri, I would like to introduce you to Solas."

"Finally! I thought it was going to take another seven days before you introduced me." Eri said. "A pleasure to meet you, old man. Thank you for loving my IIya."

Solas had expected a handshake or a grasping of one's forearms as men often do, but he hadn't expected the hug. He also didn't expect to be tightly held as he was twirled around in a massive, tight, embrace. The wet kiss on his cheek didn't hurt either.

"The pleasure is mine," Solas replied. IIyana had been the first to accept him. Then her friends learned to embrace him. Now, her family had welcomed him. He was speechless, humbled, and he didn't know how to show his appreciation. He thought back to what Wisdom had said, that IIyana will show him the way home. He'd been afraid then, but he was surprised to find that he was looking forward to where ever the road may lead. It was because she was his heart, and in return, she carried his heart. Wherever she goes, he goes. Overwhelmed with gratitude, the only thing he could think of was to return the hug.


	27. Part II: Provoked

Provoked:

to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.

to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity):The mishap provoked a hearty laugh.

to incite or stimulate (a person, animal, etc.) to action.

to give rise to, induce, or bring about: What could have provoked such an incident?

Obsolete. to summon.


	28. I Can't Help Whatever Is Happening

**_Frostback Mountains, Post Have_**

 ** _From the Memories of IIyana Lavellan_**

* * *

She will not die this day.

Not when she fought to stay alive with every ounce of strength and every pound of stubbornness she possessed. Though she should welcome death as an end to the terrible pain and anguish she was enduring, IIyana couldn't give in to her suffering just yet, for she had a debt to collect. A debt owed by Solas for saving his life, and one she intends to collect in full.

She'd taken some time to imagine how she'd demand her payment. It was only fitting that Solas drink tea for a week since he detests that stuff. Or perhaps he can adorn one of Dorian's fashionable robes while prancing around the Hinterlands. But after careful consideration, IIyana settled on a dramatic yet straightforward affair. Solas will pledge his fidelity and undying devotion to her, on bended knee, to the flutters of a dozen white doves flying in harmony. Afterward, he'll apologize for being an ass and admit he'd been wrong about the Dalish.

Yes. IIyana will take great pleasure in collecting her due.

That is ... if she survived to see the following day.

After trekking through snow and battling harsh winds to reunite with the Inquisition, IIyana had taken a tumble. Weakened from fever and blood loss and the ferocity of battle, she plunged headfirst into the snow and fell at high-speed into the depths below. Her head exploded as she landed with a soft thud on the frozen ground. The wound on her right side had reopened, blood cascading like a warm waterfall between her fingers. She thinks she may have broken a bone. Maybe two.

Now, hours later, IIyana has yet to move. It proved too difficult.

She tried to turn her head again, but everything hurt. Even breathing hurt. She felt as though a boulder sat on her chest. After several more attempts at moving, she leaned back into the snow, defeated. For someone whose always prided herself for her strength and determination, IIyana's helpless situation made her feel like a child again. How could she be so helpless? She was the Chosen of Andreste, for heaven's sakes. People were depending on her. IIyana had been so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed the slight disturbance to her left until a shadow loomed over her.

"Solas?"

He leaned closer and smile.

"Oh Gods, I've died, haven't I?" She said disgustingly.

There was a soft chuckle. "Now why would you say that?"

"Because I'm happy to see even you." She reached out to touch his face, his cheeks warm against her frozen skin. "You _are_ here."

"Where else would I be when you require my skills?"

"But how did you find me?"

He knelt in the snow next to her. "Does it matter? I'm here now."

They exchanged smiles before Solas pulled away just enough to check her injuries. His hands ran along her arms and legs, taking great care as he lifted her shirt to examine the wound. His expression was grim when he finished.

"How bad," she croaked.

"You hit your head, but the bleeding has stopped. And I'm pleased to find no broken bones or additional lacerations requiring immediate attention." He concluded. The relief in his voice didn't go unnoticed.

"That's fantastic news, " she said, trying to sound cheerful. "And the wound?"

"Infected. Hence the fever," he explained. "It'll require needle and thread."

"That sucks," she complained.

"That's what you get for throwing yourself at me."

"You were distracted."

He eyed her squarely. "I, was focused on the Dragon." He hoisted her forward and caught her firmly in his arms.

"Gently!" she hissed. "I'm bleeding here."

Solas mumbled under his breath. "Even near death, you are impossible."

"Be nice to me, Solas. I'm in pain. Because. Of. You."

"This wouldn't have happened if you had listened to me." Solas chided. He hadn't meant to sound cross, but the memory of the sword slicing through her flesh was something he would never forget.

"I was protecting you," she countered.

"You placed yourself in danger."

She rolled her eyes heavenward. "Look, Solas - as much as I love our philosophical debates, can we please get out of here. Then we can argue all day. But just so we're clear; you owe me. And because you've risked our own life to come find me, I consider that debt partially paid."

He scouffed. "Typical. Will you never learn, IIyana."

"I'm learning now." She whined.

"You're actions were reckless. Impulsive." He snapped. "This isn't a game. I told you to stay behind, and you didn't listen. You never listen."

"Why do we always have to argue," she moaned. "I'm sorry, alright. I should have listened to you because you were right, and I was wrong. But let's be honest here - you'd have done the same for me."

"You are our only key to salvation. What would have happened if you've died? There'll be no one left to close the breach."

"You and I both know that you would have found a way."

"You hold your life with little value."

"That's not true," she insisted. "But if I was in danger - you'd utilize all your resources to save me. Because that's the type of person you are. This is a great example - If I were out still out there bleeding to death, you'd have traveled into the Fade to drag my ass back to the present."

Solas finally snapped. "Where do you think we are?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not in the mood."

Neither said anything for a long time. IIyana focused on counting her breath while Solas stared ahead, taking a moment to calm down. He was fucking angry - but not with her. If only she knew of the fear that crippled him. He cursed silently and forced himself to remember why he entered her dream to begin with.

"Listen to me, IIyana," Solas said softly. "Right now, you are somewhere beyond our reach. We don't know where you are and the only way is for you to wake up and find your way to us. But the longer you linger here, the more difficult it'll be to regain consciousness."

He reached for her hand. The sound of his deep, reassuring voice, combine his the feeling of his strong warm fingers closing around hers did much to resolve her misgivings. She searched his gaze questioningly but nodded that she believed him.

"You're not wrong," he added softly. "I did come here for you. Now wake up."

* * *

"Herald, can you hear us!"

IIyana awakened with a start, Solas' name lingering at the tip of her tongue. She was paralyzed with cold but the faint sound of her name sent a spark of adrenaline up her spine. She opened her mouth, but her lips were cracked, and her tongue was dry. Her throat pained as she tried to speak.

"C-C-Cull ..en. Cu-Cullen! Over here. I'm over here," she gasped weakly.

She cried his name again, then again and again until she felt hands frantically brushing away the snow from her body.

"Oh, thank the Maker!"

IIyana stumbled straight into his arms.

"You're alive, " Cullen whispered against her hair. "I was so worried - I was afraid you'd -"

"How is she?" Cassandra demanded as she ran up.

"It's so good to see you, Cassie," IIyana said with weakened delight.

"We need to get you back to camp. Now," Cullen's strong voice vibrated against her cheeks. "Alert the others. And tell Solas we've found her."

At the mention of his name, IIyanna's eyes fluttered open. "Solas - is he alive? Please tell me he's alright."

"He is safe," Cassandra confirmed. "Thanks to you, we are all safe."

* * *

The next time IIyana opened her eyes, she was lying in a tent underneath a pile of blankets. The flaps were laced to prevent her from getting the chill, but it illuminated enough light for her to see that Solas sat beside her. His eyes were warm and he greeted her with a small smile. She reached out to touch his cheek. They stared at one another for wordless moments, neither speaking. Yet, they couldn't deny that something was happening between the both of them. A kind of connection neither had ever experienced before.


	29. A New Beginning

IIyana & Solas start anew. This chapter picks up right after Ch. 26.

* * *

Only a woman carved from stone could have survived the campaign Solas launched over the following week. Though he'd claimed it was courtship, IIyana felt there should have been another name for the way he kept her constantly off-balanced with his roguish charm.

One minute he provoked her into a nonsensical and highly entertaining argument, and in the next moment, he was soothing and kind. He surprised her with flowers in the middle of the day just because he thought of her. Magic butterflies found their way into the war room when she stayed too late. And sometimes, she'll discover surprising love notes hidden in unsuspecting places, each line entailing the depths of his love. Apart from Solas fulfilling all of IIyana's romantic fantasies, what he didn't try to do was kiss or seduce her.

At first, IIyana was amused by his obvious tactic, then secretly miffed, and finally, intrigued. Solas was such a sexual creature that when he suggested sleeping in his room for the month, she found it almost comical.

"Don't be ridiculous, Solas. When I made that suggestion, I didn't plan on not having you stay with me."

He rewarded her with one of his boyish grins. "It's for the best," he insisted.

"But - But that's stupid," she tried to counter.

Solas chuckled softly. It warmed his heart that she, too, was having a difficult time. "It's only for a month."

Realizing she wasn't going to be able to change his mind, she swallowed her disappointment. Soon, she found herself staring at his lips, remembering their last kiss and fantasying about when he'll kiss her again.

But perhaps IIyana's favorite moments were when the world caught up to them, and Solas stole her away for a private moment. In the warmth of his arms, she found strength and comfort. And she knew he did, too, because he would draw away to look at her for wordless moments as if he were trying to convey in words what she meant to him. On rare occasions, he found the words.

"I'm so happy," he'll whisper against the braids of her hair.

He'll say something else, but the words would be too soft for her to hear. And yet, IIyana never pressed him for she never doubted that he too, was trying to navigate this new beginning with her.

In the same token, Solas found that IIyana's ability to love knew no bounds. Never once did she withhold her affection or used the power she wielded over him as punishment for his past transgressions. She continued to love him unconditionally, teaching him to forgive himself and to cleans his guilt with her magical love. A love she also shared with the people of Skyhold.

He discovered by chance that every seventh day, IIyana and Sera woke before dawn to bake cookies for the children of skyhold. A habit she'd acquired during their brief separation.

Another unexpected discovery came one afternoon when a huge commotion in the main hall had him leaving the comforts of the rotunda to investigate. IIyana held a basket in one hand and a series of wooden rods in the other and was skidding across the hall after Eri when she spotted him.

She immediately stopped in her tracks and gave him one of the brightest smiles he'd ever seen, and he immediately went weak in the knees.

"Solas," she greeted.

"Inquisitor," he replied. He thought it best to place his hands behind his back, for fear that he would pull her into his arms for a slow and lustful kiss. "What adventure awaits you and Eri this time."

A faint smile tugged at her lips as if she'd been reading his mind. "We're going fishing."

"You fish?"

"Of course, I fish. I do it all the time."

Puzzled with his new discovery, Solas asked. "Since when?"

"Since I was babe," she teased. "How do you not know this about me? I'm also very good at climbing trees."

Before he could offer a reply, Eri stuck his head back in the hall and bellowed for her to hurry.

"I'm coming!" she yelled. Her face softened when she turned back to him. "I'll see you later? Usual time and place?

"I'll take care of all the arrangements." His puzzled frowned now replaced by a curious grin. "Do you have any other remarkable skills I should know about?"

"I'm rather good," she whispered shyly with all the love in the universe shining in her eyes, "at loving you."

And just like her, Solas' heart fluttered out the door.

* * *

The Hinterlands was crowded with merchants and townsfolks as everyone wrapped up their purchases in preparation for the winter. In a month, it'll be Santinalia and along with it, a week's worth of celebrations with friends and family. Having already dropped off additional supplies for the families at the Crossroads, IIyana, Eri, Blackwall, and Dorian made their way to Redcliff Village. IIyana needed a new staff and wanted to speak with the Dalish merchant, who owned the little shop that reminded her of home. After completing her errands, she met up with them for a drink at the Inn they were staying for the night.

"You know, Solas wasn't what I expected," Eri admitted after shuffling a deck of cards, cutting it twice. A smoke dangling from the edge of his lips.

"I bet you were expecting a cold-hearted elitist prick with a holier-than-thou attitude, " IIyana replied half-heartedly. Concentrating, she eyed her cards before stating that she was sent a shitty hand.

"It's your fault, really, " Eri stated, taking her cards and replenishing them with a fresh one's. "Your letters didn't' paint him in the best light."

"He's still an elitist prick," Dorian interjected, placing two cards down. "The other day, I commented on that little flare he sometimes does with his staff – redirecting ambient energy to his personal aura. Told him it was a Tevinter technique. Know what your elven lover told me? Said it's not Tevinter, it's elven. 'But do go on about the wonders of Tevinter magic,' he said.

"Elitist prick or not, the man plays one hell of a game of Diamond Back," Blackwall added. "Claimed he didn't know how to play, and after I taught him the game, he turned around and beat me. Lost everything. Had to turn around and walk back to my rooms buck-naked."

Dorian dropped his cards on the table. "I didn't take Solas for a gambling man."

Not one to miss out in an opportunity, IIyana gave Dorian a cheeky grin. "But he did! He gambled his heart —"

"Ah - don't say it, IIyaa."

"Please don't embarrass yourself," Dorian said at the same time.

"- and won in the game of love," she finished.

Her words echoed around the table as the three men turned to look at her, their expressions a mixture of embarrassment and comical dismay.

"What? What? That was a good one," she insisted.

"That ... was absolutely dreadful," Dorian concluded "Someone, please put it on the record that whatever came out of her mouth was not my doing. At least not this time."

* * *

It was well past midnight when the group arrived back at Skyhold the following day. IIyana was disappointed to learn that everyone had gone to bed, including Solas, and she headed off to her room alone. After taking a bath, she sat at her desk, brushing her hair, but her eyes kept shifting to her bed. She missed having Solas next to her, and she wondered if he missed her, too.

Glancing at the time, she figured it was well past three. She shouldn't bother him, and besides, he's probably asleep by now. But the more she glanced at the bed, the more intense the urge to run to him became. Before her courage could desert her, IIyana placed the brush down and made her way across the room. Her heart pounding with every step.

Solas was very much awake and staring out the window, thinking of IIyana. The peaks of the Frostback Mountains were made softer by the purple night sky and pearl glow of the moon. It was a beautiful night, as beautiful as the magical love she'd brought into his life.

His bedroom door clicked open, and before he turned, he knew who'd come into his room. He should tell her to leave, insist upon it actually. Instead, he stayed where he was, praying he had the resistance to not push her upon his bed and devour her like a starving man. He was conscious of his body swelling and thickening, of his skin burning hot against his clothes. His breath became shallow, and he strove to control it.

"I couldn't sleep," she said softly.

"You shouldn't be here, IIyana."

His voice was strained, but she didn't miss the heat laced with each word. Silently IIyana stood watching from the doorway, an ache of loving gathering in her chest until it became too painful. Then she came to him.

"I've missed you terribly," she whispered. He felt the touch of her fingers against his shirt, the warmth of her breath as she reached up on her toes. Her lips mere inches from his.

Solas was stiff with arousal. He swallowed inaudibly, trying to control his beating heart, trying desperately to think of other things – anything – but the woman standing too close to him. The touch of her tongue along his ear had him nearly groaning.

"You need to leave, IIyana." He pleaded. "Now."

"But why?" She reached for him, and his hand came up and closed around her wrist in an unconscious brutal grip.

"Because I made a promise," he said thickly. "I can't have you in bed, IIyana, and not have you. I'm only a man."

"It doesn't matter. I don't care about that promise anymore."

"It matters to me," he said. He let go of her hand and caught her face between his palm. "There is nothing I want more than to make love to you. But I want to show you that I was serious. About you. About us."

Defeated and with a little guilt for pressuring him, her green eyes gleamed with emotion. "I love you, " IIyana whispered. She paused when she felt a tremor in his powerful hands. "I love you, so very much."

He buried his mouth in her throat. "I love you, too." His arms wrapped around her in a loving embrace, both enjoying the feel of each other's bodies after days apart.

From somewhere in Skyhold, the time chimed to signaled the turning of the hour. With a heavy heart, IIyana murmured against his shirt. "I should go."

To her surprise, Solas shook his head and tightened his hold. "Stay. Just for a while."

"Alright."

"But may I suggest somewhere more interesting than here?"

"What do you have in mind?"

Within seconds, IIyana found herself at the Winter Palace, adorned in the same rose silk dress she'd worn to the ball. Overhead, crystal chandeliers glittered and gleamed, and music drifted slowly from every corner of the room. From where she stood at the bottom of the staircase leading up to the second floor, she could see moonlight illuminated through the opened balcony door.

Somehow IIyanas knew Solas would be waiting for her there.

She placed her hand on the railing and ascended the steps. When she reached the entrance of the French doors, Solas turned to greet her with a smile. With heart leaping with every step, IIyana crossed the balcony to where he stood.

"Why here?" She asked.

"Because that night should have ended differently."

"But we talked about that already."

He gave her a devilish grin and took a step back, bowing as if she'd always been his Queen. "Dance with me, m'yana," he asked, extending his hand. "Before the band stops playing."

Somewhere in the depts of those knowing brown eyes smiling at her, IIyana saw another spark of something she'd hadn't seen before. Something deep and profound and silent. It held her captive and sang to her soul. A promise of something she wasn't ready to say out loud; yet, courageously accepted.

"I'll love to," she said.

There was no time to react at all, because his arm was already sliding around her waist, drawing her forward, then whirling her across the balcony. As the music came to an end, Solas' hand reached up to her face, his thumb brushing her cheek. Then his lips descended to hers in a slow, lingering, lush kiss.

It was the perfect ending to the perfect night.


	30. Perseverance

Cullen was having a difficult time concentrating on his duties. He was agitated. The tension in his muscles tightened, and he felt as though his entire body was stretched too thin. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be anywhere, but here.

He'd hope his stress was sleep-related. In the following weeks since the Winter Palace, Cullen had awakened more than once from night terrors. Each dream sent him spiraling into a darkened abyss, and he'd often jolted awake, covered in sweat from what he'd experienced. Apart from this, Empress Celene had also gifted the Inquisition with half her army. And with recruits comes new drills and grueling training schedules that often ended with him soaking his muscles at the end of the day. But lack of sleep and a tight schedule were not to blame for his distress.

It was becoming more evident that it was because of her. Thoughts of IIyana and the kiss he'd given her at the Winter Palace kept intruding. They came in waves - The garden. The way she'd glanced up at him. He remembered other things too. The way she felt in his arms. Her arm upon his. His lips brushing hers. Then ...

"Commander, you're choking Connor," Blackwell said. He came up behind Cullen and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Disgusted with himself, Cullen shoved the recruit to the ground. Connor took several deep, gulping breathes, then strengthened up again.

"You almost killed a man," Cullen said, his voice harsh. "If I hadn't knocked the staff out of your hand, Blackwall would be dead. I will not tolerate stupidity."

Conner stammered. "Commander ... I'm sorry. I was careless ..."

Cullen silenced him by raising his hand. "I don't want to hear your excuses. You're excused."

Blackwall waited until Conner took his leave before saying. "Ease up on the kid. He's young. Still needs to learn."

"If he can't control his magic, then he's a danger to us all. Which makes him a liability in the field."

"Not all mages are dangerous," Blackwell reminded. "Send the boy to Solas. If anyone can help, it'll be him."

At the mention of the mage's name, Cullen's jaw tightened. "If you disagree with how I do things here, Blackwall, then you give the order," he snapped. Grabbing his shield and sword, Cullen stormed out of the training arena, ignoring Iron Bull and the Chargers as they greeted him.

"What's his problem?" Iron Bull asked

"Beats me. But If I have to guess – it involves a woman." Blackwall answered.

Iron Bull shook his head. "It always involves a woman."

Still baffled by Cullen's irrational behavior, Blackwall shared his observations with Josephine. Both were surprised at Cullen's attitude as he's usually a fair person. Unable to determine the sudden change in his behavior, Josephine confided in Leiliana, who sought counsel with Cassandra. The Seeker, remembering her agreement with Cullen, volunteered herself and was making her way to his office when she ran straight into Eri.

He greeted her with a charming smile.

"Get out of my way," she hissed.

"Are you always this cheerful?"

She pushed passed him into the rotunda and stormed across the room out through the door leading to the battlements. Eri released a heartfelt sigh. His hand laid upon his heart.

"Be still, my beating heart," he said poetically, if not dramatically, as he watched her retreating back.

Sitting in the middle of rotunda over a scattered desk of books and papers, Solas scoffed, having witnessed the exchange between Eri and Cassandra, and closed the book he'd been leisurely reading.

"What?" Eri grinned, as one would do when they've caught red-handed. "I didn't do anything."

"The Seeker is many things," Solas said dryly, "but she is not one to be trifled with."

"Is your concern more for the Seeker or how IIyaa will feel about my pursuing her friend."

"Both," Solas replied without hesitation.

Eri snorted with laughter. "I like you, Solas, even this whole overprotective hehran-vibe you have going on. It's kinda hot."

"You're ridiculous," Solas mumbled underneath his breath.

Eri regarded him with a slight smile as he reached into his pocket for a smoke. He made his way across the room to the murals along the back wall, and studied each frame intently, now and then angling his head, when his eye caught a scene that reminded him of Skyhold.

"I can see why IIyaa loves this place. The people are warm and welcoming and treat you like family," Eri stated. "I'm glad to know she's found her place in this shit storm of a world."

"She's done much for the Inquisition. It's only natural for the people to love her in return."

Eri shook his head in disagreement. "I'm not talking about transactional love. There is a difference when you are loved because you belong to someone or something. I am pleased to find that she's found both as Inquisitor."

"You came to Skyhold because you were worried about her."

Eri snorted. "Wouldn't you? An elven woman in the hands of the shemlins who blamed her for the death of their beloved Divine? She was safe as long as she could prevent the Breach from spreading across Thedas. Otherwise, there's no telling what they would have done ..."

Remembering the story Eri had told him about IIyana, Solas said softly. " The Inquisition isn't like that."

"I know that now," Eri replied. "I should have trusted that she would have landed on her own two feet eventually. She always does, you know. But she's not the only reason why I came to Skyhold."

Getting a sense that Eri was speaking in riddles, Solas gave him a questioning stare. Whatever he had to say, Solas will hear it. Taking this as his cue to tell the mage what was in his mind, Eri continued.

"What are your intentions with IIyaa? When this is all over, what do you plan to do?"

Surprised at his question, Solas was left speechless. In truth, he hadn't considered what he or they would do once Corephys was defeated.

"Do you plan to leave her in the end?" Eri asked.

"I believe that is a private matter, best discussed between IIyana and myself," Solas managed to say.

"I'm not pushing for an answer. Only curious. There's no doubt you make her happy, and if the stories are true, you will do whatever it takes to protect her from this Corypheus. But you've also hurt her, " Eri said. A flicker of anguish pain danced across his features. "And that is something I can't ignore. You don't get a free pass from me just because she's forgiven you."

"I believe we've moved past common courtesy. If you have something to say, I am happy to hear it."

"Good," Eri said and moved to stand in front of Solas. "Hear me well, mage. If you hurt IIyaa again, if she so much as shed another tear for you, nothing on this earth – not even the Fade – will stop me from hunting you down and killing you."

* * *

IIyana fought back a yawn as she made her way to the archives in search of anything she could find on the Knight Enchanters. Shortly after the Winter Palace, Josie had acquired three trainers, each with their unique specialization. It was her way of making amends for the part she played for not being transparent with IIyana at the Winter Palace. She made it to the door when a voice called from behind.

"We need to talk," Cassandra said, and the two women entered the archives. The room was empty except for a desk and chair and the bookcases that touched from floor to ceiling. "Have you spoken with Cullen."

"Not since yesterday after he briefed me on Samson and the source of red lyrium," IIyana answered. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know, but was something off about him when you met? Did you notice anything different? Was he sweating or shivering? Agitated perhaps?"

"Cassie, if you're alluding that Cullen is using lyrium again, you're wrong. He's determined not to rely on the substance while he is Commander of the Inquisition, and I believe him.

"Well, something is going on with him," Cassandra said, slamming her fist into the wall. IIyana had seen Cassie do this often when she was puzzled at whatever was in front of her. "Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him."

Taken aback, IIyana shook her head. "But why - why would he ask for that?"

"It doesn't matter. I refused his request," Cassandra stated. "Besides, letting him go now would destroy him. Cullen has come so far."

"Why couldn't he come to me?"

"We had an agreement. Long before you joined us, as a Seeker, I can evaluate the dangers. Templars are bound to the order, mind, and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has a chance to break free from the chains that have controlled him. But I don't believe it's lyrium related." Cassandra said with a knowing glance. "You two were close, but things have not been the same since Halamshiral."

"Is that what he said?"

"No. He was not interested in what I had to say," Cassie explained. "I know not what transpired at the Winter Palace, but I know that if anyone could get through to him, it would be you."

IIyana grimaced. "I think I'm the last person he would want to speak with right now."

"That's never stopped you before." Cassandra encouraged. "Talk to him; make him understand. And if he still wants to leave, then I will grant his request."

After Cassandra had gone, IIyana found herself wandering the battlements. Cassandra was right; things have changed between herself and Cullen since their return to Skyhold. She barely saw him anymore, only in glimpses, and when she did find herself in his company, their conversation was short and always regarding the Inquisition. In part, she was partly to blame as she'd also been awkward around him. She came to the end of the walkway and pressed her cheek against the wall, sighing heavily. She wondered if Cullen's resignation had anything to do with her choosing Solas.

"If you stay out here too long, you'll turn into an icicle," Solas said from behind her. Although his face was warm, she didn't miss the concern lining his eyes.

She gave him a lopsided smile. "That's something I would say."

"I'm learning to do things differently," he admitted.

He pulled her into his arms and together they stared out into the vast openness of the Frostback Mountains, his magic provide warmth. They remain silent for a long time.

"Is something the matter, vhenan?" Solas finally asked. His face brushed hers in a soothing motion. "Your heart is here, but your mind is thousands of miles away.

IIyana felt an unexpected lurch of dread. "I - I think I'll be okay," she quickly blurted.

Sensing her hesitation, Solas turned tilted her chin. "There is nothing you can't share with me. I'm sure whatever it is, we'll figure it out together."

She was afraid to tell him anything, especially when it involved Cullen. And although she knew she should tell Solas, IIyana wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to spoil the beauty of their conciliation by reopening old wounds. However, she also didn't like this urge to keep things from him either, simply because she was afraid of how he would react. Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, IIyana told him about the conversation she had with Cassandra, along with her suspicions of why Cullen was resigning.

"I don't want him to leave, Solas," she admitted. "He means a lot to me, and I'm terrified for telling you how I feel because I don't want you to think that I feel — that I don't .. we've worked so hard to get here and I .." her words trailed off.

Brushing kisses along her temple, he soothed her with loving words. "I trust you, IIyana, and I don't doubt your love for me." He gave her a reassuring smile to show that he was genuine. "Perhaps you should speak with Cullen."

"That's what Cassandra suggested, but I don't know what to say."

"Tell him the truth."

"It would only hurt him."

"The man has feelings for you, IIyana, and I don't blame him," Solas said quietly. "But if you try to hide from it, try to pretend it doesn't exist, it'll only hurt you both. It will always be there, lurking, and it'll come back to haunt both of you at odd times. When it does, it will come between us, and that is a chance I rather not take."

"How did you get so wise?" She said with a soft smile.

"If I were wise," he said dryly, "this separation between us would have never happened. But I've had time to reflect on my past transgressions, and I feel that the only way for all of us to move forward is to talk about it openly and honestly. Speak with him. I know you will find a way to help him understand."

IIyana nearly fell to her knees with gratitude. She loved how patient and understanding and supportive he's become. Although she'd been afraid to tell him earlier, IIyana was glad to have trusted the process.

Staring into his loving eyes, she said softly. "I would very much like to kiss you now," echoing his exact words from long ago.

Solas smiled at the memory. Who would have thought that a simple dinner would have led him to his —.

He didn't have time to complete this thought because IIyana's lips pressed against his in the sweetest, most loving of ways. She slid her hands around his neck, pulling him in for a soft kiss that left them both breathless, with little tingles that traveled from the tips of their toes. What started out as a flutter of kisses soon turned into an alluring, penetrating kiss. Solas pressed her unto the wall and kissed her one way, then another, each deeper and deeper until he was taking her deeply, claiming her in some way. He shifted a little and she felt his hand curved around to cup her breast, his fingers stroke her nipple until it hardened.

IIyana moaned and clung to him, her hands sliding down his chest. Liquid heat slid into her stomach and she knew they had to stop but her mind felt foggy, his drug-infused kisses made her senses reel. She was so hot, wet, and...

"Ouch!" she yelped as an electric shock stung her hand. She pushed away, flapping her fingers to lessen the pain.

"Yana, I'm so - I'm sorry." Solas reached for her immediately, lacing her hand with his. He grimaced. Seconds later, cold magic hummed between their fingers. "I had meant to shock myself."

"Oh - I didn't realize you were into that."

Solar flushed. "That wasn't the reason. Things were getting a little -"

"Too hot for you," she finished.

He crackled with laughter. "You have a one-track mind when it comes to me, yana "

"I can't help it - I find you sexy." Solas flushed again. "I think that's my favorite blush, yet," she added.

Once the pain in her hand lessened, he brought their laced fingers to his lips.

"Stay with me tonight, " she whispered softly. "I promise to behave."

He kissed the corner of her mouth, then brushed her lips again. "Alright, " he replied.


	31. Pride

It was still early when IIyana woke the next morning. The only light in the chamber came from the hearth, and the candles placed at the ends of the desk that housed Solas' personal belongings. He sat in silence, charcoal in hand, his attention on paper as he sketched into the leather bounded book.

She watched, fascinated at the image he presented. His brow creased in concentration, his hand moving with grace, and now and then, he angled his head slightly as he transitioned whatever he envisioned unto paper. He was a master at his craft, and it suddenly dawned on her that she'd never seen him sketch. She wondered now if he drew in the mornings right before he woke her with hot kisses and slid into the warmth of her aching body.

He was a handsome man. The soft-ambient lighting caressed his porcelain skin, giving him a god-like elegance that appealed to all of her feminine qualities. She tried to imagine what he'd look like with hair but thought that notion was ridiculous. She loved him just as he was. She loved his intelligence, his wit, his attempts to be more flexible with his thinking.

Satisfied with his piece, Solas placed the charcoal down, leaned back in his seat and stretched. He reached for a cloth to clean his hands before glancing back towards the bed. Their gaze connected and her heart stopped. His expression was unguarded, and she went breathless, having been given a rare glimpse at the man he used to be before experienced had weathered and hardened him.

IIyana's heart pounded excitedly as he made his way towards the bed. Leaning down, Solas brushed his lips across her forehead, letting them linger just a moment before drawing away. "Good morning," he said with an apologetic smile. "Did I wake you?"

She shook her head. "I just woke up."

He smiled and crawled into bed beside her, pulling her against his body. They sprawled on the mattress, limbs entangled, and arms wrapped around one another possessively. He brushed his lips against hers and sighed in contentment. She savored the sweet sound against her skin, her heart filled with a deep sense of love and connection.

The heat of his body was becoming distracting, and she toyed with his wolf necklace to remain focused. Suddenly possessed with the need to know more about him, she asked. "Do you draw often?"

"Every day. When most people are still asleep."

"How did I not know this about you?"

"My passionate lovemaking often leaves you too exhausted," he said with a grin.

"You arrogant bastard," she teased. Loving how easy it was for him to make her smile these days. She gave him a quick kiss. "What were you drawing?"

He seemed surprised by the question. He looked faintly ... embarrassed, and she wondered if her curiosity had spoiled the moment between them.

"My emotions," he finally said. "It helps me make better sense of them when I sketch them out."

"Oh – similar to a journal."

"In a matter of speaking. Things are easier for me in the Fade, but when I don't wish to linger, I find that I express myself better through sketching. It's something I've done since I was a child. It was a gift I acquired from my mother."

IIyana was surprised Solas had brought up his mother. Like her, he never talked about his family, and she wondered if perhaps this new beginning was giving them a chance to be more transparent with one another.

"Tell me about your mother," she asked.

Solas smiled at the memory of the woman who taught him how to be a better man. "Her name was Ghilana," he said, "and she was the ideal mother. Loving and kind when she needed to be and mildly punishing when I was out of line."

She gave him a speculative stare. "I can't imagine you breaking any rules."

"We're all impulsive when young," he replied. "I was disciplined daily. I'm serious," he said when she raised a challenging brow. "I was a horrid and oppositional child. But thankfully, my mother had enough patience and love. Eventually, I came around."

"What else did little Solas do that got him in trouble."

"I spoke with my fist, held boxing matches, gambled, and smoked a lot of elf-root. But those are stories for another day. What else would you like to know?"

"How about your father?"

"I have little memories of him as he passed when I was young. My mother did the best she could to provide me with both a mother and father."

"I think she did a great job."

He smiled sweetly. "I think she would have liked you, yana."

IIyana blushed. The meaning of his words hung in the air between them, and they stared at one another awkwardly, wondering what the other was thinking.

"How about you?" Solas managed to ask. "Tell me about your parents."

IIyana bit her lips in concentration, trying to conjure an image of her parents. "My father's name was Elwen, and my mother, Arianna. They loved each other very much. He was an avid hunter, and she had a gift for baking. But other than that, I don't remember what they look like. Sometimes I have memories of them, but I don't remember their faces."

"Would you like to?" Solas asked softly at her sadden expression. He couldn't erase her past, but he could help her find some peace. "The Fade holds memories, too. If you like, we can visit your memories when you were younger. See your parents."

She pounder his request for a moment before shaking her head. "Thank you, but no ... I would like to remember them as I do now. What little memories I have of them is sweet, and I want to keep it that way. But I appreciate you trying to help."

Solas tilted her chin so that she may look up at him. Brushing little strands of hair away from her face, he asked why speaking of her Clan makes her sad.

"Because I don't have fond memories of them," she confessed. "Eri told you what happened. You can't survive that night and be a whole person afterward."

Solas agreed. Had it happened earlier, he would have personally seen to it that her Clan was held responsible. "Would you like to talk about it?" He asked.

"No."

"It might make you feel better," he said, echoing words she would often use when anyone was distressed.

"It's hard to talk about," she admitted.

"How about you share what's on your mind now and the rest will follow. It may be today or tomorrow. But if I've learned anything from you, it's that we have to talk about what scares us. It's the only way we'll be free."

Several emotions flickered across her features. IIyana knew he spoke the truth, but she was also afraid of what he'll think about her afterward. She sighed. She didn't want their new beginning to be tainted with shadows and secrecy. Their new beginning required one to be true and have faith. It required complete vulnerability and bracing the storm together, especially if the outcome led to the unknown.

"I was the reason why Eri left," IIyana finally whispered. "After what happens with Elrid, Eri came to me and said he wanted to leave the Clan. When I didn't agree to go with him, he left without me. He chose to cast himself out as a Lavallen."

Solas tilted her face so that she will the truth in his eyes. "What happened to you, and what Eri chose to do afterward, isn't your fault."

"I know, I tell myself that every day, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I purposely blame myself as not to forget, because I found out later Deshanna had asked him to leave. She made it seemed as if I was used goods because of Eldrid. She said I shouldn't have gone off with him alone, and that the only way the Clan would have accepted me again was if Eri left."

She began drawing soft circles in his shirt. "It sucks, you know? You spend your entire life pleasing others — giving, caring, serving— and it's still not enough," she said angrily. "The Clan took something from me. Little pieces over time that I hadn't realize. I wasn't what they wanted, and so I became that person for them. One day I woke up and I was all dolled up to be First, the next, I was torturing Eri out of fear. I lost myself that day. I lost myself for a long time. And now that I've found me again, I promised never to let fear dictate me again."

Solas laced his fingers with hers and held them to his heart. "You are the most courageous and brave woman I know," Solas said. "Thank you for trusting me with this."

"You think I'm brave?"

"I think you're many things, IIyana," Solas admitted softly.

She blushed, a rosy pink that spread to the tips of her toes. Unable to resist, Solas' lips brushed hers in a cleansing kiss.

"While we're on the subject of sharing," IIyana said after she caught her breath, "may I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Tell me about her," IIyana asked. "The woman who hurt you."

"Anything," Solas replied with a solemn and apologetic smile, "but that."

"Why?"

"It happened a long time ago. She doesn't mean anything to me anymore. You are what matters now."

IIyana touched his cheek. "But she's still here, between us. She may not mean anything anymore, but her memory still haunts you. I think whatever she's done has affected how you trust others." At his reluctant expression, she added. "You said yourself that if we don't talk about it, it'll come back to haunt us later."

Solas stiffened and tried to hide his dark expression. But she wouldn't let him. "I once told you that your past would never change the way I feel about you," IIyana reminded. "I stand by my words."

Her promise, as well as her softness, made him wary. In truth, Solas had planned to tell her ... eventually. He just didn't expect it to be today. He didn't want to ruin the progress they've made. He didn't want to taint their newly acquired happiness. But in all fairness, he owed her the truth after she'd been so open with him about her past.

"Alright," he replied dryly. "But not here."

With a flick of his wrist, they were in the Fade. The scenery was one of an open, grassy field upon a bright and sunny day. Miles of lush green hills went as far as the eye could see. If IIyana closed her eyes and listen, she could almost hear the birds chirping, the rustling of the wind.

Solas laced his hands with hers, and together they walked across the field until they reached the edge, which opened up to the vastness of the land. She patiently waited for him to gather his thoughts, knowing now that whatever he was about to share was more difficult than she could have ever imagined.

"I don't know where to start," he admitted.

"Start at the beginning," she said patiently, going into his arms. She felt him nod. Then his voice seeped into her skin as he began his story.

"Fayelin was the first woman I loved," Solas said. "She was my first lover, the first to share my life with. And because she had my complete faith and trust, it nearly destroyed me."

IIyana didn't respond as she watched the emotion played out on Solas' face. She didn't like the idea of him having loved someone else, but there was no doubt that he no longer held tender feelings for her. It was evident that whatever Fayelin did, her memory was like a slow poison that flowed through his bloodstream. A poison IIyana was determined to purge from his system.

"Do you remember the story I told you about my scars?" Solas asked. "After my friend was murdered, those responsible became corrupted. Drunk with power, they enslaved our people - branding them, torturing them, using them as sport for entertainment."

IIyana grimaced. "Who would do such a thing."

"Mages. Powerful elven mages," Solas responded with disgust. "I couldn't stand by while the innocent were murdered because they were powerless against those who targeted them. I sought revenge. In a year, I had accrued a group of loyal men and women who aligned themselves to my cause, and together, we began to dismantle these corrupted individuals."

"Were these men slavers?"

"No. They're worse," Solas replied. "One night, I was attacked by assassins and left for dead and would have perished had it not been for Fayelin, who found me and brought me to her home. The trauma to my body had affected not only my magic but my mobility, as well. I was bedridden for weeks. I was angry. Ashamed. My body was broken, and I didn't believe I will walk again. I directed my anger at her, but she only responded in kind. Fayelin continued to look after me until one day, she suggested that I try to walk. I was furious, of course. I was paralyzed- how could she give me false hope? This went on for a month until one day, I was leaning against her, attempting my first step."

"With her patience and love, I learned to believe in myself again. I healed," Solas continued." I no longer desired a life of revenge. I was content and ready to give all that up when my men found me and informed me of what had transpired. Fayelin begged me not to go, but I had a duty to my people. The only way to reassure her was if I took her with me. It wasn't the safest place for her to be, but I was blinded by my love and desire to keep her by my side.

"After reuniting with my team, Fayelin quickly won the hearts of my men. She worked tirelessly to heal our wounded and became one of my most trusted advisors. When unrest came from the south, several men and I went to investigate. While we were gone, our headquarters was attacked. It was a bloodbath. The remaining survivors told me that Fayelin had been the one to allow the attackers inside and that she had gone with them willingly. I went berserk. I refused to believe them. My heart told me that she couldn't have possibly betrayed me, even when logic nagged at my consciousness that she could. Desperate to get her back, I went after them and led my men straight into an ambush. It was only after did I learn the truth."

IIyana's brows drew together. "And what was that?"

"Fayelin was a spy and had been planted by my enemies from the beginning. Her mission was to gain my trust, acquired information, and report back whatever she could about our plans. My attack by the assassins was designed for her to rescue me. When I confronted Fayelin, she laughed. The charade was constructed to teach me a lesson by my enemies who felt I had become too prideful. She told me she'd had gone as far as to shire my child to keep up appearances."

"That cold-hearted bitch," IIyana hissed. "Where is she now?"

"She passed. Betrayed by the same hands who trained her. But her death does little to erase my foolishness. One day I will atone for that sin."

"You don't believe that you've atoned for it already? With all the good that you've done with the Inquisition?"

"Nothing I do will ever bring those men back," he said simply. "I learned a valuable lesson that day, IIyana. I allowed my heart to discount what I knew to be true, and I promised myself that I would never allow blind faith to guide my steps again."

IIyana frowned and slid her hand across his chest, bringing herself closer to him. He sounded so ... cold, deadly. Not at all like the mage she'd grown to love and care for. Then a thought dawned on her. She wondered if he'd felt blinded by her and whether his experience with Fayeline had triggered his past behavior. For the first time, IIyana wondered if there was a part of Solas that had been so damaged that she wouldn't be able to heal him.

"Solas?"

"Yes."

IIyana rose on her tip-toes to stare at him. It all of a sudden became vital that she shared what was on her mind. "I'm not Fayelin, vehnan. I need you to understand that. I would never betray you."

"I know."

"And yet ..."

"You scare me," he rasped desperately. "I love you. I love your more than Fayelin, more than I could ever imagine loving someone, and that terrifies me.

"Why does it have to be terrifying?" she soothed, her eyes searching his. "Why can't it just be something new?"

"Because it is something new," he said. He held her face in his hands, and she could feel him tremble with emotion. "What we have is something I've never experienced before. You make me want things I haven't thought of in a long time. When I first joined the Inquisition, my sole purpose was to close to the breach and then leave. Alone. But lately, I find that I want something else. I give myself freely to you, Yana, and in doing so, I also give you a lot of power over me. Our relationship is not what scares me, it's what you can do with my heart that frightens me."

When they awakened, Solas had expected IIyana to reject his confession and leave him. Instead, a lump of emotion swelled in his chest as she pressed closer to him, her lips brushing his eyes, cheeks, then finally, his lips.


	32. The Words Left Unspoken

IIyana stood outside Cullen's door, hand raised to knock. The conversation she'd had with Cassandra played over and over again in her mind, as she counted how many breaths she'll need before finally announcing her arrival.

How much did Cullen's decision have to do with her? How much was influenced by what had happened at the Winter Palace? Her thoughts jumped in no particular order to the memories of the event and she cursed.

 _Fuck, she should had sought him out sooner._

It was true that they've had limited contact since Solas' return. IIyana wasn't sure if it was intentional on both of their parts, but what little contact they had these days centered around the War Table. The last time she had a private moment with Cullen was when he apologized for kissing her.

She shouldn't had relied so heavily on him for support. Solas' departure had opened old wounds, trigger insecurities she's long buried, leaving her feeling worthless and not enough. Then like a fabled Knight, Cullen has charged in to rescue her from her spiraling madness. It had felt so right in the moment, and a mistake in the long run.

Pressing her hand against the solid, wooden frame, IIyana was about to knock when she heard Cullen growled from behind the door. Was he hurt? Bull had reported that Cullen had left the training field in a foul mood after he took several hard hits to the side. Concern, she pressed her ear against the door and heard him cursed out loud, followed by books being thrown and glass shattering, as if he'd swept everything off his desk in hesitation, IIyana opened the door and rushed in.

"Cullen - is something wrong. Are you all – shit!" IIyana ducked, barely missing the box that exploded against the wall to her right.

"Makers breath!" Cullen cursed, having caught sight of her. "I didn't hear you enter!"

He was hunched over his desk, his breath shallow as if he were in pain. Books, papers, and glass scattered across the floor, and it looked as though he'd slammed his fist into the side of his bookcase several times.

"Cullen," IIyana said, concern lacing her features as she walked towards him. "What happened."

Her soothing voice and apparent concern did little to relieve his distress. Cullen raised his hand, stopping IIyanna in her tracks.

"I'm fine, Inquisitor," he said. "Now please leave. You don't have -" he didn't finish, having stumbled onto his desk.

"No, you're obviously in pain," she stammered.

Reaching for his arm, she barely had a moment to think before she was flung away, landing hard against the bookshelves. Surprised at what just happened, IIyana gave Cullen a confused look. That's when her attention fell on the broken box with its glass shattered along the floor near the entrance. Fresh traces of lyrium lined its sharp edges, seeping into the floor below.

Glancing in the same direction, Cullen shook his head in disgust. "I didn't - if that's what you're thinking," he snapped.

"I didn't assume anything," she defended. She hadn't meant to be harsh but his tone hurt. Cullen's speech was usually a mixture of light-heartedness and humor. Today, it was laced with resentment and contempt and targeted at the person responsible.

"Are you going to be alright?" She asked.

"Yes ..." he answered, then just as quickly. " I don't know."

Releasing a heavy sigh, Cullen angrily swept his hand through his hair. He shouldn't have kept the lyrium case, he should have known it would tempt him when he felt agitated. But he just needed to calm down, to relax. He hadn't been sleeping well ... at least that was what he'd told himself a million times as he nearly injected himself with the substance.

"You asked me what happened at Ferelden's Circle," he stated, as if trapped in the horror all over again. "I was taken over by abominations. The Templars – my friends – were slaughter while I was imprisoned and tortured. They tried to break my mind, and I ... How can you be the same person after that?". Cullen moaned in agony. "Still, I wanted to there. They sent me to Kirkwall, instead, and for what? I trusted my Knight-Commander and watched as her fear of mages ended in madness. Innocent people died in the streets. Can't you see why I want nothing to do with that life?"

"Of course, I can. I -"

"Don't," Cullen hissed angrily. "You should be questioning what I've done. What I was about to do right before you walked through that door. I thought this would be better ... that I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won't leave me ... you won't leave me." Cullen paced angrily, rambling. "How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause ... I will not give less to the Inquisition than the Chantry. I should be taking it! I should be taking it!"

Cullen slammed his fist into the wall twice before IIyanna was able to pull him away in a fit of fury. His skin was on fire, and he was sweating profusely. His heart hammered quickly underneath her hand, and she could feel his rapid breathing. She recognized that look - it was of one who've been entrapped by their nightmares.

"Cullen - Cullen, I need you to breathe. Look at me, alright? I need you to focus on my voice and breathe. We'll do it together, alright? Just breath. Take a deep breath, yes – great, just like that. I have you. I'm here for you. Now hold for three seconds and exhale for 5 seconds. Let's do this a couple more times, okay?"

After a few minutes of repeating the same mantra, Cullen's breathing finally returned to normal. IIyana sighed with relief.

"Thank you, Inquisitor," he whispered, a mixture of shame and embarrassment. "I never meant for this to interfere."

"How often do you experience withdrawals."

"It's an hourly battle."

IIyana frowned. "How come you never told me."

"You have enough to worry about – I didn't want to add one more thing," he explained, drawing away from her arms. He moved to stand beside his desk. Anything to get away from her. "The worst has passed – thank you, but I would like to be alone."

"No."

He eyed her, unable to believe what he heard.

"I said no. You are not okay, and I'm not leaving you."

"Damnit, IIyana. Can't you see I'm hanging by a thread here," he hissed. "Why can't you let me be?"

"Because you would do the same for me."

"And what did that get me?" Cullen said angrily. "It turned me into a fucking fool."

His words hung between them like a sharp knife, ready to strike one dead. What the hell was wrong with him? Since their return from the Winter Palace, he'd gone out of his way to avoid her. The pain of her rejection had become unbearable. Every moment spent with her tormented him. Cullen wanted to pound his fist, cry out in rage, and he could do nothing but direct his anger at his work. He'd never held a woman responsible for his anger, so why would he demand that of her?

"Forgive me, IIyana," he said, "I spoken out of turn."

Accepting his apology she stared at him for several minutes. A range of emotions flickered across her features before she finally asked the question that had been plaguing her since last night. "Am I the reason for your resignation?"

Cullen's hands clamped on his desk with splintering pressure.

"If that is the case," she continued. "I apologize for whatever hurt I've caused. But please don't leave because of me and Solas."

Cullen looked at her with a mixture of anguish, shame and regret. But he remained silent. She was nearly out the door when she heard him whispered from behind.

"I've given Cassandra my list of suitable replacements this morning and will wrap my duties up in a month. I'm hoping for a smooth transition."

* * *

In need of a distraction, the rest of the week found IIyana Co. scouting the Western Approach and Fallow Mire for wisp essence and lazurite. After reading the history of the Knight Enchanters, IIyana had become fascinated by the idea of her being able to summon a sword from thin air and engaging in malee attacks.

To her surprise, Solas had spoken favorable of her decision and shared that the Knight Enchanter technique descends from ancient elven mages called Arcane Warriors.

" The formal name for the techniques you will learn is called the Dirth'end Enasaline - Knowledge that led to victory." Solas explained as they made their way back to camp." Mages who eschewed physical confrontation called it Ghilan'him Banel' vhen, the path that leads astray."

"What can you tell me about the arcane warriors?"

"They were elite guardsmen, serving as bodyguards or champions for nobles, as I understand. Mages who focused on the spirits of the Fade might sneer at their physicality, but never doubted their honor. They were the living embodiment of will made manifest, mind shaping the body into the perfect weapon."

"I hope they would be proud to see another of our people practice their techniques," she added, giving Blackwall a nod as they passed.

"I hope so, as well. So much knowledge has been lost," Solas said softly. "Perhaps having something they created carried forward, even in such a different form, will gratify them."

It was decided then. She will complete the required training to become a Knight Enchanter. Vivienne would be delighted, while Dorian will most likely throw a fuss as he'd already planned out her training in raising the dead. Out of curiosity, IIyana asked Solas if he was disappointed that she hadn't chosen the way of the Rift Mage instead.

"On the contrary," Solas insisted. Although he would have enjoyed the countless hours of training her to wield the power of the Fade, he was proud that she'd chosen a speciality base on her own unique interest.

"I believe you will make a magnificent Knight Enchanter."

She gave him a cheeky smile, embarrassed at how pleased his words had made her feel. Despite the guilt she'd felt since her encounter with Cullen, Solas had the remarkable ability to soother away all her distress and remind her that she wasn't powerless in this situation after all.

Later that evening, IIyana and Eri stole away for a private moment. Having found the highest tree, the two helped one another as they climbed its ancient limb. It was a familiar ritual, something they'd done often as children, either to share their deepest secrets or escape when they'd earned the err of the Clan.

" Does Solas know you smoke?" Eri asked as he pulled a pouch from his jacket. Taking out a piece of paper, he created a small boat, stuffed it with dried elf-root, and rolled it over.

" We haven't gotten around to it yet."

"What else doesn't he know about you?" He asked in between sealing the smoke and lighting it up, taking several deep puffs before handing it over.

Drawling deeply and enjoying the natural richness of earth as it teased her senses, IIyana lazily replied. "Many things but nothing of substance."

They continued talking, their conversation touching on trivial nonsense to serious subjects, all the while, enjoying their euphoric high. As the night wore thin, Eri leaned back against the rough tree, glancing down at IIyana, who lounged lazily, her body relaxed as if she hadn't a care in the world.

A small lump of emotion filled him as he studied her after years apart. She'd bloomed into a beautiful woman, yet she was still the little girl he'd always known. She still spiraled, over-worry, and make impulsive decisions when her emotions were high. Thinking about the past often brought up memories of Deshanna, and Eri was suddenly filled with a deep sense of melancholy.

" IIyaa..." Eri whispered.

" Hmmmm..."

" Have you spoken to Deshanna?" He asked.

IIyana gave him a small encouraging smile. "I've received a couple of letters. The Clan has settled in Wycome ... She asked about you, you know. The last couple of years. She is remorseful and wants you to come home."

Bile rose in his throat, suffocating him, and he closed his eyes. Eri remembered when Deshanna had come to him that night, pleading for him to leave so that IIyana may have a chance at living a peaceful life. He remembered wanting to yell, to punch something, and demand why she hadn't given him the same opportunity.

Finally, Eri spoke, his voice rough with emotion, as if the words were being gouged out of him. "Did Deshanna say that, or is that your opinion."

The answer was so obviously important to Eri that tears welled behind IIyana's eyes. Reaching out, she took his hand in both of hers. "It's my opinion. But you should know that she hasn't been the same since you left. I believe she wants to see you."

"I'm not sure I can go back."

"Maybe not today. But one day."

Before heading back to camp, the two went for a midnight swim. Afterward, she made sure Eri had enough blankets to keep him warm then wrapped him in a deep and loving hug, kissing him a thousand times on the cheeks before sending him off to bed. By the time she crawled in next to Solas, she was exhausted.

"I'm so tired," she moaned as she collapse into his waiting arms.

He'd been reading and had placed his book down, using his fingers to brush through her hair. Each stroke sent her deeper and deeper into a state of relaxation.

"By the Gods, if you stop, I will surely have to kill you." She moaned in pleasure.

He smiled down at her.

"You're so handsome, Solas. You make my heart flutter ... just like the wind underneath the wings of a dove."

Solas laughed. "You're cheerfully poetic today."

"It's called singing your praises."

They sat in silence with his brushing her hair, she enjoying the feel of him. Then as if pure instinct, their lips found one another as he bent his head and kissed her. Her hands came out, flattening against his chest as his tongue explored her mouth. She tasted sweet, a hint of honey from the tea she had earlier this evening and a natural richness he couldn't decipher, and yet, something that he knew was familiar. The longer he continued kissing her, the more intense the flavor became. It took seconds before he realized what it was.

Solas drew away slowly, noticing for the first time her glazed expression and flushed cheeks. "Are you ... are you high?" He stammered.

IIyana burst into a fit of giggles, trying desperately to smother her laughter. When she was unsuccessful, she hid her face in his chest.

"Oh, my Gods - I thought I was in the clear." She mumbled against his shirt. "It's all Eri's fault. I swear."

He arched his brow. "Please tell me you haven't been smoking the entire time he's been here."

"No ... wait," she paused as if to shuffle through her list of memories. "No, only this once."

"What other particular habits do you possess?"

"Oh, Solas, you beautiful, amazing, creature hand-crafted from the hands of the Gods," she said, patting his cheeks. "You are my favorite habit of them all."


	33. Guilt by Admission

Winter set in full force, bringing chilly winds and icy rain to the front steps of Skyhold. Though the weather was inclement, Solas saw little of IIyana over the next couple of days. While she was locked away in the war room with her advisors, the rest of the inner circle was scattered across the castle, engaging in various activities. Sitting at his desk, surrounded by books and blank parchment paper, Solas felt restless and out of sorts, though he didn't quite know why.

Everything in his life was running smoothly. His research into the Fade continued to prove resourceful in their fight against Corephyus. His relationships with the inner circle had improved since his return. And his relationship with IIyana was stronger than ever.

He continued to love her more and more each day, but as of late, Solas had become more melancholic. As though a part of him was missing, yet he didn't know what to look for to fill in the empty space.

Self-consciously, he leaned back in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the rafters above. He was glad the room was empty and thankful not to have Dorian annoying him at the moment. Although, he did appreciate the friendship that'd developed between the two men since Eri's arrival.

Solas suspected that with all the time IIyana spent with Eri, Dorian was feeling neglected.

His thoughts trailed back to IIyana. He was pleased with the progress they've made and wondered if his mysterious restlessness came from the fact that he was rarely sated these days. He wanted more than stolen kisses and touches in the dark, no matter how incredible they were. He wanted to sleep with her, to wake up next to her in the morning. He'd fallen in love with the innocent, young woman who provoked him endlessly at Haven, but the wildly passionate and sensual creature he'd come to known was even more appealing.

All it took was one welcoming glance, one soft, seductive smile, and he was hers to command.

It infuriated him.

And terrified him.

He would gladly do it all over again if it means she'll love him for eternity.

In need of a better company than his personal thoughts, Solas pushed aside his work and headed down into the archives in search of something to read. He'd read a couple of Varric's Hightown books and wondered if the latest edition had arrived. As he made his way across the hall, he spotted Lady Josephine and Leiliana at the front entrance. He hoped to see IIyana, yet with only three days left, he wasn't sure if he could stop this time if he were tempted.

Walking quietly down the hall towards the archives, he was just about to reach the room when voices inside caught his attention. Cassandra's high-pitched with frustration, IIyana's calmer, more soothing.

"This is ridiculous. I am not granting his request." Cassandra stated.

"Please, Cassie. Hear him out," IIyana pleased. "I care about Cullen as much as you do. I am the last person who wishes to see him go. But he's asked and I -"

"No - Maybe he will agree to a couple of days off instead. He's been distracted and irritable lately. Even I have noticed it. And have you see our recruits - they are overworked and exhausted."

"I understand - which is exactly why we need to consider Cullen's request."

"Have you spoken to him?"

There was a moment of silence, followed by IIyana's hesitant reply. "Cassie ... it's complicated."

"If you don't tell me, I will torture Dorian until he confesses what he knows."

"Alright!" IIyana shrieked. "Cullen kissed me at the Winter Palace."

"Does Solas know?"

"Of course - he found us, along with Josie." IIyana sighed. "Cullen is upset with me because I made a fool of him. And I did - I knew he was infatuated with me, and I encouraged it by seeking him out. I know it was wrong... but I was sad and lonely. I'd even imagined myself with him, and now I don't know how I feel. Please don't look at me that way, Cassie. I love Cullen - I would never intentionally go out of my way to hurt him."

Having heard enough, Solas shoved the door open and stepped inside. He froze at the sight of IIyana, who leaned against the side table, her face flushed with emotion, eyes wet with tears. Cassandra spotted him and shifted uncomfortably while IIyana cursed herself a thousand times a fool.

"Pardon my interruption, Seeker, Inquisitor," Solas said, staring straight at IIyana. "I'll only be a moment."

The silence intensified as Solas walked to one of the bookcases and pulled several books from its shelf. When he returned, his face was wiped clean of all emotion. And all IIyana could do was stand there, stricken at what she admitted to Cassandra while having just stated to Solas, her love for another man.

"Hightown, volume eight. Is that the latest edition?" Cassandra asked.

Solas nodded, his gaze directed at IIyana. "Inquisitor ... shall I escort you back to the main hall?"

He stretched out his hand, and she felt a tremble in the pit of her stomach. "Solas, I ..." but it seemed as though she had no voice.

"Inquisitor," he repeated. "I prefer to hear what you have to say in private."

"Please - it's not what you think. Let me explain."

"IIyana, come with me now." He repeated.

Sensing a storm brewing and feeling empathetic for her friend, Cassandra gave IIyana a small, if not encouraging, smile. "Go with him. I will check on you later."

IIyana lowered her head. She was alarmed when she realized Solas had lost patience with her and was coming across the room. She was very aware that he was furious with her as his fingers bit into her hand. He yanked her forward, and they exited the room together. When they arrived at the main hall, he didn't break stride as he continued towards the rotunda.

"You have to let me explain, Solas. I -"

"Don't talk. I don't want to hear it now."

Varric saw the two passed in a blur and release a slow whistle. He gave her a sympathetic smile. They passed Dorian, whose eyes widened with shock, then Eri.

"Stay out of this," Solas snarled before Eri could open his mouth.

They made their way up the stairs and into the hallway leading to his chamber. All the while, he said nothing while her anxiety exploded into a spiral of chaos. She wanted to shriek, to scream, to avoid the confrontation that will inevitably happen as soon they arrived at their destination. She wished she could clarify what he'd heard - to tell him that she no longer felt the same for Cullen. But she was also escalating with anger at Solas that he would accuse her, again.

She walked ahead of him, pushing the door open, striding to stand before the fire, and then turning to challenge him.

"How dare you accuse me, Solas. How dare you not give me a chance to explain. I will not let you call me a whore again."

Solas came into the room, closing the door and locking it with a deafening click. He leaned against the door, his gaze narrowed, jaw clenched tightly.

"Are you listening to me!" She cried.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Solas said calmly, "Perhaps my memory is faulty. I don't recall calling you any derogatory names.

"You didn't have to - it was implied."

"Don't put words in my mouth, Yana," he said dryly. "If you feel guilty for what transpired downstairs, then so be it. But don't use it as an excuse to vilify me."

She exhaled, furious. She was a mixture of feeling angry and anxious. "I'm not trying to start a fight with you. Cullen is a friend, and I'm worried about him."

"Yes, because you love him, " he stated plainly. "Although no more than me, of course, as you have previously stated. If your affections have changed, now is the time to come clean, IIyana."

"It still the truth! Nothing's changed between us."

"Until today - when Cullen made it clear he was leaving. You said you didn't know what you were feeling or did I hear incorrectly." Solas asked calmly. "If I hadn't returned, would you have chosen him as your mate? Perhaps between the both of us, you're regretting your decision and now believe him to be the better man. Maybe I should have stayed away."

Her face went red, her brows drawn in a scowl. "What a horrible thing to say! If I didn't think you were worthy of me, I wouldn't be with you. Why would you say such an awful thing."

He knew instantly he shouldn't have said that - the comment had meant to be sarcastic, but his delivery had been direct and cold-hearted.

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry - I was joking. It was in poor taste - what the hell, IIyana!"

She'd thrown a cushion at him. Then a book, and another and another. She was so incensed, she couldn't think. Reaching for the plant she'd given him at the beginning fo their relationship, she barely heard his growled before he lunged for her, pinning her body underneath his on the bed.

She screeched, struggling to free herself. "Get off me!"

"Not until you clarify a few things." He stated heatedly, pinning both of her hands above her head. "Now tell me, would you have chosen Cullen as your mate?

That fueled IIyana's outrage until she wasn't sure whether she might cry or slap him. Blast him, he was going to drive her insane. How did he not know by now that he was all she ever wanted?

"Answer me, IIyana."

"No," she angrily replied. "Because you won't believe me anyway. Every time Cullen's name is brought up, you're always ready to accuse me of something terrible. What can I blame IIyana for today," she said, trying her best to imitate him.

"I haven't accused you of anything. I'm only reiterating what I heard you tell Cassandra ... behind closed doors ... in secret."

She lowered her eyes. "That's not true. I wasn't trying to hide anything from you."

"Then talk to me. Make me understand."

"You'll only get mad."

"I've never known you to be a damn coward, IIyana Lavellan."

She scoffed. "I've always been a coward."

"Never, when it comes to us."

She stared at him for a long while. Then she shrugged in defeat. There was only so much she could admit when she stood accused, again. "Yes - I briefly imagined a life with Cullen while you were away, but it never felt ... complete. The story always ends after we defeat Corephyeus."

He looked down at her, bewildered.

"I wasn't trying to be dishonest," she cried.

"I never said you were."

"Then why were you angry earlier."

"Damn it," he said, loosening his hold on her hands. "I'm so sorry. It's just that the thought of you having feelings for Cullen ... it doesn't bring out the best in me."

"That's an understatement." She said darkly. But she turned slightly and pressed a kiss against his neck. She didn't want to fight with him. Not now, not ever.

"It tortures me," Solas admitted. "I don't want you to care for another man besides me. Even if I don't deserve it."

IIyana's hurt faded as she reflected on Fayelin and the idea that love was very new to Solas. She wanted to give him all the love in the world, to heal all his hurt and pain. She only hoped she had enough patience to last a lifetime.

"You were jealous." She accused softly, pulling his head to her shoulder.

He pressed a soft kiss to the base of her neck. "Yes."

"Well, you shouldn't be. Cullen is my friend, and whatever I do feel for him is not a threat to our relationship."

Solas didn't move, didn't say anything. He only held her as she was a lifeline.

"Please don't be upset with me, or with Cullen," she pleaded softly. "I haven't betrayed you."

"I didn't think you have."

To prove his point, Solas' lips found hers in a scorching kiss that conveyed in touch what he couldn't in words. He tilted her head back, taking her mouth in a hard, possessive kiss, claiming her as he had wanted to do for the past month. When she opened to him, welcoming the sweep of his tongue, their argument seemed to fade and disappeared. When he pulled away, she had never seen him look quite this way, incredulous, anxious, yearning.

She reached out to caress his cheek. "You may not believe me, Solas, " she said achingly, "... but when I think of you, the picture is always so clear, so vivid ... and complete."

Her words hit him like a thunderbolt. It took Solas a long time to answer, and when he did, his voice was thick and odd. "IIyana ... are you ..." He was forced to pause as if he were fumbling to speak in a foreign language.

IIyana knew what he wanted to ask; she'd known he'd felt it too for a while now. But it was too soon, and she was afraid they'd be forcing the issue.

"Tell me what you mean by that," he managed to force the words out.

"No," she answered honestly. She wasn't ready to say the words.

He leaned closer, his lips nuzzling the side of her cheek. "Why won't you say the words."

His body was so warm and comforting that it was so easy to give him the words. But she had to be sure. Because once she said the words, it would be for always.

"Because if I did, " IIyana admitted, "we wouldn't be able to run from each other fast enough."

* * *

Leaning against the rough brick wall in the dimly lit corner of the Hanged Man in Kirkwall, Bram absently toyed with the drink he'd ordered moments earlier. He was tall and slim, hardened from the years he'd spent with the Crows. Least that was what he told himself each time he looked in the mirror. A fortnight ago, Bram received a contract for service. A woman - torn with grief - was seeking his assistance in the death of those responsible. He'd considered declining the contract, but with his funds lacking, he'd agreed. Besides, with his skills and expertise, it would be an easy kill.

The tavern master asked if he would like another drink, but Bram declined, annoyed now that his appointment was almost a quarter late. If anything, he hated it when people were late. It showed they didn't respect his time. From his position against the wall, Bram faced the entrance and had a clear view of the door open, signaling an elven woman's arrival. She scanned the tavern, gaze landing on him, continued to survey the crowd, and returned.

She stared at him. Bram stared back.

Several long minutes passed while they studied each other. Then she started walking towards him. As soon as she moved, the hood of her brown clock fell to her shoulders. Her brown hair had been hastily chopped into a bob, which gave her the impression of a young man. But it was her face that caught his full attention. Half of her flesh had been scared by what he could only imagine was a hot iron. The skin manipulated into the letter B, scaling from her left eye and trailing down her neck until it disappeared beneath her blouse.

The woman stopped when she reached the other side of the round table. Her gaze directed to the serpent tattoo on his right hand, the symbol she was instructed to look for.

"Are you Pagan?" She rasped. Her voice was low, dry as if she hadn't had any water in weeks.

"Yes," he nodded, gesturing to the scarred wooden chair opposite him. "Are you all alone?"

"I am." She pulled the chair and sat down. She reached into her pocket and took out a pouch of coins, pushing it to the center of the table.

"Who is the target," he asked as he placed the pouch into his pocket.

"An elven woman." The woman said and slipped a piece of paper forward. "She's well protected. It won't be easy."

He snickered. "Don't worry. I'll get the job done." Bram may be tall, but he was quick and agile, making it easy to navigate the dark and assassinate any of his targets. He reached for the paper and read the name. His gaze narrowed suspiciously. "You're shitting me."

"Her lover owes me a debt. I intend to see him suffer by taking her life." The woman explained what she wished to accomplish, and by the time she finished, Bram was sick. He wished he never gambled away the advanced she'd provided after he'd accepted the contract.

"This will take some time," he finally said.

"I don't care how long it takes," she rasped. "As long as she dies a slow and tortuous death."


	34. Of Love & Duty

After thirty days of abstinence, IIyana was more than ready to have Solas back in her bed. The last three days had been tiring. Upon more than one occasion, she found herself distracted with heated images of Solas taking her on his desk, or in the war room, sometimes against the wall leading to the second floor. One afternoon while she was down in the archive, she'd bumped into the table and wondered if it were sturdy enough to hold her weight should he slam her down and take her roughly.

It only got worse, although it wasn't entirely her fault. As of late, IIyana's been the recipient of heated, desired ridden stares that told her she wouldn't be sleeping alone much longer.

For the hundredth time last night, IIyana fidgeted on the hard bench and worked valiantly to focus her attention on the conversation surrounding her. Iron Bull and the Chargers were exchanging stories of valor while Varric scribbled furiously to capture their tales. Seated across from her was Solas, surrounded by Dorian and Eri. But despite the animated conversation, her focus was on him.

And blast him if he didn't take advantage of the situation by shamelessly undressing her with his eyes.

Despite his absorption of the conversation around him, his gaze continued to linger on her breasts. One look at the smile tugging his lips, and she knew he wanted her to know. She threw him an icy glare, but his smile only widened. He lifted his gaze from her bosom, traveling lazily up her throat, paused at her lips, and then lifted to her eyes. Her heated glanced earned her nothing but a challenging lift of his brows and a sensual smile before his gaze reversed and did a lazy trip downward.

She spent the rest of the evening atop the battlements, hoping the frigid chill could cool her down.

But perhaps her most embarrassing moment came in the form of Mother Giselle. While de-escalating an argument between the Reverend Mother and Dorian, IIyana's gaze happened upon Solas as he passed. He threw her a lustful glance and returned to his duties. Her mind immediately shifted to erotic images of her straddling him upon his desk in the heat of passion.

"He doesn't mind when you're in control. He likes it when you ride," Cole announced out of no where. "But why? Solas isn't a horse."

It took a moment for IIyana to realize what Cole had said and that the argument between Dorian and Mother Giselle had froze mid-sentence.

"Hot. He burns hot. Just like you," Cole continued.

"Cole!" IIyana shrieked. "Get out of my fucking head!"

Dorian threw back his head and laughed, clutching his side. "Oh, IIyana, do behave. We're in the presence of the Holy." Poor Mother Giselle couldn't meet IIyana's eyes as she made her apologies and quickly took her leave.

Yes, it's been a troublesome and frustrating week, but all worth it in the end. Feeling much better than she had in days, IIyana quickly bathed, brushed her hair, and dressed for the day. The rain had finally stopped, the sun showed brightly, and no one, not even Cullen was going to put a wrinkle in her happiness.

A brisk chill met her as she entered the main hall, but she didn't mind it because her attention was on the man striding towards her. Solas' gaze caught IIyana's, and she saw the desire there, but more than that, she saw the love, and her heart did three silly little somersaults.

"Hello," he greeted, a devilish twinkle in his eyes that caused her heart to skip another beat.

IIyana gave him an impish smile, doing all in her power not to let her cheeks turn red. "Good morning, Solas. Where are you off to this morning?"

"To the archives. I'm in need of a book," he replied. Then he gave her a secretive grin. "Would you care to accompany me?"

"I have a meeting," she said regretfully, although she would rather spend the day with him.

"Mores the pity. I was hoping you can assist me with my research. The archive is usually empty at this time of day."

"Oh," she said, and he softly laughed. "I may have ten minutes," she quickly added.

His eyes came to bare on hers again, and there was something different in them, something heated and dangerous. "For what I have in mind, it may take the rest of the afternoon."

Her throat dried. His implication made her blush, and for a moment, she wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him then and there.

"I'm going in the same direction," she managed to say. "That is ... if you want to walk with me."

He flashed her a wicked grin. "Perhaps you can indulge me for a moment or two before your meeting."

They walked in the direction leading to Josie's office. As soon as the door closed behind them, Solas pressed her against the door, bent his head, and kissed her. She kissed him back, enjoying the warm sweep of pleasure spearing through her. Then she remembered her meeting.

"I have to go. Josie will kill me if I'm late again."

He drew her back into his arms. "Yana ... about tonight. I meant to ask you if -"

"Yes," She murmured, between soft, nibbling kisses. "My bedroom or yours?"

He kissed the side of her neck. "Your bed is bigger."

Then he found her mouth again. The kiss turned fierce and hungry, his hand caressed her breast, and she forgot all about her meeting.

* * *

"Inquisitor, we found where the Red Templars came from," Leiliana announced when IIyana entered the war room.

"Therainfal Redoubt," Cullen added, passing the dispatch he'd received last evening. "The Knights were fed red lyrium until they turned into monsters. Samson took over after their corruption was complete."

IIyana frowned as she read the letter. Caravans of red lyrium were being smuggled across Thedas along trade routes. "Shit - how did we miss this?"

"It appears to be an entire network of professional smugglers," Leiliana explained. "Investigating them can lead to where they're being mined."

IIyana nodded. "Why would Samson join Corephyeus?"

"Perhaps Corephyeus flattered his vanity, gave him a purpose, and fed him lyrium," Cullen reported. "Samson had a chronic lyrium addiction and spent every last coin he earned on smugglers. He seemed a decent man at first, but Knight Commander Meredith later expelled him for erratic behavior. Samson ended up begging on the Kirkwall's streets. He committed further crime but managed to evade the Order's justice."

Cullen growled in disgust and slammed his fist unto the table, topping some of the markers from their place. "I knew he was an addict, but this ... red lyrium isn't like the lyrium given by the Chantry. Its powers come with a terrible madness."

"Red lyrium is a more potent and more addictive form of raw lyrium," Leiliana clarified. "Prolonged exposure can induce changes to one's body and mind and doom the user to a gruesome death."

Josie raised her gaze from her clipboard to meet IIyana's. "Subjects are prone to pain. The intensity varies, of course, but it's always painful."

A memory flashed to the alternate world IIyana had seen in Redcliff, and she grimaced. There was no way in hell she was letting those events happened. "If it's as powerful as you claim, can we use it to our advantage?"

Cullen shook his head. "Not without abandoning all sense and sanity."

"Cullen's correct - it's too dangerous," Leiliana interjected. "It's parasitic."

"My sources have confirmed that during the advanced stages of exposure, the red lyrium begins to crystallize within and sprout from the subject's body," Josie echoed."

"Which is exactly why we must stop it," Cullen hissed.

Determined more than ever to end this evil, IIyana gave her advisors a direct stare. "I understand. Where do we begin?"

Josie picked up a marker and placed it to the south of Skyhold. "The Emerald Graves - our scouts are already in position."

"If you confront them, be wary. Anything connected to Samson will be well guarded," Cullen said curtly.

"I'll send word to Harding," Leiliana said before taking her leave.

With nothing else to report, Cullen cleared his throat. His eyes met IIyana's for the first time in days. "Inquisitor ... if there is nothing else you need of me ..."

IIyana shook her head. "No, thank you. You're free to go. Excellent work Commander."

Cullen's mouth tightened as if he'd wanted to say something else but decided against it. He gave a small nod, the door clicking as softly behind him.

IIyana released a heavy sigh and walked to the window, leaning her head against the frozen glass. She was lost in the thought of Cullen and his resignation and whether she should impose her will as Inquisitor. The thought of who should replace him, and whether they can still win against Corypheus' army with Cullen gone.

"I'll wager you three sovereigns that men have rocks for brains."

The statement was so unexpected that IIyana laughed and turned to smile at Josie, whose eyes twinkled with mirth.

"Make it five," IIyana replied, thankful for the distraction. "I can write an entire book on my experience."

"Perhaps a series will be more fitting."

"With different themes," IIyana interjected. "Such as how to not poke the bear, how to avoid power struggles, and how to mend jealous, broken hearts. The list goes on."

"You're missing one," Josie said softly. "How to ask your Commander not to resign."

IIyana gave a little shrug. "That, too."

With a little sigh, Josie said. "Talk to me, Inquisitor. Not as your Ambassador but as your friend."

IIyana frowned. What more could she do? She'd already accepted that the situation was out of her control. As such, her only option was to find a suitable replacement.

"I need to find a replacement," IIyana confessed. "And soon."

Silence fell in the wake of the words. This morning, Cullen had informed herself and Leiliana that he'd resigned and will conclude his duty by Wintersend. It was clear his decision had been made without the input of Cassandra and the Inquisitor.

"IIyana," Josie prompted. "You both can't pretend that things are normal between you two."

"It's not ideal," IIyana agreed, "but it gets me through the day."

"I know it's been difficult, but you can't avoid this forever. Sooner or later, you're going to have to speak with him again."

"I'm not his favorite person at the moment."

"No," Josie pointed out. "But I've never known you to cower behind walls."

"That's true," she agreed. "But to be honest - I'm sick of this. I've spent the past week graveling in guilt, over-analyzing, and thinking of different ways to solve this problem. And you know what I came up with? No amount of convincing Cullen otherwise is going to change his mind."

"I'm sure he'll listen to reason."

"It's been decided" IIyana said sadly. "I'm approving his request,"

Josie gasp. "But why. We need him."

"If I force his hand, Cullen will have to choose between his honor and his integrity," IIyana explained. "He'll be damned either way." She gave her friend a watery smile. "And he'll hate us, Josie. He'll hate me. I'd be no better than the Order if I took his freedom away."

Josie walked up and placed her arms around IIyana. "It seems to me that you've given this some thought," she said softly.

IIyana nodded. "Yes. My decision is final."

"I'll take a look at Cullen's list of replacements and send inquiries to Val Royeaux for additional candidates. I'll let you know as the reports arrive so we may review them together."

"Thank you. I know it was childish not to have included you all in this decision."

Josie smiled. "I'm just grateful I won't have to deliver the news to Lady Cassandra."

IIyana grimaced. "Maybe I should send Eri. She already doesn't like him, so it'll be a win-win for all of us."

"All right," Josie agreed. "I'll have Blackwall on standby in case we need a mediator."

The woman shook with laughter. Gods, it felt good to laugh, and IIyana didn't remember the last time she did. But damn, it sure felt good.

"Oh, and one more thing," Josie added as they concluded their meeting. "I've made arrangements for you and Master Solas to have the rest of the day off tomorrow."

IIyana gave her friend an appreciative smile. "Thank you for clearing my schedule."

"You're welcome. I've also made arrangements to have dinner, and the morning meal brought up to your room."

"You're a fucking saint, Lady Josephine."

Josie's eyes widened, a blush cresting her cheeks. "To be honest, Master Solas made the request last night. It was rather intense, his request to spend the day with you."

"I'm surprised you didn't burst into flames."

"I almost did," Josie said. She cupped her cheeks in embarrassment. "I had to walk the battlements for an hour to cool myself down. IIyana, if he's that intense when he speaks of you, I can only imagine ..."

* * *

The rest of her day flew by quickly. After she left the war room, IIyana rushed down to the archives, only to find it empty of Solas, although stacked up on the desk were books on Dalish rituals, a book on flowers, and one on ancient ceremonies from the times of Arlathan. Although she couldn't read the language, IIyana picked up the ancient tome and began scanning its content. There were dozens of pages depicting early living, castles in the clouds, and portraits of the ancient Gods.

It was strange that she'd never noticed this book before, but as she flipped through it, her eyes landed on a page marked by a purple flower. Preserved in magic, the flower bloomed brightly in her hand, the same color of the butterflies Solas often sent her way. Her gaze turned to the page marked, and her eyes widened, breath caught in her throat.

It was a picture of a bonding ceremony. A couple in love whose hands were intertwined with ribbon, pledging themselves to one another for all of eternity. On the opposite page was a short paragraph written in Elvhen.

The anchor hummed as she traced the letters. Though she didn't understand the words, she sensed them.

 _I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart._

It spoke of a spiritual love that surpassed all duty and time. A love without language and boarders.

It was beautiful.

And at that moment, IIyana never felt such envy.

She imagined what kind of life this couple would have had. Would they have lived in the city or a cottage, nestled deep in the forest for privacy? Would he read to her while she baked in the kitchen, or lecture her on the theories of magic instead? And when they had children, would he take their daughter fishing or spend hours helping her concoct a spell—a boy with his blue eyes and a girl with her temper.

Realizing how far her thoughts had drifted, IIyana closed the book and ignored the soft ache that rose in her chest. She envied the couples who were able to live a life free of war and death. She wondered if she and Solas would find that type of happiness when Corypheus was defeated.

In a different world but underneath the same sky, she yearned for a future such as this.


	35. A Promise Kept

The last time Solas felt this nervous, he'd been waiting for IIyana to join him for dinner.

He was genuinely annoyed with himself. If not surprised, at being so unnerved at the idea of sharing her bed. It wasn't as if he hadn't thought about it day and night, or imagined making love to her in a hundred ways he'd never had before. He'd even etched her passionate responses to memory to cherish them during those cold and lonely nights. And yet, he was sitting at his desk in the rotunda tossing back glasses of whiskey to calm his nerves.

Oh, damn it to hell and back. Everything will be fine. He'd made love to IIyana a dozen times - hundreds if he were honest. Making love to her came as natural as breathing air. Flustered now, Solas tossed back another glass of whiskey—this time for courage.

Somewhere in Skyhold, a clock chimed, signaling the hour he'd been waiting for.

Without thought, his hand wrapped around the jawbone that hung loosely from his neck. For as long as he could remember, it was a reminder of his true purpose- to free the elvehn people and lead them to a better life. Simultaneously, it served as a daily reminder of his past mistakes and the burdened that weighed heavily upon his shoulders. He never imagined he would find relief from his responsibilities, but as of late, his burdens have become less cumbersome. Perhaps it was because he'd found a new purpose.

The clock chimed again, taking him from his thoughts.

Solas had put off going to IIyana for as long as he could. He thinks he is learning to accept this new beginning. The last time he made love to IIyanna, an ocean of secrets separated them. Now, more than ever, all he desired was to greet her as a free man. He will choose to leave Fen'Harel behind, along with Solas, and greet her as a man - who, from the moment he kissed her, had always known she was fated to be his.

The clock chimed for the final time.

Without hesitation, he took great care to remove the necklace from around his neck and placed it on the wooden desk.

* * *

IIyana sat on the blanket directly in front of the hearth, combing her fingers through her damp hair. She wore a white chemise that hung loosely off one shoulder. The fire bronzed her skin, and she grew warm as her thoughts drifted to the night ahead.

The door clicked opened, and she took a deep breath to calm her clamoring heart. Shadows danced across the wall as Solas ascended the stairs. By the Gods, he looked like something from a dream, an elvhen hero from one of those fabled tales she'd heard as a child. Her throat went dry. She licked her lips nervously.

Solas stood at the top of the stairs for several minutes, staring at her. She looked beautiful to him, like a flaming goddess set upon this earth to burn him alive. A tightness welled in his chest. She belonged to him just as he'd always known he belonged to her. A feeling of contentment shot through him as he accepted the inevitable. She was his mate - from now until eternity. No matter what the future brings, she will always carry his heart as he would hers.

As if she sensed his thoughts, IIyana managed to give him a shy smile.

"I don't want to scare you, " she admitted softly, "and I won't tell you that I'm not nervous. But I feel like a - like a ..." Her voice trailed off. She felt suddenly shy.

"Don't be afraid," he reassured her. "You can tell me anything." He patiently waited as she gathered her courage.

IIyana released a steady breath and brought green eyes to meet his. "I feel like a ... falon'saota," she admitted achingly.

 _I feel like a wife, a mate._

Solas couldn't suppress the flood of emotions that came with her words. His breathing wasn't quite steady. Neither was hers. The word lingered in the air between them, tingling like homespun magic against their skin. After a long pause, he finally spoke. "The Elvhen believe that once spoken, a claim such as yours, is recognized as an oath of commitment under the eyes of the Creator."

Her eyes widened with embarrassment.

He came away from the stairs with a natural grace, reached out and took her hand. Very slowly, he drew her to him, straight into his arms. "Don't be embarrassed, IIyana," he murmured. "The thought has crossed my mind many times."

She blushed a crimson red.

He waited for a signal, some form of objection, but she only raised those beautiful green eyes to meet his.

"I don't want to scare you or pressure you to do anything you don't wish to," she said softly.

"My only fear is that a lifetime with you won't be enough." He confessed. Openly and honestly. "You carry my heart as I carry yours. When I think of you, my picture is also complete."

Such words. Such precious words brought tears to IIyana's eyes and rewarded him with a loving, watery smile.

Solas smoothed her hair, whispering for her to trust him, that he would love and cherish her. One of his hands can up to the back of her head, holding her in place. His lips dragged over hers again and again, and when her lips were open and damp, he sealed them with his mouth. Excitement flooded her, and she pressed against him. The kiss slowly but subtly shifted, changing into a deep, devouring kiss that left them both breathless.

Bending her over, he dragged his lips along the sensitive flesh underneath her chin, enjoying the hitch of her breath as he pressed a kiss against her throat.

"I missed you," IIyana whispered, clinging to him as if he were a lifeline.

He kissed her again, softly, deeply, tasting the sweetness that she offered. "I've missed you, too," he replied.

With hardly any effort, Solas lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed, laying her gently upon the silken sheets. His fingers journeyed through the strands of her hair, then trailed down to her shoulders, sliding down between her arms and taking her chemise with them. IIyana shifted slightly as he freed her from the garment, his breath hot against her skin, gaze intense as he admired nakedness.

"You are so beautiful, m'yana," he whispered.

Then he drew away to remove his clothes.

"No," she pleaded, catching his wrist. "Allow me."

IIyana glided her hands underneath his shirt, lifting the garment up and over his shoulder, and pulled it over his head to unveil sculpted muscles. She turned her attention to his breeches and began unlacing them, exposing skin inch by inch until he was standing naked before her. She released a slow, steady breath, trying desperately to calm her racing heart. He was more than beautiful. He was perfection. And he belonged to her.

As if admiring a priceless piece of art, she traced a finger along the front of his thighs, trailing up to his muscled stomach, then curved around to his back. She wanted to roam her hands all over the length of his body. When her hand accidentally brushed his arousal, Solas flinched as if he'd been burned. She waited for him to catch his breath, continuing her exploration.

He bit back a savage groan when she pressed her lips against his chest, another on his stomach, then above his pelvic bone. His body throbbed with anticipation as her lips descended.

"IIyana," he said thickly as her breath caressed his rigid cock. "You have no idea what you do to me." He felt as though time suddenly stilled. His heart pounding in his ear. In a haze, he saw her hand reached up to stroke him, a soft question in her eyes. Then her mouth wrapped around the head of his cock, and his entire world shattered.

Solas' breath escaped in one long hiss. When she lowered her mouth down his length, he seemed to lose all control. He sounded like a man taking his last breath of life. His body was so tense; she thought he might break. His hands flew to her hair and gripped tightly as his hips rolled forward. Each sensation pulled him deeper and deeper to the back of her throat.

She wasn't selfish with her desire to please him. She took him deeper into her mouth, running her hand along his shaft. By the Gods, he was moaning so loudly that she felt empowered. He prayed for mercy. He prayed for death. He arched his hips and made love to her as if he were sheath inside her warmth.

He was so impossibly hard that if she didn't stop know, he would spill into her mouth. She needed to stop. He needed to tell her to stop. If only her mouth didn't feel so damn good. If only she weren't moaning as if she enjoyed it when he thrust deeper and deeper. With all the willpower he possessed, Solas gripped her hair and slowly, if not painfully, withdrew from her mouth.

With a low groan, he gathered her into his arms and swept her upon the bed. His hard body draped against hers, and he nuzzled the side of her throat. Ah, but his lips felt like magic. Their lips met again. He savored the delicate fire of her mouth and continued to kiss her, sliding down the line of her jaw, unto the hollow beneath her ear, then to her neck. He paused a moment and sucked slowly before grazing his teeth against her pulse.

"Oh!"

She felt his smile against her neck as he moved lower to her chest. Remember all the different easy he could bring her to pleasure, Solas found the tender curve of her breast and circled his thumb over the peak until it hardened to a rosy point. Using the tip of his tongue, he traced a damp circle around her nipple. Pleasure washed over her. She was strung so tightly she was afraid of what may happen if he didn't stop teasing her. His tongue circled the sensitive flesh, and his teeth nipped ever so gently.

IIyana found herself arching into him, her face turned into his throat, frantic breaths striking his skin.

His mouth moved to her other breast, and she cried out. The sound of his name on her lips was incredibly erotic. As his mouth closed around one nipple, his hand glided to her belly, caressing the skin for a moment before he carefully worked his way down between her legs. She trembled with excitement and anticipation. Her passion-ridden green eyes stared into his, pleading, begging him to end her torment. Carefully, he parted her folds and stroke a gentle finger between them. She gasped. Finding the sensitive spot, he rubbed lightly, rotating in circular motions until she cried out, clutching the sheets tightly.

Everything felt wonderful. Her body throbbed. Her hips jerked forward. Her body pushed impatiently against his hand.

Solas responded by inserting a finger into the opening of her body. He thrust deeply, while her flesh clasped around his knuckle. She sobbed in relief. He set a rhythm that left her panting breathlessly beneath him. Her muscles clenched. She felt as of she were about to jump off a cliff and soar into the sky.

"Solas!"

His name fell from her lips, and in her blurry mind, she was aware that he'd released her nipple.

He teased her as he pressed his tongue to the center of her chest and slowly worked a damp trail to her belly. Her stomach danced as her breathing came out faster. He traced a lazy circle around her navel and then continued his descent, working his body down the bed as he worked closer to the place where his fingers caressed.

Solas kissed the inside of her thighs. "Open for me, IIyana ... Yes, just like that. Yes..." he said huskily.

By the Gods, have mercy on me, she pleaded silently. She should tell him that she was close. She should say to him that what she really wanted was - _oh dear Gods, please don't stop._

"I won't, " he promised, lowering his head to her intimate flesh.

His mouth found her heat in a lustful, carnal kiss that made every muscle in her body convulse and twitch as if she'd been struck with lightning. The pressure in her belly became erratic. She arched, pressing her back firmly into the mattress, her legs closing around his head. His hands gripped her legs and pushed them apart, spreading her thighs wider. His tongue found her again, so hot and erotic.

He was relentless as he coaxed the fire out of her. Every inch of her had been touched in the most intimate way. She released a series of pleas, a mixture of love words, curses, his name. Her body elevated. Then she shot straight to the stars. As her body shuddered with release, Solas lifted her hips and plunged his tongue into her core. He licked furiously, stoking and teasing, intensifying her climax, soaking in all the sweetness her body had to offer. Little tremors shook through her body as she tried to regain control.

"I want you, IIyana." His voice deepened to a hoarse, almost desperate tone. "I want to be inside you. Now. Let me make love to you."

He cupped her bottom with one hand and settled his body between her thighs. She tensed when the head of his cock brushed her damp heat. Her eyes flew open. It's been so long. She was more than ready. Solas leaned forward and fused his mouth with hers in a deep and lustful kiss. She held nothing back. She molded her body against his, devouring his mouth hungrily.

"Put your arms around me, m'yana," he said hoarsely.

She glides her hand around his neck as he slowly pushed into her opening. She opened around him, crying out as he slid all the way to the hilt. He was lodged so deeply inside her that she could feel him touch her womb.

Solas gasped, trying desperately to maintain his focus. She moved and he gripped her hips to hold her still. His body shuddered as her exquisite heat wrapped tightly around his flesh. Cupping her face between his hand, he captured her cries with a kiss as he withdrew almost to the head of his shaft, then returned his entire length to her body in excruciating slowness. He repeated the process until little sparks of fire sizzled through her body. He gripped her flesh and spread her legs wider as he slid in and out, cursing and biting the side of her neck.

IIyana's fingers danced across his skin. Her nails scaled his back. She brought his lips to his ear, whispering for him not to be gentle. She told him all the dirty ways she wanted him to take her.

His resolve broke. Passion took control of Solas' mind as his movement increased, faster, and more forceful. He draped one slender leg around across his shoulder to bring them closer. Their sighs caught and mingled in the air along with the scent of their lovemaking. The burning sensation increased between them. Burning hotter and hotter until the pressure building up inside her became unbearable. He reached between their joined bodies to stroke her sensitive nub.

"Come for me, IIyana. Come. Now." Solas buried his face into the crook of her neck, gritting against the white-hot pleasure consuming him.

She seemed to come apart in his arms, screaming his name, and he swallowed her frantic cry. As soon as she found her release, Solas discovered his own. With a low groan, he gave one more mighty thrust and completely and irrecoverably surrender. His body shook as he poured his seed into her body. His heart pounded frantically, his senses spiraled, he feels he may have died a little death. Wrapping his arms around her and placing a kiss upon her forehead, Solas whispered his happiness into her skin. Then rolling them both unto their sides, he pulled her against his chest.

Love words were spoken, followed by little smiles, and lazy kisses until the two lovers finally fell asleep.


	36. The Calm before the Storm

As the purple and pink streaks of dawn peeked over the horizon, IIyana awakened to a kiss on her shoulder, followed by another against her neck's curve. Moments later, Solas shaped his hands over her body, imprinting sweet, hot kisses against her skin. She gasped and came more fully awake, blinking as pleasure sizzled through her body.

He rolled her unto her belly and entered her with one powerful thrust. Grasping her hips, Solas lifted IIyana higher, angling her so that she can feel every muscle, every heartbeat. He uttered not one single word as he pushed into her again and again.

His silent intensity only spurned her to new heights. He was in control. Firm and unyielding. The thoughtful lover from the night before had been replaced by a man who wielded his power with every thrust.

IIyana's release, when it came, shocked her. It happened so quickly, so swiftly, that her body took over and she drove into him with demanding passion. Unable to control the tension that blended his body into hers, Solas let the violent storm overtake him. His smothered cries followed hers as they rose to the skies above.

Afterward, the two lay together, letting the morning hours drift by and pretending time had stopped. They welcomed the brisk chill stolen into their chamber, pulling bodies closer, limbs intertwined as they snuggled underneath the heavy fur blanket.

"You were right," Solas whispered, his hands idly stroking her hair and back, "about things being different between us."

"Is it better or worse?" She asked, raising her eyes to meet his.

"So much better," he confessed with a smile. "I feel we've grown closer."

"Good," she added. Then she had a thought and angled her head higher to stare at him expectantly. "You once told me that you felt 'unworthy' of me."

"I remember."

"And now?"

Solas regarded her for a long moment, then pulled her flat against him, capturing her cheek with his hand. "I'm free," he said hoarsely, "because of you, IIyana."

Content, she laid her head against his heart.

In the days that followed, it became clear to outsiders, especially to the inner circle, that something had changed between IIyana and Solas. The two had formed an intangible bond that was made between two people who were promised to one another. They officially became a couple in the eyes of Skyhold, and to the Inquisition's delight, neither shied away from the rumors that a bonding ceremony was inevitable.

Although she was happy to return to her duties, IIyana had a few private concerns about how it will affect her relationship with Solas - in particular, what would happen to them the moment she leaves for the Emerald Graves. She desperately wanted him to join her, but Leiliana had requested he stay behind to study the mysterious shards sent back from a scout.

"I can't say I'm not disappointed," Solas admitted as he reread the note. "The region bears the scars of the Exalted March - I was hoping to explore some of its ruins with you." He repeated her name twice before she looked up. "IIyana, what is it?"

She wondered if she should ask him to leave with her tomorrow, but decided against it. She felt selfish to demand such things when he was needed here.

"I hate that you're not going with me," she sighed.

"You're starting to sound like a possessive woman."

"When it comes to you - I am possessive," she agreed. "So, you better get used to it."

A small smile tugged at his lips, and he pulled her close, setting his lips to her forehead and cheek. Sensing IIyana's distress, Solas tilted her chin so that she would have to look at him.

"If this is about us, I promise you," he reassured, "nothing will come between us again."

IIyana smiled at him, but privately she found no comfort in his words. It wasn't him she was worried about, it was the Gods. They always had a funny way of making her life miserable just as soon as she found a moment's peace.

"IIyana … you're doing that thing when your thoughts drift, and you spiral."

"I can't help it," she shrugged, "It's just that I want you there with me. You've been present for every major campaign and I -"

"Except for when you ran off to the Western Approach and avoided me for two months."

"You should have kissed me, " she countered.

Without hesitation, his head bent over hers. Solas gave IIyana a long, smoldering kiss, and she relaxed against him, her fingers sinking into the fabric of his shirt. They didn't care that it was in the middle of the rotunda in the middle of the afternoon. All that matter was the two of them.

"I'll come to you as soon as I can," he promised, drawing away. "Until then, I'll visit you in the Fade."

She nodded.

Then she had a thought and raised her eyes to meet his. Curious now, she asked, "Varric asked me a while back if …" she wobbled her head to find the right words "… if there was such a thing as fade sex."

"Of course. There are many temptations in the fade. Desire demons use their victims' yearnings - lust, wealth, or power - to their advantage."

"Oh!" she said, eyes widening. "Have you ever?"

It took Solas a moment to realize what she was implying. Then he scoffed. "Of course not."

IIyana rolled her eyes. "No need to get all offended, Solas. I was only curious."

"You were asking if I ever slept with a demon in the fade. As if I would ever do such a thing. The fade isn't a place for -"

"No," she quickly interjected. "I was simply curious to see if you would like to have fade sex with me while I was away. Besides, I didn't think you and I - that you would even consider it since it's never been brought up."

He stared at her for a long time. Then he angled his head slightly and gave her a devilish grin.

* * *

The following morning, Solas sent her off with a kiss and a threat to Eri and Dorian to keep her safe. He walked with them to the front gate and stood watch as IIyana and Co. crossed the bridge, followed by a dozen Inquisition scouts. He calculated that it would take them three days to reach the Emerald Graves, two if they rode throughout the night. If he started his research within the hour, he may be able to join her after a few days.

Solas spotted Sera climbing the walls above, perhaps to get a better view, while Varric walked up to stand beside him. The two men exchange greetings and returned their gaze to the departing group.

"You have nothing to worry about, Chuckles," Varric reassured. "IIyana can hold her own."

"I have no doubt she'll be able to take care of herself," Solas agreed.

"Then what's with the long face."

"There is danger everywhere - we know not what awaits us in the shadows."

"In other words - you're worried about her."

"Yes."

Before Varric can reply, Sera landed with a thud in front of them.

"Stupid mud and water and dirt on my new outfit," Sera mumbled as she furiously wiped away specks of dried dirt from her red shirt.

Solas chuckled.

"Shut it!" came Sera's reply. "My shirt's ruined."

Taking the opportunity to get Sera back for putting lizards in his bedroll, Solas flicked his wrist. "I can combine both fire and ice spells to form water - that is, if you would like me to use my magic to help you clean that shirt."

"No, you keep your magic parts to yourself," she insisted. "And stop doing that."

Varric shook his head at Sera. "Stop doing what?"

"I can hear how you're looking at me," she said, moving one finger in a circular motion in front of Varric. "You're doing that thing where you describe what we're doing."

"Narration," Varric explained, "and you can _hear_ how I'm looking?"

At her confused expression, Solas clasped both hands behind his back and straightened to his fullest height.

"Allow me to explain, Sera," Solas interjected. "Narration is the action or process of a story. A story is something you can find in a book. A book is a written or printed work consisting of pages sewn together on one side and bound in covers."

With each sentence, her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits, but he chose to ignore it.

"You should try reading one every once in a while," Solas added, secretly enjoying her distress.

The insult rewards him with a dirty sneer. Sera pushed passed the two men, ignoring their laughter as she stomped into the Skyhold.

"You should know that IIyana asked Sera and me to watch over you," Varric replied.

Solas scoffed. "I'll do well without Sera's -"

He barely avoided the glass jar that exploded in front of him, covering the two in a cloud of grey smoke. Covering their mouths, the men moved to escape the smoke bomb as two more bottles cracked on the ground.

Solas heard a faint buzz, followed by another, then ten more.

"Fuck!" Varric yelled. "Bees!"

Varrice scrambled to get away, swatting at the blood-thirty insects as they swarm around them. He was about to sucker punch one of the flying monsters when Solas' arms wrapped around his frame and they faded-stepped to safety.

Leaning against the wall for support, they tried to catch their breaths. Embarrassed that their feat had been witnessed by so many. They will never live this down. At least Dorian won't let them after Sera tells him about it.

"Are you hurt, Master Tethras?" Solas asked.

"No, you?'

Solas checked for any swelling that he may have acquired. "No, but my pride has taken a beating."

"You know you're going to have to apologize," Varric said, slumping unto the ground.

Solas joined him. "Yes, but when she is calmer."

* * *

For most of the day, the group traveled south until the signal was finally given to make camp a few hours before nightfall. While Eri helped Cassandra set up camp, Blackwall and Iron Bull set out to hunt, leaving IIyana and Dorian to ward the camp's perimeter.

The two caught up with life, and IIyana asked about Dorian's father. Despite receiving two letters from him, Dorian has yet to reach out. He simply wasn't ready. He didn't know what to say and wonders if their relationship could heal.

They placed several more wards as they weighed the pros and cons of family intervention, with the outcomes being more negative than positive. The conversation shifted to the Emerald Graves, Cullen's pending resignation, then Solas.

"You and Solas are well?" Dorian asked as they walked side by side. The ground was soft beneath their feet, leaving imprints from the morning rain.

"Yes," she said with a big smile. "We are very well."

"Good. Because for a moment there, I thought Cullen was going to come out on top - not that I blame him, you two do make a striking pair -but let's be clear, I've grown accustomed to an overly-agreeable Solas. I'll like to keep it that way."

She gave him a wide smile. "I think you're growing on him, too. But don't tell him I told you - Solas will never admit to it."

The two continued down the path and added thirty minutes to their task to gossip then headed back. By the time they arrived, the camp was set up with dinner cooking on several fire pits. The group had dinner, discuss missing seekers, talked about political matters, then called it a night.

"Oh, my dear, I can't believe I almost forget," Dorian said, stopping IIyana as she headed for bed. Pulling a letter from his pocket, he held it in front of her. "It's from your vhenan," he said, though the words sounded funny coming from his common tongue "I'll give this to you, but before I do, I want to ask you something."

"Of course," she said, laughing at his request. Only Dorian would hold a piece of a paper hostage to get what he wanted.

"I read somewhere that Solas would have to go ask _me_ for your hand in union," he said. "When the day comes, I want everyone to be present when he does. On bended knee, with white doves floating above."

"You're ridiculous!" IIyana laughed, snatching the paper from his hand. "Besides, that's my fantasy." She waved him off and entered her tent.

It felt empty and cold without Solas, but the letter provided her with some comfort, in knowing that even apart, he still thought of her.

After changing out of her clothes, IIyana put on a fresh pair of light leggings and a thin, white blouse. She lit a small candle by her bedroll and tore off the wax paper that held the paper closed. It was dated before the summer, shortly after she'd left for the Western Approach, and appeared to be one of the letters she had returned unread.

 _Inquisitor Lavellan,_

 _Forgive the ramblings of a foolish man as I attempt to explain my reasoning for what happened between us. I was taken aback when you approached me in the rotunda, and my only response was to take you to the Fade, as things have always been easier for me there._

 _I intended to share my admiration and gratitude for all you've done - for me, for the elves, and the Inquisition. If I had given the impression, or pressured you in any way, that I was seeking something more from our visit, I apologize._

 _I had every intention of speaking with you the following morning, only to learn you've already left for the Western Approach. I suspect your departure was due to my lack of response when you kissed me. If I embarrassed you, I am sorry._

 _If it brings you any comfort, my response was not from a lack of attraction or desire. It was more from the fear of whether it would be welcomed._

 _Solas_

IIyana read the letter twice, wondering how different their lives would be had they both acted sooner. She closed her eyes, loving the feel of him so close to her, wishing she could live there, in his heart, forever.


End file.
